if you have ANY doubts.. should you hold off on tryin?

for a baby i mean?  what do you all think?  i've heard people say you can never actually be "ready" to become a parent, just like they say there is no handbook.  i don't necessarily mean financially ready, either..

did you all feel nervous & scared when you were tryin?  pregnancy & childbirth are like the most frightenin things in the world to me.  but they are also things that i definetly want to do.  aahh!  just feelin kinda mixed lately.  thanks

I don't know.

Not a good answer but I am in the same boat as you.  I am 27 and getting married in 13 weeks, we would both like to start a family quite soon while we a still young, he's 29, we've been together for 3 years.

I came off the pill a few weeks ago, realising that there will never be a perfect time we have decided that making the decision to "try" would be a scary one and possible put too much pressure on to be successful, so although we are not TTC we are having unprotected sex knowing that it's a risk and if it happens it wouldn't be a bad thing, but if it doesn't then we are ok too right now.

Honestly, if you aren't at all nervous about having a baby, you just don't know enough, because, hey, there's a lot to be nervous about.  Not that you want to be waking up nights in a cold sweat, but there are so many things to worry about.  And if you wait until everything is just right, you may look up and realize you are too old for a child, because, quite honestly, life just isn't a nice, settled stroll in the park.  Take a realistic look at your life, decide whether there is room in your life for a child, if you are willing to make the sacrifices for one, and know, just like marriage, doubts are often just the realization that it does take work.   Lots of work, but probably the most rewarding you will ever do!

I think if everyone waited until they had no doubts at all nobody would have kids.  I've wanted to have kids before I was 30.  30 is coming FAST and I don't feel ready at all.  I have felt "not ready" for years. I don't think I'll ever feel ready and not scared.  I have a lot of doubts about will I be a good mother, can I handle the stress, do I have enough patience, how am I ever going to do this, but I think that is natural. I think ladies who don't have those kinds of thoughts are naive. 

That is not to say that you should have kids anyway if you don't want to or if there are very serious barriers for you.

I am 26 and have a 2 and a half year old.  She was a big suprise, and being pregnant at 22 when all my friends were out partying and travelling the world wasnt much fun.  I was nothing but doubts, insecurities and my (now) husband was pure terror.  There is simply no way to describe it though until you are a mother yourself.  Sure it IS hard work.  You sacrifice loads and I will never give up my right to moan about the woes of parenthood.  BUT, I would never ever ever trade or go back.  Our daughter was the best thing that ever could have happened to us.  I really believe your not really living until you have had a child.

So, in response to feeling ready, you are never ready.  Thats the whole thing about children.  THEY teach YOU.

Any doubts will completely vanish the moment you hold your brand new baby in your arms. Its beyond magical.

I wish you luck!

aw wow thanks to all of you!  probably the best responses i ever got in a post.  takin the time to write this for me means a lot.  thanks again

Actually, I can't say that the doubts vanished the moment I held my baby for the first time.  I was filled with this tremendous realization that this precious being depended on me for everything, and as she, and then her sister grew, there are always doubts.  "Did I respond right?"  "Should I be more strict?"  "Should I be more lenient?"  "Is this normal for this age?"  "Am I a good parent?"

This is a normal part of being a parent, I think.  You want so much the best for your child, you are actively seeking ways to be better for them.  And that, I think, is the sign that you are ready.  It's not to wait until you have no doubts, because unless you are insanely self-absorbed, you will have those.  Rather it is to know that you will make any changes to your life necessary to give them the best upbringing you can, because you love them more than yourself.

Oh, and if you think pregnancy and childbirth are scary, wait until you leave your child for the first time in the hands of a practical stranger when they go off to school (or daycare)!  You will never be more scared than you are by your children.

Good luck!