Eating Disorders+Men

    As I posted in another thread in this section of the forum, I am a 19 year old male who was 265 lbs. and now weighs around 140-145....shortly after finishing my "diet" I developed a touch of binge eating disorder which took several months to snap out of, but now I just eat normally and am (so far, fingers crossed lol) maintaining my weight for the first time ever in my life....

   That said, I wanted to mention something that I have experienced, After I was at my lowest weight (135) and now over the past few months, old hs friends who always saw me fat, and the new people at college who saw me lose weight all now rumor and ask me if I am gay (which I am not). I mean I do dress a lot nicer then I used to and actually care how I look when I walk out the door now (not excessivly though), but still. People like to say they think I'm gay because I developed an eating disorder which heterosexual guys statisically do not develop as often as women and homosexual men, and how I broke up with my girlfriend of6 years this past winter. I broke up with her because of college and it took me dropping all that weight to see the relationship just wasn't good. I even went to a psychologist who suggested that my eating disorder could be a sign of something I am hiding, and I could definately tell she was leaning towards that being my sexuality. I just don't get it. ;People also say that because I am so careful about what I eat and how I eat healthy they think I'm gay.I mean I seriously dress like other straight guys my age and yea I am careful about what I eat for obvious reasons...sorry I am not the over weight beer guzzler. I just don't  know what to do. I mean what do you think is causing  these rumors? Any suggestions on how I should go about dealing with this would be great....thanks :-)

Hey Lalce,

Well I would say be confident in who you are. If guys confront you about being homosexual and you truly are not then if you come of nervous and defensive, it will only make them believe that they are right.

Sometimes people are quick to judge but really if you know who are thats all that matters. Also, if it makes you feel better one of my guy friends struggled with anorexia for a bit, it happens. I think that if you are just making healthy choices now thats no problem!

And one of my best guy friends everyone thinks he is homosexual but I know he is not. Whenever they meet him they think he is but he is so confident in himself that he still gets girls and cancels a lot of the rumors about him

I don't know if I helped =/  but i tired! lol

by the way, im happy for you about the weight loss and the current maintinence( fingers crossed =] )

i believe it's sensitivity. please forgive me if i'm wrong, but you must be coping with some emotional issues in your life if you're dealing with an ED. people tend to think that men who are sensitive are effeminate. also, looking good and losing weight are traits associated with women. people are still used to the notion that men don't fuss much about how they aka jeans, t-shirt, roll out of bed look....unless you're a teenager of course.

advice, just ignore the other guys when they spread rumours, the girls will soon know that you aren't gay *wink wink*, right?

 yeah, just ignore what others think. Be confident in yourself and do what you have to do. That should be proof in itself to others that you are not homosexual. These ppl are just quick to judge. Who are they to judge right?

Congratulations to you for losing the weight! I know how difficult it can be, especially while going through an ED

Dude good for you! I am the same way. I was 285 and now I am 229. People think there was something wrong with me because I am so careful with the things I eat. My wife gets pissed sometimes because I have so much confidense in myself that I think I look good now. I dont care what anyone thinks I did this for me and I look and feel greay! Good for you dude! Keep it up!

That sound strange to me, I would think people would be more interested in knowing how you lost the weight?  How long did it take, what you do to keep at your new weight? I know that would interest a lot of people on this forum. 

Who cares what anyone thinks about your sexuality? F them, they aren't anything to begin with. When someone has the ability and determination to lose weight, other people see that and envy it. And the people who don't have that determination and are unhappy with their own bodies won't like seeing someone else embrace their new body. The term has been around for a while. "Haters".

Ignore them. If you're comfortable with your sexuality thats all that matters. Don't let anyone else's negitive words effect you and your self esteem. You are over coming a disorder, be focused on that rather than anyone else's catty bitch comments. Those people making fun of you right now will be fat in about 5 years. Don't listen to em ;]

Good luck and stay strong.

First of all, congrats on getting a grip on your Eating Disorder! That is a very, very commenable thing. :) Try to stay on the right path of health. :)

Second, I am sorry to hear you are going through such a mess. Society has such a corrupted view when it comes to both sexes. Men are supposed to be ripped and muscular! Woman are supposed to be thin, but still have those curves! Men should provide for the family and get out there and work! Women are supposed to stay home clean, cook, and take care of the kids! Ugh..of course some of those views are now being fought and we have improved through the years. But, look how long it took for women just to get most of those rights? Thanks to society views. And sadly, society will always have some kind of view on different subjects because there will always be narrow minded people who will always views things in a certain "traditional" (my a**.) way. When I was hospitalized for my eating disorder there were, infact, TWO males in there with me...Yes, one was gay, but one of them was not and he was honestly my best friend in the whole place. I know there were more males there afterwards as well. It DOES happen to guys, not as vastly as it does women, but it does happen.

