Drinking Problem

No, I don't have one. But my boyfriend has a problem with other people drinking. He hates it. I'm only 18, but while I was with him in the UK earlier this summer, we went out with a couple friends and I had a few. I didn't get drunk or anything, but he completely lost it. It upset him so much.

Does anyone have any experience with something like that? If so, how did you/your friend handle it? Is there anything I can do to help him get over this irrational hatred of alcohol?

No, there's nothing you can do. There's probably a, to him, really good reason he's not comfortable about other people drinking. All you can do is accept it, and hopefully with time, the two of you can come to an agreement where he acknowledges he has a right to his feelings but that you should be allowed to drink responsibly if you like.

Talk to him about why. There is probably something in his background that led him to that belief - an abusive alcoholic family member, or something.

Let him know that drinking is not automatically the same as getting wasted and doing dangerous things. Drink responsibly yourself, and don't pressure him into drinking.

Open communication is key. If, in the end, you are at an impasse, you will have to decide whether it's worth being a teetotaler and alter your social activities in order to be with this guy. Since you are 18, I'm guessing the answer will be no (my answer would have been no at that age, and I've never even been much of a drinker).

Original Post by madeleine7:

Is there anything I can do to help him get over this irrational hatred of alcohol?

It may not be all that irrational.  Is there an experience in his past that might explain his feelings?  If he knew anyone who was affected by alcoholism, or was harmed or killed by it, then his feelings have a perfectly logical basis. 

Perhaps you should find out the source of his feelings first - I suggest you talk to him.  You may not be able to help him "get over it", depending on his reasons, but you may be able to come to an understanding so he doesn't get so emotionally charged over it when you're out.

Good luck.

If you are from the UK? you will be aware that the UK has a severe problem with alcohol abuse! you can be sure that in some way it has severely effected his life, whether that be him having a previous drink problem or someone close to him. Or someone has been injured because of it. All you can do is ask him why he hates it and try and work out an equal compromise from there.

I don't drink, and although I wouldn't lose it I don't like being around people who are starting to show the effects of alcohol, I have reasons for this. However I have no problem with people having a couple.

andy, good point. I've seen documentaries on the extent of alcoholism in the UK and it is pretty disturbing.

Then again other countries just have different drugs of choice, for the most part.

It's best to not be dependent on any substance.

I don't really have much advice, but my brother was very similar.  He went to college in upstate New York and had a huge problem with the drinking and partying.  He didn't drink in high school, granted neither did I, and he continued to be very serious about not drinking in college.  It is one thing to hate watching your friend drink themselves silly and watch ambulances take kids in your dorm to the hospital on weekends, but he also couldn't deal with just casual drinking, say at dinner.  It got pretty bad and he would even get real upset at family gatherings when peole would drink...when adults would drink!  He is getting better now but just hates to be around people drinking; he says it is stupid that people feel like they need alcohol, or enjoy losing a little of the inhibitions.  I don't know if his feelings are the result of a certain event, but he is slowly getting better dealing with people drinking.  He is 24 now, and can be around people drinking but HATES it when people comment that he isn't drinking or ask him why.  People seem to think he doesn't drink for religious or health reasons, but he really just doesn't want to.  I doubt this helps much, but there are other people out there who get real upset when others drink (even when they are of age!)

trust, yeah it is really bad here, it is one of the biggest causes of violence on our streets and in peoples homes. Unfortunately they now add the use of drugs to the alcohol making it even worse. But drink is still the main source with alcoholics as young as 8yrs having to receive help.

There's a difference, though, between not wanting to be around falling-down-drunk people and being all smug about not drinking.  The first is totally understandable, the latter is annoying.  :-)

Grr to double posts.  :-)

Original Post by laurdie11:

e says it is stupid that people feel like they need alcohol, or enjoy losing a little of the inhibitions.  I don't know if his feelings are the result of a certain event, but he is slowly getting better dealing with people drinking.  He is 24 now, and can be around people drinking but HATES it when people comment that he isn't drinking or ask him why.  People seem to think he doesn't drink for religious or health reasons, but he really just doesn't want to. 

