ED Recovery Club

Someone suggested to me that I start this. I'm trying to come back to healthiness because I've been dealing with Ana for a while now and it's really ... not a good thing.

So...Ana (nervosa and athletica), Mia, BED/COE, Ortho, Bigorexia, whatever it is you might have had or are trying to recover from...I was thinking a good support topic in the motivation forum would really keep us on our feet.

Now if I'm the only one, well, then, just ignore me... *whistles and looks around nervously*

:)

Wow! Sorry to just jump in on the conversation here...but your experiences sound SO MUCH like what I am currently going through right now. It's a little freaky! Anyway, I am having the same problem. I have been dealing with an Eating Disorder for over 2 years now. I was about 30-35 pounds underweight a few months ago. My parents took me to a Nutritionist and a Therapist so that I could get help. I am now at a healthy weight...however my relationship with food and exercise is NOT HEALTHY at all. I think it has gotten worse!

I exercise 3-4 hours a day consisting of intense cardio (and some weight training). I also have an active job that keeps me on my feet. I eat 1600-2000 a day. I want to lose 10 pounds to get to my ideal weight that I think is best for me. BUT my routine isn't working. I'm really frustated, and I too feel like all my efforts put into the gym everyday is for nothing. My stupid weight stays the same, or fluctuates 3 pounds. I'm really confused. I know that I am burning off MORE than I am consuming! So how come I am not losing weight? I am scared to give my body a break from exercising because in all seriousness I am an ADDICT. And eating more scares the heck out of me too! I always feel full these days, which makes me wonder if I am eating too much. Uggh My metabolism is probably so screwed. I am not nice to my body that is for sure.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. I guess what I am trying to say is I am on the same boat! What we are doing is obviously not helping us, so the question is what do we do now??? HELP!

I was just wondering for those of you who are in recovery or have gotten back to eating healthy, how much support is reasonable along the way? My doctor keeps telling me that it really comes down to what I choose to do, and I know that's true. I just feel a lack of guidence and honestly, I'm not a severe case, I feel like a lot of my mental state has to do with other things. Anyway, I don't know how much I can expect my doctor or my family to "help" me with. I know it's MY issue, but it's hard. I haven't "started" eating healthy yet, I don't know where to begin (even though I really do). How much help can I expect from others?

Funkychunkymonkey...I'm in the same boat.  At this point, I'm confused if I should continue to try to get as many as 2000 calories per day, if I'm not doing intense cardio.  Or do I just eat as food comes to me, eating when I'm hungry and not eating when I'm not (sounds obvious).  I know my body isn't back on track, but will I keep gaining weight from adding more calories back in?  I've heard that your body needs to realize it's not going to starve before it lets go of some of that weight, but geeze...this is frustrating and makes me want to restrict again (I know I can't).  Like I said...I'm trying to go by how my pants fit...I know alot of this gain is water weight due to the body rebuilding itself, but I'm seriously contemplating going back to my exercise routine soon...so frustrated right now, but I know I need to get my body healthy again.

hi!

id like to join the club  Ive been having an ED for the past 3 months. I know its not nearly as bad as a year and maybe its less drastic than what many of you guys had/have to go through. I was eating only about 400 to 800 calories a day, and started noticing how my hair started to fall off, and how my menstruation cycle suddenly came to a stop (this past week for the first time) I got seriously worried, and learned that it was becuase i was eating too little amount of calories and I was going into whats called a "starvation diet". Now im trying to bring those calories up again, in order to make myself healthy again, but I wanna keep my weight...or at least how i look right now. Im 5'4'' and I weight around 99 pounds...IF i do gain weight i want it to be muscle mass...so here's where my question steps in...

 how many calories should i start bringing up slowly until I reach around 1,300 calories  a day?? Im currently doing 200 every 4 days...is this good? or will it make me gain weight rapidly? Im also eating every 2 hours, 6 meals a day, so that I make my metabolism speed up again...and doing 30 minute walks around the park. Will this help me to maintain how I look? or will it make me gain FAT? If so, what can I do to just...get back to those healthy 1,300 Ive eaten my entire life, and gain muscle weight?

