Who eats different/separate meals from their family?

Due to our present work schedules, my husband arrives home from work anywhere from 1-2 hours before me.  As a result, he typically plans/cooks dinner for the family.  He is a TERRIFIC cook and I like everything he fixes but some of his choices are too fatty, have too many carbs for me, or he takes too long to prepare them and I don't want to have a high calorie meal at 8 pm.  I accused him of trying to sabotage my diet and he got rather defensive.  I truly don't think he's trying to do that-- he just fixes his favorites and things he knows my step-daughter will like.  When I was the first one home, they always ate the healthier choices I tended to fix.  We just both tend to cook our favorites/specialties.

As a result, I don't always eat what he fixes.  Or sometimes I'll have a small portion (1/2 c. of his burger/cheese/rice casserole) and then fix my own sides to supplement.  I feel like I'm being rude to him, even though he's always nice about it.  Does everyone else here eat with their families?  What do you do when you don't get to control what is being cooked/served?  I've love advice, feedback, compromises, and solutions your families have used to combat this dilemma.

k- I do usually end up eating separately from my hubby and our roommate.  I'll do what you do and eat the vegetable, the potatoes, or some other part of their dinner- and then I just make the rest of my own meal (grilled chicken breast instead of sals. steak, etc).  I have asked my husband to leave out margarine when he's cooking veggies until I've had the chance to get my serving, and if I'm in the kitchen and he's going to brown something in a frying pan or make me eggs or something like that, I always ask that he use the cooking spray instead of butter. 

If I don't know what's in something, I'll try and get the ingredients and figure out how many calories it is, or google "tuna casserole calories" (or whatever the dish is) pick the highest calorie amount I find for 1 serving, and use that.

Since it's hard to control everything, I usually just like to make my own food, while I'm making dinner. That way everything I can help is healthy, and I can just substitute my dish for the things I shouldn't eat.  If it's something REALLY delicious but fatty and bad for me, I have 1 bite of my hubby's just to get the flavor.  I do that after I've eaten my food though, so I'm already full of healthy stuff.

Good luck and keep up the great work!

i eat separately.  even though my boyfriend and i are both trying to lose weight, i have to eat smaller, more frequent meals or i'll binge.  so i typically don't eat when he eats, or anyone else in our families.  i feel bad cus his mom is just like your husband.  she cooks meals that have too many calories for me.  i feel bad not eating her food, but i have to do what's best for me.  she hasn't said anything about it yet, so i hope she's not upset.  my parents just got used to it.  my schedule prevents me from eating with them most of the time anyway.

just talk to your husband and tell him that you're doing it because you need to in order to lose weight and be healthier.  you could also look online and see if you can make his favorite recipes with healthier, lower calorie ingredients.  like using low fat cheese or whole grain pasta instead of the regular versions.  good luck!

My spousal unit and I eat together but often eat differently. If I make rice, spicy beans and sausage, it's all served separately. I eat mostly the rice and beans, and my husband eats less beans/rice and more sausage. We'll both have salads but even our version of that can be different, so they are individually prepared. I could have made the dish all mixed up in a single pot, but then the fact that he is higher protein and lower carb would not work with my near vegetarian low cal diet.

Fortunately, many things can be served as separately and combined on plates to suit everyones liking. Taco, burrito, or even potato bars would be other ways to do this. Items like this can be made and sitting in the fridge til needed.

If he likes to cook, ask him to see what he can do to add more veges to each dinner so you can have more veges and still eat some of what he cooks "because you love his dishes so much". Or ask him to use his skills to find some new low cal recipes for everyone to try.

We just don't fret it if the other eats differently, just accomodate it.

besides my mother im the only one who cooks. She basicly will make some kind of dried out meat with the veggies loaded w. butter or cheese. Im usually happy when she makes baked potatos cause I can add my own butter to it. I normally only eat her meals once a week otherwise I just cook for my b'f and me. Which tonight is bbq chicken thighs, pasta salad and a veggie and maybe some brown rice.

My mum cooks a meal for her and my dad, my sis makes a sandwich, and I cook myself something. Sometimes we time it perfectly and get to eat together, sometimes whoever gets dinner ready first waits for everyone else & microwaves theirs, or we eat separately. 

Well, I do all of the cooking in the house but I do prepare some of the meal different.  My husband doesn't eat most vegetables and fruits due to diverticulitis and half of most of my meals are vegetables.  I try to cook him the meats and starches he likes, but in a way that I will eat them too, (grilled, broiled, baked).  If it's time to make him one of his favorite meats, such as anything smoked, I just cook me a chicken breast along with his meat and enjoy my veggies and starch.  In 2 1/2 years we've adjusted and it's really not that much extra work.  I have a daughter who doesn't eat beef or pork and one that doesn't eat fish or seafood, so I've cooked this way for a long time.  But I do try to cook everything as healthily as possible.  Flexibility is a blessing. 

Usually my hubby and I prepare our own food at the same time and eat together, but we eat different things.  If he cooks (today he grilled filet mignon), I weighed my portion and fixed healthy sides which we both ate.

Well i live in a dorm so obviously I make my own food but whenever  Igo home on a weekend I fix my food seperately from my family. For one thing, Im the only vegetarian in my family and the only one who trys to do portion control. I dont mind it, ...the only part  I hate is having to buy all my own food each week.

Original Post by annacabana:

 

just talk to your husband and tell him that you're doing it because you need to in order to lose weight and be healthier.  you could also look online and see if you can make his favorite recipes with healthier, lower calorie ingredients.  like using low fat cheese or whole grain pasta instead of the regular versions.  good luck!

