Put down by parents

Does anybody still live with their parents and are put down every single day by them. Well I was put down by my dad for not being good enough at soccer in high school and then i decided to lose alot of weight. I got really thin and unhealthy but a few months later began binging. Just recently i have been able to control my binging and have not done it for three weeks now. But of course I have about 8 pounds to lose and unfortunately still live with my parents. My mom puts me down every day, for exercising, for eating healthy, she even makes fun of my body. Today we went out to play soccer(with my siblings) and she just stood around and called me fat a** and told me that my legs were big and fat. I went home and just felt so bad about myself. I was kind of happy because I had not binged in 3 weeks but now I feel fat because of her. I am trying to get slimmer but i do have muscular legs and a muscular butt. It's so hard for me to live with her because everything I do is made fun of by her. Please I need advice. Also I am 5'8 and around 140 pounds.

Luckily I haven't lived with my parents for a long, long time.  Seeing them twice a year is enough for me.  Thank goodness I have my husband for support.

Anyhow, my parents alternate(d) between telling me I was fat (5'4", 130 isn't fat as an active teenager) and pushing me to play more sports.  Now that I'm older, they sneak in put-downs about everything from my weight to my job to their percieved ideas of my political leanings.  I avoid talking politics with them in an attempt to avoid nasty comments, and I sometimes wonder where they get their ideas about "my politics" from since I haven't told them.

It might be a good idea to speak to a school counselor for a little level-headed, unbiased support.  You need to try to learn to ignore your parents nasty comments, and it's a lot easier if you have someone else to talk to.  They can also help you set and reach realistic weight goals.

Good luck.

First let me say that at 5'8 and 140 you are not fat. Second, congrats on going 3 weeks without binging.  Perhaps you could talk to both of your parents and tell them how their critical remarks are making you feel.  Good luck.  No matter who says what to you, you are not fat.

Congratulations on doing so well, especially given such obstacles.  You can try talking to your mom, but beware that if she perceives your comments as criticism that it might make things worse.  If you have any family friends who know her well you might consult with them or your dad on how to deal with the issue with her.

I have heard this sort of thing so many times from young women, and just can't understand how parents can behave the way they sometimes do.  I'm sorry you have this issue in your life.  Just remember, as in the Aesop's fable of the fox and the grapes, there are always people who will put down what they don't believe they can do for themselves.

Congratulations on the accomplishments you have made, and keep up the good work, sweetie. 

Patricia

hang in there is the best i can say! i KNOW that pain!

it's not easy!!!

My entire family (husband and two kids) moved in with my parents and younger sister (shes 15)- to help everyone live a little more comfortably. In the last month my husband and I have decided to move out for various reasons. I started dieting and kicked up my excersice about 3 weeks ago. The laughs I get from my sister while excercising at home are annoying and hurtful. My mother and I grocery shop together, as we split the bill, she and my sister both make comment after comment about me reading labels and wave foods that they know I enjoy but have cut out of my diet. Both of my parents are overweight and think Im crazy for dieting (if thats really what you call watching and learning about what you're eating and how it affects your body). Day after day I hear the comments and laughs. It's out right rude and disrespectful.

But its ok when I look good in a bikini and they are worried about covering their fat I can say I told you so! And so can you!

Youll get through this! We all will, it just takes willpower and determination. For the record, Im 5 foot and 140. I blame it on the babies! My youngest is 7 months and my oldest is 5!

Good Luck to ALL!!!

 

You don't say how old you are or how close you are to being emancipated, but your parents behavior is abusive, plain and simple.  Just because your Mom isn't hitting you does not mean what she is doing is not just as bad (maybe worse).  Is there any way you can put some distance between yourself and your parents?  Another relative who can intervene?  A counselor at school you can talk to?  Because you do need to talk to someone about what's going on.  Their behavior is abusive and destructive.  And it's already workin on you -- you refer to feeling bad about yourself, but your Mom is the one who should be feeling bad -- NOT YOU!  Shame on them.  I would never dream of speaking to my children, even in anger, the way your parents are talking to you.

I hope you will be able to find some help for yourself and your situation before they succeed in destroying your psyche and self-esteem.  Be strong!

 

Many people pick on others because they are insecure. Just remember that you are doing great things for your physical health by being healthy and saving yourself a lot of problems down the road.

Perhaps you or a friend can make a list about things that are great about you. This way you can look at it whenever anyone puts you down.

Also, my sister in law is 5'8 and 140 pounds and everyone comments that she looks like a super model.

