LOCKED TOPIC

ED again...?

Okay so I'm really worried. I had an eating disorder for about a year that went starve, binge, purge, starve, starve, binge... etc. Then, late last year I started to really clean up my eating, and SENSIBLY lost about ten kilos (22 pounds). I felt so great that I'd achieved that without starving myself! And then as the numbers got lower I stopped eating AGAIN, wanting to make them go lower and lower and lower but it didn't work, and then I started eating 1200 calories a day on the advice of a dietician and naturopath, and they worked me up to being okay with eating 1450 calories a day. I was losing slowly but surely on that and I think I started to plateau a bit, around 53 kilograms. Anyway I was very frustrated and then I went off to a youth camp and I was terrified I'd put on weight and I had to estimate the calories in all my meals. As a result I ended up over estimating and I lost two kilos (4.4 pounds) in a week. Anyway, since I've been home for the past few days I've been absolutely terrified of putting that two kilos back on because it's made such a difference to how I look. I've been purposefully under-eating and over-estimating my calories. For the past three days my average intake has been about 900 calories. I don't want my body to hang onto fat the way I KNOW it will if I put myself into starvation mode. But I don't want to put that two kilos back on either, AND I don't feel particularly hungry on this amount although I know I will. Besides that, 1450 was making me plateau. 

I'm just really terrified right now. I feel like I'm on the brink of going back to my eating disorder. I really need some support, some encouragement... anything. What do I do? I want to keep losing until I'm really happy with the way I look, and then I want to build muscle. I'm starting a strength/cardio workout regime tomorrow and I know once I start getting muscle the scale could go up but I'm not worried so long as it *is* muscle and not fat. Please, please help me.

its easy start eating 1500 like is the minimum recommended for all tens on this site.

so tired of these posts

Excuse me but I take nutritional advice from my dietician who knows me and my stats, not a website who gives a "one size fits all" approach.

I don't even think you read my post properly... it is not "easy" to overcome an eating disorder. 1500 is something I will work up to, one day. Right now I have come to the "Support" forum because I am seeking just that - support, not condescension. 

So tired of that kind of response.

what do you want? if you have a tailor made plan from a nutritionist - what do you want someone here to say? only you control how you eat. you know that.

you know why you havent gotten 7-8 responses? because other people here are tired of seeing these posts. you have all the tools in your own bag. you come on here asking "what to do" and then you slam the response back in my face?

you know exactly how to get back on track. you have a meal plan. if you want to stop your weight dropping then eat. if you dont want to 700 cals then choose not to.

this is all in your hands

edited to add:

working up to 1500 some day. that is horses**T. IT IS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL TO START EATING 1500 CALS.  you just do it. on the weight gain forum you often see anorectics jumping from 500-2500 in one go. which i utterly respect, because i didnt do it that fast when i was recovering.

you are laden with excuses as to why you wont do what you need to - to recover. why dont you just try making an effort. then people will support you. you have to make the first move

fidget has a point. You know exactly what you need to do! Eat those calories girl! You maye gain the weight back you may not, but it really is more important to be healthy isn't it?

A long healthy life would be much better than a dark twisty skinny one.

How tall are you cause isn't that 116 in pounds? Not everyone is meant to be a size 2 and I know that can be hard to accept but you have to focus on health. I also have a real problem with doctors/nutritionist who advocate a low calorie iet like yours have especially for a teen. It is just asking for problems. It sounds like you have not worked on the reasons you are in a bad cycle with eating and weight. I hope you can identify for example going away to camp as why you had a set back and so next time you can take care. You will never be happy with the way you look because the ed will not allow it. People without ed don't go to extremes where it becomes self destructive. Do you get your period? See to me as I am assuming you are young since the camp issue I would say you need at least 1800 if you did nothing. This is to grow and mature even if not in height but your insides so on. Can you reach out for help with other people in your real life like family and find a new provider?On a side note I will agree with the other 2 posters as well. I know it is hard trust me and these things are not easy to hear but there for your well being. Now that I am in a better place I can see that when I was told similar.

Original Post by fidget84:

 why dont you just try making an effort. then people will support you. you have to make the first move

 ellabella, this is absolutely true.  This is a website for support and help.  But you have to be willing to help yourself as well.  You do know what you need to do.  Forget about the plateaus.  Forget about the scale.  Throw the stupid thing out the window.  Weighing yourself right now is doing you absolutely no good.

