Eat What You Love - Fearless Eating
How many rice cakes does it take to satisfy a craving for chocolate?
Nine rice cakes. 15 baby carrots. 4 celery sticks. One orange. A container of light yogurt. And a Snickers® bar.
Women often describe themselves as “chocoholics.” For some this is a tongue-in-cheek way of saying that they’re really passionate about chocolate. But for others, they mean that they feel out of control when they eat it.
I’ll be the first to praise chocolate’s incredible physical properties, but that alone doesn’t explain the difficulty some people have with chocolate—and many other foods. I’ve since come to realize that my own eat-repent-repeat cycle stemmed from what I’ll call “fear-based” thinking.
You see, what you think and believe cause you to feel certain ways, which cause you to act in certain ways, which ultimately leads to specific results. In other words, your thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Beliefs/Thoughts-> Feelings-> Actions-> Results-> Beliefs/Thoughts-> etc.
Let’s look at a few examples of fear-based thoughts that people have about eating chocolate that may lead to problematic behaviors—and consider a few “fearless” thoughts that can lead to more favorable results.
Fear-based thought: “Chocolate is bad.”
When you label certain foods “bad,” you’ll feel bad about yourself when you eat them. Ironically, the more you try to avoid these foods, the more power they gain over you. When you finally give in to those powerful cravings, you’ll feel guilty and out of control. You think, “I’ve already blown it I might as well keep eating,” reinforcing your belief that chocolate is bad and that you’ll lose control when you eat it.
Fearless thought: “I eat what I love and I love what I eat.”
All foods can fit into a balanced diet using the common-sense principles of balance, variety, and moderation. When you enjoy the foods you love without guilt, you’ll notice that they begin to lose their power over you and that your urge to overeat them diminishes. Over time, you’re able to eat anything, without eating everything.
Fear-based thought: “I let myself indulge in an occasional treat.”
The words “let myself”, “indulge”, and “treat” all imply scarcity, potentially causing you to stock up in anticipation of your next round of self-denial.
Fearless thought: “I eat—and live—in a way that nourishes my body, mind, heart, and spirit.”
Practicing self-care is not an indulgence, it is a necessity. Self-care means meeting your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs, including the need for pleasure and enjoyment. Since we live in an abundant food culture, it is all too easy to attempt to meet many of our needs, including pleasure, by eating. Once we recognize what we’re really hungry for, food (yes, even chocolate) can serve its true purpose of fueling our fulfilling lives.
Your thoughts....
Can you identify your own fear-based and fearless thoughts?
Michelle May, M.D. is the award-winning author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle and the founder of the Am I Hungry?® Mindful Eating Program that helps individuals learn to break free from mindless and emotional eating to live a more vibrant, healthy life.
Comments
This is totally true. The key to my current weight loss was to be able to eat the things I enjoy in moderation- and finally understanding that word! It's very freeing when you learn to stop labeling certain foods as "bad" and just eat and live your life wisely.
I completely agree with this article. If I don't eat chocolate, it just ends up bad. I love it, don't know what it is about it! I have come up with this recipe to help keep me satisfied ...
my chocolate treat (about every other day) =
1/2 cup silken tofu
1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
2 packets truvia
(sometimes a few frozen raspberries if I am feeling like raspberry chocolate)
whiz in a food processor until completely mixed, and eat like a cup of pudding. If I don't treat myself to this enough, I will go crazy on chocolate once I feel deprived. This way it is nutritious and delicious. I also think I am going to experiment w/ frozen silken tofu to maybe give it a frozen yogurt texture.
I truly wish I could eat chocolate in moderation but I can't seem to do it. I'll succeed for a few days but I tend to want more and more of it to satisfy my craving. After several days it's all I can think about - and I feel like hoarding all of my calories to spend on chocolate. I start to resent the fact that other foods don't taste as good as chocolate.
