where else would i go for support!?

sorry, but i need to let this out.

i'm kind of upset at how moderated this forum is. i'm not trying to take it out on anyone, but it seems i can't even get real support in the "health and SUPPORT" forum! i'm trying to recover from my eating disorder, and for the most part i'd like to say i'm doing pretty darn amazing.. but i do have downfalls and i do have times when i need someone who's going through the same thing to help me out or motivate me to not give up.. someone who's not a doctor or a threapist.. someone real who has real problems and is doing everything to get better. so, i come on here and i post about my current issue in RECOVERY and get told that my post is pro-ed.. i'm sorry to sound too harsh, but WTF? pro-ed? how can i be pro-ed when i'm recovering? when i'm tellng others that anorexia and bulimia are not the way to go? when i do everything possible to lead a healthy and happy life? i don't get it. i'm trying so hard.. sorry i'm not perfect and mess up at times, you know? how else could i explain what i'm going through if i don't say what i've done during my relapses. it makes no sense. i'm not encouraging my actions.. i think i make it pretty darn clear that i'm against what i've done. it just makes me really angry that i can't even post it on here.. and i know i'm not alone in thinking this way. i'm seriously thinking about leaving this site (since i was threatened to have my account deleted because i promote eating disorders..), or just not post anywhere. i'm really offended.

I would just like to say I agree, sadly. :( I used to love this forum, but recently anyone struggling and begging for help gets their topics shut down and told they're promoting eating disorders. Hello?! They're asking for help and someone's preventing them from actually getting that help and support. It makes me feel upset and mildly rejected - I wonder how these poor people feel?

It also bothers me how forceful some people are about eating a set amount of calories and throwing around the term starvation mode to anyone who eats three calories below 1200 for a day.  But that's another rant...

I think maybe the moderators should just stop and reflect a little bit before going ahead and locking a topic. Actually moniter the topic for awhile; see what people post for answers. See if it gets out of hand THEN lock it!

I would suggest searching around the web for some forums through websites specifically geared toward people in recovery from eating disorders. I can see how you are frustrated. It gets old when someone posts a question which is immediately shut down by a mod cutting and pasting the same bit of info onto the thread that they have in a dozen other threads and point fingers at you, accusing you of promoting an unhealthy lifestyle... Im sorry that youre feeling so defeated here. If you would be interested in checking out my main forum- feel free to message me.

What makes you think the volunteer moderator team doesn't carefully consider each report of a violation of guidelines?  When a post is flagged as a violation by another member, it comes to the team where it's discussed.  We try to come up with the best way to answer the problem.  We are volunteers who work under the direct supervision of the CC and About.com administration.  Final decisions are not ours.

FYI, there are hundreds of CC members who are genuinely alarmed when they read of someone on a dangerous course of action.  They are sometimes afraid to post anything critical, so they report it to the moderators.  They are also put off by what they see as too much time and effort put into offering advice to those with these terrible mental illnesses, who seldom take the advice and who post again and again with the same problem.

Eating disorders are, indeed, mental illnesses that require professional supervision.  We can't help with that, so we post carefully collected information that we have verified to be accurate.  It's up to you how you use this information. We can't possibly custom tailor a response to every post.  I'd hate to think that we ever did anything to encourage some one who has a serious ED to continue the deadly behavior.  I mean deadly. 

CC also provides a private way for you to discuss anything you want - your Journal.

CC also provides a forum for those who are sincere and making an effort to recover in the Weight Gain forum.

Please do read the guidelines that appear under the composition box on every single post you make.  You agreed to these guidelines when you joined.

Calorie Count's mission is to promote healthy and sustainable weight management. Please help our moderators follow this vision and respect the following guidelines.

• We can only at this time accept postings in English.
• Your post is subject to modification or deletion by our moderators. Repetitive, off-topic, disruptive, and frivolous posts will be removed. We will take down any posts that violate either the letter or the spirit of any of these rules.
• Advertisements, product announcements, and self-promotional posts are prohibited. Links to personal sites, pages, and blogs should be placed on users' profile pages.
• Promotion of starvation diets or habits that exhibit signs of an eating disorder ("pro-ana", "pro-mia", etc.) is prohibited.
• Copyrighted works including newspaper or online articles, web pages, press releases, or book excerpts are not allowed.
• Please avoid threatening other members, making inflammatory comments or posts, or using foul language.
• Basic HTML formatting tags and links can be used in the message body.,

  Calorie count is a wonderful website that promotes and supports healthy eating.  We are not your personal recovery board.  Posts that appear to be bragging about disordered eating or are likely to be triggering to other members are subject to moderation.  Other members use the Health and Support forum, not just those recovering or attempting to recover from an eating disorder Health and Support is a forum that covers all health related issues.