He is very understanding of my dieting habits and really is supportive.  Unfortunately, he cannot stand the whole grain pasta or brown rice (to his credit, he has tried and eaten them on several occasions).  I've told him to try his casseroles with brown rice b/c they'll taste different but he refuses.  Maybe I just need to make up some brown rice at the beginning of the week and when he throws together his casseroles, ask him to use the brown rice and make an extra 1 serving casserole.

Thanks to all for the great suggestions, ideas.  I'll keep talking to him and suggesting stuff.

When my boyfriend is going to cook he and I ussually sit down and look up new fun recipes to try that are healthy.  That way he gets to cook because he loves cooking, he gets to try something new, and I get the healthy yummy food.

Me and my boyfriend ALWAYS eat something different. He has overactive tastebuds and has never eaten meat, he is allergic to many fruits and veges...so basically, he eats bread, crackers, peanut butter, rolls, waffles, etc. very basic things.

Every night I am cooking two things for us...at least his is really easy!

I usually make dinner, but my boyfriend likes healthy food. He actually prefers a meat + vegetables, and I like grains and starches. So I usually prepare whatever meat we're having for both of us, then enough vegetables for him and a little for me, and then whatever other side I feel like having, with enough for him to try.

My husband agreed that if I pre-cooked brown rice at the beginning of the week, he would make me my own casseroles (he makes some type of meat/veggie/rice/cheese casserole once or twice a week) so I'll stop complaining.  That should be a good start!

We do.  It's happened in the past with staggering schedules though but was easier then!  I need to start planning the menu better so I don't have to pull out something else for my plate or have timing issues though.  I'm the stay-at-home parent and work freelance and my husband has a normal 9-5 but I'm transitioning away from meat. 

I cook two different meals most nights for myself and my husband. I don't like to make him eat my plain meals - and I get a lot of joy out of cooking, so I will usually make him something else completely different from my own dinner. We eat at the same time.....so we still get to enjoy each others company while eating dinner! I do all the cooking in my house - so my temptation comes from trying to resist the items I am making for him....It's hard sometimes!

Hi K

The only way that I would deal with this one is to do a meal-plan at the beginning of the week, in tandem with my partner.  I have three folders containing recipes from Good Food; where all the calories and nutrients are listed.  From this folder I will extract seven main course recipes; five very clean, one moderately healthy and one which is pretty "naughty" (which we have on our cheat day).  This works regardless of who is cooking, so long as your other half doesn't step away from the plan!!

This may be a compromise, as he would still be able to prepare 1 or 2 higher calorie meals, as well as maybe learning the advantages of tasty recipes with a lower calorie content.

Who knows, you may even convert him; so long as he isn't a calorie-phobe or a recipe-phobe!

Sorry if this is preaching to the converted.  It does take a while to find new recipes, but finding them can be a family activity - we love it!  From a taste perspective my partner is happy, and swears he can't tell the difference between the high Kcal and low Kcal food. Also, anything he chooses is a bonus as he looks forwards to it even more, as he has been instrumental in its choice  ;-)

I know for myself that I would much prefer to have the evening meal as a social fixture; which can be pretty difficult if time scales for preparation are conflicting, as are menus.  You could always snack on a couple of rice cakes and some almonds to bridge the gap in between work and home, so that you can all still socialise over the dinner table.

Reading this back it sounds a wee bit evangelical - apologies!

Nicky

I don't think you were preachy at all.  I wanted to hear suggestions and that does sound like a good idea.  We are working at compromising and making steps in the right direction.  He is trying to eat less and he quit smoking.  I think he's trying to get over those humps first.  I am a small step person as well so I'm trying to be patient until he catches up to me in the eating healthier department.

Aha

Giving up smoking explains a lot.  Folk compromise by adding a lot more tasty food when they give up smoking (I put on two stone over a few months) and they need a pleasure to replace the foregone indulgence. Is your husband eating every two to three hours?  That not only helps with the metabolic rate, but means that he is substituting food for the old weed!  I found that tomatoes and garlic were my two best friends after I packed in (30 a day); and anything Mediterranean was good in general as I had reduced capacity taste buds!!

It must be fairly difficult to be trying to lose weight at the same time as living with someone who has given up smoking - you get a medal for that one!

Are you in the UK or the US?

I am happy to add you as a friend if you want any advice re: nutrition and training (if you wish!).  I am a personal trainer as well as an experienced dieter!!!

Nicky

Thanks a bunch, Nicky!   Husband actually went for a check-up today.  He needs to lose 100+ pounds (I still need to lose 65 so I'm no lightweight myself).  I've asked him if he wants to start working on exercise or food next and he says he's not sure.  He thinks he wants to start by focussing on exercise b/c now that he can breathe better and the nice weather is coming, he thinks he'll enjoy it and get more out of it.  And while he didn't mention it, I know he's thinking "It's cookout season.  I'd rather exercise and enjoy the brats and s'mores for the next couple of months."  Hell, I feel the same way. :)

I will definitely stay in touch with you.  The good thing is, he enjoys veggies and fruit, he just doesn't take time to always incorporate them into his diet.  Also, he's recently taken to drinking V8 berry blend instead of soda at home.  I know it still has a decent amount of sugar but it's a huge step in the right direction.

Everyone has been very helpful, supportive, and had great suggestions.  I think, in time, we'll get the hang of it.

Oh, and we live in the US.