ED Recovery Club II (the REAL one)

OK on acount of how the first "ED Recovery Club" was not helping most of us, I have decided to start a new one... The rules are simple: this is for advice and help only! Absolutely NO complaining about:

"oh no, I ate over 100 calories today!"

"I weigh 56lbs soaking wet, I am so fat!"

"I tried to binge/purge 3 jars of peanut butter!"

NO NO NO!!

This is for people who actually WANT to recover. All you are doing when you post these comments is hindering your recovery progress and the progress of others.

Lets focus on how to regain a healthy body and mind, whether you suffer from anorexia, bulemia, BED, bigorexia, orthorexia or any other ED-NOS.. we are here to help

Please girls (and guys), we all have the potential to be happy and beautiful, don't let food control and ruin your life.

I look forward to hearing back from everyone.

Take care. x0x

Thanks lalabanana! You really are an awesome inspiration and an amazing moderator, what would we do without you?

I've been having a very challenging week so far. I slipped and fell on Friday night and did something strange to my foot, and have been having difficulty walking on it. Obviously, that makes me almost totally sedentary, since I don't think limping too and from class really counts as exercise. Second, I lost my wallet on Saturday, WITH all of my money, the bank card that would allow me to get more, and my school ID card that lets me into the dining hall on campus in it. Therefore, on Sunday and yesterday my intake was way, way low because I was at the mercy of my friends bringing me food. I think I was at under 500 each day, and was NOT happy about it. Thankfully, I found my wallet yesterday night, so I can get back on track with my eating today, and I'm going home for Thanksgiving, but the lack of excercise really freaks me out. I'm a workout-aholic, and although I'm careful not to overdo it, I get really, really anxious when I can't. Not to mention the fact that my dad and I are supposed to be running an 8k together on Thanksgiving morning (Thursday) and I don't know if my foot will let me. I don't want to let him down, and I really do want to get the exercise because I know it will allay the guilt I'll feel about eating so much on Turkey day, but I also don't want to hurt myself doing it. Ugh. Keep truckin ladies, and fill er up! 

Torpidire: Thank you ^__^ Sorry to hear about your foot. I hope it doesn't challenge you that you won't be able to do the run with your dad but PLEASE, don't use it as a reason to restrict! Especially not on Thanksgiving. A day all about union, thanks and family, right? Not to be spoilt by worries about food and weight. ]: Indulge yourself sensibly and enjoy your company. There is no need to feel guilty, especially about having a good time, nor a point to possibly risking hurting yourself further. Especially if you think about the fact that, if you stress your injury more-so, it'll just be worse for longer. Happy Thanksgiving, in advance.

Hiya, everyone.

I just feel like posting here now. Im so SICK of calories. I cant take it anymore. Yesterday we, me and my mom, were supposed to eat beef-carrot-potato soup, but my mom put secretly pasta in it. And I cried. I fricking cried. Because "pasta is high in cals". Oh hell, Im really cuckoo, and I know it. :/

Today I made a huge step forward. I did count the calories of my breakfast, but at school I deceided I will not count calories from now on. And believe it or not; I havent logged any of my foods anywhere, not counting calories, or using my food scale. And I just ate dinner, a big plate, filled with stuff. 3 ½ fish fingers, corn and broccoli, and a big salad. Oh and ketchup.

Thank god Im going to see a doctor in 1st of December in an eating disorder clinic. Sure I aint proud of going there, but I dont care, I just need help now. I feel so obsessed with this. I actually know how many calories my dinner was, but I just try to forget it.

We have batter for christmas tarts (english for "joulutorttu", a christmas treat eaten often in Finland) in our fridge. And the plum jam for them also. I almost asked my mom if we could bake them now. But my ED voice rebelled. Im fighting it right now. Maybe I will go and ask... I know Im too low on cals today. Even when I didn't count.

Today I also feel "skinny". I have got many nice comments of my looks today. I felt like I really could maintain now. My mom just said before dinner, that I look pale and sick. My hair is also falling out, and my fingers are frezing as I type this...

