ED & Parents

When you thought you had an ED, how did you tell your parents? Reactions?

Did you attempt to recover on your own at first? Was it successful?

What's your story?

My parents still don't know. I know they'll find out one day. I did think I had an ED once and it scared me--This was the summer before it started. I was having symptons of anorexia nervosa--the real definition of it: Nervous loss of appetite. I couldn't get myself to eat even a cracker and food wasn't food--It was blood balls and worms and...It was gross. First I told my grandmother after she took me out to eat. She asked me why I wasn't eating and I told her I thought I had anorexia. She told me irrationally that I didn't and that saying that was a bad confession and that I was wrong! I felt bad. Later I told my mom and she told me that it was probably just the heat that was making me lose my appetite. I took that into consideration and was able to eat again after that, but...

My real eating disorder I guess I've kind of had my whole life. My mom had me when she was 17 years old and I never knew my father. She raised me as a single mother and when I was 4 she had a boyfriend named Andre who she got pregnant with. Andre wasn't a nice guy. He drank and was a felon and he beat my mother. It was very traumatizing for me. I don't remember if he every hit me--That time in my life was hard to remember. I do distinctly remember him chasing me around the house with a belt threatening to beat me. Finally, Andre was taken away to jail for punching my mom in the back of the head. We moved around a lot when I was a child and we always lived in apartments, but in 4th grade we finally got our own house (well, we were renting it). My mother was going through a depression so I had to take care of everything--Clean the house, get my brother ready for school, do the laundry, get my own food. But I didn't think anything was abnormal. I didn't realize how different I was.

For me, food was kind of my best friend. I was rejected at school a lot as a child, and I just remember always eating a lot. Always asking for more or for leftovers or "Are you gonna eat that?" I was never fat--never have been. In fact I was quite thin. I remember in kindergarten at family picnic day it was raining so we all ate inside. I had two lunchables in my lunchbox because they never filled me up. I didn't want anyone to know I had two though, but a mean boy in my class found out and got everyone's attention and announced, "Look everybody! Victoria's got two!" Everyone laughed and made fun of me--Even the parents. I felt so ashamed.

In 5th grade Andre came back to visit my brother. It was around lunch time and i was so afraid of him that I took my food into my room, locked the door and tried not to breathe. I didn't want him to see me. But I ate my food and something about that was so comforting. That's when my real problem started. Food had become my comfort, my friend, my support. 

When 6th grade started, I was a kid getting free lunches so I couldn't ever eat from  the snack line. The food was gross and I wasn't eating. Some girls reported to the counselor that I wasn't eating lunch. I didn't really know what the big deal was or why he pulled me out of math class to talk to me about it. I just told him that I didn't like the school lunches and didn't know if I could get snack food. He didn't seem to believe me, though.

Later that year my grandpa died. My grandpa was like a father to me--I saw him everyday. I loved him so much. After that I kept trying to diet and eat healthier. I kept thinking I was fat. My diet was basically school brownies, pretzels, frozen pizzas and no breakfast. But my mom was poor and we didn't have enough money to eat healthily.

In 7th grade my mother got engaged. I hardly even knew the guy and I found out that we would be moving into his house on their wedding night, going to a new school the next day and living in a new town. It was really hard on me. I went from a 25,000 populated town to a 169 populated town. It was scary, and I guess I started eating a lot again to feel better.

Then that summer came and I was showing signs of anorexia. I felt like I was eating too much and I needed to do something about it, but I didn't want to have to give up food. Finally in October of 8th grade, to add to my cutting habits and daily huffing that I'd started in the summer, I found bulimia. It was my answer to my problems. At first it wasn't about losing weight--It was about not gaining anymore. I wanted to be able to eat like a maniac, but not have to worry about overeating so i only threw up some of my food. I was throwing up too much though and I was starting to lose weight. Everybody noticed except me. But nobody thought anything weird was going on.

Then one night I had a dream about my bulimia and it disgusted me so much that I swore to never again be bulimic. I tried eating again, but my digestive system was all screwed up and I got really sick, which forced me to vomit. I decided in order to not be bulimic I would have to not eat very much. I was anorexic for a few months. In those months my ED was now about weight. I wanted to be 110 pounds so badly! I was very close and then my mother asked me one night if I was eating. That scared me! I couldn't let her know. So I told her "Of course!" and pigged out that night. And the next night. And so on  for the whole week. I felt terrible and said I've gotta go back to anorexia now. I did for a week but gave in and binged for another week. Then I tried to starve myself again, then i went back to binge eating. This cycle lasted for a year and a half. It became so frequent that I would wake up every morning and tell myself that I was going to starve myself, but then I just ended up binging. I would eat a little bit and feel so bad about it I'd eat more and then it would turn into, "Well, I'm already eating. might as well eat as much as I can because tomorrow I'm really going to do it!" It was like this every singe night.

