ED, phase or life?

Hi my name is Amy. I’m 5’8 and 15 years old. I’ve been looking through forums and have read discussions about girls with eating disorders. I‘ve finally admitted that yes, I was anorexic. During my obsession I was between 95-100 pounds. Usually 97. I stopped getting my period, I would stay away from food for days until I felt as if I was going to pass out, and I had voices in my head screaming all the time that I was fat and I couldn’t eat. I’m not going to get to much into the nasty details, but my question is: Do ED truly ever go away?

In the past 4-6 months since I’ve gained back a lot of weight and I’m currently at 117 pounds. During my weight gain I purged a lot though. But there are still hard times where I won’t eat and the voices come back (by the way the voice is mine, I just can’t control it). It usually comes during my happiest days, but then again it can just come out of nowhere. I will think of food 24/7 and the voices tempt me to purge. I don’t though. As I understand it’s a problem with the mind, not the body, and that my body is just the tool.

Does anybody that is/has recovered from an ED have any information they can give me? I’m really confused and I don’t/do want to get back down to 97 pounds.

By the way, counselling is NOT an option. Neither is talking to my parents.
Thank you so much.

P.S- Sorry I write so much.

I'm a 27 year old "recovered bulimic" my first episode was at the age of 10, my last episode was over a year ago.  I was not consecutively sick or well.  I would recover and then end up right back in the same place a few years later.  Does it get easier with time?  Yes.  Do you feel more in control of the disorder with time?  Yes.  Do the voices ever completely go away?  Unfortunately no.  Not for me.  It's 17 years later and I still find myself getting the urge to purge after I've eaten too much / "bad" food.  If my weight shoots up (like it did with this last pregnancy - I gained 58 pounds) my first reaction is and probably always will be to immediately start restricting again (which in my case always leads to b/p eventually).  The difference is, I'm older, I'm definitely smarter (I realize now that what I was doing could easily have killed me at any moment), and most importantly I've found reasons to stay healthy (my children and the fact that I'd like to live long enough to see them move out someday!  LOL).  I hope that you too are able to find yours.  Good luck doll.  Best wishes.

I completely understand your dilema. When you find some good advise let me know. The only reason i don't lose anymore and this probably isn't the option you even want to consider, would be because My parents must tell the doctor my wight every weight in night so if i start losing or something i just go back to the hospital. Grrrr, i wish i had more freedom but then again i might start losing if i weren't stuck in this system. If you need someone to talk to please e-mail me. I need the support and i can also be a supporter. from Lucky, age 14.

I'm 13, 165 lbs, 5'6", and a recovering bulimic.. I hate my body. I hate my giant bone structure. I have ever since I became aware it existed (5th grade?). At the beginning of last year I started purging. It's been on and off, mostly on, ever since.

I know what it's like when you feel so awful that you want to resort to the ways you've handled things before, because I'll get so unhappy and restless that I just HAVE to vomit. It's strangely calming. What made me want to stop and actually pursue stopping was telling a couple of my friends. I'm starting to think of myself as a better person who doesn't need to suffer so much. My teeth are kind of screwed up now and I think it may have even affected my singing voice (paranoia?). I'm trying to be healthy and it's hard. My goal is to quit purging all together.

[boring self]My last purge was on Sunday, before that it'd been two weeks. I've read on multiple dieting sites that a woman shouldn't eat below 1200 calories a day, and more if she's a growing teenager, but I don't go higher than 1600 without a purge. 1400 and 1200 make me feel fat. 800 is my safe number. I don't feel triumphant, but I feel like I haven't failed.[/boring self]

Does an ED ever go away? Well, I think mine is so laced into my philosophy about life that it's a part of me. It's a part of my personality. It didn't just pop up. That being said, I still think I need to lose weight. I still have the urge to throw up, but it's softer now that I've seen what it does. I think recovery happens when you learn to accept yourself as best as you can, and the painful experiences aren't every day. When the voices are quiet because you know you're better than them.

Good luck. Seriously.

there is no cure for an eating disorder. You just learn to control it.

I am fully "recovored" from being bulimic.  I just got out of my intensive out pacient care last thursday, and while i feel so much more comfortable with eating and eat 3 meals and two snacks a day (not including two 200-300 cal snacks) its really hard. I am constantly scared of Ed because he's always screaming in my ear. Granted, I just got out of medical care so it should get better.

I don't know how you are now because this was written quite a long time ago, but if you insist on not getting help or telling your parents, i would suggest writting a note to your eating disorder (Dear Ed,) and talk to it like a person.  The ED is not you. YOU are not the ED. I am sure you aren't a liar, but  I am possitive that you have lied to covor up restriction and such.  Say whatever you feel to it. That was the first thing that I did in recovory and it helped soooo much.

Good luck!

I consider myself recovered, and I DO believe that you can ABSOLUTELY be fully recovered. Honestly, you do not hear a lot of success stories, but it is possible. Some people think that you just have to live with it. Do not settle for that :) Just fight; it is hard, but oh so worth it :) Life is meant to be enjoyed!

<3

~psychoj