16 is such an awkward age regarding body composition...no longer a kid, halfway through the teen years, almost an adult.  The thing you need to keep in your mind is that you are no longer a kid, your body is changing and  it should change.  This is the age where most women develop many of their adult characteristics, they gain sexy curves (subtle on some, more pronounced on others) either through gaining to a healthy BMI or shedding baby fat to a healthy BMI.  The healthy BMI definition is changing as well for you right now.  An underweight BMI isn't unusual for a teen any more than an overweight BMI is; however, now you're reaching the adult ranges where 18.5 is the lowest healthy BMI and 25 is the highest, somewhere in this range is your ideal weight which your therapist should be able to help you find.  Please keep this in mind as you review your progress and goals. Losing weight until you're happy with the way you look and then building muscle is not the answer for an already slender 16 year old...I can see your collar bones quite prominently in your photo.  Lifting weights and eating enough to build muscle is a course that I would recommend.  Try channeling all the effort that you've put into your calorie restriction into building muscles and eating enough for your body to do so.  Gain enough muscle to put you into a healthy BMI range before looking at losing any weight.

At 16, most of us think that we really know it all (I do remember this), but the older you get, the more you realize how little you know and how much your earlier thinking is influenced by media, general knowledge which is often false, and your friends who may be older or younger and usually in a different state of growth than you are.  While under eating right now might not seem like a big deal to you other than you know it's just not to good, it is much more serious than that.

If you continue doing this to yourself, here's a picture of your future.  The Body Neglected

After your bones deteriorate and your reproductive organs become so atrophied they don't work, your other organs, including your brain will be permanently damaged. You will end up as a stunted adult with brittle bones and infertility.  But that's not the worst.

According to this medical authority NEDIC 

"The death rate for eating disorders is high: it ranges between 18% (in 20-year studies) and 20% (in 30-year follow-up studies). In fact, the annual death rate associated with anorexia is more than 12 times higher than the annual death rate due to all other causes combined for females between 15 and 24 years old." Cavanaugh, Carolyn. What we know about eating disorders: facts and statistics. In Lemberg, Raymond and Cohn, Leigh (Eds) (1999). Eating Disorders: A reference sourcebook. Oryx Press. Phoenix, AZ.

It goes on to say " The death rate associated with anorexia nervosa alone is more than 12 times higher than the overall death rate among young women in the general population."
Sullivan PF. Mortality in anorexia nervosa. American Journal of Psychiatry, 1995; 152(7): 1073-4.

These are recognized medical sources.  I suggest you take them seriously and seek help for your problem.  You say that you've recovered, but I suspect that your on the slippery slope down again.

Eat at least 1,500 and get cardio and strength training. That may help you lose, but don't lose until you're happy with your body... lose till you're at an ideal weight. If you've had an eating disorder, you know that you may not be happy with your body - ever. You'll want to keep losing until  you're dead. You need to trust the doctors about a healthy weight on this one - don't trust your gut.

I have noticed that on these forums, the ones who are most unsupportive to eating-disordered situations are the ones who have been in the exact same position as you once before. These posters are jaded and are basically yelling at their old selves. I understand what triggers are and I understand being upset that there are so many individuals around the world who are being affected by such an awful thing, but when compassion is replaced with trolling around the forums, looking for people to reprimand with the same old unhelpful, "YOU ARE STUPID, EAT SOMETHING", that same response that they themselves hated to hear, and the one that really, really doesn't help at all, well, I think it's time to get off the internet and bring the focus back to themselves and their situation, as there are anger issues obviously in play.

To the OP, sometimes what you need is a wake-up call, but not all people respond well to those sort of methods right? Maybe what you need is some compassion. I think reaching out for help in any way is very brave, and the internet may be the only place you felt comfortable with at the time. This situation you're in is a really scary one, where you thought you were recovered, but feel like you're about to relapse. My advice is also to get off the scale, as hard as it may be. Start working out now, rather than waiting until you are at a certain weight. It will start the muscle building process, aid in losing weight, and the endorphins will improve your mood and body image more than you can believe! 

I do think you know what undereating will do to you, so be smart and don't trick yourself, because you know nothing good will come of it; just stop now before it gets worse. I also think we get hung up on daily numbers, so don't set yourself up to eat less. You know what calorie dense foods are I'm sure. Eat more of those! Nuts, nut butters, dried fruits, natural food bars, etc.. To add an extra 2-300 calories onto a day is really easy to do, and with very nutritious foods as well! You will be doing your body a huge favor by feeding it these things, and providing it with the fuel it needs.

