why do/did or don't you want kids?

I used to want them. I think mainly because it is a part of life that I felt I wanted and should experience. Of course I'm curious how my kid would look and all that sort of stuff too.

Well now I've gone from that to not wanting them. It's mostly 'selfish' reasons...I don't want to lose time and freedom, have to spend all my money on them, plus even the physical side effects (ie. stretch marks...just looking at my mom's stomach), etc. I also feel like I shouldn't contribute to the over population. There's also some maybe weird reasons. What if it has a deformity, mental problems, heck what if it comes out butt ugly? I would feel like I subjected it to a hard life.

I also worry a lot. When I was younger and my mom would come home late, I always feared the worst. It's gotten better as I got older, but I just can't imagine the worrying that must come with kids...late coming home from school/friend's, or even before that, it could randomly die from SIDS. There's so many things that could happen.

It just seems like so much stess and work that can be avoided. I've already got a family and bf to worry about! Oh and not to mention kids can really be annoying and frustrating lol. I know a lot of people with kids, and I see tons of them at work, sometimes they're just...AGH.

It's possible I might feel differently in 10 years. I guess truthfully there is still a tiny part that wants to experience it still. It's mostly still that curiosity factor, what will it be like? Plus I do love my bf and am kind of in awe that we could make a person!

Anyway I do remember there being a thread about this a long time ago but I couldn't find it. So I'm just curious what everyone's perspective is.

I have felt apprehensive about having kids too, and to be honest, I still do even though I'm expecting a little one in December.  It was planned. 

I promised myself that if I was going to have kids I'd do it when I was young enough to have the energy to give them attention.  The boat is starting to sail on that. 

I also know that I would probably regret not having kids, but I KNOW I will not regret having them once they are here.

I want to experience parental love and care/love someone.  I want the responsibility to care for someone I love deeply so I have a reason to get up every day and something to look forward to.

I want to see my parents hold their grandbaby in their arms.

I want to experience fully what it mean to be a woman, a mother, and grandmother.

I am adopted, and I want to feel what it feels like to have blood relatives, a biological family, whole and complete.

I don't think I would be a good mother, I am quite selfish with MY time and I am not consistent.

I can change what I want in a split second.

For many reasons I just don't think I would be a suitable, so I will stick with my dog she doesn't mind if I tell her to leave me alone she'll just go away and try again later :D can't really do that with a child.

I never felt like I wanted kids, I think mostly because I fear that I will subject them to the same bs my mother did me when I was growing up especially if the child turned out to be a girl.

I have no patience, no interests being around kids (probably because I was practically an only child- older brother lived with dad) and I love my time too much. I am too selfish and... bitchy () so not fair to subject the child to that.

I also have been told several times that I should not be procreating at all because I am deaf and the chances are higher that I will pass that "trait"/whateveryouwanttocallit down to the child/ren. I don't agree with those people who said it but that thought still lingers in the back of my head when I think about it. There are so many products out there with light flashers when babies cry and etc but still I wouldn't be able to hear if something is wrong with their breathing and things like that, you know? I think it'd be more stressful but hey many deaf moms out there have managed it right? *shrugs*

I babysat about a month ago with 2 kids- one 4 years old and the other 1 year old... I was surprised to find that I really felt out of my element and honestly disinterested but I did my best to act interested and play with both of them since I was helping out my coworker. After that, I wondered if I would feel that way with one of my own, forced to put on a smile and act interested?

Like andie-1, I will just stick with my furbabies since they are easy maintenance, don't give me any lip and understands (at least I think so, ha?) when I'm not in the mood to give attention and whatnot.

I love kids, but I don't think I ever want to give birth to any.  I did about 4 years ago, badly... but then my weird mother instinct just kind of vanished.

I do value my time and freedom.  And mostly I think I can love a child without it having to be mine.  Lately I have been thinking about doing the big sister program, and someday I would like to be a foster or possible adoptive parent.

But at 27 I feel no where near ready for a child full time.  I really want a dog though ;)

I try to think of myself as a logical person, but my desire for kids was more ruled from "the gut" than my head.  I knew I wanted them - it's hard to explain why - maybe my hormones just did their job really well?  With a mentally handicapped brother, I realized the potential for complications and what that means, but that didn't dissuade me.  Although logic did creep in there - I knew that I wanted the maximum number to be two, if for no other reason that I don't think I could emotionally handle more.  