 

help! :S

oh! btw Im also eating more protein now , since its helps speed the metabolism, but im not eating too much fat either...I dont want to eat fats like burgers and fried stuff...I kinda wanna stick to a healthy way of eating for the rest of my life...making a few exceptions every once in a while...maybe once a month but no more than that...veggies, proteins, fruits, whole wheat etc is what i wanna keep eating practicaly forever.

 

p.s. also drinking a multivitamin as well in the morning

I'd say you're definitely on the right track, bananee!  I just went to the supermarket this morning myself and looked solely for things high in fiber, high in whole grains, and low in sodium....I didn't even look at calories at all!  However, I would suggest only this:  don't forbid yourself to having a cheat night only once a month...this will only lead to you feeling like you're depriving yourself.  The bad things about diets are that they ultimately lower your metabolism, and make you uber-cranky.  You feel left out, while your friends enjoy pizza and beer.  You desperately want to go into the bagel shop you pass by every morning, but are afraid to because a bagel with cream cheese is over 100 calories.  You need to live a life of moderation...meaning, if you indulge for one meal, take it easy the next.  If you have a cheat day, have a good day to replace it.  And all of this is supported by an exercise routine that's livable...not over the top.  If you exercise on a consistent routine, you'll find that food worries will slip away.

yeah i know...i cant wait til i get healthy again.

i will eat at least once a month a cheat like pizza or chocolate! which are the two main stuff that just make me go insane :P but the rest of the days i plan on keeping the diet for my own good.

i just came from a 30 minute walk around the park...and i feel exhausted hehe.

i only started walking yesterday so i guess i should take it easy...

 

but clear this up for me a bit more just to make xtra sure ;)

if i was eating 400 cals a day.....the next 4 days im gonna start eating 600...and after those 4 days pass 800..and so on until i reach 1,200...this wont make me gain fat right? specialy since im not gonna be eating too much fats anyway...im going to increase calories, which will increase the fats i eat but not as much as to make me gain fat...specialy since i plan on walking every day 40-60 minutes.

 

 

Bananee, I hate to say this, but you should be prepared to gain some weight.  I'm not sure what type of weight you'll be gaining, especially since you seem to have a good idea of what to eat, but coming from such a low caloric average, you're going to notice a difference...now, even if that's water weight, you're still going to feel a difference.  Compared to where I was last summer, I'm about 10 lbs heavier (according to the scale), yet I'm still able to fit into certain clothes.  So, I think a lot of the intial weight gain is going to be water weight.

And since you're walking now, great!  In fact, I'd say every time you work out, have a slice of pizza or something you love...but have it in moderation.  Before I started dieting, I used to be able to down 3-5 slices at a sitting...but now, after lost weight then gained some back, I really can only eat about 2 (and that's pushing it).  But I don't go crazy and obsess about pizza because I've let it re-enter my diet gradually.  I eat until I'm full...not because I feel like I deserve 4 slices.

You're just going to have to experiment with your calories.  When I was first recovering from my ED, I thought I had about 1200 calories a day...so each week, I would add in 50 more calories...if I felt horrible about it, I wouldn't increase the next week until I felt better about it.  You'll begin to discover how aware you are of how you feel by what you put into your body.  I used to be able to down pop like you wouldn't believe, but I find it makes my insides all gurgly now.  When I eat extremely sweet desserts late at night, I get REALLY nauseous.  And when I eat too fast, oh boy...look out.  So, if you're afraid of adding in too fast, do what you can.  The important thing is that you have begun to add.  Just think how you'll feel when you get up to 1500...1600...1700...betcha never thought you'd be allowed to eat that many, huh?

yea i guess...i just dont wanna rush into it too fast...im afraid i wont get used to the idea, and i really dont wanna gain fat weight...just  muscle....hmmm dunno what to do...maybe i should start off a bit slowly...like more likely 100 a week...since ive been doing 600 already ill stick to that for a bit longer...or maybe not? ugh! dunno waht to dooo

 hehe the frustration gets to me

If the frustration gets to you, just think of it this way:  once you're healthy again, you can finally perfect your body in a healthy way.  And this time, for good. :)

yeah :) you're absolutely right.

