I don't know how you all do it.

I've been gone for several months. I lost 18 lbs here on CC then left. This is actually the second time i've come here and left. It has nothing to do with CC but with my seemingly inability to stay and keep focused on my goal. I found it to be really hard. I mean really hard. I read posts on here and it seems to come easier to some.

I did not gain any of it back. I actually lost an additional 3 lbs. But at this rate it will be 5 years before I lose all the 175+ lbs that I need to lose.

I have read many many posts on what keeps people motivated and I have even made some of those posts.

I don't know what happened except I was going through a really stressful time. I was almost homeless and my health has been declining and that was all going on when I left.

I want to get back on track and lose another 20 lbs. Definitely want to lose more but for now I will accept another 20 being it was so hard before to lose just that.

I don't understand why it seem so much easier for some people. I don't feel like I lack motivation as my health issues are starring me in the face and I feel it every day so I'm motivated by that. I'm also motivated by not liking what I see in the mirror. I like who I am but I don't like how obese I am.

I wish I had the magic 'key' or trigger that seems to have charged and motivated some of you to keep going. I don't even know where to look or how to find it.

I'm scared to try again. I don't want to fail again. I don't want to give up again and again and again. I'm just so tired of being fat. I have said and felt this way before but I usually end up giving up. It wasn't for lack of support either. I have met and made some wonderful friends on here during the time I was here. I felt supported.

I have heard so much about mindset and I can charge myself up and get that mindset back again but i'm just so afraid of letting myself and others around me down.

My weight problem doesn't only effect me. It effects others in my life as well. I use to think it was just my problem. My addiction to food effects people around me and society.

I feel like such a failure and and grasping for something to hold onto and don't know what it's going to take.

Thanks for listening.

My 'magic key' I discovered was 'routine'....   A good routine of  enjoyable eating and exercise.   Day in, day out ... with the aim of being 'consistent' rather than 'rigid'.   It started out that I needed a lot of motivation and it took some effort and planning to set out the groundwork but after about two or three months it became second-nature rather than a conscious effort.   And that's what kept me going....  I almost forgot how I used to live and just slipped into autopilot without thinking.  If I'd had to be 'in the zone' or 'in the mindset' or any other of these teeth-gritting phrases I simply wouldn't have gone the distance...  I don't think we're designed to be that focused for that long a time.

Don't be scared to try again.  Taking a break isn't 'failure' by any means.   A healthy lifestyle is a massive learning process and I don't think anyone gets it right straight off the bat.  I know I still get it wrong, even now!   Be as consistent as you can, allow a little flexibility, enjoy your choices and try to develop that routine I talked about.

What's the realistic alternative?  Good luck

I don't really think it is easy for anyone here.  Every day is a struggle filled with trade offs and compromises.  If you don't do well one day, well, there is always tomorrow.  I hope you don't give up and continue with the process.  After all, 21 pounds lost is a big accomplishment!

Thanks gi-jane and tciherr....

There is nothing left for me but to keep trying.

Maybe you're depressed. That can hurt motivation. I'm anxious so I get nervous when I eat too much.

Original Post by kindal:

I did not gain any of it back. I actually lost an additional 3 lbs. But at this rate it will be 5 years before I lose all the 175+ lbs that I need to lose.

That is something you should be proud of.  You used the tools here, you lost some weight, and when life intervened you still stayed on track enough to maintain your loss plus some interest.  Congratulations!

Something that is really helping me is realizing that this lifestyle change is permanent.  I am not "on a diet", so that isn't as depressing as it used to be back in the day when I "dieted", got bored/discouraged, and went back to my old ways.  Now, I know that I need to move more and control my portions forever.  It doesn't depress me because I am only making changes that I feel I can happily continue for the rest of my life.

When you say that at this rate it will take 5 years to lose try to remember that the time will pass regardless.  As long as you are moving forward, not backward, you will be fine.  Every good choice you make for the next 5 years will make you healthier and happier.  Every bad choice you make is an opportunity to learn, and doesn't negate all the other good choices.  And every pound you lose lightens your load.

Take care of yourself (in every sense of the word).  Good luck!

dkenworthy,

Thanks :) I did have that mindset and still do that this is a life change and not a diet and that still did not keep me motivated. But I am back and like you said no matter how long it takes as long as i'm still moving forward and not backwards then I am doing something.