It makes me so sad to read your post. My father did this to me when I was a child and it seriously screwed me up in a big way for a lot of years.  Luckily my mother was not like this and she and my dad divorced when I was 9, but the emotional abuse by him continued every time I was with him until I was 16 and refused to spend time with him anymore.  I am 100% convinced that if I had lived w/ my Dad full time I would have ended up with an eating disorder. As it is I still struggle w/ my self esteem even though I am at a healthy weight now.  I am also a mother now and I am adamant that my children not get negative messages about food, their bodies or anything really. 

All I can say is that I feel your pain and I hope that you will remember that people who say mean and abusive things are bullies and really are saying what they do because they actually hate themselves.  It is hard for me to imagine anyone who would take their own self hatred out on their child but unfortunately I don't think your problem is all that uncommon.  Anyway, perhaps to you can seek out a friend, clergy member or other family member to act as a support for you.  BTW, you are at a healthy weight for your height so please don't starve yourself into an unhealthy place.  Also, it sounds like you might be at the beginning of an eating disorder (bingeing).  Not your fault but you should try to find someone to talk to so that you don't end up w/ a full fledged eating problem. I am not trying to criticize cuz I have totally been where you are. Best of luck to you and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

5'8" 140 is not fat. Rise above their pettiness. It sounds like you're already handling it better than you think.

Silver...I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know what you're feeling. My dad was vicious with his comments. Stay strong in mind and spirit. Don't let the negativity sink into your heart and soul. One day you will be free of this part of your life. You've been given some great advice on this site. Find someone that you can trust and tell them your feelings. Talk to somebody. Let it all out.  DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT YOUR PARENT'S ARE TELLING YOU. You are fine just like you are. You're doing the best you can do and that's all anybody can do. Your mother's behavior is not your fault. It sounds as if she has some problems about her own self esteem and she hasn't dealt with them.

my mom is just a big complainer, and repeated same advice giver... She keeps putting me down for different things, and she keeps telling me (over and over again) that I shouldn't weigh myself everyday, she tells me it will make me depressed, she says I should weigh myself once a week.  I keep telling her that I expect to gain one (or two) every once in awhile, but I wouldn't want to weigh myself at the end of the week just to find out that I've been gaining instead of loosing (that would depress me more... going up in weight then having to wait a week to find out if you lost it)... to make a long story short, it's just her nature to complain, and give advice (even if it's over and over the same thing)

Silver, your mom is probably just trying to motivate you to loose more weight. Maybe she doesn't realize she's saying hurtful things, or hurting your feelings.  It's really a good thing that you haven't binged for 3 weeks, and your certanly not fat.  Maybe you should talk to your parents about their actions effect your weight, and that you need them to be supportive, and not critical.  And if that doesn't work, just ignore all the mean or critical things they say. (Trust me it's not easy, I don't even live with my mom and she still manages to put me down)

good luck on the next 8 lbs

I am so sorry to hear about this situation. Losing weight is a difficult task in itself, let alone having an unsupportive family. paula is right, this behavior exhibited by your parents is definitely emotionally abusive. Unfortunately you are "suck at home" living with your parents, and you in now way deserve to be treated in this way. Parents should be supportive and helpful and I am terribly sorry you do not have that support system. One thing you do have though is support by MANY people here on this site. Amazingly, there are so many people that can relate to our situations, problems, and feelings. Believe those who believe in you. Don't let things your parents say affect the way you feel. You are strong and doing the best you can. Stay strong and don't be afraid to find an outlet in letting it all out. I wish the best for you.

silver26 Im probably really lucky in that way because my parents are very supportive. But i think the way you are being treated is dreadful! and i also agree with everyone else that you need to stay focussed and concetrate on eating healthy and feeling healthy and screw anyone elses opinions! NEVER ever let anyones opinions matter to you that is how i ended up eating disorded from thinking i was "fat" which is ridiculas because i so wasnt.

Good luck with losing a couple of pounds healthy even though im sure you look great already, and never let opinions matter to you.

*Hugs*

Thank you everyone for the kind words and sympathy and advice. Yeah I am at a healthy weight, although I could use some toning up. But like some of you said, use my mom's critiscism about my weight as motivation to lose weight. Good Idea. Right now i don't have anyone to really talk to about my problems except you guys. One thing about this whole thing that really bothers me is that from being put down by my parents the last couple of years, my self-esteem has really decreased. I feel like I am not liked by people or I feel that people are always judging me, even though they probably aren't. It's hard for me to make friends and I don't have a boyfriend either. My mom kind of discourages friends. She hates when I do stuff with the few friends that I have and then I have an even harder time spending time with them. Hopefully I will be moving out soon, Im 19, going to a community college where i live. One thing that will really suck for me is not being able to spend time with my siblings once I move out. I have 4 younger sibling who i get along with great and i would definitely miss them! But hey I guess it's time for me to grow up and move on from the damaging evironment that my mom causes. Thanks again for all the advice.