Right now I have anorexia and am planning to stay that way until July is over. I know I'm terrible for using this site for my own self-destruction, but...Eating disorders are so terrible...I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry to the people who are offended by this. I know I won't make it through July, I know I'll binge eat and give up hope, I just can't let myself give up or I'll lose control and I'll be overweight like the rest of my family! I'm so afraid of gaining weight. I guess I thought that if I could lose enough then I could try getting help for myself and then when I gained weight back I wouldn't be any bigger than I am now. I'm just really really scared. And I'm not pro-ana, pro-mia! I'm not supporting eating disorders.

God! I knew I should have never spoken up on this site............But you people, stay healthy. I'm not promoting anorexia or bulimia; I'm just telling you what I'm going through.

I didn't tell Mum but she knew. I just denied it and lied to her which honestly, I wish I hadn't.

I think the easiest way to do it would probably to write a letter.. Or, go to a school counsellor and have them talk to your parents?

For me I was just too scared because I didn't know what would happen.

4 years later, I'm completely ****. So PLEASE tell your parents =) It's the bets thing for you. If they don't know much about it, the counsellor would be the best option because they could help you to understand what's going through your head.

If you need to talk about anything I'm here!

heartsxandxunicorns, I feel like I can't even start replying to you without getting all preachy because there are just so many things I want to say. But as someone who's been there, I know preaching won't help.

But seriously, you need to get help. You need to get your life back. The world beyond an eating disorder is GLORIOUS.

You can't just choose to be anorexic for the month of July, let alone announce it to everyone on a forum focused on health. come on now.

Original Post by starcrossdlovex:

heartsxandxunicorns, I feel like I can't even start replying to you without getting all preachy because there are just so many things I want to say. But as someone who's been there, I know preaching won't help.

But seriously, you need to get help. You need to get your life back. The world beyond an eating disorder is GLORIOUS.

You can't just choose to be anorexic for the month of July, let alone announce it to everyone on a forum focused on health. come on now.

I second that.

I'm sorry. I know i'm totally abusing this website, but...........................

I know I need it back. I'm trying.

Idk. I don't know what my life was before my eating disorder. It was ****. But, I have the future to look forward to.

I'm sorry. Maybe i'll just delete my account...

I'm ashamed to say it, but they still don't know. My parents care, but they're out of the house working so often that they honestly have no way of knowing. My Mom's really into healthy food and getting adequate exercise and I'm a vegetarian, so it's treacherously easy for me to avoid high-cal foods and such. I think I heard someone on the forums refer to "mild anorexia". That sort of clicked for me because I've never been one of those poor, 85-pound girls whom everyone thinks of when they picture someone with anorexia. I usually get around 800-900 calories a day; maybe even 1100 on really good days. Sometimes, to make up for those days, as little as 600. I've tried recovering on my own. I still am. I'm fifteen, 5'1.5", and I weighed 99 pounds in May. However, I've climbed up to 108.5 =] It might not seem like a lot, but it's a HUGE accomplishment to me. I'm really proud of myself, but I absolutely abhor the way I feel about my body right now. A part of me wants to keep trying, but I mostly just want to give up. Deep inside, I really aspire to be in double digits again =[ I know I need to tell someone... but I can't. For me, anorexia isn't only about my weight (although that is one of the factors). To me, it signifies having control and reaching for that elusive status of perfection. I get straight-A’s in all Honors/AP classes, play tennis, speak French, and I’m friends with my entire high school. And everything about me is a terrible, painful lie. I want to be flawless Lauren, the girl with a life dragged straight out of a fairytale. Impossible, I know. But I try. And I absolutely [disgustingly] revel in the instances when my friends and family and even strangers call me "tiny" or "perfect" or "gorgeous". I hate that I'm so shallow and self-obsessed, but at the very least I’m able to admit the truth. I have a problem and I really need to fix it. Not only will it hurt me physically, it might hinder my focus on getting into an Ivy League college and attaining a successful career. As much as I know I should, though, I can't tell anyone. Everyone thinks I'm something I'm not. I like it that way. It just makes me sad when I read about all these pretty, smart girls who fall into the malicious trap of disordered eating. And then I just feel shame when I realize that some people would consider me one of them... How did this even happen to any of us? I never, ever would have thought I'd be one of the girls to get an eating disorder... no one else at my school seems to realize just how much anorexia can warp your life. They have no idea how much their jabs at those starving models a million miles away can hurt me personally...