I agree with this sentiment. Drinking *IS* stupid. Relying on foreign substances, to me, just...is dumb.

And, as a guy, I get that alot too. The "Why aren't you drinking?" I used to fib slightly, now I just tell people "I just don't like the taste of alcohol."

So if I answered to the OP that she can't and she has to deal, that's where I come from. I've learned to loosen up a bit and I can go into a bar with a couple of good friends, but I'll never "get" drinking (and I'm not sure that's entirely a bad thing.)

Nemmind.

Better a teetotaler than an alcoholic, that's for sure. 

Original Post by hkellick:

I used to fib slightly, now I just tell people "I just don't like the taste of alcohol."

 My hubby feels the same way about alcohol, but it's because of a realllllllly  bad experience a few years back.  I myself enjoy drinking, not to get drunk, but because I've become a liquor snob.  Not everyone's into that, though.

HK, you're not alone I get more hassle for not drinking than I would ever give someone for drinking. I have been accused of being antisocial, stuck up etc all because I wouldn't take a drink. It makes me laugh, why do drinkers have such a problem with those of us who don't. And I am certainly not smug about it.

I have no problem with people who don't drink.  It becomes smug, though, when it's passed off as, "Oh, aren't I so awesome that I don't need to have alcohol to have a good time?"  I drink, but I don't need alcohol to have fun.  Yes, there are people who do, but many people simply enjoy the taste of some drinks.  I enjoy a margarita.  I'm nuts about wine and really into it. 

There's a difference.  :-)

*considers* why are you posting this, Carrie? Are you feeling like someone's judging you and your enjoyment of drink?

As far as I can see, none of us is judging you, either by name or by.. what you do. We're answering the OP questions while bonding as non-drinkers.

The OP's boyfriend is judging her, and she's upset by that.  She's wondering why he has an irrational hatred of it.  I'm saying I agree with her, in so many words.

Maybe he had someone in his life who was an alcoholic. My older brother is a recovered alcoholic and he has a very superior attitude about drinking. If someone has a glass of wine with dinner, he's "been there". I refuse to discuss my drinking at college with him because he acts like I'm an alcoholic in the making. (And that definitely isn't the case).

I just think you should discuss it with him and find out why he hates it so much. There's probably a reason for it. Maybe he's only been around people binge-drinking or something.

Yep, I dated that girl in College. She was ready to dump me the first time she saw me take a drink.

This is the danger of teetotalism. Her parents, both serious Hippies back in the day, had cleaned up their act to a seriously righteous level. She, having grown up in that sort of household, had no idea about mood-altering substances as a whole except that it lead to addiction and death. Everything was a gateway drug was the lesson she'd learned, though, in later discussing it with her parents, that's certainly not what they overtly taught.

I respected her wishes and didn't drink around her, but also was completely honest and forthright about my drinking. If I wanted to go out and do so, I would make arrangements to do so without her, and make sure that it didn't interfere in other plans we might have. She wasn't happy about it, but I was reasonable about it (and, arguably, gave her what she primarily wanted) so she couldn't complain.

Over time, as I didn't become a slave to Demon Rum, she realized that the black and white interpretation of the world might not be the truth. Eventually, she even tried drinking, and generally became accepting of me doing what I wanted to do...in that regards at any rate.

So, what was said before is probably true - there's likely a story there, and knowing the story may provide you with some necessary insight. But I think that what I did worked out well: keep to their wishes, but also be honest and communicative when you don't.

I think it's a red flag for your boyfriend. He feels so strongly about this issue that he's attempting to control the behaviour of you and his friends. Alcohol is controlling him whether he's drinking it or not. Al-Anon is a really good group for people who are the friends and family members of alcoholics - www.alanon.org is the website. He sounds like he's dealing with a lot and it's affecting his relationships in a negative way. It doesn't have to be like that.