Don't know where to go from here....!

Hi Guys,

Well after months of eating alot more (including many meals out, desserts, christmas and birthday treats) i have finally put 7lbs on and my weight properly hit 112lbs (5ft 5.5)

I have cut down on my exercise over the past few months from four 8mile runs a week to 3x 6mile runs a week with the usual sit ups.  I do feel alot healthier and i know i look better (which i still struggle to deal with - its like i feel i dont deserve to look nicer and need to be skinny as i can).

Regrdless of the occasional tendancy to think i want to try and lose weight, im happy being 7lbs heavier and have enjoyed finding life alot easier without food panics etc.

I know its taken many months to gain 7lbs but im scared that now the weight gain hs "started" that it will just keep going! I still eat alot healthier than most people i know and exercise more but im happy with how i eat for now.  The problem is that im confused about whether i should cut down abit down or just keep eating as i have been doing?

I sometimes try to rationalise things in my head by putting myself in a scenario where i should really lose abit of weight (which i know wouldnt be untill i put 28lbs on - thats theweight i was when i first felt i needed to lose) and i try and decide what i would need to do to lose the weight - admittidly i struggle because i already eat healthy and exercise alot.  The only things i can think of are to stop having a dessert when i go out (only eat "proper desserts" on average 1-2 times a month), to chose healthier options when i go out (like i used to do ), to try and leave some of my meal when i go out and to stop eating the chocolate i got for easter (iv eaten 1 chocolate bar and 3 egg shells in a month).

Im genuinely abit confused now....i feel like iv found a happy medium but i cant leave things this way because i feel my weight will keep inceasing and because iv always watched my weight that im not being "Me" if im not making efforts to eat the healthiest option and refuse indulgences!

Any advice would be appreciated!

xxxxxxxx

The normal healthy weight range for someone 5'5.5" (let's call it 5'6") is about 126 - 154lbs.  So you're at least 10lbs away from that.   You can still eat healthily but choose more energy-dense foods.  Oils, oily fish, nuts, seeds, dried fruit, avocados .... all really healthy foods but high in calories for low volume.  And you can also increase the portion-sizes of your regular foods.... it's still healthy but there's more of it.   Chocolate and desserts are perfectly good to eat....  but you don't have to go overboard on sweets in order to keep gaining.

You haven't found a happy medium at the moment because you're only at your current weight by undereating & overexercising .... and that weight is still underweight.   All of those things... malnutrition, over-exerting a weakened body and being chronically underweight... will cause health problems over time, assuming they aren't already doing so.

Have you spoken to a doctor?

gi-jane is correct.  When trying to gain weight, of course deserts are fine.  But eating too much of it can make someone feel...sort of unhealthy or that they are gaining the wrong way.  You can absolutely find a happy medium and still eat healthy.  Nobody said that someone in recovery (if that's what you are) has to survive on junk alone.

Olive oil, avocados, nuts, seeds, etc are all good ways to get those calories needed without having to stuff yourself just to hit your calorie goals.

Bottom line is that if you don't feel like eating sweets and deserts, you don't have to.  There are so many other high calorie options that are healthier.

My nutritionist used to always say if you try to control your set point weight by even 5 pounds you will have to be super strict and controlling of your diet where it keeps your mind and body unhealthy. I know it is scary that the weight will just keep going and going but you have to try to trust the process and stay in the day of what you need to do to be healthy. All foods can be part of a healthy diet and part of recovery is seeing enjoyment in having cake at a party and it being ok. I don't know what your weight should be but this seems under anyhow I would look at what you eat calorie wise to make sure that is in a good range,do you get your cycles and or have any other health problems that could be caused by weight. If these are all healthy then your body will get stable at a healthy weight.

Thankyou for ur responses...

I dont like to look at it as recovery because all i want is to be normal so im tryin to live the way i want to for the rest of my life.  \The thing is, my views etc have become so skewed that i dont know what is normal for me and i have no trust/respect/faith in myself.  Since gaining, iv had comments that i look better and i know i do but sometimes i just cant take it - i dont want to lose weight again but i cant accept it.  I look at old pics of myself and cry because i look so nice (at 20lbs heavier) but i feel like even if i got back to that id panic and think that im capable of weighing alot less.