Heartsxandxunicornsx:

I am really close to my mom which is a huge blessing. I told her to climb into the parked car one night in the garage. I stalled, telling her how shy i was at school, how girls were mean to me. But then I told her, I started sobbing, the pain behind my confessing making the tears spill out. She was/is so supportive and loving, and she told me that she loved me and will always be there for me every step of the way. I got a dietician, and a therapist, and I get weighed every week by my petiatrician. I'm 14, 5'6 and I weighed 100.5 pounds a couple of weeks ago. I can't imagine the pain you're going thru. At least I have a loving mother and family, and I live in an upper middle class family so food was never a problem. My heart aches for you. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug, but obviously, I can't. Please please please hear me out because when no one seems to understand the pain that you feel, I know someone who has felt your pain when you looked in the mirror, when your mothers boyfriend was scaring you and beating your mom, when your grandmother didn't seem to understand. Please don't write me off as some "Jesus Freak" because listening to this advice could alter your life. You need desperatly to find christ in your life. Jesus Christ has felt your pain, and will heal you if you let him. He has always been there for you, whether you've known it or not. When you listen to Christ, and let Him help you, little by little, you will heal. I'm not saying that you'll just magically heal, no pain, because I'm recovering and I still have days when I'm so disgusted with myself I just sit down and sob. Listening to Christ has given me compassion, and hope, and love. While there are all these rich snobby girls around me, I chose to listen to him instead of them. I mean, why would I? They get their sense off of MTV, while Christ gets his sense from God. PLEASE HEAR ME OUT, PLEASE this is your hope. Please at least think about this, please.

I'll pray for you.

I hope this helps you.

I didnt have to they told me I had it themselves

This is off topic but have any of you thought about possible infertility?  Me and my boyfriend were talking about children.  He said that he thought I would make an amazing mother.  Then I started thinking what if I couldnt even give him a baby?  I've never lost my period but being too small doesnt increase my chances of having a child.  Thats like half the reason I'm gaining weight.  I know I'm gonna want children.  I want to know what its like to be in labor and to be pregnant.  Maybe not right now but in the future.  Soooo yeah idk get healthy and stay healthy.

Love Eun Chan

a.k.a -->asaetpirts<--

My dad was really caring and supportive. My mom flipped out. Like a lot. And actually made it a lot worse... 

I didn't tell them. My dad would always say "just dont go anorexic on me," but it turns out that I already had. And not really intentionally. It was mostly just a diet-gone-insane in addition to a twisted body image in addition to a new gym membership that really made my diet run amok. I lost about 20 lbs over the course of 3 months-- which is a lot for me, I'm a small person-- and still thought I had 20 to go. Eugh.

My mom just kind of made it worse. She'd say positive things, but in the wrong way. Like "Look how skinny you've gotten! Just five more pounds and you'll look GREAT!" or "The amazing shrinking woman-- how many more?" and just a lot of.... I dont know. Encouragingly discouraging things.

But I'm not ED any more. In fact I was just looking at some of my pictures (that I just put back up in my CC galery as thinspiration for myself, but not to the 100 lb level) and I KNOW that on that night I was tearing them apart-- I was like EW I need to lose 20 more lbs-- and I'm astonished.

I was eleven. I ended up in a psychiatric ward for depression. Was unhappy with my body, learned the habits there. It became a crazy obsession. I lost 50 pounds in three months. In seventh grade, I was wearing clothes I had from third grade.

My mom has a degree in psychology, so she knew right away.

The conversation went like this:

Mom: "ANd now on top of everything else, you have a freaking eating disorder!"

Me (while pacing in a circle to burn calories): I do not!

Mom: You ate a piece of cheese! You don't need to pace to burn the calories!

Me: I am not!

Mom: I'm not retarded.

My mom was pretty supportive. I think in the end, she maybe contributed some, though. When I demanded a peach cut into 28 slices or I wouldn't eat, she'd do it.

I was hospitalized a lot for it. Finally my mom got sick of it and said she'd stop taking me to the hospital and when i was puking up blood it was my own fault.

I stopped a lot when I was 13, then gain 70 pounds on seroquel, and relapsed with it.

I found a stable weight at 180, size 13. (some people wouldn't be happy with it, I can live with it.)

In the past five years I've weighed anywhere from 140 to 220. I've been a size six and a size nineteen.

I was really messed up when I was twelve and eleven. Cutting, drugs, ed. All that.

Even if I don't love myself yet, I'm happy I don't hate myself.

My parents more of found out on they're own.

My mom got all mad about it but then brushed it off later and my dad sorta treated like a 'just a phase thing.'

It is not a phase.It is not something you'll get over without help.

I'm ashamed to say this, but I have yet to seek professional help , but am planning to.

However I have sustained from making myself sick for quite some time.So that's good.