Just wanted to join. This is my day one of no food scale, I hope tomorrow will be the day one of no calories at all. I will recover and I will be a happy person at christmas. Yes I will.

Ieevee: Good to hear you're going to a clinic. You may be told to gain weight but just going is the first step. If it will help you fight you voice go ask to bake with your mum.

If you're not going to count calories, learn what a portion looks like. You should aim for a balanced diet. This includes not only a balance of complex carbohydrates, proteins, healthy fats, dairy or dairy alternatives (eg soy milk), fruit and vegetables and fibre, but also treats and sweets on occassion. There are no bad foods, only bad diets. Everything in moderation.

So, have what you want at your meals but look for balance on your plate and make up for what you lack in your snacks. A good rule of thumb is half your plate to be filled with vegetables and/or fruit, a quarter with complex carbohydrate and a quarter with protein (the latter sentence taken from Nestle: Keeping an Eye on Portion Sizes).

For more images of portion sizes:
Portioning using your hands

hey all, i thought this would be the best place for me to get some help. brief background- I was sent to a clinic for anorexia earlier this year and have been on/off recovery at home since about july. I was just wondering if you guys struggled to give up the ED because of family? i mean a large part of me just wants to say ok to the biscuit and not to weighing fod and counting calories, but i don't want people who know i have an ED (family) to see me 'giving in' and eating again.
to me its an embarassment, another thing i gave up in life (believe me name a lot of things and i've probably tried it)
i seriously think that if i was on my own i'd be further on my way to recovery as i wouldn't be hiding any food from family. I don't mind people who don't know my 'past' seeing me eat but whenever friedns or family are around i just can't do it.
xx cheers guys

Original Post by hotelgal:
 i mean a large part of me just wants to say ok to the biscuit and not to weighing fod and counting calories, but i don't want people who know i have an ED (family) to see me 'giving in' and eating again.

to me its an embarassment, another thing i gave up in life (believe me name a lot of things and i've probably tried it)
i seriously think that if i was on my own i'd be further on my way to recovery as i wouldn't be hiding any food from family. I don't mind people who don't know my 'past' seeing me eat but whenever friedns or family are around i just can't do it.
xx cheers guys

Me too. I usually eat in my room, and sometimes I want to go and take some more food. But if my mom is in kitchen, I feel embarrassed and dont want to. Even when I know she only loves to see me eat *no matter what it would be*

Oh, and Im glad to tell you guys - I haven't touched my food scale or counted calories today AT ALL! :D

Original Post by ieevee:

Original Post by hotelgal:
 i mean a large part of me just wants to say ok to the biscuit and not to weighing fod and counting calories, but i don't want people who know i have an ED (family) to see me 'giving in' and eating again.

to me its an embarassment, another thing i gave up in life (believe me name a lot of things and i've probably tried it)
i seriously think that if i was on my own i'd be further on my way to recovery as i wouldn't be hiding any food from family. I don't mind people who don't know my 'past' seeing me eat but whenever friedns or family are around i just can't do it.
xx cheers guys

Me too. I usually eat in my room, and sometimes I want to go and take some more food. But if my mom is in kitchen, I feel embarrassed and dont want to. Even when I know she only loves to see me eat *no matter what it would be*

Oh, and Im glad to tell you guys - I haven't touched my food scale or counted calories today AT ALL! :D

good on you ieevee!!! i know how hard that must be, i must admit i have not been able to do that yet. Its annoying i wish there were people who did ACTUALLY understand and was able to share your mini goals with you without making you feel like a loser, like going out somewhere or having a fear, not counting calories in one of your snacks ect
i just can't bring myself to make my mum think she has 'made me better' when she is the problem.

