Drama - right here! - warning - very long

Siblings!  Do we need to make nice or is there a point you just say - you are too toxic to handle!  Out of 5 girls:

Sister in question:

Pretty good shape for age, +40, but probably a little too thin  in upper body.  Kinda mushy upper thighs, abs and behind.

• does anything for attention - including wearing big straw hats, wearing her obviously fake, huge tatas almost completely out, including in the front pew of the catholic church.  Wears short/shorts, crop tops, low riders.
• Stares everyone up and down and then proceeds to tell others how so-and-so has fat rolls or has gotten fat or shouldn't wear that with that shape, etc, etc. 
• had a goal to marry someone rich, even if he were really old - (married someone not rich instead)
• hasn't worked in years even though no children, but still spends like a maniac, even though her hubby makes a decent living, but not alot.... but stays home cleans and cooks like in the good old days.
• does not know how to use a computer
• won't ride a bike because claims that gyno told her the bumps were bad for women to be "open" while hitting the bumps.

Me:

Pretty good shape for 40+ and at lower end of BMI, but carrying most fat in upper body (arms, underarms).  Pretty lean hips, abs and legs.

• career minded
• wants to be an "equal" with men
• very independent
• worked all my life until got laid off
• dresses up to date, but with respect for self

She does the barbie bells with high reps and low weight.  I do NROL - heavy weight low reps.  I hate the workout videos personally!

She has in the past:

• Told my first husband (while I wasn't home) that it was soooo hot she didn't wear panties that day and proceeded to bend over to play with kids.  Hubby would've never done anything, he was scared of her!
• While I was divorced I had a friend at new year party and she proceeded to sit on his lap - I wasn't dating him, but really!
• Constantly acts like everyone wants to be like her - that she is "better" than anyone else, especially with her body.
• Chose one of my best friends that I knew since 2nd grade to be her maid of honor - even though she never hung out with her/us earlier.  She is 5 years older than us and was always at a different stage growing up.
• dominates conversations, comes real close waving her arms up so that you feel "crowded".

At a recent visit at her house she told me that I should not go to the trouble of doing what I have been doing because there is no change in me & that I should do her workout.  I explained, that yes, there were changes & that I had gotten some muscle.  She proceeded to make muscles and show me her arms and how she is so "cut" & has more muscle than me, blah, blah, blah. I would be better off doing her workout because - look at her!

I was very, very offended!   I said everyone is diff and that I carry more fat in my arms and that her arms are skinny, but that I do have more muscle, not to mention being 2" taller than her.  She must have like 8" biceps - I mean really skinny. 

Anyway - I said I had to leave rather than start a heated argument, yet again.  I told her this is why we can't get along.  She followed me to the door and pushed me in my back with both hands.  Like I am really gonna fight?  Really?  I stopped turned to look at her like she was nuts!  (I think she is!)  Anyway- I just said "really - you're gonna physically push me?" and then walked out.

I should have told her I can throw her and her 3 pound dumb bells across the room!

 Anyway - I am sick of this childish crap!!!!!  I am sick of feeling that she thinks I want to look like her and be like her!  I am really happy with my self and body & respect that she should do what she wants, but she is not respecting the other way.

SO - Give up on her?  Keep her and deal because it's family?  I already decided to give up because my life doesn't need the aggravation right now & if she were not family, she'd of been long gone already, but would like to hear opinions.

Any sibling stories you got?

yeah...all i have is brothers. no sisters. always wanted a sister.

Sometimes some family is just not worth the stress.  I hate to say give up on your sister, but you have to do what's right for you.  That might be staying away from her for a while.

Life is too short to spend time with relatives that make you unhappy. Don't pick a fight with her, just quit being around her as much as possible. There is absolutely no reason to spend time with anyone who makes you uncomfortable or who is toxic to you. The relationship of the person to you makes no difference.

It sounds like distance would be a good thing.

I only have a brother, and never had that kind of drama.

I agree with peaches - something's eating at your sister, and I doubt it's anything you can control, so stay away til she gets it out of her system.