 

thank you so much for all your help. means a lot to me :)

No problem...the nice thing about these forums is that usually, someone has been in your shoes before.  You just have to find the right forum to post on, and you'll get your answers.

yeah, no doubt about it.

sicne I was new and all i didnt know about this forum in specific, and i posted a topic on the help and support thread hoping for someone to help me out...0 answers...after a day or so i got one answer and they told me about this forum!couldnt be happier that she did...ill come back every now and then with news of my progress...Im just glad that it didnt take a year for me to realize how much harm i was doing to my body...I cant imagine how ppl keep this up for years...since it causes so many complications and health problems..its a wonder how girls can keep this up for more than the months I did...Ill make sure from now on to help ppl who have my same problem...since I already almost completely recovered from it...man, I learned my lesson alright.

no more starving!

im upgrading.

its been 4 days since I brought up my calorie intake from 400 to 600-700 a day.

Im already up 2 pounds and Im kinda worried it will keep going up at this rate.

I know that If I gain too much weight in the next couple of days Ill freak out and start to either do a lot more excercise or eat less and I really dont want that!

Is it ok if I eat 700 cals a day until I stop gainign weight and then bring it up again about 200 cals?

ugh I need advise on this.

If you get frustrated, Bananee, and you see that weight going up, remember one thing:  you will eventually stop gaining that weight, and it will stablize.  And think how wonderful life will be when you can finally allow yourself to eat 1500 + calories!  When I have a weight fluctuation, yes, of course it freaks me out.  And when I'm hungry after eating 2000 calories for the day, yes, I get a little nervous.  But I figure the sooner I get my system back into shape, the sooner I can start sculpting my body the right way, with moderate weight training, a sensible diet (and a little fun on the side).  I was also worried, like you, at how much weight I would gain.  But, I've been away from the gym for a week and 2 days now, doing solely yoga, and my weight has remained at the same spot.  Granted, I'm living in a big city, and although I take the subway a lot, I'm still not doing intense cardio or aerobics.  I do walk as often as I can, especially because the weather's so nice now, but it doesn't feel like exercise.  I enjoy it.  I walk home from class because I love exploring the city and talking to my mom on my way home from class...we catch up, and I end up walking a mile without realizing it.  The trick is to find exercise that doesn't feel like exercise....I love doing yoga because it makes me feel good, and on certain ocassions, running and going to the gym make me feel good, too.  But I ended up making exercise such a big part of my life that I would freak out if I missed a day cause I thought one day would push the scale up 5 pounds...not true at all.  I also thought that if I did the elliptical for 50 minutes three days a week, I was a failure if I could only do it for 30 minutes each day.  This is why you need to create a routine with both cardio AND weight training.  You'll get too tired out on so much cardio.

So, have faith.  In the end, would you rather be skinny, or healthy and live a long, happy life, with the ability to have children?  That was one of my big concerns when I was first recovering.  I had to eat because my mom kept telling me "I want to be a grandma someday!!!"  And family's very important to me, so that shocked me back into eating more (even though, looking back, I really needed to eat a LOT more).

Keep on posting and tell us how you're doing...that's what we're here for :)

Hi :)

Yeah Im done with freaking out already hehe

Im getting used to the idea of gaining a few pounds at first and its ok, because Ive been told by many that that weight is initially water weight, because your body goes into shock...and in a week or two it all goes back to normal, and eventually I will have to increase my intake once again :) Im looking forward to this week because Im increasing 100 a day...so this saturday I will be on 1,200! Im sticking to 1,200 to see how it goes...Im not even gonna step on the scale this week, I dont want to get depressed right away hehe, as long as my jeans still fit Ill be ok :P but by oct 8th (its the monday taht comes after this week) I will weight myself to see the changes.  I plan on keeping my excercising for a lifetime...even if it is 30 minutes walking...Im done being so unactive...feels crappy as hell :/ Ive always wanted to get motivation for excercising and this time around seems like its actually happening :) Today I walked for 20 minutes at a pretty fast pace, and then 10 more in a more moderate pace...because I got tired too quickly...my muscles ache a little so I might take it easy from now on.....either way...I still dont know whats my real pace....I think its 4.0 mph....but Im not sure...I counted 132 steps in one minute...how much mph is that?