Going good for today... Im going to see the movie Madagascar 2 in a few hours. That means I'll eat some candy. Im a bit nervous, but there are two reasons why I will eat the candy. 1: I want to, 2: Its not going to harm me anyway, and it's my offical splurge day today.
Oh, and I ate a bowl of cereal with some milk for breakfast. No weighing the cereal or milk. And an apple, no weighing either. And some hot chocolate. My food scale is rotting and dusting under my wardrobe. I feel so damn good! ;D

Yesterday the school nurse came out of the blue to get me from my class and I had a surprise weigh-in... My weight had gone down. God she was dissapointed and told me to have 2 more slices of bread daily, and be more generous with such things as butter and nutella... And when I left, she gave me a small licorice bar and told me to eat it. I'll be going there for weigh-ins from now on every week. I feel a bit uneasy, my friends asked me "why did you have to go there?" "is something wrong?". I dont want to tell them... One of my friends lost over 20 lbs during the summer (she's still somewhat overweight) and now she has to eat at the cafeteria while teachers watch her.

One more thing that makes me feel uneasy... My friends always seem to discuss weight and dieting during the brakes at school. Yesterday they all told how much they weighed. 52 kg, 47 kg, 48 kg... Then they looked at me and one commented "let me quess; 39 kg?" I blushed and told them my weight (46 kg) and then they ask me "how'dya do it? can you give me some dieting tips?"
I said nothing. I hope they'll never fall in this bottomless bit of ED's.
And I have this bad feeling that my ED will become clear to my friends soon. I'll be missing the next Monday from school because of the ED-clinic and psychiatrist...

Sorry about this, I just felt like writing...

aw ieevee well done on your food i'm bery happy for you!!
i'm so sorry about your friends at school, sometimes its difficult because even though they might hint something is wrong they don't realise that their actions also have an effect. I can somewhat simpathise as my friends never eat meals at school (basically live off gum) or if they go out they will split a salad... it sounds terrible but i must admit they are not thin, maybe even a little chubbier than healthy. Its a shame they think that they must eat gum to be thin and then indulge in huge desserts rather than enjoy good food.
if you want to tell your friends about your  ED then you should, personallyi never told my friends but when i went away as an inpatient and they saw my weight drop it didn't take boy genius to figure out where i had been. I also missed alot of school for appointments and just told them it was a check up and no other questions were ever asked.

Sorry i didn't mean to turn this around on me but well done on your progress and i really hope you don;t let your friends opinions or actions get to you, your better than that.
xx

Well, I had my appointment with a doctor in an eating disorder clinic today. I had some small hopes of getting help... I cried and cried and cried, and told the doctor everything. Now, Im going inpatient tomorrow. Not actually to an eating disorder ward (no such thing here) but childrens and adolescent's psychiatric ward. Im scared a bit but oh so relieved too. The ward was actually full now, but my doc said this is an emergency, so Im going anyway. They told me I will most likely be there for christmas this year...

So see you all. I really, REALLY hope things will be better when I get back.

Good luck, Ieevee. Remember, no matter what, this will be for the better and to get you healthier.

ok so i have finally admitted to myself that i have a problem - anorexia - and i really want to get better. i'm pretty nervous about all this, but i know that i was happy helthy & strong b4 i lost so much weight, and i just want to feel that good again. i'm working on upping my calories but i keep running into one major prblem - my stomach is SO not used to food & every time i eat ANYTHING i feel nauseated, full, bloated, and crampy (even tho Im still HUNGRY @ the same time - crazy). ive been reading and finding out this is normal when first trying 2 eat again and that eventually my stomach will get used to food again - i'm just wondering how long it takes to get to that point where it doesnt HURT so much to eat anymore? how long did it take u guys b4 your stomach didnt feel so awful after eating?

About a week of consistent eating. If it's really hard for you, mix in some high calorie, low density food. They are foods that provide calories with little bulk. Examples of these would be whole fat dairy, nuts and nut butters, avocado, oils like olive oil and canola (rapeseed) oil as two examples, oily fish, dried fruit and dense fruit like bananas. Just to name a few.

To help it digest, try peppermint tea and fennel tea, and a warm towel or hot water bottle on your stomach. And make sure you keep eating! Good luck.