All I have to say is, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Be who you are and screw what any of them think! You know you're not gay so why defend it? Just laugh about it and think "God, are these people narrow minded!" Just live your life to how you wish and remember to just stay healthy. There will always be a critic in life, you just have to learn how to ignore it. Good luck. :)

Honestly, if someone asks you if you're gay, tell them the truth. If they keep bothering you, I would say "I answered your question, do you have some sort of problem?". It's really rude to tell someone that they must be gay because they wear this or listen to that or whatever. Stereotypes are just that - they hold true in many cases but sometimes not. Besides, in the case of eating disorders, it could be that women and gay men are just more willing to admit their EDs, while straight men are too prideful to admit it.

 

It really doesn't matter if someone thinks you're gay - there is nothing wrong with it, IMO, so the only one whose opinion matters would be the girl you're dating. As long as SHE's satisfied that you're hetero and into her, who cares about the rest of the world?

I spent a long time living in San Francisco, so maybe this is still a much bigger deal elsewhere - in SF nobody gives a crap if you are L, G, B, T, Straight or Asexual or spends a lot of time gossiping about it. What busybodies anyway!

Hey there,

congratulations on successfully loosing the weight, conquering the binge discorder and now maintaining at your weight. Good job!

I find it laughable that your hs "friends" rumour and talk about you being gay when they probably wouldn't have the guts to ask you straight out if you were. Also their perception of gay men is pretty srewd up if you ask me.

The bottom line of being a gay man requires you to be sexually attracted to men and enjoying the sexual acts that come with it.

Which I take it you are not.

Congrats also on realizing that the relationship wasn't right with your ex girlfriend it takes guts and inner confidence to get ouf of a relationship that long.

As to your questions what is causing those rumors?

The people starting them need to GROW UP!

A side note: if they are saying you look gay then they probably mean you look good! So I say, you know who you are, take it as a compliment that people notice how well you take care of yourself.

I just want to add words of support - You've done a great job getting your weight under control and understanding any eating disorder you may have developed.  When other people make hurtful comments, just remember how far you've come.

I thought you might like to read the following article.  It's filled with links of interest to you

Eating Disorders in Males

Unfortunately the whole gay rumors are not about to stop.  I get this all the time.  People think I am a lesbian.  They even come up to be in bars (yes alittle alcohol is usually involved but not always)  and ask me to go out with their girlfriends and sisters, or sometimes just ask me if I am gay.  I don't think people are trying to be rude they are just curious.  Its kind of like when a kid asks me if I am a girl or a boy simply because of my hair.

 I mean in my neck of the woods most girls do not lift weights and have mohawks so people wonder what my deal is.  I don't blame them.  I usually just laugh and thank them for the invite but tell them I am straight.  Its cute actually because when I tell them I am straight they look all confused and embarrased.

 Some people do say it to be assholes because they are afraid of things that are different and that makes them mad but most people are just curious about things that are different. 

Original Post by energygirl:

A side note: if they are saying you look gay then they probably mean you look good!

I'm sorry, I doubt you meant it this way but I take that as just as offensive and horrible perceptions as the orginal comments everyone is critizing.

 

Eating disorders like anything else can happen to anyone. It is all going of stereotypes and bad perceptions. The problem is for most people perception is reality for them. Maybe more gay guys feel comfortable talking about eating disorders and maybe "tough" guys don't talk about it even though they have them. Some overweight guy with a giant beer belly critizing your eating disorder is a hypocrite as he obviously has a different type of eating disorder.

 

My best friend was heavy and married with 3 kids, then got divorced and lost 80 pounds. He started taking care of himself and doing his hair and shaving and buying nice clothes. We teased him about being a metrosexual in good fun because he looked better because he was taking care of himself. Since i've started losing weight I have been getting my haircut much more freqently, grooming myself more and shaving much more often. I bought new clothes that fit good, no one has suggested i'm gay but I wouldn't be surprised or offended if they did. They are commenting on your changes, take it for what it is and leave it at that.