I have a sister who thinks the sun rises and sets with her. She's married to her worthless P.O.S. husband because he doesn't stand up to her. Doesn't want to work, but since she has a P.O.S. husband, they are all on just GOBS of assistance.

Me: made a poor choice in husbands, got over it, getting divorced, started my life over and am raising my son very well on our single parent income. And somehow everything she does is better than me?

I gave up on her a couple of months ago. She stopped taking her birth control even though she can't afford the kids she has now, and is now pregnant again. It makes me sick. I decided that it's MY life and it's MY free time, and I don't have to spend it with anyone I don't want to. So I don't. If I want to walk away from them when they're around, I do. I don't worry about hurt feelings, because why should I punish myself? I never go over there, and I just don't make the effort anymore.

My life is SO SO SO SO SO much more relaxing now.

holy moly are you sure she is really from the same blood/environment???? maybe she was a changeling???

if she wasn't such a big b, you would almost feel sorry for as she has some major issues.

I'll probably get flamed for promoting violence, but if anybody pushed me in the back as I was walking away from them to avoid punching them square in the face, I would more than likely swing around and punch them square in the face.

But since you hopefully have more self control than I do, I suggest you just distance yourself from Ms. Toxic and avoid her whenever possible.  Was I correct in thinking you had 3 other siblings?  What do they do about her?

ohhh... lots of "yeah, forget about hers"  - thanks for the input!  I don't feel so bad now for giving up on family.  Who knows, maybe one day I will wonder why I didn't do this sooner.

amethystgirl - at this point I don't think she will get it out of her system.  She's always been this way and it is only getting worse with age.  People laugh at her for trying to act like she is 20.

saetum - glad your life is more relaxing now!  I need that too!

octo - yeah - it's funny.  I'm blonde, blue eyes, lighter skin, she's dark hair, brown eyes, darker skin.  Yes - i think she is incredibly insecure and she has nothing but her body and no friends.  People get sick of her crap.

Nuggetkong - yeah - I was more shocked she put her hands on me.  If I would have jumped in, I would have really creamed her.... and probably caused more trouble for myself.  Part of me would have loved to though.  I am really alot stronger than her, but I would never get involved in physically fighting unless I were in danger. 

other sisters - yes 3 - The oldest is more like an aunt.  She has a daughter about my age & is not "a threat" to the B, so she leaves her alone .  2nd oldest doesn't see her except for holidays and parties, but can't stand the B for the same reasons as me.  Youngest can't stand her either, but is a B in a diff way.  She only calls when she wants/needs something.  So she uses her to babysit, etc.

My family was very close before my dad died and mom got dimentia.  Mom held the family together before, by coaxing us that family should be forgiven (over and over and over).  That is why no one has really written anyone else out, but deals.  Now there really is no one holding it together and no-one has stepped in to do what Mom used to do & maybe it's time. 

Original Post by watergirl:

yeah...all i have is brothers. no sisters. always wanted a sister.

 You can have mine.

Yoga, you can be my sister then. Your sis sounds like my sis and you sound like me. Except, my sis is at least 50 pounds over weight and is very jealous of my weight loss (and anything else I have, for that matter)

watergirl - you can have mine too!

Igloo - sure - I'd love to have you as a sis!  I think the real root of my sister's problem, like your sis, is that she IS jealous too.  She has been worse since I have been working out.  I think she is worried that she may not be "the best" anymore.... which I don't think she ever was.  We're all just different.

