Should I get a dude on line?

hmm.. I was thinking about getting a boyfriend online.. I know its danger, but I really don't think any of my school mates would have much of a interest in me ME. I mean I'm not exactly a girly kind of girl and I'm pretty messy compare to others. So, do you think I should get a net-boyfriend?

BTW, its my last year of high school and the current boyfriend I ever had is = 0!!! Its pretty bad and I never had anyone crushed on me.. Pathetic..sigh.

i didn't have a proper boyfriend until i was 19, before that I'd only gone out with two guys; one for about two months while i was 17 and the other for about 6 months when i was 18 but i barely saw him.

i was never the girl in my group to have a boyfriend , now the people that were coupled up in high school have split up and I'm the one in a loving relationship.

..and remember, just because no one tells you they have a crush on you doesn't mean that no one ever had. i felt like everyone else was fancied except for me and that i was just 'a Friend but when i left high school a few of boys i went to school with told me they'd fancied me at one point or another.

Internet boyfriends are not a good idea, and please remember that you dont need to be with someone to feel good about yourself.

do the online dating thing later, after you've had a few relationships to compare them too.

You yourself said "I know it's dangerous" - there shouldn't be a 'but' after that.  If you don't know how to protect yourself from online creeps - a 58 year old man can easily pretend to be 18 or 19 - then don't even dabble.  If you have a facebook, don't add everyone to your friends' list.  In fact, don't add anyone you don't know to anything.

I dated a few times in HS and it was miserable.  My first real relationship didn't happen until I was about 20/21, and that ended too.  I married at 28 to a wonderful person, and haven't looked back at my 'teens' for relationship advice. 

Good luck.

I'm not sure the reason why i wanted a bf.. Its just that i wanted someone to hug.. I can't hug my mum, its awkward and when I hug my friends, it seems to others i'm a queer.. I don't know why but I like to hug my small size friend from behind.. but I can't kiss them or anything or even hug more than a few seconds.. what should i do?

 Talking to a person online is nothing like talking in real life. I've dated online once and it didn't work out. He was nice but we were too different. I hate how the media pressures us to date even though we're still so young! I realize now that I do not need a boy to be happy. People who date at young ages tend not to have good experiences. I'm waiting to date until I finish my undergraduate degree, I have more important things to worry about. If there is love for me somewhere on this earth I will find it. What's the hurry?

Original Post by josna:

i didn't have a proper boyfriend until i was 19, before that I'd only gone out with two guys; one for about two months while i was 17 and the other for about 6 months when i was 18 but i barely saw him.

..and remember, just because no one tells you they have a crush on you doesn't mean that no one ever had. i felt like everyone else was fancied except for me and that i was just 'a Friend but when i left high school a few of boys i went to school with told me they'd fancied me at one point or another.

Me too! I was very shy in school and rarely spoke to boys... I did not have any boyfriends until I was 18 (then I married my first one, big mistake BTW).

While at  school I thought that I was un-fanciable (although I look back at photos of myself then and I looked nice and was slim). Still I would not exchange that for the confidence I have now, confidence adds something extra, don't you think?

Anyhow I went to a reunion a while back and since it was a small school there were several years there (not only my graduating class) and then I was told by several of the (really nice looking in school) older guys that they fancied me in school but I was so shy it put them off... if only I had known.

Original Post by weightconsious:

I'm not sure the reason why i wanted a bf.. Its just that i wanted someone to hug.. I can't hug my mum, its awkward and when I hug my friends, it seems to others i'm a queer.. I don't know why but I like to hug my small size friend from behind.. but I can't kiss them or anything or even hug more than a few seconds.. what should i do?

Think of it this way: getting a net boyfriend won't mean that you can hug him, as you'll only know him online.

If you do happen to meet this person, its not likely that he will be the same person you imagine when speaking to him online. Same goes about you for him. It'll basically be like blind dating. The chance that you'll dig him and he wont dig you, or that he'll dig you and you wont like him, or that you both wont like eachother, is much higher than the chance of actually getting into a good relationship.

That being said, I know there are several people who have met their life partners online. But these people didnt meet eachother online while searching for a relationship. It was more of just meeting someone, becoming friends, and eventually getting into a relationship. Its the same principle offline - most successfull relationships start off with the 2 sides knowing eachther atleast a little bit before getting more serious.

I think that dating is always a risk but I for one say go for it!  I met my fiance through Yahoo personals and we actually went to High School together but never knew each other or spoke to each other! (we were also in the same kindergarten class!) He definately wasn't the type to go to bars to try to pick up women and I probably wouldn't have met him if I hadn't taken a chance and went on-line!  He's a great guy, he has a good job (as a jailer) and is great with my kids! We met after I was online for one month, it was the best 19.99 I had ever spent!  We've been together now for three years.  A friend of mine is also engaged to someone she already knew before online personals but he finally had the guts to ask her out when he saw her online! They're doing great and have been together 3 years also!

I definately would be cautious and talk on the phone before you meet and then pick a very public place to meet casually. 