I just cant get my head around "heavier = better".  Iv allowed myself to eat the chocolate i got for easter (a couple of bites a night) and got over any issues by saying to myself "its ok, u need to gain abit of weight".  Now that iv gained some weight i feel like i "shouldnt" be having any bite of chocolate and there is no excuse to miss a gym session.

Sorry if its long...all i want is to be normal ...

xxx

Constantly thinking about how you should eat and being overly hard on yourself is no way to live.

People don’t lead a healthy and active life JUST so they can go scoff ice cream, being healthy makes us function better and thus feel happier, however; being healthy most of the time, means we do not NEED to stress about having something “unhealthy” SOME of the time.

What is the point in leading a healthy and active life if you do not allow yourself to even enjoy life? What is the point in being healthy, if you never give yourself a break to have some darn chocolate?

You could have the best body in the world, but it would be pointless if you obsession with food prevented you from ever feeling happy with this “perfect” body.

Speaking from experience, you are being far too hard on yourself. Having a small treat each day, or a larger treat once a week is FINE, yet you limit it to a desert or 2 a month? Allowing yourself a treat or indulging in a craving only twice a month is not enough to be sane.

You sound like you do not know how to enjoy treats, as you would just think too much about having the treat to actually enjoy it.

Try to stop connecting heavier to “ better”; being HEALTHIER is better, and being healthy means striving to attain a healthy, normal relationship with food where it does not dominate your life so much, which may also mean gaining a little weight. It is not just your weight that is important, it is being able to eat when your hungry, eat enough food to feel satisfied, and trying to learn to not think about food so much.

I would aim to learn to eat normally and learn to feel better about food and to let your weight reach a healthy range naturally, through learning to eat normally and improve your relationship with food.

Basically, if you are doing the right thing and trying to eat in a way that satisfies you while also making an effort to think about food in a way that doesn’t take up too much time in your life, then your weight should reach a natural range.

If you learn too do the right thing, you will reach an appropriate weight. There is no need to fear gaining out of control - it is technically not possible to unless you eat far more then you burn.

Any major short term fluctuations are very normal, and many small things can cause a rapid gain on the scale - if you are 5 lbs heavier over night then it is obviously not possible to gain that much in actual fat over night, therefore it would be due to other reasons like having a big meal/too much salt/lots of fluid/large volume and weight of food, etc.

So, remember, THERE IS NO NEED TO BE SCARED THAT YOUR WEIGHT WILL GET OUT OF CONTROL! If you learn to eat normally, and learn to eat the right amount of calories that satisfies your needs, then your body will take care of itself.

Try to focus on every other aspect of your life such as career/study/and other achievements in life, and learn to value yourself through things other then your weight, and try to weigh yourself less and to not let your weight dictate your happy ness and mood. Learn to depend on other things. It is hard, but if you work hard at it you will learn to over cone your issues.

I felt compelled to reply to you, because I am about 5 ‘ 5 and I was about 110 - 112 lbs for the last year, and have fallen to even lower through out the 4 years after my anorexia/eating disorders.

Personally, I am finding my life is much better since I have stopped trying to be “ perfect” with my eating.

My weight has fallen on about 114 to 115lbs, I like eating a little extra simply to stay sane - I never starved myself, but I would over analyze all my food choices and feel bad if I did not make the absolute best decision.

The way I have learnt to live life and feel “normal” again, is through learning to strike a balance - your “ happy medium” theory, where I do enough to have a body that I like, yet I don’t do anything that I hate so much that it cancels my physical goal out.

I will not do exercise I hate, then come home and eat a piece of lean chicken breast with no salt and steamed greens because I do not enjoy either of these things; I strike a balance, where I enjoy clean un processed food all of the time, so I will may walk to the gym up a hill or two for natural exercise I enjoy, do a weights or Pilate’s class, then come home and eat chicken breast of fish with a little yummy seasoning .

So, instead of pushing myself to do exercise I hate, and eat a dinner that I do not enjoy, I will do exercise I can tolerate, and come home and eat a dinner then is healthy and I also can also enjoy to some extent. It is all a balancing act, and IT IS KEY to being able to live the best life possible.

I have learnt all this through years of trying to be happy and being held back by food and body image issues. It is an on going thing, but the more better I balance food/exercise/life, the happier I am.