I don't know what to do about this other than to restrict. I'd rather eat 10 pieces of chocolate once a week instead of 1 or 2 each day. I'd love to know how to be more rational about chocolate but it really feels like an uphill battle :-(
Great article. For the first time in my dieting career I think I'm doing it right because I've gotten past that fear. I don't allow any foods to be off limits. I just work them into my daily calories and don't feel guilty and am still losing weight.
A few years ago I did the Atkins diet. While I lost a lot of weight, it actually messed up my thinking so bad that it's taken me a long, long time to slot all foods into "acceptable" categories again, especially carbs. This article is wonderful because it changes the fundamental process of eating - the thought that goes into it. Instead of controlling by exclusion, it controls by inclusion...in other words, the joy of eating, instead of the guilt of eating. Loved it. Thank you!
I always keep chocolate in the house, just in case of cravings. The article tells the truth when it joked about how many rice cakes does it take to satisfy a chocolate craving? I always found myself trying to satisfy the craving with fruit, yogurt, veggies, toast, and kept going until I finally ate the piece of chocolate. I would have consumed less calories if I'd eaten the chocolate in the first place! So now I keep a pack of FUN SIZE Mint Three Musketeers in the house at all times! One is only 60 calories, and I eat it slowly. I almost never crave a second one.
This is a problem I have always had. A fear of eating things that are sometimes called "bad" and then feeling guilty, and then in the end, over-indulging and feeling like crap on so many levels. I'm glad to see someone else noticed the amount of things you'd have to eat of "healthier" foods, such as fruits and veggies, to satisfy a craving for something like chocolate. In the end you're better just allowing yourself a bit of the chocolate anyway.
I'm going to save this article and print it up to put on my wall, so I have this to read every day to help me with my weight loss. :D Thank you!
Reading this is very helpful... I always thought of "rewarding" myself with "treats".. Now is the first time I believe I can change that thought. As well as the way we think of food in general, and why we eat.
I too think that reading this is helpful,but chocalate is not the only food I think is bad,and I will Print it up to help me get threw times I fell is bad with certain foods thank you for this arical.
Whitestreak
Yeah, this is a great article! It's definitely how I have to approach my *lifestyle* change. I resolved to not diet to lose weight, but to change my life and lose weight as a result.
With that, I still have to eat what I love, and one thing I love is chocolate! One thing I value is health, and I know overeating anything is unhealthy! That's how I got unhealthy, by overeating. Therefore, I eat what I love, but I don't overeat what I love. This works for me.
I ate a piece of chocolate cake, ice cream, and chocolate syrup, but seeing that one whole serving of cake, ice cream, and syrup came to almost 500 calories, I opted to cut everything in half. This gave me my sweet craving, and I'm good for the rest of the week without having to restrict or indulge, just doing what feels good.
I know the saying goes, "Eat to live, don't live to eat", and that implies that food is only a fuel source for some people. For me, eating is a part of my life. I love to indulge all of my senses in food. I love to try new foods, taste new foods, touch new foods. I believe as long as I treat food as a healthy pleasure, then I will benefit. But for me to pretend that food is only about fuel to me, I would be lying to myself.
Great article!
I LOVE this article. I'm constantly talking to my clients about eating right for their bodies, not doing what everyone says they should do. It's all about having a healthy lifestyle, not depriving your body of cravings or nutrients it's asking for (i.e. dieting!).
Amanda - Nutrition & Style Consultant
If I get a chocolate craving I have three Hershey Kisses and I sit and savor them with my eyes closed, really concentrating on how good they are. It is much better than mindlessly eating half the bag.
Original Post by: bobanna28I truly wish I could eat chocolate in moderation but I can't seem to do it. I'll succeed for a few days but I tend to want more and more of it to satisfy my craving. After several days it's all I can think about - and I feel like hoarding all of my calories to spend on chocolate. I start to resent the fact that other foods don't taste as good as chocolate.