So hubby and I had two, and are living with the necessities of raising a special needs child (our youngest is autistic).  I don't regret any of it though - G is a very special and joyful boy, and has taught both of us a lot about how we interpret our world, our level of patience, and the nuances of behavior.  S (our oldest) and his energy keeps us on our toes, and challenges us everyday, but also helping us to realize our ability to adapt.

It's not the same for everyone, obviously, but our experience with having children has strengthened us.

Original Post by andie-1:

I don't think I would be a good mother, I am quite selfish with MY time and I am not consistent.

I can change what I want in a split second.

For many reasons I just don't think I would be a suitable, so I will stick with my dog she doesn't mind if I tell her to leave me alone she'll just go away and try again later :D can't really do that with a child.

 ^This is me too!  Except instead of a dog, I have a cat that ignores me anyway. =)

Adding to that, I know everyone says you are never financially ready for kids, and I understand that- but hubby and I live paycheck to paycheck, and I envision us someday getting beyond that and actually having some money behind us.  And I know I could NEVER accomplish that with kids. 

Totally selfish, I know...

Original Post by amandief:

After that, I wondered if I would feel that way with one of my own, forced to put on a smile and act interested?

People who unquestionably want kids go through that.  5 hours of sleep, dealing with a head cold, desperately needing a shower, and I'm supposed to mess around with puppets and play "dinosaur hunter"?  (I've been fortunate to have backup.)

Anyway - I fully understand and respect why some choose not to have kids.  Although it's been my experience that some people would be surprised at their capabilities, it's good they have gone through the self reflection to make that decision.  

Original Post by santonacci:

  With a mentally handicapped brother, I realized the potential for complications and what that means, but that didn't dissuade me.  Although logic did creep in there - I knew that I wanted the maximum number to be two, if for no other reason that I don't think I could emotionally handle more.  

I'm happy you did not let genetics stop you. I felt a little robbed of any chance of having a close relationship with my older brother (12 years apart) and the only thing that we have in common is our deafness. I've never told anyone this before but I read my mother's diary when I was... 11, 12? (I know bad me) and I found out that she waited so long before having a second child because she was so worried that the second child would end up deaf as well. I guess she got over it, obviously. :op I'm glad she finally did what she wanted in the end as you did. :)

Original Post by amandief:

There are so many products out there with light flashers when babies cry and etc but still I wouldn't be able to hear if something is wrong with their breathing and things like that, you know?

I saw an episode on Animal Planet about a family - both parents were deaf, and they had a dog that essentially was their ears for them to help take care of the baby. I know that helper dogs can be quite expensive, I just thought it was interesting.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Original Post by amandief:

There are so many products out there with light flashers when babies cry and etc but still I wouldn't be able to hear if something is wrong with their breathing and things like that, you know?

I saw an episode on Animal Planet about a family - both parents were deaf, and they had a dog that essentially was their ears for them to help take care of the baby. I know that helper dogs can be quite expensive, I just thought it was interesting.

 Yes, I remember watching that episode as well. thought it was cool and i'm not sure if we have to pay for the service dogs due to ADA. eh, I'm not really knowledgable about those things myself, just that there are such services.

.

Original Post by amandief:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Original Post by amandief:

There are so many products out there with light flashers when babies cry and etc but still I wouldn't be able to hear if something is wrong with their breathing and things like that, you know?

I saw an episode on Animal Planet about a family - both parents were deaf, and they had a dog that essentially was their ears for them to help take care of the baby. I know that helper dogs can be quite expensive, I just thought it was interesting.

 Yes, I remember watching that episode as well. thought it was cool and i'm not sure if we have to pay for the service dogs due to ADA. eh, I'm not really knowledgable about those things myself, just that there are such services.

I'm not sure either. I have an elderly friend with Parkinson's and she was able to get a helper dog (an awesome toy poodle named Pluto, who helps her with her slippers and can pick up her cane for her) for little to no money. Just so that you know that there are possibilities, if one day you decide to have a child.