My mom cried once, and my dad was very calloused throughout the whole ordeal. Choosing not to deal with it themselves [they'd never had to deal with it before, although my dad had a few sisters with eating problems], they instead sent me to various different therapists, psychologists [or was it psychiatrists], and nutritionists. CCers were the most helpful in getting me out. (:

i came into this thread thinking that you mean Erectile Dysfuction, and continued reading throughout the thread to find that you meant eating disorder :P. My bad, I just love food, i could stop eating so much, and i have been doing that, i dont try to abuse myself through bulimia and all of that etc.

uhh my mum had suspected something was up, my bones were sticking out and she caught me purging once. I feel so terrible about it now. I went through like a "binge&purge&restrict" phase, and when I decided to get better I stopped eating altogether because I was too afraid of losing control again.

I hadn't had my period in over 8 months but I stopped losing weight, I was just maintaining a really low weight [bmi 15.5 or something]. I went to my doctor, got refered to a paediatrition who specialises in EDs and now I see a psychologist, dietition and have fortnightly weigh-ins. I'm slowly recovering physically, but psychologically and emotionally I'm still a bit of a mess.

My parents don't really talk about it much, and I try to avoid the topic because I'm so ashamed. I even tried to deny there was a problem at first, even though it was pretty obvious that there was a problem. I've brought my mum to tears, and I've gotta say that is such a terrible feeling, knowing how dissapointed your parents are.

Except my parents are the only ones who know about it, my friends have no idea [I'm sure they've suspected somethings up though].

my mom and dad saved my life.

My parents never suspected anything. It was my doctor that found out when she weighed me. The fact that I didn't have had my period for over a year didn't alarm my mom because the doctors told her I was at risk of being infertile before I was born.

My dad is worried, he keeps saying how ''sick I look'' but that's it. My mom just says that it's something I can solve by ''just eating more'' and that I don't need ''to bother my doctor with something this silly''.

I remember she caught me purging once and yelled at me, saying how ''stupid'' I was for making myself sicker.

So I just don't talk about this with them, it just make me more upset.

I have never told my parents, but I think my mom knows because she also had an eating disorder in high school and could recognize the signs. She would just drop comments that would make me realize what I was doing was wrong.

I went on anyway until I met a senior at my high school who did an interview with me about her experiences for an article and it came out that she left school for 3 months to be hospitalized for anorexia. That interview became the focus of my story, but I got so much more out of our discussion.

She made me realized that was I was doing wasn't normal and gave me the advice and support I needed to change my life around. We became very good friends and without her, I don't know how much worse it could have gotten.

Now, each day I work to have a healthier relationship with food. Some days are better than others. Some days I can eat whatever, some days I restrict, and some days I even binge, but I feel better knowing that I have recognized my ED and am willing to work toward a healthy, happy life.

I've had anorexia since I was 8 years old.  In 6th grade, I was 75 pounds (my parents hadn't confronted me yet, but they had their suspicions) and I went to sleep away camp.  While I was there, I took my pulse:  24 bpm.  While I was there also, my parents read my diary and their suspicions of my anorexia were confirmed.  So they picked me up from camp and took me to the hospital.  I was admitted immediately.  

After I was discharged, my parents attempted refeeding with the "maudsley method."  I was very resistant to eating:  jumping out of windows over a small banana, throwing food, oatmeal on the ceiling, everything.  I also had  (and still do) severe depression.  I'm 15 now, and over the past 7 years I've attempted suicide 7 times, and been hospitalized 12 times.  

In terms of telling your parents, I definately would.  It could (and most likely will) save your life.  They could end the deadly cycle of an eating disorder.  Eating disorders are the most lethal of all mental illnesses.  I'm not recovered yet, and am in the middle of a relapse, but I have seen people recover.  Once they get there, they realize what they had been missing.  I've never gotten to that point, but I hope we all do someday.  

Best wishes, stay strong

i told my teacher. my teacher said i should tell my parents. i said i would. but she told them instead. that was one of the biggest feelings of betrayal of my whole life. but i began getting healthier on my own.

then it came back, and it was worse than before (but also very different, since i vowed that i would not let myself weigh less than 100 lbs). at first my parents had no clue, but then my mom started getting suspicious. i tried to hide it, and it worked for awhile, but then my friends said something to her. it was so humiliating, thinking you're hiding this big secret when it turns out that everybody actually knew. i eventually came clean when they confronted me.

with that said, i think you should definitely tell them on your own, just blurt it out however you can. it would be worse for them to find out from someone else or in some other way. parents are rarely angry about it, since they'll care more about your health.

i'm actually currently recovering on my own (i did both times, though the first time i went about it the wrong way), and it's going very well. i did see a nutritionist/psychiatrist once, but she told me that i was on the right track (since i knew that weighing <100 pounds would be bad for me) & that it wasn't necessary to keep seeing her unless i felt like i should. she didn't really give me a "plan" just a rough idea and some tips, and they were really helpful. it's quite a longgg story, the whole thing, and i'd divulge but it would just be confusing, haha.