I think I have an eating disorder...

Hello,

I would really like to thank you for reading this post and replying in advance. Your response is very much appreciated.

In March 2007 I received a photo through the post from my college awards ceremony. Prior to that month, I went on my birthday night out and had never felt so uncomfortable with my weight. I felt absolutely awful and it ruined my birthday. I am 5ft 5 and was 14 stone (196lb) in weight. Both the photograph and the birthday night sparked soemthing off in me to loose weight. I joined this site and with great success.

By July 07 I had dropped down to 163lb and was feeling great. I was in control of my weight for about a year and new what I was doing with food etc. I did go up and down but never went over the 170lb marks. By September 08 I had dropped down to 159lb.

I then began my final year of university. Exceptionally stressful and very busy. I would eat to comfort myself and by Jan 09 I was at 180lb but then dropped again to just below 170lb. Then I started a placement which was absolutely awful, I didn't feel incontrol of anything as I was being bullied by my mentor, at this point my doctor put me on sick for anxiety for 5 weeks. I do believe that the lack of control I felt as a result of the bullying, made me eat. I believe that by me eating, it was making me feel more in control of one aspect of my life. However, I am getting over that episode from my placement but am now 184lbs and I feel absolutely awful.

I went to my doctors to ask for help because I feel like I have an eating disorder as I would eat and eat and eat until I felt sick just because I want a bit of everything. My stomach would actually reject the food I had eaten because it was that full. My doctor said to me 'what do you want me to do, I can't stop you from eating'. Because of this remark and desperation, I have tried diet tablets, laxatives and making myself sick but as soon as I stop it only makes me put more weight on. Plus, the laxatives are an inconvenience to my busy schedule and I couldn't keep it up everyday.

I know the above is silly and so I am now ready to get back to eating properly as I did all those years ago. I feel like crying because I feel disgusting in myself and feel so desperate.

I would like to know how I can control those binges when I am feeling stressed as I quit smoking a year ago and I am sure that I used to use that as a way of control or if something stressed me out then I would reach for a cigarette. Now I turn to food to make me feel like I am in control....

All help is much appreciated and I am ready to do it the proper way

Thank you

Those books sound great, I might have a look for them on the net. Do you have the ISBNs?

You see with my diet, and I say diet lightly. I was eating healthly and i did the thing of eating before I got to the stage of being famished through hunger.

This was my typical diet of the day

Breakfaat would be something like bran flakes/corn flakes etc

Dinner - crackers with cottage cheese/ham/hummus. or jacket potatoe or soup with two slices of toast, or two eggs on wholemeal bread.

Tea could be anything like salmon/chicken with potatos and veg. Or rice with poulty and veg. Something along those lines.

For snacks I would eat fruit, muller rice if I was craving sweet things, if I had enough calories i would have a packet of crisps or even a packet of mini cheddars - it all depended upon the calories and how much I had already eaten in that day.

So I did eat I believe it was just the anxiety thing and stress that caused me to eat more. Does that make sense or do you think that the above diet was me starving my body too much??

Thanks again :)

I binge eat  the most in periods of my life that I find scary/stressful/upsetting etc. etc.

I think maybe this is you too. There is no magic way to stop it - you obviously know this - and you have admitted that you feel that there's a problem, which is great! Now you can help yourself more easily.

Firstly, understand why you do it. Write down how you are feeling when you feel the need to binge. This sounds simple, but is incredibly hard... when you are in "that" place, you just don't care, you want to eat eat eat.

You have tried to get help by seeing your doctor. Don't give up. Keep seeing a doctor until you find one you gel with, who can understand and sympathise. Maybe don't bring it up primarily as an issue with food, but rather that you are stressed, and you don't know what to do. Then mention that it's affecting your relationship with food, and maybe other things in your life (I know this is true for me), and that it's a vicious circle you want to get out of.

Maybe they will recommend a counsellor you could see. I'm not sure if you live in the US or not, or how it works over there, but here in the UK you can get referred to someone to talk to. Talking helps. When you want to binge, why not come on here and confide to us how you are feeling? Write in the journal section, or email someone on your buddy list. You can email me if you like.

Sorry I've written so much, I just really feel for you because I go through the same things, and have managed to break the cycle, but right now am so stressed out that it's really been affecting me. I going to count my binge free days. Maybe we should do it together?