I don't know what to do about this other than to restrict. I'd rather eat 10 pieces of chocolate once a week instead of 1 or 2 each day. I'd love to know how to be more rational about chocolate but it really feels like an uphill battle :-(
I am with you bobanna. I can't eat chocolate in moderation. There are other foods the the indulge in moderation helps. Chocolate is just a triger for me, when I indulge I just want to indulge more and more and I can't seem to help myself. I have tried to adapt the thought of:
“I eat—and live—in a way that nourishes my body, mind, heart, and spirit.”
That works fine until I have one piece then I have another then another and just can't seem to stop. For the past 2 months I have been doing chocolate meal replacement shakes, but a piece of chocolate candy is just better for me to stay away from. I did love the article, just won't work for me and Chocolate.
Wow... I must admit that I am total chocolate addict myself lol!! I also love to eat chocolate chip cookies!
I have also learned that I feel absolutely terrible about myself when i eat a couple of cookies, even though I have only had about 1000 calories and completed a good workout in that day.
I was recently diagnosed with diabetes. This has changed my life. I recently discovered sugar free dove chocolate. There are three different flavors. I notice that since the sugar free dove is dark, i can typically eat less than when i consume milk chocolate....not quite so addicting!
I have even gone as far as to melt the sugar free chocolate in a double broiler on the stove and dip strawberries in it for a more filling effect!!!!
Love this article today! I am a total believer in letting yourself consume any food any day in moderation. The more you restrict the more likely you are to splurge. And I'm not the biggest fan of chocolate...but give me a bag of sour patch kids and i'll eat um :)
this is a fantastic article. I just recently went through something similar like that the other night. I was craving "bad" food so instead I ate something else. It was not satisfying so I decided to eat something in addition to that to feel "full". That didn't work. I THEN ate something else and, of course, no satisfaction. the only feeling was disappointment, and a gross feeling inside. I believe we don't have to overboard with our cravings. The following day I "gave in" to the cravings and had a simple amount. I was very happy, content, and didn't feel an ounce of guilt.
LOVE this article! I think this is one of the truly beneficial things Calorie Count has given me since I started this journey, and it reminded me that I already knew this but hadn't been practicing it!
My grandmother had to lose a lot of weight after major heart surgery. She was successful at losing and maintaining for the rest of her life. The way she conquered her food issues was to take the attitude that a little bit of something tastes just as good as a lot of something, so she would sit and savor and MMMMMM for several minutes over one hershey kiss or one chocolate covered cherry or whatever her chocolate treat for the day was. I recall her doing this at least once every day!
I think from now on I will set aside five minutes a day to savor something good. :D
Original Post by: kmf91604this is a fantastic article. I just recently went through something similar like that the other night. I was craving "bad" food so instead I ate something else. It was not satisfying so I decided to eat something in addition to that to feel "full". That didn't work. I THEN ate something else and, of course, no satisfaction. the only feeling was disappointment, and a gross feeling inside. I believe we don't have to overboard with our cravings. The following day I "gave in" to the cravings and had a simple amount. I was very happy, content, and didn't feel an ounce of guilt.
This is what happens to me too. I can be so full my stomach hurts, but if I haven't had what I originally wanted I still crave it. Just wish I could convince myself to have "a little" of whatever it is.
The problem with all chocolate on the market is they are processed, have sugars, fillers, waxes and are cooked. I have found a chocolate that is unprocessed and it has a very low glycemic index sweetener which removes the cravings! It has been life changing for myself and my clients. I actually precribe it to my weight loss clients (I am a holistic trainer). If you want more information, please call 770.503.9007.
