I don't need this - comments about my weight

It took me a whole year and lots of work to lose 70 pounds, to feel healthy and energetic, to be able to wear clothes that I didn't have to be concerned about what I had to hide.  After I lost 40 pounds, people were all great about my accomplishment.  Now, people act as though they have a mouth full of bile when they say anything about my weight.  I weigh what I should.  I've maintained this weight for 2 months now.  None of this has been easy.  I'm to the point that I just wish people would shut up about my weight.

Did you do it for them, nope. You did it for yourself and that's all who matters. You know you look good, the others are just envious ;)

You're absolutely right.  I did it because I was afraid I'd have to have a hip replacement or something.  Thanks for putting their comments into perspective!

No, you don't need it. I've always wanted selective hearing, never been able to master it. Maybe you can?
Congratulations on losing weight.
PS do they say you're too thin or do they say you need to lose more?

You know I never understood why ppl make it a point to discuss ones weight in company. I have lost over 25lbs now and i get this huh your losing weight probably shouldnt anyhow your just gonna put it all back on plus some just stick to being a little chubby you look fine that way.........I have heard this quite a number of times like my weight has anything to do with the personally NO it has to do with me and my health and how I feel about myself. I would never walk up to them and say huh looks like u put on some pounds maybe if you stop eating all that crap you could lose weight or vice versa. I dont care about someones weight when talking to them I care about the person inside and how they are the outside is just the shell its what is inside that counts!

Well, the comments are almost always the same--an ambiguous, "Oh, you've lost more weight."  The problem is how they say it--like I've committed a crime.  And no, I've never thought it would be appropriate to respond to them, "Oh, you haven't."  When people say that kind of stuff, it makes me wonder what kind of peope they really are inside.  Next week, I'm going to a potluck with people I haven't seen in a couple of years.  Honestly, I'm dreading it--not because I'm worrying about what I'll eat, but because I'm worried about handling a bunch of stupid comments.  Honestly, this is the first time in years that I haven't thought of myself as fat.  I really do consider myself to be at a healthy weight.  And that is important to me.  I don't know why I let these thoughtless people bother me so much.  I just wish they'd be happy for me.

Jay,

Please don't let those evil people bother you.We all live our lives for ourselves and should not pay attention to people who obviously don't have you best interest in mind. Keep doing whatyou're doing and don't look back!

Why do people think it's ok to comment on people's weight like they are talking about the weather? I never understood this at all. I'm overly sensitive about it because I had two parents who thought every pound I gained or lost merited a family conference. I'm too skinny, I'm getting too fat blah blah blah

Jay,  

Other than the people being jealous, they are probably used to seeing you as you were before. You have really done something wonderful! Being healthy is a great thing!Maybe in their own lives those negative people wanted to accomplish something and they haven't.  You have worked hard to get where you are so don't let them make you feel bad.

The support you "posters" have given me is great.  You know, the first time I was on a diet was when my mother decided I couldn't go to middle school "fat."  So, this stuff has been going on for years.  Even after my father died and my mom came to live with me for about a month, the first thing she did was take over the cooking to "help" me "lose a little weight."  This diet is the first time that I decided to lose weight for myself, and the reason was for my health--not someone else's perception of what I looked like.  And this has been the most successful diet I've ever been on.  I guess I really should stop obsessing about what other people think.  It's not that easy, though.  Well, then, losing the weight wasn't that easy, either.

Just smile and say "Thanks for noticing!" Hey, even if they didn't specifically mean it as a compliment, even the fact that they're jealous is a compliment! I'm sure they mean it to come out sounding nice even if inside they're thinking "Man, jayhjay lost more weight, thats not fair!"

I am going through the exact same thing.  I also lost about 70 pounds and now weigh what I should weigh.  I have been this size for almost 1 year.  The only thing people always talk to me about is my weight.  All I hear is don't lose any more (not trying to) and I keep getting asked if I'm eating (only about 2000 calories a day) and they give me a hard time because I exercise 5 days a week (exactly what everyone should be doing).  I am getting so tired of it and am beginning to think that it is never going to end.  It sure doesn't help the self-esteem any.  I try to ignore it but it is hard sometimes.  Any advice?

Hey, I need that advice, too!

key word: projection.

people tell chubby people that they should stop eating so much (or not order such a big meal) and the same people will tell a very thin person to "order something more than salad"

it is more of a window into their soul than yours, that should help a bit.  the more they say things to you about you, the more they are really talking about their hang ups.  Jealous of thin people, afraid of becoming fat themselves, whatever their deal.

I don't like my "fat" self, which is one of many reasons that finally pushed me into the "good health" zone.  but honestly, my looks improving is only one of many improvements I want to see from losing this weight and working out.  I want health, I want to be able to travel and go on long hikes - maybe even the 12 mile descent into the Grand Canyon.  I want to get back into biking and do another MS ride (150 miles in two days), I want to get my black belt in Karate.  My current weight and health have been preventing me from getting anywhere close to these goals...and I am not getting younger - so off it goes!

