Is my ED trying to control my throat too!? What's wronge with me!?

I've been really struggling lately, with eating all my meal plan and fun food and stuff. Yes, I told my mom, therapist, nutritionist and yeah people know.

I know my mom was trying to be supportive last week when I was eating cookies, I was doing okay at first, just me and my mom were watching TV together, so I was kinda distracted from my food I guess. But then my mom trys to be supportive and says"Oh don't you love those cookies!? Just the way they taste, and they just melt in your mouth. Yummmmm. Just think about how good they taste and the whole sensation of eating them!"    I have no idea why but my ED voice went into overdrive in my head! As she kept on talking my throat started having this weird sensation. Like I couldn't swallow, I was trying to gulp to get it down. I asked my mom if I could not finish the rest, yes probably my ED voice in there too. She said no and I immediately started crying, and getting so angry.  

But it was such a weird feeling in my throat, it was like my ED was trying to control my throat so that I couldn't swallow! Is this possible!!?   What's wronge with me!?

Take those cookies and blend them up into a milkshake and drink it down.  That's one way to win over your ed.

It sounds like you panicked. When all those ED thoughts started rushing into your head, your body most likely went into some kind of panic mode and affected your control over it. I'm sorry that happened to you, I hope you feel better now! That cookie sounds yummy.  

Maybe you should talk to your mum about what kind of things she says that may make your ED thoughts flare up like that, but say it nicely because after all, she was just trying to be helpful. Sometimes parents just aren't aware of what might be helpful or not. My mum does stuff like that too, and gets frustrated with me when I tell her she has said something wrong. But everyone just has to be patient with each other!

At some point you have to stop letting what other people say trigger you.  You need to know what you need to do and do it.  Sure, you can talk to your family and they'll probably do their best to comply, but that's not overcoming the ed, that's making people around you adapt to it.

it was probably not your ED trying to close your throat but merely you being emotional and on the verge of crying. when i am crying it's hard to swallow as well. i think you're overthinking it. regardless of why it happened you need to be able to respond in a healthy manner when people talk about food/eating/etc. without allowing your efforts to be deterred. it will get easier but remember your ultimate goals and try to push past the ED thoughts!! if you need support feel free to message me :)

the ed disorder is getting the best of you , you are frighened and nervous and this could cause you all sorts of problems its almost like a panic attach

all i can say is the more you eat and keep challenging those thoughts and fears and the healthier you become the easier it will get you are not only nurishing your body but your brain and you will be able to think more logical

as for your mum she was just trying to be supportive try talking to her about how it made you feel h x

Original Post by smwhipple:

Take those cookies and blend them up into a milkshake and drink it down.  That's one way to win over your ed.

 this made me smile xx totally true smwhipple

i had a similar situation a few weeks ago when i was talking with my mum over coffee & a fruit & nut bar - she was saying some really difficult things and my throat just closed over. i think it is definitely the crying that created this feeling! next time just let her know how you're feeling & not to discuss the food sensations as you're eating something!

It's called the 'gag reflex'.  It can be triggered by particular flavours we don't like or it can be triggered for psychological reasons.  If you've heard the expression that something 'turned to ash in their mouth'... it means someone was eating/drinking away happily, heard some bad information, and the food suddenly becomes inedible/unswallowable.   I knew a vegetarian that was happily eating a cheese sandwich until someone pointed out it had ham in it... LOL!   Honestly, the fuss they made.  You'd have thought it was laced with arsenic!  Gagging, retching, going purple...   Totally psychosomatic.

Since eating disorders have a big psychological element the gag reflex is operating all the time in response to your own personalised list of 'bad' foods.   Next time, put the cookie down, take a few deep breaths, relax and then carry on eating.

I'm afraid to say that I have had similar episodes happen to me.

One instance that recently happened was when I'd just come back from the gym, and had poured myself a bowl of muesli for breakfast.  Instead of soya milk I fancied soya yoghurt on it, so I put some on top of the meusli in my bowl.  Now of course it hadn't been stirred in, so just sat there on top of the meusli looking like it was far more than was acually in the bowl.

My youngest son caught sight of it and said "Cor Mum, that's alot you've got there".  And that was enough for me to suddenly clam up, feel totally repulsed at what is my favourite breakfast, and throw the whole lot away.  Then I laid into my son - bless him, I hate myself for it - and told him he ought to know better than to make those sorts of comments to me.

Of course everything was OK in the end.  Infact my son was an absolutel angel, comforting me while I was crying, trying to make me see that everything was going to be alright, and apologising over and over for saying what he did.  I apologised over and over for reacting the way I did and in the end we were both in tears, in each other's arms!  Honestly, what a way to behave!  Oh and my son is only 13, so for him to show such a caring attitude instead of just storming out the room saying "Mum's off on one again" really melted my heart.

However, back to the reason for my reply.  Yes I fully understand how you feel marissa and I too agree with many of the other posters - relax, take your time, take stock of the situation and above all talk to your mum.  You will find that she only has your best interests at heart.

Yes, that is your ED going into panic mode.

When I get uncomfortable with something I eat, I get explodingly full after two bites. I know that it can't be real though because I doubt two bites of a cookie will make me feel like I ate a horse.

Eating disorders have an amazing power over the human body since they are psychological and the brain controls everything.

smwipple's advice rocks! :)

Just eat whatever your ED tells you not to. You will be surprised at how proud of yourself you will feel.

I plan on eating pizza tonight for the first time in a year!

Thanks sooo much everyone!♥  All of the reasurance knowing that I'm not the only one who stuggles really supports me! :)

I'm planning to talk to my mom about it as soon as she gets home from work!

Original Post by zigggystarduust:

"When I get uncomfortable with something I eat, I get explodingly full after two bites. I know that it can't be real though because I doubt two bites of a cookie will make me feel like I ate a horse."

That happens to me alot too.  My husband looks at me as if to say "Don't you dare say you're full up"! and I have to force myself to ignore the full feeling and carry on picking at my food as best I can.