Thanks a bunch.

giJane...thanks. I like what you said about routine and being consistent. I agree that being consistent is one of the main keys to making this lifestyle change. :)

Reading your post, I felt as if someone had hacked into my brain and wrote everything I was thinking down.  I know exactly how you feel!  This is my 3rd time back...The first time I lost 40 lbs and then I just quit because of a new relationship...the second time I was trying to go vegan to lose weight...that turned out to be more hurtful than helpful and I didn't lose any weight...now I'm back trying to get into the swing of things and not cutting anything out 100%  I'm staying away from things like chocolate, cheese, redmeat, and refined sugar...but I'm telling myself that there will be a day when I can handle eating these things in moderation...but right now it's best that I stick to practicing to eat.  I to find it hard to get motivated.  I look at my 350lb figure in the mirror and just don't think it's gonna happen.   Sometimes my mind even makes up reasons why I shouldn't lose weight...I tell myself that'll I'll never be able to get rid of the excess skin or that I'll look strange thin...But I overcome those thoughts.

Like you, I have a lot of weight to lose...and it's hard to look at the large number and feel like it's never gonna go down.  But I can imagine what it will feel like to be thin (I've been overweight my whole life)...no more thighs rubbing, enourmous rolls hanging over my jeans, getting winded walking up a flight of stairs, strategically posing for pictures to hide my double chin...no more having to settle for clothes that I don't really like.  No more feet pain from just standing around for a couple of hours, no more wondering what obesity will do to my health in the future, no more setting the car seat at the furthest position from the wheel or panicing in line at an amusement park wondering if I'm going to be turned away from the rollar coaster because the bar won't go all the way down...(that has happened to me twice).  I want to be able to wear shorts without the them riding up my thighs....geeze...I guess I could go on forever.  Clothes is one of the big ones for me...I LOVE FASHION...but not really anything for the plus size lady...I swear if I see one more "Proud To be Cuddely" Pooh bear shirt I think I'm gonna scream!  But we can do it Kindal,  it's gonna take time but I know we can do it.

It's not easy for anyone. No matter if you have 10 pounds to lose or 100 pounds to lose. It really is about making a lifestyle change. It means going into those cabinets and throwing away anything that 'calls' your name. It means looking at each 5 or 10 pound's loss as a milestone. Don't look at the 175 pounds as a whole. That could overwhelm anyone.

I've lost 175 pounds... 1 year and 10 months ago. I'm maintaining it.. which has made me realize two fold that food IS an addiction and it must be treated like one. If you can't handle it around you, you have to rid yourself from it. It might mean making new friends (I know you have an eating buddy you feel comfortable eating a carton of ice cream around.. every big girl does :))

It takes a lot of dedication, and it takes hitting rock bottom to really put your feet firm down. It means building SELF CONFIDENCE. <-- this can be a total diet breaker for anyone.

You will relapse, you will have days where you get so upset at food you can't stand yourself anymore and feel embarrassed for it. But it is an addiction. You'll kick and scream and maybe cry at times. It comes with the nature of the beast.

If you need me, I'll be here as a supporting friend.

I understand where you're coming from.  I battled with my weight for 10 years before discovering CC. Up and down.  I've been at my goal weight for a few months now but even though I don't have to measure everything by the tablespoon any more I still have to ask myself if an indulgence is worth the sacrifice I would have to make later on.  I recommend setting aside a little treat for yourself at the end of the day (like a piece of dark chocolate or a glass of wine) when you stick to your routine, and when you feel tempted ask yourself it the temptation is worth giving up your treat for.  Often you will decide that it isn't.  In the end you have to decide that you are worth having the best health that is possible.  It has to be for you and no one else.

Screw that. Losing weight is the hardest thing ever. I'd rather study for hours. haha It takes mental motivation, physical motivation, and so much dedication. The end results even after a month are incredible.

I'm losing about ten pounds. It seems so little in comparison, but the fight is still there. I'm not addicted to food; I have a more opposite problem. Regardless, think of every week as one week. Every day as one day. One day builds into two, than three, than so one. Until it has been one full week. Than it's another week. It's living, but living consciously. It is finishing a month, and looking back on being proud of yourself, even if the goal wasn't quite reach you are finally giving a **** and doing something about it! You are doing this for yourself. For your health, to live longer, to live fuller, to live happily.

Happiness. What else is the point of living without happiness?

I want to give up some days. I want to say who seriously cares? But the fact is, I DO! I really do care. So, it means another day of choosing the turkey over the prime rib or the baked apple with smart balance over the piece of cake. It is making myself feel 100 times better than what I feel today.

So let's give ourselves one month. If nothing is any better, try something else. I mean our life expectancy is what? 80 years? Could you do it for a month?

I found out something very important only a few months ago. Usually overweight people change their habits too dramatically and it's hard to keep up with it.