When people are talking about you and your weight, just thank them for their concern and tell them "I pay even more attention to my health than you do for me, so no worries, I am on the right track"

enjoy your achievements. you earned the right!

Hey good for you! To lose that much weight takes a lot of hard work and determination. So forget about what people are saying. I have a similar problem right now too- after losing 60 pounds now people casually say things like: 'don't you lose another pound girl', or 'what are you trying to do, starve yourself?', even though technically I am still about 20 pounds overweight. Sometimes people criticize you for what you aren't and then when you become what they wanted you to be they don't like that either. I'd say that as hard as it is, just ignore them; you've done an incredible thing for your life and your health. Congrats.

Thanks, harlequin and tucden for these recent posts.  I've had a few bad days here, and your comments came at just the right time and really help.  Clearly, you understand exactly what's going on with me.  Just cause I've lost the weight doesn't mean I'm home free.  I appreciate knowing I'm not alone and having support from people like you!  Too bad my "friends" can't be as supportive.  Looks like WE need to stick together and feel good about what WE"RE doing!

What diet did you say you did to lose the weight?

Congratulations!

You've already gotten lots of great feedback. I just think we live in a culture that most people are heavy, so if you are less than that, you look skinny to others. If we lived in Europe, our new weights would be normal. 

I just returned from a trip seeing my extended family for the first time in 2 years. My sister greeted me and said, "You're a twig." In exactly the same tone, when I hugged her I said, "You're a marshmallow," and she laughed. (She's about 20 pounds heavier than she would like to be).  My mother didn't like the way I grew my hair out, and kept suggesting improvements. I'm 51, for pete's sake. Then I went to visit a friend who runs 5 to 10 miles a day. She said 128 pounds looks good on me.  Our weight is not something we put up for a democratic vote. Neither is my hair something up for a vote. One of my cousins stopped me mid-sentence to say he adored it.  So that makes two people  (one of my kids adores it). For me it is a middle-aged thing.  I give myself permission to not wear makeup, not wear high heels, to have big hair, and weigh what I want. So hear those comments from a place of inner confidence. You know what you're about. 

And don't discount the possibility that in eating appropriately you might actually influence someone else.  Being your ideal weight is "way cooler than food."  Without saying those words, that is what  I hope to project.  It is an unspoken and unapologetic confidence. Of course people see that I eat differently than they do.  I am not suffering. I eat volume, I like my food choices.  I don't want to eat the junk because I know what it does to me.  By losing 20 pounds, I inspired a dear friend to lose 50 pounds... my heart still sings. So maybe for every 50 critics, you will inspire one other person to take control of their weight.  It is worth it.

I have tried every nutcase diet in the world.  The only thing that worked for me was counting those calories.  I had to go with foods that had few enough calories that I could eat lots of them or I'd be hungary all the time.  At first, I always checked what "grade" this site gave the foods.  The higher the grade, the more sure I was getting the stuff I needed in my food cause I really didn't want to do too much analysis of what I was eating.  I stay away from "treats" because I'm the kind of person who can't just take a "taste" and stop at that.  Eventually (a rather long eventually), I found I wasn't craving that stuff so much--if at all.  I read labels now, too.  I've found a zero calorie dressing, use no fat mayo--stuff like that.  Took me a while to get used to this stuff, but now I really don't much miss all that rich stuff I used to eat.  Being a person who is not fond of sweating, my exercise has pretty much been limited to walking the dog or going on the treadmill (though I hate that. too.)  Jeez, after rereading this, I'm surprised I lost the weight!  It did take me a year to get here, but that's probably better than losing it too fast cause now I'm pretty use to eating like this.  Oh, if I went out to eat, I'd go on the website first to plan what to order.  Outback is  really helpful  in deciding what to eat!  Some places--totally not.  Also, I avoided telling people I was trying to lose weight.  It's amazing how people can undermine your efforts even though they think they're being helpful.  This site has really been good for me.  At one time, I went to a weight loss program with support groups, but it was too "rah, rah, horray" for me.  Plus, I'm too cheap to pay for something I can get for free!  Well, this is more than I thought I'd write!

Excellent, now we all just have to keep believing in our own good body image. We can be whoever and whatever we want to be with no exceptions - all it takes is courage and determination and to heck with what others think. There will always be the ones that say - "you are too thin now" or "what have you done" or "you look great BUT you could firm up a bit" - makes me laugh. Everyone is a judge and jury when it comes to others but be strong and happy with who you ahve become and what you have learned about your body and how much better you feel with the weight off and the hair let loose!

Good on ya!

I just remembered that I did get some good feedback from a neighbor!  She told me her sister was visiting and they saw me outside.  She told her sister that it looked like I went into my house in the fall and came out in the spring looking like I had lost at least 50 pounds.  Her sister replied that they were coming into my house this fall!  Anyway, she said I have inspired her and she has lost 10 pounds.  I'm not a "hugger" but gave her a hug, thanked her for her comments, and congratulated her on her weight loss.  Stuff like that helps you keep the faith in others.   Too bad most of the comments go the other way.