Wow. Awesome article!! For me, it comes at a time in my life when I have just begun to come to terms with the ideas put forth. For example, I used to diet with specific, rigid goals in mind. I would be hungry, deprive myself, think about food all the time, exercise, and then fall off the "wagon." Now, at 32, I have begun running daily for health and energy, because it makes me feel good, not because I want to look good in a bikini (although that is a great added benefit :) and I eat well because it makes me feel and look great. I LOVE chocolate, but now (for the first time) I can eat it without thinking it's bad, and it's going to ruin everything. I realize that I eat very well, and enjoying life isn't going to hurt me, it helps, because I don't feel deprived. And for me, when I feel deprived, the bad feelings set in and it's all over. I love this article because it reinforces all this stuff. Life should be enjoyed. Exercise because you enjoy it and it makes you feel fantastic. Eat because you enjoy it and it makes you feel terrific. Love life, yourself, and food! Food is not the enemy, bad associations with food are!
Fantastic! Thank you so much for this article!
I have recently found that I can have any food that I want, whenever I want it. This is really powerful for me, since before I would tell myself that I have to learn how to restrict myself from certain things.
This fearless thought ( I can eat whatever I want whenever I want ) is a really simple way of putting that I can eat whatever I truly want to eat whenever my body is truly hungry for it. This does not pertain to my heroin-addict-like cravings for things with HFCS in them, things which are excessively processed, or any kind of sweet that is not top quality. This is because my body honestly does not want those things. If I listen, breathe, listen again and accurately observe what my body is telling me (even while craving chocolate XP) I will know whether it is an appropriate time for me to eat the sweet or whatever it is that I am contemplating.
It's tricky, tough. Because if I eat practically anything with HFCS in it, this logic gets really out of wack. The addiction center in my brain starts trying to convince me that I must really need something in a snickers bar/icecream cone/ cookie/ twinkie/ etcetera.
Thank you again for the article!
One of my friend's therapists once said "You'll always have a problem as long as you consider what you have with food to be a relationship."
I don't think that "I eat what I love and I love what I eat" is necessarily part of a truly healthy person's daily mantra.
Original Post by: tealparadiseOne of my friend's therapists once said "You'll always have a problem as long as you consider what you have with food to be a relationship."
I don't think that "I eat what I love and I love what I eat" is necessarily part of a truly healthy person's daily mantra.
I agree. Parhaps it can work for some people, but it seems as if prolonging that mentality can be the root of many people's problems with dealing with food.
Perhaps instea of "I eat what I love and I love what I eat" one could say "I appreciate the fact that I can find enjoyment from certain tastes". Hahaha! It's definitely not as catchy! XD
Great article! Funny that it came out today because yesterday I had decided to allow chocolate last night as a dessert. I planned my menu during the day with the fabulous help of the burn meter and calorie counter and I made an accommodation for the chocolate. If I had gone the way I used to do things I'd have eaten the food for the day, then succumbed to the chocolate with guilty feelings. So the article served as a total reinforcement that I deserve to eat what I love and love what I eat!
To the comments re mantra "eat what I love and I love what I eat" not being good, I can see why it might be dangerous to hold this as a mantra on its own, but what I understand is that it is good provided you follow the plan for your day and don't go beyond your calories. I guess for me it means that I am not eating something "prohibited" but am allowed to factor it into the day. When I do this, I stop craving it as much because it's no longer forbidden. I pay attention also to my grade for the day and find that with calorie counter's system between calories, burn meter and grade you can't lose anything but weight. I'm more encouraged than ever! Thanks!
doh! this article made me want chocolate. now i'm having a dark chocolate kiss. lol!
Chocolate is great! I include a small amount of high quality, very dark chocolate almost every day, and add cocoa powder to splenda-sweetened yogurt for more of my favorite flavor.
I deal with the "fear factor" by reminding myself that eating is a matter of choice. So I try to look as objectively as possible at my choices and make good ones -- including having things I like -- or deciding that I prefer to make the choice NOT to have it. Works both ways.
Convincing myself that I am out of control feeds fear. Knowing I can choose precludes it. It takes some mental effort, but it is very doable.