Good luck to you, and don't be afraid to come asking for help again. Hopefully there will always be at least ONE person who won't try and make you feel bad right away.

Best wishes, 

Kelsea

Original Post by fidget84:

its easy start eating 1500 like is the minimum recommended for all tens on this site.

so tired of these posts

 AGGREED!

To everyone who is telling me to eat more: I'm sorry that I seem like a classic case to you and that my personal struggles irritate you. However: I know that's what I have to do, and I'm trying to do it. Yesterday I tacked on an extra 150 or so calories at the end of the day... I know it's not very much but I see it as a good starting point. Today I'll do the same thing, if not more, since I'm starting back at school and will probably get hungrier.

Also I don't really believe in BMIs. My dietician has not given me a "Tailor-made plan" - just said that 1450 calories a day is something I should be doing - but she's said that it is VERY NORMAL for a teenaged girl to have a lower than average BMI.

To those who asked about my height, I'm 172cm tall... is that like 5'6" or 5'7"? And I'm 16.

And finally, to folkharpist: Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that I can actually voice my concerns about my health and talk about my eating disorder without getting figuratively slapped. I really appreciate your kind words and support... I agree, the root cause of my ED is not gone yet. It's getting less and less - whatever on earth it might be - but it's still there to an extent. I just really need to snap out of this, I guess, and what a lot of people have been saying here is very true: I'm the only one who can do this. 

I'll let you know how I go today. I've already done my strength training this morning and hopefully will at least hit 1200 calories. I want to work my way back up slowly because I know I'll feel like **** if I do it any faster - that might work for some people but not for me.

That's a good first step, ella.  You seem willing to try and you are actively doing something about it.  That's the important thing.

While you are working on getting your calories up, I still suggest not weighing yourself and not focusing on losing weight at this time.  I think that's the best advice I can give.

I recognize most people that replied and most have suffered from an ED so its not that they can't understand what its like for you.  I guess I'm with fidget here. I just don't get it... the whole easing up slowly thing. Eating 1500 calories a day really is nothing from a physical standpoint. I  get not wanting the unfamiliar feeling of being full, but if thats the case then just add fats.  If your struggles aren't so much with the physical aspect of eating and are more with the emotional and psychological issues that come with it then no nutritionist in the world can help you recover unless you're seeing a therapist also.  You know that you've already delved back into your ED ways so you need to go talk to someone in the mental health field.

And I don't care if you're seeing a dietician.  If he/she told you that you could eat 1450 calories a day and not continue losing weight he/she is an idiot.  The only teen that would maintain on a 1450 calorie diet is one that is sedentary AND has some sort of metabolic or hormonal disorder.  And then add in cardio & strength.... you need way more than 1500 to maintain.

As for the bmi: I agree with you that what your bmi is calculated as isn't always a very good predictor of what is and isn't a healthy teen (usually it is though).  I was a very small teen and was well under my bmi, but still menstrated regularly and didn't have any health issues from it... I was very healthy.  But of course I had never suffered from an eating disorder (and didn't until I was in my late 20's).  I was (and pretty much still am) blessed with a high metabolism & I played sports so I was able to eat a ton and therefore got all the nutrients and fats my body needed. 

AMEN on the dietician front sugarshocked. it is ludacrous. and when i see your stats its even more ludacrous. 5'7? i think you should get a second opinion.

have you ever tried to eat more like 1800-2200? do you menustrate? im sure - because you didnt like my earlier response - that you wont reply. but these are key factors in dictating health.

i see a psychologist, for a number of pretty serious issues, one of them being an eating disorder. we have an agreement where, if something i find incredibly distressing happens, or i am brave enough to face it, then i can call him. he gave me his home number and i have his office number too. the agreement is that he will talk me through it if  it happens, or if i have to face it. but i cant call him at home if i am just sitting there worrying about whether it will happen or not.

so the point is this: you want support? get your cals upto the 1500 mark (who gives a crap if its 50 more than your dietician says - start committing to health). if you do that you will get a lot more support than you have now. ppl here are tired of the "what will happen if?, will i gain if?, i am afraid that if i eat X cals Y will happen"

stop beating around the bush and just bite the bullet

I'm so tired of this that I don't even want to post. I just second whatever Figet says and I'll leave it at that.