I had such a healthy meal today Im so proud! I just dont know how Im gonna eat 1,200 yet :S but I'll figure it out :D

I also thought about my future...I wanna have kids as well!! this is one of the MAIN reasons I stopped eating so little..I wanna be healthy and in shape so badly...cant wait til saturday :D

 

I feel the same way with you about making exercise a part of my life...just be careful to not make it your entire life.  You will get burned out, and you'll find yourself asking questions like "Do I have to do this every day?" or "Why can't I just have a day off?"  This is why you have to let yourself have lazy days sometimes...it makes you more ambitious to get up and get on that treadmill.

And I know 1200 calories is scary for you right now...but as a person who has been trying to get in 2000 calories for the past 4 weeks, you'll find certain foods that are higher that you actually enjoy eating...like power bars, bagel chips, peanut butter...and those things will help you get your calories without feeling too full.  And you could always try to eat a little more in the morning...like cereal WITH yogurt...maybe with some chopped up fruit on your cereal.  The nice thing about PowerBars is that they range from 200-250 calories, and the kind I just bought (Harvest) are really nutritious...5 g of fiber, all sorts of vitamins and minerals, and protein, something I know I don't get a lot of.

You'll also find that you're comfortable eating certain numbers of calories at certain times of the day...for me, it was always 150 for breakfast, 300 for lunch...100 for a snack...then a 600 calorie dinner.  If you need to go by a plan like this for a week or so, then do it...but don't let the calories consume you.  You may just want to try intuitive eating.  Eat when you're hungry, don't eat when you're not.  And only eat until you're full...not because you still have half a plate to finish.  Hope this helps!

I think I know how im gonna go about eating 1,200...Its really silly and obvious now that I think about it :P just have dinner and an extra snack! haha I'll have my little cheat every once in a while but I really just wanna stay healthy snacking the rest of my life...

Right now Im focusing on bringing my metabolism back to normal so Im gonna keep doing little snacks of like 50 cals each to keep it up, eating more proteins, and excercising reguarly...even if its only 20 minutes..Ill eventually up that to 30 and when Im in more than 1,200 then Ill start doing a bit more and so on...

Im so motivated!!! so hyped up to start this alreadyyyy

I feel guilty though...and stupid mainly , because I used to be on 120lbs for 5'4 which is my ideal weight for my height...silly me thought I was excessively fat (size pants were 4)...damn anorexia to hell...I was so healthy! I could anything I want and still remain on 120...my metabolism was right where it should've been always..either way I remember being on 1,200 cals since like forever, and I never had problems with anything...actually I was quite healthy...ofcourse sometimes I'd eat 3 silces of pizzas or have a huge binge on junk food...but I guess thats ok cos it was mainly one day and the rest back to normal...If I would'v start excercising and eating a bit more healthy (still eating enough calories) then I would've lost the fat I wanted to lose and not be so unhealthy...oh well to late to lament myself for that,...the only thing that keeps me calm is that I recognized how terribly wrong my diet was and how much harm i was doing to myself and that I WANT to change FOR GOOD.

I

Is it just me, or is anyone picking up on a slightly bitter atmosphere?

Don't try and make your eating disorder feel better about itself - if a girl thinks 500-800 calories is very little, which it is, then you do not even need to comment on it. Some anorexia sufferers are helped before they get to the 100 calorie per day stage, thankfully!

I was hospitalized four weeks ago and i am leaving in two days.. YAY FOR ME!

I am so scared about going home, i really really do not want to end up back in this hospital. It is the worst thing ever, man. Too many calories to even count..................

If the nurses found out i have been on this site then i am so DEAD haha.. not exactly the best website for a "recovering anorexic". I still do not belive i have anorexia, but i do know something is not right. These thoughts are not normal, thats for sure.

Anyway guys and girls, i hope you beat your ED's and get some joy back into your lives.

I am on my way....

edit: posted in wrong thread. sorry.