When I first started, I was only eating 1200-1300 calories. I lost weight, but I also became depressed and utterly deprived. It affected me physically and emotionally. It took me 2 years of trial and error to figure out that I needed to be eating 1800 calories instead. I NEVER feel deprived or sick anymore. I never get headaches, or feel like "I can't go on." I don't feel like I need to binge or eat more food. I feel totally normal, satisfied, and I lose 2 pounds a week! I'm also so energetic and happy now that I willingly go to the gym and work out 4 times a week! :)

So seriously, just try making tiny changes to your diet. Do NOT get dramatic about it! You can do it :)

I am with Jackattack! 

It really is much easier to eat a little more and lose weight slower than getting up every morning and wondering how you are supposed to get around with 1200 cal! 

I admit I am tall and heavy and can eat more cal than others, but with 1700 - 1900 cal I NEVER feel hungry or sad - which I used to when I was on other diets or on weightwatchers! - I have more energy than ever before and it just feels so dang good! 

Kindal, 

if you are looking for the key or trigger for the mindset thing: try to be nice to yourself. Try to like yourself as a person and don't always see the big person in the mirror but a beautiful personality! You need to be able to look into the mirror and smile at yourself and say 'o.k.... I love myself too much to be in this big body forever.' It helped me tremendously! 

And if you have a hard time loving yourself you might want to seek professional help. I admit I did that too as my eating was very selfdestructing. Whenever I was mad about others or myself I ate... which made it just worse! Go and see a therapist. It's a really tough step but once you've done it you will LOVE LIFE!

All the best with all my heart! 

B.

Thank you so much for all the positive uplifting responses on here. You all are great!!!

Heather; thanks for your post and I can definately relate. I have had the same thing happen to me with a ride at an amusement park too and had to get off the ride. How embarassing. I have also had to sit alone because I was the only one who could fit in that seat on the ride when I really wanted someone to sit with me to laugh with and have fun on the ride. There are so many obstacles for the obese. I wish looking back I hadn't gotten so heavy but i'm here and something you said really made sense to me about how we even tell ourselves (self talk) why we shouldn't lose weight because of all the loose skin we will have to deal with later or things like we wont ever be thin or don't deserve to be thin or can't do it, will never do it, somehow i'm different and can't find the key. Were no different. If others can do it we can too. Laughing at those cuddely pooh bear shirts...I haven't seen them yet and I would never wear one. That is like saying it's okay to be obese. Ughhh. You are right we can do this. Okay I admit I don't know how but like what someone else said one day at a time is all we can do and make right choices and when we fall get back up. The only failure is to quite trying.

17Star; first congrats on all your weight loss. That is a tremendous amount to lose and I applaude you for it because I know how hard it is and how dedicated  you had to be. I like what you said about somedays getting mad at food and crying and such. I had those days last time I was on here. I got very frustrated and somewhat gave up. I guess there was a lot of stress too but there will always be stressors in life so I need to get use to dealing with those and staying on track. I don't have friends and my roomie had the gastric bypass surgery years ago and can only eat a small amount of food so there is no one to buddy up with to eat icecream lol. Besides that I've never been one of those girls or emotional eaters that have ever put away an entire carton of icecream or entire package of cookies. I don't understand it and sometimes makes me wonder how I got to be so obese because I do hear that a lot from people who say they use to eat a whole box of twinkies or 3 hamburgers from McDonalds and supersize fry and coke and such. I can understand the addiction of it and why they do it but I have never been able to eat that much in one sitting. I do however eat a lot total through out the day. I average about 2,000 to 2400 calories a day but I am also sedentary due to illness. Thanks for your post and offer of advice and friendship :)

Jennifer; thanks for posting :) Congrats on your weight loss! I know a lot of people may disagree with me but I do allow myself a treat once a day while here on CC , it's what keeps me sane and going on here. Its what helped me lose the 20 lbs last time I was on here. I just discovered Yoplait Yogurt Parfaits and they are 100 calories and that was my treat today. If I tell myself I CANT have something it will only make me sabotage myself later. I tell myself I can have anything I want but I also realize that if I don't eat healthy and make healthy choices the calories will add up too fast, I will go over, feel bad and get into a bad cycle again. I try to make the healthier choices and usually do okay with it as long as i'm here on CC, when I'm away from CC I make bad choices. I have told myself this time I just need to stay here on CC even if I end up eating badly I still need to come on here daily and log instead of hiding and not coming on here. Coming to CC and logging what I eat, reading forum posts is what keeps me going if I can just make myself stay here :)