Also it's a good idea to use a site like Yahoo personals where you actually have to pay to use it.  Alot of the guys (that I chatted with at least) were serious enough about dating to pay for the service.  Many of them seemed sick of games and did not seem creepy or bizarre.  It's not strange or weird that you want a companion, most people do, we're meant to have people we love in our lives. Also, MySpace or other free websites probably aren't the best place to hook up with people seeing as they are free and anyone can join. I

I don't think it's that dangerous if you use your intuition.

Like someone else said, everyone I know who has met their boyfriend/girlfriend online didn't do so while actively looking for a relationship. They sort of just became friends and then dated.

...double post

Don't worry. He'll come along. I didn't have my first official boyfriend until I was 20...and now I'm 27 and engaged to marry my 2nd boyfriend ever! It's quality not quantity. Remember that and you'll find him, or he'll find you, when the time is right. (Noteably waiting is frustrating...but don't give up).

S.~

Don't let the fear prevent you from dating online. You can't give up a potentially wonderful thing just because you're scared.

Just use your head. Be careful. People lie online, but they do that in real life too. Most abductions/rapes/assaults are perpetrated by people who knew the victims in REAL life, not online.

I have had so much luck with the site okcupid.com and I really think it's the best thing out there for young people. It's free, there are forums, quizzes, and they match you up based on your answers to questions. The matching system is surprisingly accurate (and you can either go by friend-matches or romantic-matches).

You don't even need to be single to use it. It's great for just making friends.

I met my husband online and we are very happy together :)  Just don't go LOOKING for a boyfriend (online or in real life) but if you fall for someone, no matter how you met them, I say go for it!

I wouldn't.

I feel like online dating is something people turn to when they're older and running out of options....I don't want to use the word "desperate," but that's what comes to mind.

Just because there aren't any potential guys in your high school doesn't mean there aren't ways of meeting someone in person. Joining clubs, going to parties, and just going out in general will help you meet a lot of new people. 

You're in your last year of high school, so I'm going to assume that you'll be attending college next year? Wait until after college to start with any online dating nonsense, I can put money on you meeting a lot of guys of interest in college.

It took me until after high school to actually start dating guys I had a genuine interest in.

You don't need a guy to make you happy. Just concentrate on having fun with your girlfriends right now. Guys will come along soon enough and when they do they won't go away. You are young you have your whole life to worry about guys and dating. You will only be this young once so just have fun with it and be yourself and the guys will come to you. Online dating is too risky and just not worth it considering what the outcome of it could be. And as for the guys in your class if they can't see what a great person you are than its there loss.

Have a fun rest of your senior year!

<3's Jes

Original Post by weightconsious:
I'm not sure the reason why i wanted a bf.. Its just that i wanted someone to hug.. I can't hug my mum, its awkward and when I hug my friends, it seems to others i'm a queer.. I don't know why but I like to hug my small size friend from behind.. but I can't kiss them or anything or even hug more than a few seconds.. what should i do?

Get a teddy bear?

I've yet to have a real proper boyfriend, and in high school I didn't even really bother. Honestly, don't go out looking for a boyfriend. I understand the concept of being lonely, but when it comes to liking somebody, and feeling that odd spark inside you when you see/talk/type to them or whatever you do that makes patience worth it.

I was reading in my psychology book just the other night in fact that it isn't until the early 20s that we genetically and mentally start to strive and attempt to form intimtate, meaningful, and longlasting relationships. Brain developement wise we aren't really ready for it before then, although I'm sure some do as everybody's different, and others try.

College is really different than high school, its a huge learning experience and a ton of fun. Either way, don't feel peer pressured into starting to get into relationships, eventually, when you're old/mature/whatever enough you'll be thinking about things differently - maybe that's whats starting to happen right now.

Feel free to talk to people online, but don't do it with the intent of finding a relationship, in my experience love is something that tends to take you off guard and by surprise, not something that can really be sought out.

I met my husband on Match.com.  I met a lot of people and had fun dating.  I learned a lot about myself and what I really wanted (this is did not figure out until after one bad marriage and 36 years of living-hopefully you'll catch on sooner).  He's the most amamzing man I've ever met in my life.  Just be smart about it, it can be worth it.  More and more people use on-line dating and get married!

Gah, the only "official" boyfriend I ever had was for a month my freshman year of high school, and I don't tend to think of that one as "counting" since it was so shortlived and not very serious.

I am not a senior in college, and still have not had a boyfriend.  I suppose it's because the timing was always off for people I liked and who maybe could have liked me back--or the attraction just wasn't there for one of us.  For whatever reason, I've been single my entire time at college, and I admit it frustrates me often because I feel I'm a fun and interesting person and deserving of at least a first date here and there.

Anyway, to get to your question, I think that the choice to search online for a boyfriend is okay, but you need to keep certain boundaries for a while, just for your own safety.  That is, unless you choose to do eHarmony or one of the other things that do their best not to send you a crazy guy or anything.  My mom has suggested that I look online, so I can sympathize with the "should I or shouldn't I" question.  Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is what you feel best doing, not because it's easy one way or the other, but because it feels right.