Thank you for all of your wonderful and insightful comments on my article! I love that each of us has experienced this in our own way. Many of you shared that getting rid of guilt and deprivation has been one of the keys for you; it was truly a turning point for me too. I share this message so that more people will discover this "secret" sooner.
For those that are unconvinced, that's ok too. Everyone is on their own journey. I just know that for me and many of the people I've worked with, that journey must include the foods (and activities) they love in order to break free of the eat-repent-repeat cycle.
From a practical standpoint, if you decide that liberating your diet to include more of the foods you love (don't bother with the stuff you just like!), don't be surprised if you want those foods more at first. That is a totally normal response to deprivation (absence makes the heart grow fonder!).
That will feel scary at first so be mindful as your old fear-based thoughts start to come up. They might go something like this: "Oh no! I want more. That's bad! I'm losing control. I shouldn't be eating this. I knew I was addicted to chocolate. I won't be able to stop then I'll gain all my weight back. After this I won't eat chocolate anymore. So I might as well eat the rest."
Remember TFAR (Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Results): the fear of losing control becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Catch yourself so you can gently shift back to fearless thoughts. "Oh this tastes really good. I am going to savor every morsel and enjoy it thoroughly. And when I'm done with this piece I will find something else to do that I really enjoy. If I want more later, I know I can have it so why eat it all now?"
I have always known this but it often get lost to the back of my mind. This article helps create a a piece of calmness to me. It reminds us that though we already know we are not perfect... I sometimes don't process that sentance enough!
I LOVED this article!
I have been eating 1-3 pieces of chocolate from my Valentine's box each evening (70-200 calories). I eat them very slowly and savor them. Then I log them in my food log. I don;t feel guilty at all. I used to mindlessly eat 10-20 chocolate candies without really even tasting them. I would feel awful and beat myself up over it. This way is much better!
I cannot, cannot, cannot do without foods that I enjoy eating. Deprivation leads to binge for me. Food is not just a fuel for me, it is a pleasure. Calorie count helps me realize what things "cost" and that helps me make a rational decision about "is it worth it?"
the article is good. i have cut chocolate from my diet and replaced it with dried fruits. they are awesome!! i only eat a chocolate bar only once a month.
If I get a chocolate craving I have three Hershey Kisses and I sit and savor them with my eyes closed, really concentrating on how good they are. It is much better than mindlessly eating half the bag.
rbbeachchick - Feb 18, 2010 11:41 AM Quote | New Comment
Just last night I got home from work and sat at my computer logging my food for the day and realized I had a little over 200 calories left. I had bought a bag of Hershey's kisses and thought after I did that that was a dumb move on my part. I decided to have a serving which was 9 for 220 calories. I pulled 9 out and went back to my computer, opened one and started to enjoy it. After the 3rd one I decided I didn't need 9 so I put 5 back in the bag. Was that ever a good feeling. I enjoyed them but didn't eat the whole bag because it was okay to eat them as they fit in my calorie count. I didn't feel deprived or bad or any of the other negative feelings. I was just contented. Awesome!!!
What a wonderful article that includes the spirtual and emotional areas. I include a bit of what I really want to eat- yes chocolate- in my diet occasionally. I feel satisfied and as long as I'm looking at food as nourishment and not as the enemy, everything is fine. I'm watching portions for a slow, but steady weight loss.
Less fear, more empowerment!
Yum- fruit and chocolate. Trader Joe's has a wonderful high-quality dark chocolate with raisins or blueberries.
This is sooo true
When I eat without fear of getting fat, I dont put on weight.
But God forbid if I whine over a cube of chocolate I ate.
The next day I weigh 2 pounds more
ITS TRUE!!!!