Good luck and much love xx

first that is terrible that your doctor treated you with such a lack of respect. you came to him with a problem about your health and he is being a smart ass. anyway, i think alot of people have this disorder, me being one of them. i am slowly getting better though. i think you first should eat your maintenance calories for a few weeks. i notice that if i do this i am less inclined to binge, like someone said about about the dieting making you overeat. then if you want to lose, slowly reduce your caloric intake. another thing i try to do is try to keep the damage as small as possible. make sure you recognize any little step as progress.

i also agree with the journaling. ive started doing this too and it really helps. i find that alot of times when i mini binge now (i have happily cut them down to that!) im usually tired, and didnt eat enough the day before considering my activity level. and im also usually bored.

i think the most important thing is to never give up. i also think this is the hardest thing sometimes, but if you relapse, its important to dust yourself off (as corny as that sounds) and get back on track as soon as you can. believe in yourself! you can do it.

im trying to cure myself b/c im not much of a doctor person. my parents are both great, so i talk to them about it too. alot of times they just sit and listen, which is all i really need. it feels really great even after you have just a few binge-free days, that you'll want to keep it up. i have faith in you, you can do it!

Dear Victoria: Risabella is right on. When you don't eat, your body thinks it's starving, so it drives you to eat MORE. I, myself, am guilty of doing this...sometimes, unwittingly. I'll be all involved in something (even if it's just a TV show) and get the hunger pangs and think, "Oh, I'll eat something in a minute." Before I know it, an hour has gone by (or MORE). By that time, even if I eat a "normal" meal, I think/feel, "THAT wasn't enough" and I eat more.  If calorie counting has done anything for me, it's enabled me to realize that if I've eaten my meal (and recorded the calories to mentally "confirm it"), and my stomach isn't talking to me, I've had enough. Then I "reset" my thinking to be aware of the next time my stomach talks to me. It's been a difficult process, but I'm learning...how NOT to starve myself. This is a major step in changing over from "dieting" to a healthy eating plan. Hopefully, it will enable me to maintain a healthy weight for the rest of my life.

And no, I don't think you have an eating disorder. You were embarking on it when you were using laxatives and throwing up...as a response to your body's natural instincts. You didn't realize what the natural "process" is...and, like so many others, tried anything to remedy the situation. Now that you KNOW, you can take appropriate steps to work WITH your body. Now, I eat every three hours or so...whenever I get hunger pangs. That keeps the metabolism going and wards off the body's starvation response.  And I AM losing weight!

Good Luck and Godspeed!

While I do believe that the above posters could be correct for your case, there IS an eating disorder that might fit your symptoms, called, quite bluntly, Binge Eating Disorder. I honestly dont know much about it, but read an article on the disease in a magazine a few months ago. 

Here is a good site that has lots of info on it:http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/binge-eating -disorder/DS00608

I hope that helps!

I have no advice, only *cyberhugs*.

Dear Victoria-

Between the  ages of 15 to 28, I experienced what must be Binge Eating Disorder. My road to recovery began at age 25 with my Mother suggesting that I had an eating disorder. (I didn't know that there was anyone else doing this crazy out of control eating too!) The UCLA eating disorder clinic was too far away but they referred me to a psychiatrist. I went. I eventually understood that I was very lonely and needed to fix that. He prescribed anti depressants which didn't stop the binging and starving but it did allow me to not be so very hard on myself and in turn I didn't starve quite so much or binge quite so much.  But I still did it because I was still dieting. It took me a few years of therapy, antidepressants (and I must admit, meeting my future husband) and trying to learn the social skills to make and nurture supportive friendships.

For what it is worth, eating disorders can be treated but your doctor sounds like a jerk. Find a new one with some expertise in eating disorders. Good luck. Some day you can look back on this time in your life, happy that it is in the past.

Good luck again.

-K

risabella, i went to the naturally thin website and read the first chapter of one of her books. i just wanted to tell you thank you for introducing this to me, this is exactly what i needed. i am at a normal healthy weight, but have had bingeing problems for the past few years. i have starved, overexercised, and then overate cyclicly over this time. i've had a few breaks, but never fully overcame it.

anyway, i believe everything she says. it was like something hit me over the head while i was reading it haha. it put everything in perspective. i think i am going to buy her books. my mother has been trying to tell me to do this (eat when you're hungry) for years. its so simple. it all makes sense.

so thank you because you have changed my outlook on life so to speak. i am so happy i already feel free of the bingeing/starving cycle from reading that.