Hugs to CDC.... :(

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a mom. Every ounce of me knew that's what I wanted out of life. I could give up everything else, and that's what would give my life meaning(crazy thoughts for a kid, I know). As a teen, i tended to take on the 'mom' personality of the group, and it got to the point that several of my friends called me Mom or Mommy (I have odd friends).

I'm currently 21, have a great job, am less that a year from graduating college, have an amazing boyfriend I could easily enjoy forever with. And, I'm currently concidering the potential for never having kids.

I still have the instinct to want to be a mom. I still get 'gushy' feelings about kids I like (my bf's niece and nephew are wonderful). I want to look into my babies eyes. I want to be there for his/her first steps, first day of school, first child, etc. But, I may end up not having a child anyways.

First off, because my boyfriend does not want kids at all. He's open to the idea that he could concider it in the future, therefore, I'm cncidering not having them. Genetically, it's a debatable idea as well. My mom lost 2 of her babies to eggtopic(sp?) pregnancies and I don't know how I'd be able to live through that. I also know that, like my mom, I'd be way to over protective, and letting go of the child at all would hurt me.

So... I want kids, but don't know if I do at the same time.

well i think i would be a good mom & i think my husband would be a good dad. that being said, i really don't want kids, if i do i'll adopt or something, there are enough of the rugrats running around as it is. maybe if i lived around my family or if my husband really wanted one but he doesn't. i think people can be selfish in either choice. some people want kids for the wrong reasons or feel they have to.

Honestly, I have no idea whether or not I really want children.

My life has a certain rhythm that I really enjoy.   Everything would change and I'm not sure I want to give up the life I have now.

On the other hand, I really feel that maternal pull. 

I'm nearly 35 so I guess I should decide sooner rather than later. 

I have two children.

All I'll say is that babies are vicious little ungrateful incommunicative parasites and I'm not having another one.  

However, once kids are able to form sentences, dress themselves, feed themselves (i.e. use utensils and napkins), and are potty-trained, they are quite enjoyable.

i always thought i wanted kids, and went through several phases of intense craving and maternal feeling.  i've always loved the idea of being pregnant, and was never afraid of childbirth.  was never afraid of any of it, actually.  i'm really good with kids of all ages (believe it or not).

a couple of years ago when my obgyn told me i should be thinking about having a hysterectomy, my first response was, "No way!"  but it set the wheels turning, and over time i realized that if i'd really wanted kids, i'd have made different choices.  all the major choices i've made for the last 20 years have taken me away from parenthood, not toward it.  and those were conscious, informed choices.

also, i've seen friends sacrifice and compromise and often make choices that made no sense at all to me, just because they had this drive to be mothers.  many (most?) of those compromises have been around partners and marriage.  seeing that has made me realize that...if i really wanted to give birth, i'd have done it.  there's been no shortage of opportunities to hook up and pop out one or two.

so while i've never had a strong sense that i don't want kids, i obviously haven't wanted them in a very real, concrete way.

i never wanted kids for most of the reasons here...money; selfishness, needing time to myself.

But, after having Julia; all of that vanished.  I still have time to be selfish; I still don't have enough money...

but never in my life have i felt unconditional love.  and let me tell you......having her was the BEST THING IN THE WHOLE FRIGGIN WORLD. 

and i can't wait to do it again.

Original Post by dnrothx:

All I'll say is that babies are vicious little ungrateful incommunicative parasites and I'm not having another one.

Okay, it's interesting enough that I have a CC crush on you, but posts like that are going to inspire a man crush by my hubby.    

And for the most part, I agree with the above statement with the exception of "incommunicative" - as babies my boys had no problem whatsoever with letting us know, in no uncertain terms, when they were unhappy.  

Currently, our youngest (6) is still learning how to talk, but has still found ways to get his point across.  Our oldest (very shortly will be 9), is very willful and has become quite the smart ass - the communicative thing can be a detriment sometimes.

i feel very strongly that i don't want kids at this time...my main thought behind it is having to give up freedom to come and go as i please, financial restraint, me thinking how much harder it will be to get back in shape after having a child (hell, i'm already struggling now), and me still being in my selfish phase. sometimes i think how great it would be to have a little mini me running around but i realize the cuteness factor doesnt last forever and i'm not sure i want to deal with everything that comes with raising a child if i don't have to...