In order to overcome my ED and gain I went from 300 to 3,000. Do it. Just do it. Or your life will be run by this miserable, sick disorder forever. If YOU don't make the change, no one will. Only you can truly help yourself. Going "cold-turkey" is always better than a gradual approach in the long run - just like treatment for smokers and drug addicts. ED is a drug. It's an addiction that has to be broken and overcome. Don't end up as another statistic.

I'm sorry I didn't say anything else. I'm just so sick of seeing the same old thing and I'm angry as hell that you don't even seem to want to listen to anyone. These people have good advice. They have experience and they want to help you. So why don't you listen? I'm 14, 5'1", active, and eat almost 3,000 calories a day to maintain. You definatley need more, and you need to GAIN.

First you are UNDERWEIGHT. AT 5 7 and 116. You need to gain. I know the other poster meant well saying 1200 was a good start but really you need to be on a weight gain diet. So eating 1500 or even 2000 is not enough. I would encourage you to look at the weight gain forum where there are a lot of similar feelings and fears you have but people are still eating over 2500. I'm concerned for you since you sound like you are headed down a bad track with the mindset of wanting to loose.

Now onto the harsh comments which I think are meant well but come out very strong. I'm not sure if it is to push the person to face the facts or out of frustrations. In any regard as someone who has battled anorexia for many years and now making progress I see both sides. I don't like name calling regardless though. You are not nor anyone else "stupid" or should be yelled at. You are struggling with a very dangerous problem and need to face reality head on. I had a therapist that reminds me of many on here. She would state if I did something stupid and like that. Did she mean well? Yes but it came out in a way that left me feeling I guess confused and often upset. I will say if I followed her advice I would of not wasted so many years. Please take care.

On a side note ou have to want to be well more then anything to get past an ed. You have to accept things and do things you may not want to. I don't think it is the amount of food that is hard physically but can be hard mentally. You have to push through this.

i dont think at any point did anyone call the OP stupid. certainly i called the advice of the dietician ridiculous.

but nobody called her stupid. i dont think she is even bothering to check this thread anymore. clearly she is jus going to plod on with "working up to 1500"

ellabella- a few weeks ago I was in your postition, except only eating a few hundred a day. I posted a topic about upping my calories gradually and got a similar response, and it was the best thing that could have happened.

Why? Because an eating disorder sucks, and is uncomfortable, and therefore, expect a similar experience from recovery. But the good news is, it does get easier.

I am now up to 2500-3000 a day. If I would have received responses coddling me and telling me that only eating 1200 was okay, that that would have restored my body, I would still be on a horrible road. Responses may seem harsh, but eating disorders are deceptive by nature, and the worst thing IMO is doing anything that you're comfortable with when you need to recover. But if you don't want to recover, you are just going to keep deceiving yourself(rather, letting ED deceive you) and thinking that easing up to 1500 is the way to go.

Original Post by fidget84:

its easy start eating 1500 like is the minimum recommended for all tens on this site.

so tired of these posts

Really, Fidget? While, as long as we're using this thread to post complaints and not address the actual questions, I'd just like to mention that I'm personally pretty tired of your "contributions" to the forums. I'm going to be frank here, but it's gotten to the point where I choose to stop reading when I see your username under a thread. There, I said it. I don't feel good about it, but it's been brewing for a while now. I don't expect you to change or to even care that complete strangers might feel this way about your posts, but if I were in the same situation, I'd want to know.

I hope you start to see this site and the people who use it in a more respective manner someday soon.

really 10bysummer i dont care what you think of me. you're right im not going to change. your molly coddle attitude to eating disorders will help nobody to recover. can i ask: have you had an eating disorder. i have. and thats what needs to be said to some one.

i really dont care if you dont like me or choose not to read my posts. my self esteem is based on greater things. and it seems that you make no great contribution to this forum either, only stand in my shadow waiting to pounce or to complain that im not being sweet enough.

it is not lack of respect that i spoke to the op the way i did. it is through frustration. she clearly has a team working with her, a meal plan (which many have argued here is lacking), and still she came on here looking for what to do - and yet when someone suggested that she get her calories up to a minimum level for teens, she dismissed it.

so take your patronizing and self righteous and somewhat overly authoratitive mouth and harp on to someone else. coz i dont care