Jackattack; you are so right! I tried this in the beginning when I first came to CC and was eating like 1400 calories a day and was way too low for me. I am now at 1600-1700 daily and that's what's most comfortable for me to lose on. I believe in the saying slow and steady wins the race. Most i've heard who lose slow and steady keep it off longer or for good. :)

mermaid; ya I do that too. When i'm upset, angry, afraid or upset at myself I eat. I am definately an emotional eater. I have sought counseling several times for my eating disorder throughout the years. There was one who really ticked me off at something he said but later I thought about it and he was right. He said we as humans are inately selfish. We normally don't do something for nothing. You are getting something out of being obese. What are you getting? Oohhhhh I was so mad at first lol. But it's the truth. I have since answered that personal question myself and I know what is behind it (too personal to share) so I have been trying to change my prespective on it. One thing I can say is that I love who I am inside but I don't love who I am outside. I do have a lot of caring and loving to do to get the outside to match up with the inside. I have been trying to remind myself of my good physical attributes lately, i'm not all bad physically. I do have pretty eyes. I have to remember to remind myself of those things and I did lose that somewhere along the way so thanks for the reminder. :) Thanks so much.

ClaudB, I loved your post LOL You had me laughing. Ya it is very hard!!! I agree. Your right, it is worth it in the long run. It's worth all the sweat, the angry moments at food and all the struggling with what to do with my emotions since I am no longer eating them away. I hear ya.I don't think being thin is going to make me happy. I use to believe that but I have since come to my senses lol. I am a pretty happy person inside most of the time but I do not like the outside and I want the two to match or compliment eachother.  Thanks for the motivation!

I can do a month :) 

I do not know why people htink it is hard...  Unhealthy foods are not Crack.  If you keep on longing for cake, then eventually you will eat cake.  REALIZE that you do not need bad food, but you want it.  Then ask yourself why do you want it?  Insulin response, boredom, or what?  If you consider that hard... Then maybe you should look at people who are in the Olympics with prothetics, or people who live with Multiple Sclerosis.  If you think not eating ice cream is hard... try living with your nerves on fire.  So, no it is not HARD, and if your mentality is : "this is so hard.... how does everyone do it." then you probably wont be happy with your results. Sorry to be negative... but losing weight is simple and focusing on the difficulty of it is a waste of your efforts.

You resemble a troll just a tiny bit.

Original Post by claudb89:

You resemble a troll just a tiny bit.

I see how someone might take that as a troll.   But in some respects, I completely agree with him.   Losing weight is an easy process, at least scientifically it is.  The process is simple.   Watch your caloric intake so that your intake does not exceed what you burn.  Simple.  

What is not simple is changing your entire life.   Which for some people is what is needed to accomplish the amount of weight loss that is needed.   Some people can continue they're daily routine with no disruption at all,  just a change in a few things in their diet and they can shed a few pounds.   And others need to completely rearrange they're entire lives from top to bottom and learn about taking care of themselves.  In this regard, "weight loss" is hard.  Extremely hard.  For some people it's more about emotional responses to food,  addictions to food, self esteem and self control. 

Before I committed to a lifestyle change, I used to find it really easy to lose weight on diets, really hard to stick to it long enough to get to a healthy weight, and really easy to fall back into bad habits and re-gain weight, usually with some interest.

When I committed to a lifestyle change, I just took one step at a time, and now, after 8 months, have better habits that can last me a lifetime. 

So, I guess I could say that dieting is hard (for me), but losing weight is easy once I did the hard work to figure out how to fundamentally change my life.

Original Post by synergy317:

I do not know why people htink it is hard...  Unhealthy foods are not Crack.  If you keep on longing for cake, then eventually you will eat cake.  REALIZE that you do not need bad food, but you want it.  Then ask yourself why do you want it?  Insulin response, boredom, or what?  If you consider that hard... Then maybe you should look at people who are in the Olympics with prothetics, or people who live with Multiple Sclerosis.  If you think not eating ice cream is hard... try living with your nerves on fire.  So, no it is not HARD, and if your mentality is : "this is so hard.... how does everyone do it." then you probably wont be happy with your results. Sorry to be negative... but losing weight is simple and focusing on the difficulty of it is a waste of your efforts

This made me laugh out loud a bit...considering I have smoked crack (always looking for something to fill that void) and had a run with heroin for a bit but food has been a harder addiction to break.   I don't long for food...it's not the taste or boredom or even my physical need that makes me overeat, it's something that's totally different...part of my journey is finding that out.   Sure the science behind weight loss is a really simple fomula...but pushing yourself through the pain of working out everyday and the will power to stay away from something that puts you at ease when nothing can is hard....If it wasn't we would all look like super models because everyone would do it.  Granted weight loss is not caparable to having a tragic disease or disfigurement that you have to deal with on a day to day basis...but it is still a difficult journey.