For more help:

The Aim is to Gain: Advice on Weight Gain, Whatever Your Reason

Eating Disorders Health, Resources and Info Thread: Updated!

well its been a heck of a long time sicne I posted here..

and since then Ive had many ups and downs...

for those of you who dont know me, hey Im an...and Ive been in this site for a little over a year. I  joined right after I realized that having 400 cals a day was pretty much an ED....I only underate for 2-3 months but I managed to lose 20 pounds...

anyway..Ive been doing much better lately..Ive gained 10 pounds since...and Im really proud of them and I finaly feel at ease with my own body. I am no longer scared of going back to my previous weight (my pre Ed weight)....but Im TERRIFIED of gaining above that.

I know I wouldnt be so terrified of it, if I wasnt gainign weight without me being able to control it. Meaning...Im just gaining, no matter what...slowly but surely...

Im scared of just letting go...and having my weight go up too much :(

I need help...like I need someone that's on my same boat or that has gone through this or something....Im so scared...will this happen? Like will I gain a heck of a lot of weight and will it ever stop? :(

Im currently having 1,500-1,600 cals a day...Im sedentary, I dont go to work or go to college to study so I stay at home basicly all day...meaning 7 days a week Im prolly at home...sitting on my butt :( except for the some times I go grocery shopping or so...its not a routine tho so, sometimes I barely even step out of the house ..

If I could just know that i wont keep gaining like crazy I think I would be ready to just let go for good...but Im scared it wont stop! :(!!!

any help please? :(

G

Hiya all.

Just thought I would share how Im doing... The whole inpatient thing was a big fiasco. I only got more scared of eating. Good news are that I made some friends, managed to stop calorie counting and got two medications for depression. The bad news are, Im 98 lbs now. Now they're sending me in an another ward after christmas - a REAL inpatient clinic for EATING DISORDERS, not a psychiatric ward. I hope THEY can do something to help me and focus on the REAL problems I have and not just ask me if I want to eat.

Wish me luck, and merry christmas to you all!

BUMP

I have been trying to recover from anorexia for several months now. I've put university on hold to focus on getting better, but the process has not gone as planned. After several months of medical tests and counselling (which hasn't helped), I've finally received admission to an eating disorder treatment program. I really thought things were looking up, but the coordinators then informed me it would be at least a month until I could see a dietitian (required to begin the program), and they were still looking for a psychologist to replace the one that recently left. I'm tired of being kicked when I'm already down. After all this time spent alone and suffering from ongoing binging-restricting cycles, I've decided to go home to stay with my family. Even if I have to wait for treatment there, at least I won't be alone. I want to be better, but I don't want to be depressed and cry anymore.

I'm a pre-vet student finishing up my junior year at UC Berkeley and recovering from a severe case of anorexia. To be expected with a history of sexual abuse, a mom with an eating disorder, and an entire family of compulsive exercisers...anorexia is a horrible coping mechanism that I resort to when I get lonely, depressed, and anxious and has managed to destroy almost every relationship and good thing I had going for me. Right now the only thing standing in my way is my ed. In 2005 I was 85, which looks disgusting at 5'4", and was able to self-recover and gain to a healthy 115 all while biking and becoming exercise addicted. In 2007 I started to loose weight and by March of 2008 I was admitted to the hospital at 63 pounds. I had to withdraw for spring and fall semester for extended residential stays. In January 09 I graduated from the program and now live with three great roomies and I'm continuing towards my goal of veterinary school. The transition was rough as I couldn't relate to a lot of people and it was easy to slip back into a few habits with so much freedom. I lost an alarming ten pounds and have since regained my senses, gotten a treatment team together and have been working with a nutritionist to regain the weight. I'm at 87, up from 84, and following my meal plan which is a HUGE deal. I'm looking for support and motivation.

I'm going to ask my doctor about my eating disorder on the 20th, and I'm not sure how to bring it up. I want her to take me seriously (I'm 235+ pounds), because I used to starve myself and now I'm getting back into the habit (I had to force myself to eat dinner). I also alternate between binging and starving myself, which frustrates me to no end. And, obviously, my mother isn't going to be in the room so I won't have to worry about her (yet).

I want to recover from this disease, but should I ask about counseling? I don't want my mom to know, after all the things she's gone through in the past few months (losing her best friend and losing her father).