I (don't) hate my life.

I woke up this morning, perfectly happy. I went through my normal routine; breakfast, school work (I'm homeschooled), walk, then snack. About ten minutes after my snack (homemade muffin, carrots, almonds, and some yogurt) I started having horrible stomach cramps and pains and umm... embarassing things happened. I told my mom and she told me it was because of my "wierd eating" (clean eating and being vegetarian). She weighed me and what do you know? I had lost two pounds since yesterday. I knew it was because of how much I'd lost, umm... in the toilet, but she didn't believe me. Now she wants me to gain six pounds in a week, stop my exersize completely, start eating meat and less whole foods, and get this - she thinks that a half-hour walk burns 250 calories. I'm not even allowed to go play outside. She says that 94 pounds is not a healthy weight for me (I'm only five feet tall, small-framed, and thirteen) and until I weigh 100 pounds, I can't do any physical activity.

One of the worst parts is, I'm afraid she won't let me be vegetatian any more. She thinks I'm restricting myself, but I reallu just don't want to eat animals that have been treated so horribly! She won't listen to me no matter what I try to say, and I'm very emotional so I can hardly even talk to her without bursting into tears. She says that I CAN'T bring food to summer camp this year (camp councilor already said I could) and that I'll just have to eat the tater tots, burgers, chicken nuggets, biscuts and gravy, and corn dogs that are on the menu for that week. I just want things to be like they were a week ago; I was happy with my body and my life, I didn't have a care in the world, and I was finally looking forward to a great summer of swimming with my friends. None of those things will happen now.

No one cares for me any more. I hardly have any friends that haven't turned snobby on me and gone to hang out with the "popular" crowd. I don't have a single family member who can take me seriously. I can't confide in anyone for anything. I don't fit in, I don't feel loved, and nothing even seems worth it anymore. I'm sick of my life.

I'll never get better.

Awwwww hon, a mother HATES to see her child sick. period. Sounds like your mom freaked because she is scared you may develop an eating disorder & no person needs to have that type of illness. Once you BOTH calm down, try to talk to your mom. Explain to her how important it is to YOU that you DON'T eat animals. As for the calories burned in exercise, maybe educate her a bit by showing her this site. Once she sees how many calories are burned in a set amount of time, she will relax.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but it is BECAUSE your mom loves you that she is upset. I have 2 daughters & I pray I am able to communicate them as they get older, rather than talk AT them.

Hope you feel better soon hon! ~RM

I already showed her this site, but she says it's inaccurate; where exactly is she getting this from? I already explained to her why I'm vegetarian. I've told her about the videos, and the slaughterhouses, and she doesn't believe me. She says it's the PETA making up. Well I've seen it myself, and I believe it; I don't want to eat animals AT ALL.

She's so arrogant and blinded. She just won't listen.

A site like this one http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/Calculator.a spx might help you - its the CDC site for calculating your BMI. I think you're probably at a pretty healthy weight - but showing her a government site might help you. Congrats to you for already showing her this site.

You can be healthy as a vegetarian - as long as you get enough of the nutrients, healthy fats, and protein. You need all of those especially as a child. And yeah - having the calm discussion in terms of why you feel that you shouldn't eat meat - perhaps with more than just information from PETA - and maybe you can win her over. Either way - keep the communication open. (Although - PETA is exaggerating a lot of stuff. But that is NOT the purpose of this post and don't want to be getting into a discussion on that.)

She is just worried about you I think - but if you are really having unhappy thoughts I would suggest the "Kids Help Phone"  - they should have people that are trained better than I am. Saying that you want to be better off dead is a cry for help.

 

*hugs*

 

I never ever reply to postings, but there was something about this one that made me feel that I had to.

Your mom is making you do this because she does love you and care for you!! If she didn't she wouldn't care what you ate or what you did. You may not feel that way, but take it from me she does. Show your mom the heathly way of being vegaterian. You can be vegaterain and still get all the things your body needs. You are very lucky to have your mother involved in you life.

As for your friends, welcome to the life of a teenager. I know that's probaly not what you want to hear, but these are the years when you try to figure out who you are. You have to let your friends go and hang out with the "popular" crowd and if they are truely your friend they will find there way back. Being a teenager is no fun, but you just got to stick with it.  

I'm not sure what else to say to make you feel better. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let a little thing like a number determine your happiness.  This is one of my favorite quotes "What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"-Emerson.

I hope this helps.

veganoutreach.org has a lot of information on vegetarianism and nutrition.  Everything on the site is cited, and doesn't come across in the radical way that PETAs information does.

Trid

I'd say compile a list of all the real reasons you are a vegetarian. really think about exactly what you'd want to tell her so she can understand. give her a list of resources she can look up for more information. explain it all and WRITE IT DOWN. :) if you get emotional talking walk up to her and say "I really want you to understand where i am coming from, so i did a lot of research to make sure what i am doing is healthy. this explains how i get all the necessary nutrition and also why i feel as strongly as i do" and then she can read your whole argument and not interrupt :)

wow i know that seems impossible to deal with, but your reaction is pretty strong. i know a lot of people here have speculated that you may have orthorexia, and the fact that this makes you "hate your life," and say you'd "be better off dead" only adds fuel to that argument. i would try to make clear to your mom that you are eating enough, and see if she is open to compromise (i.e. you can do vegetarian, but not vegan; you will eat animal products as long as they are organic/humanely raised, etc.) if you truly are eating enough, you have nothing to worry about, and you will be able to make this clear to your mom. give her a LITTLE credit; even though her solution may be misguided, it is out of a desire to see you at a healthy weight. good luck.