I think that is why my sis has tried to make whatever is mine hers all these years.... husbands, boyfriends, etc.  If I mention something, she'll do it within the next couple weeks and act like it was her idea.

holy moly. I'm glad I have 3 brothers. No offense but your sister is bat$h*t crazy!!!

yogagirl - I'm only 24 but I'm sorry you have such a pita sister. You don't need that kind of drama whether you can handle it (which it seems you can do quite well) or not. Stress is not good! Especially since she's been doing this to you your entire life! I love my sisters and we actually talk about how we don't ever think we could be distant from one another. The youngest is 22, I'm 24 and the oldest is 27. I hope we stay strong through the years... I'd be a little bummed if we didn't. My boyfriend's brother, however, I would LOVE to never see again. He's with a girl that walks all over him, he really has no backbone and the only time he calls us or his parents is when he needs something. He has a house he's renting with the b that he can't afford and has a bachelor's degree but jobless for a long time.?? I know the market is tough right now, but he's a computer engineer! Someone has got to need a guy like that... idk. maybe I'm wrong. But he's borrowed money from my b/f and hasn't made any effort to give it back. He's just thoughtless.

anyways, good luck to you :)

She sounds narcississtic and competitive. While it may be hard to cut out family entirely, distance might give you some peace of mind.

I keep enough peace/distance with my sister to be able to see her at family gatherings. That's pretty much where my relationship with her stops.

Hm. Okay. I have four sisters total and one brother. I'm the oldest child of my mothers second set. Lol, That means I have two little sisters and two big sisters... Annnd a big brother!

17,20, <- Two younger sisters ages.  (( Me: 25,)) 30 <- Brother ,35,37<- Two older sisters.

Five of us are close knit.

The oldest has a different set of issues with each one of us. She harbors all these negative feelings about the past. There's no fixing it because nothing is broken. Or: Even a real concern. She rarely makes an appearance for multiple dramatic reasons. It's honestly a lot of bs drama that amuses some people,imo. I expect disagreements, but not arguments. If we truly have an argument, then we need to take a step back. A disagreement may be about something that doesn't require a consensus to move forward. Then I suggest that we agree to disagree, as in "religion and politics," and not try to convert the other person (my own family usually can follow this philosophy). If we must reach a consensus to move forward (and I'm a negotiator by nature -- no temper tantrums), I'm quite willing to negotiate a compromise. It may be by the flip of a coin, or even by my concession to their wishes, with the condition that we reach parity through later compromises. I think it's important for a people to feel that they're being treated fairly under all circumstances. I will do anything within reason to ensure happy relationships.  (In general and with my siblings/family. ) I wouldn't say that is the most important thing in life, but its a big ++.  I would do everything within reason and my power to ensure a healthy relationship with your sister. As adult women/sisters you should be able to communicate. I do not fight with family members. Period. I refuse. I won't participate in any attempt to cultivate bs bogus drama with family members. I dislike people that create/play dramatic games with others.That's a deal breaker for me! People have been shocked by my reaction when someone is attempting to start bs with me. It's simply a no go. It doesn't matter how/why if it's bs bogus drama I am not interested in it. They rarely try at this point because they know me. They know: ... I refuse to fight back. Or: Have it around me. It's difficult to fight with someone that isn't willing,Lol. Or: Won't stick around.  I'll just treat them like a little child that's acting out for attention. That's all. They won't be getting any of mine instead they'll be dismissed. Until they decide that they would like to communicate correctly. Or: They're over it! Lol. ;) 

Either way: I'm already over it!

I'm very direct/firm about this seemingly logical approach. Try it. :)

I don't have a sister to compare, but like most others said it's not worth it, for me it most definitely would end right at the moment she shoved me, indeed really? That most surely is stuff kids do, not a 40+ year old!
Well you did actually already decide that anyway, it is not worth dealing with it just because she is family, toxic is toxic, no family connection changes that!

Also: I just can't get over that "won't ride a bike because claims that gyno told her the bumps were bad for women to be "open" while hitting the bumps"-thing.....I'd really like to know about that LOL, what do they claim happens?
Maybe I should stop riding my bike? (just to be clear: I am being sarcastic LOL)

Original Post by yogagirl6853:.

Nuggetkong - yeah - I was more shocked she put her hands on me.  If I would have jumped in, I would have really creamed her.... and probably caused more trouble for myself.  Part of me would have loved to though.  I am really alot stronger than her, but I would never get involved in physically fighting unless I were in danger. 

aw come on, you can just try it once couldn't you. ok joking (i think).

Original Post by amy_blue:

No offense but your sister is bat$h*t crazy!!!