I love this article! I am recently recovering from an eating disorder and these are thoughts that I have learned to incorporate into my thinking while I eat. Learning to eat mindfully has completely changed my world!! I have learned that ALL foods CAN fit into a healthy balanced diet, with the key word being BALANCED. I used to restrict all "bad" foods, or food in general, and whenever I would eat a "bad" food, I would feel out of control and find myself in an binge. which is one of the scariest things in the world for me. It is so important to be okay with food and with "indulgent" food when you want it, and I find when i allow myself to truly enjoy what i'm eating, i'm satisfied and do not want anymore. thanks for this article it was such a big help as I'm overcoming what seems to be impossible :)
As odd as this may sound, this article kind of helped me somewhat, in a way I'm sure you didn't intend.
bviously, I'm on this website because I'm dieting and exercising... But, I suffer from SAD (severe anxiety disorder) and what you said actually helped me out with my SAD tonight. Here's why... tonight I had an anxiety attack, one of the biggest ones I've had in a good while. I've noticed my anxiety attacks ALWAYS stem from a thought process I'm having. I can't really help my thought process too much when I'm in the midst of an anxiety attack, but once I take a deep breath and try to regain control, I think I'll take your advice. If I can make it so I'm not afraid of something by first THINKING I'm not afraid, then I won't be afraid! (I hope lol).
Anyways, just wanted to tell you that and say thanks!
a_starz4 - I am so glad! I've found that many of the lessons we learn through developing a more peaceful relationship with food translate into other life lessons.
This is especially true for TFAR - what other areas in our lives, in addition to eating, do our thoughts ultimately determine (or at least greatly affect) our outcome?
The way I learned to eat chocolate in moderation was to keep in my house my least favorite kind of chocolate sweet. In my case it is dark chocolate. I would always choose some other type of chocolate sweet over dark chocolate. Having it around lets me satisfy my love for chocolate without losing control. I like it, but I don't looooove it. And, I don't feel guilty for eating a little bit because it has all of those wonderful antioxidants!
My new Chocolate Love.
1 serving tuny twist pretzels dipped in 1 Tbsp Nutella spread. Chocolatey and salty all at the same time and only about 200 calories.
I agree completely! the only problem is...what I know in my head rarely transcribes itself into my heart. I think I am addicted to guilt, so this was helpful, in that now I can share the information; unfortunately, I will not use the information.
Thank you SO MUCH!!!
This article discribed exactly how I am about food! If I deny myself certain foods, I obcess over them and then feel crappy if i eat them. I beat myself up for eating the first bite and then say "what the heck, I might as well eat what I want since I messed up anyway. It is a vicious cycle with me, I have been trying to lose 30 lbs for the last ten years. If anything, I gain even thought I have been watching what I eat for years. Thank you for this article, I will change my mind set about food from this day forward and stop beating myself up. After reading this article, I feel a ton of weight has just lifted from my shoulders.
Original Post by: bobanna28I truly wish I could eat chocolate in moderation but I can't seem to do it. I'll succeed for a few days but I tend to want more and more of it to satisfy my craving. After several days it's all I can think about - and I feel like hoarding all of my calories to spend on chocolate. I start to resent the fact that other foods don't taste as good as chocolate.
I don't know what to do about this other than to restrict. I'd rather eat 10 pieces of chocolate once a week instead of 1 or 2 each day. I'd love to know how to be more rational about chocolate but it really feels like an uphill battle :-(
This is exactly how I feel. :( I told myself that I'd save the box of 15 turtles that I got fo Valentine's for occasionally. I ate the whole box in one sitting. I felt disgusted with myself. I didn't do anything the whole rest of the day, even exercise. It's a vicious cycle. I overeat chocolate, I do nothing because I feel bad. When I'm bored, I eat. So, in a way, chocolate always defeats me.
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I love this article!!! It is so true. I think I started to let go of the fear. I accept that on the day to day, I eat a generally healthy diet and I don't think it is fair to feel bad or ashamed when you want something a little more on the "tastey" side. I think once you stop depriving yourself those things you won't overindulge when the opportunity presents itself. I think that deprivation vs. overindulgence has been my down fall for years. When you tell yourself you can't have it you want it more.