If you want to remain eating a vegetarian diet you have to prove that you can be a healthy weight as a vegetarian. You need to eat more good stuff. Ask yourself, are you truly eating enough now? Don't count calories, just eat.

I apologized to my mom; and now to you guys. I DID overreact; I just need to learn to talk calmly without bursting into tears. I've been a "sensitive" kid since second grade, but I really need to get over that.

I explained things to her and I think it's going to be alright. I didn't say I'd be better off dead since I might have to eat differently; it just never seems like anyone cares about me or talks to me anymore.

Original Post by zebulancherry:

I apologized to my mom; and now to you guys. I DID overreact; I just need to learn to talk calmly without bursting into tears. I've been a "sensitive" kid since second grade, but I really need to get over that.

I explained things to her and I think it's going to be alright. I didn't say I'd be better off dead since I might have to eat differently; it just never seems like anyone cares about me or talks to me anymore.

 Awww sweetie, ya don't have to apologize to us! I am young enough to remember being a teenager & trust me, your emotional reactions aer NORMAL. (actually, as you get older, you prolley will still be emotional, but able to anticipate it! that's how it works for me! lol)

I am so glad you talked it over with your mom. That was really mature of you, you should be proud of yourself! (Ok, bit of truth from me....at your age, I'd prolley still be in my bedroom bulling, thinkin how horrible mom was to me! lol)

What is important is that you feel better & you were able to communicate how you feel with your mom. That hon, is priceless. I believe there are many who care about you, even if you don't see it. The beauty of this forum, when ya need to vent, there are always those willing to read along with ya! =)

Hope you have a great rest of the day! ~RM

yeah no worries, zebby! i still have trouble expressing my thoughts clearly when i'm really upset. i hope everything works out.

I'm sure your mom is just concerned, like any good parent.

as a way of compromise w/your mom you could, offer going to your family doctor or a nutritionist w/your diet(take a long your food log for the last week or so), it could help your mom to see how healthy your diet really is and maybe she wouldn't worry as much, and if you are missing out on some important nutrients, the doctor/nutritionist would probably make some suggestions for you to get those.

Zebulancherry,  can I just say how impressed I am with you?   I dont know anything more about you really than what you've shared in these posts, but you seem to be extremely mature, rational, and articulate for a 13 year old in my opinion!

And if it makes you feel better, I'm 26 and I STILL dont know how to talk to either of my parents about serious things (especially with my food issues) without getting upset.  When I'm frustrated or afraid that I'm disappointing them my first reaction ALWAYS is to cry.  I've always hated this because I want to be taken seriously! 

Good for you for acknowledging your reaction to your mom and for apologizing.  But I do think it's important to stand your ground as long as you've done your research (which it seems you have) and have strong beliefs about the treatment of animals.   I agree with what others on this site have said regarding showing her that you've researched and you know how to take care of yourself and eat healthfully and properly (and enough) on a vegetarian diet.  Maybe offer to cook a vegetarian dinner for you and her one night, or involve her in some other similar way in your life.  I think once she sees that you are serious about this and you understand how to maintain healthful eating and living on this diet, she will come around.

Good luck!

Original Post by alh7114:

Zebulancherry,  can I just say how impressed I am with you?   I dont know anything more about you really than what you've shared in these posts, but you seem to be extremely mature, rational, and articulate for a 13 year old in my opinion!

i think she's 14. even so, im still impressed as well. ;)

ugh, kiddo. *hugs* i know that this age bites. i know, i was in your position not too long ago.like a previous poster said, youll know they're your friends if they come back. when i was younger an older friend of mine told me "friends come &go" i didnt want to believe her for a second. fortunately &unfortunately, its true. :(

I've said this before, but it's really, really nice to know that there are other people out there who know what I'm going through. Thank you so much to everyone who posted and replied. So far, now, everything's going a lot better (knock on wood). I think simply calming down and talking made all the difference. Still, I need to work on that though; even for a teenager, I can still be over-emotional sometimes.

Teenagers are, by nature, overemotional. Heck, I'm only 2 years out from being one, and I STILL pull the pissy adolescent act every now and again! I had a lot of the same problems with my parents, and still do, having to do with me wanting to eat/live one way, and them being too set in their own way to even consider letting me embrace mine. It's tough, especially when you're still depending on them, to break away, especially if it means you'll be eating something completely different than they are. But you're a very strong person to be trying. As far as the social thing goes, it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but it DOES get better. Trust me, your friends will completely change in a few years, and you won't even think about what's going on now anymore. Just know that you are FAR better than their immature, insecure, idiotic displays, and you can rise above whatever's happening and know that it can't beat you. You're stronger than that. Good luck hun! 

I really believe that friends come and go, but family is always there.  When I look back at my life I see that my friends have changed but my family has not.  They are the ones that never give up on me!

I agree with kris --

I've learnt over the years that if there is anything you can depend on (other than youself) - its family.

Your friends will never put you before them. Or sacrifice for you. That is most likely the harsh reality even if you think otherwise. If you think they will, would your friend pay for your dinner? And the one after that as well?
Because I know my parents have paid for ALL my food, clothes, etc over the years and never asked for ANYTHING in exchange.

And I can't even believe how tough it must be for a 13 year old to be worried about their weight & count calories :( especially when your only 94 pounds! You really have nothing to worry about, I'm sure you look great!
I miss my carefree 13 year old days when I didn't have to feel guilty about eating McDonald's everyday for lunch with extra mayo... and mayo+ketchup with their fries.