 None taken!  You are lucky!

krrpt08 - you are lucky too about your sisters.  I would LOVE for us to be that way too, but it is not gonna happen!  As for your boyfriends brother, he does need a backbone!  I am in IT too & got laid off in Feb and I can't even find jobs to apply for around here, so it may not be totally his fault that he is unemployed.  The market is really bad right now.  Hope that works out for him.

Coffincritter - yeah totally! 

Sadinplaid - that is probably where I will end up because I will undoubtedly have to see her at weddings, etc.

enchantingimage - That is great you have learned to deal with your family issues.  You are right about not trying to change others, but change your own  response to others.   I am not there yet!  lol   It still really grinds me about the way she acts towards me & I am tired of it!  I am ok most of the time about not getting angry with her, but sometimes you just get to the point where enough is enough. 

solowit - yeah - that is what I thought about being over 40.  You wouldn't expect it from someone in that age group & the whole thing about how dare she put her hands on me!  The bike riding thing is because she said the bumps are not good and then when I said you get more bumps from riding in a car, she said that it is because on a bike you are "open".  lmao!  I ride my bike alot, btw - so just another slam to me.  Her doctor - supposedly - and I don't believe it - told her this is what causes bladders to drop in females.  I think she wants to put women back to the 1920s!

Octo - yeah - next time maybe!  lol

Original Post by yogagirl6853:

enchantingimage - That is great you have learned to deal with your family issues.  You are right about not trying to change others, but change your own  response to others.   I am not there yet!  lol   It still really grinds me about the way she acts towards me & I am tired of it!  I am ok most of the time about not getting angry with her, but sometimes you just get to the point where enough is enough. 

 

It isn't until the death of a parent that some people begin to realize enough is enough. My father used to hold the family together with his fist of iron. Nobody wanted to disappoint him. People behaved well simply because he was the emotional barrier. He refused to let everyone behave beyond a certain level of immaturity. People forget that parenting is supposed to guide a child to grow into a mature adult. Kids are going to grow into an adult regardless so long as you keep them alive, Lol.. There are so many "adults" who look like grown-ups, but don't act like them. Especially when faced with stress/disagreements/frustration. These are the babies/brats of adulthood. The adults who pout/ scream/ curse/ name call/ rant/ blame/ accuse/ fight and shame their way through life.

Whenever things don’t go their way, you can count on them to throw a tantrum! This is because their perspective is limited to themselves,imo. They're the only one that matters.

Emotional intelligence is essential to an adult's ability to act maturely. It's important to prepare your approach/reactions in a rational/logical manner. Relationships evolve/morph into different types with age. Put up an emotional barrier until you can rationalize the new one. Even under extreme stress/pressure/frustration we have to act with intelligence... not just emotion. It's human nature for our emotions to get the better of us sometimes. The reason your sister/family is so good at pressing your buttons is because they installed them. Take the logical approach and remove them as an adult. Take a giant step back so you can rebuild your relationship. That way you can clean out the closet of bs that's been filled up over the years. Air it out.... Once you've gotten some fresh air take out all the garbage. Toss out all the old issues/arguments/etc and start anew. In honesty you may never be ' closest dearest friends.' You may surprise yourself though and get along well ...If you choose to start completely over from square one. Best of luck. :) If she won't help cultivate the change by setting aside differences/past wrongs... I say: Avoid her drama till she's over it. That way you can be in her company when she is more agreeable/enjoyable. Some people are easier to take in spurts or short intervals. Lol.

A person that is willing to change/compromise is more likely to see results,imo. Some people only want results they aren't willing to change/compromise. I'd tell her what she does wrong, but you tell it in a positive way that doesn't hurt her feelings. Tell her that you want to start fresh with her. That you realize you both contributed to it as adults. A portion of it unknowingly while some is intentional... Some of the bs drama may just be routine between you... Sometimes people just do it by habit because it's something they've been doing for so .... so... long. Hopefully she'll be willing to change/compromise with you. If not:  w/e.  You tried.  Just limit your interaction/focus on her.