  Since you apparently do not want to talk to a therapist or a doctor but someone who has recovered, I'd suggest seeking support groups for those who have recovered from eating disorders.  As you are probably aware, the process of recovery is not instantaneous and many people backslide or appear to backslide.

  For places to post, you could try your journal which is provided by CC where you can post and people can read and comment.  Your journal is not subject to moderation except by you.  This is where you can post comments and experiences that might be triggering to other members or that might be viewed as promoting disordered eating habits.  Even better, you can edit and delete your entries and delete any comments that you don't appreciate.
  

i agree. i don't even bother posting about my ed issues because i fear that it'll just be shut down.

If someone kept throwing a vase on the floor, saying they'd fix it, then throwing it on the floor again.. you'd take the vase away.

The weight gain forum has been a godsend to me - I've always posted my struggles and received the most amazing support but I've made a conscious effort to a) avoid being triggering and b) phrase my posts carefully.

i have wondered for a while when this topic would arise coz i thought (especially of late) that many topics were being shot at and closed down really quickly. I especially thought it for you ohohcherri (no offence intended)-but it did seem like everything you posted was locked.

this is something which i am two minds about. because i can see your desperation for help i understand how your posts are only illustrating how it is for you at the moment, rather than bragging about the level of disorder.....however i can also see the point of the moderators.

i attend an eating disorder group and recently we changed the format because everyone seemed to have relapsed and the group had only become a talk about how bad everything had gotten for everyone. hope seemed to evapourate for everyone including the staff that were working with us. so we changed it to focus on specifically positive things. areas like self esteem and triggers and crisis intervention. but we stopped talking about the massive amounts of exercise or the purging or the restriction. we NEVER talk about food or calories because these things all keep the focus on eating and food ....... when really they are not the source of the problem.

one girl kept coming in with the same story, about her restriction. and it was obvious by her weight that she was struggling. she desperately wanted to get better (i think) but would not change her habits. and it was a source of huge huge huge frustration. we (fellow sufferers) had encouraged her, offered advice about how to get past that point but she would not change and so she was asked to go and reflect about her intentions of recovery and maybe then rejoin the group if she felt differently.

the point is this : sometimes the posts are so frightening and the level of distress and disorder is so serious that it is upsetting for those reading-who cannot help. and the same thing seems to be happening over and over that i think you need help beyond a msg board. i think ppl are genuinely afraid for your health and life and i dont think its fair to fellow members to wittness such distress....... like someone said above this is not an eating disorders msg board, or a personal recovery board and chances are if you allow one post like that you will have to allow the THOUSANDS of same posts by other sufferers.

Original Post by happinesswhereartthou:

i agree. i don't even bother posting about my ed issues because i fear that it'll just be shut down.

 exactly :(

Cherri:

http://www.something-fishy.org/

Wow, I stumbled on this thread. I am blown away by that Antartic response given by the moderator.   Crap, I would be history too, if I got an answer like that.

Try Sparkpeople maybe or like SDR just said   something-fishy is really a ED forum, perhaps you will feel comfy there and not be shut down all the time.

Original Post by maryceleste22:

Wow, I stumbled on this thread. I am blown away by that Antartic response given by the moderator.   Crap, I would be history too, if I got an answer like that.

i know. i can't even tell you how many times i've read the posting guidelines.. i mean they're literally spoon fed to me everytime i post! anyways, i'll find real support somewhere else i guess. this place seems to think that people recovering from ed's are promoting them.. hmm, yeah cause that makes a whole lot of sense. i mean yes i do have relapses, as does ANYONE who is fighting off anorexia/bulimia.. but i keep pushing to get over them. it's hard sometimes, and i thought i hearing from others who are going through the same thing would make it easier.. but i guess i can't do that without getting the same copy and pasted response from moderators.

thanks silentdeadlyrose and maryceleste22 for your website suggestions :) :)

keep pushin...... keep pushing

To ohohcherri: I was recently told that I promote eating disorders on this site too. I admit I was rather ticked off at first, then realised that there ARE people on CC that are very sensitive to anything related to eating disorders.

Now, I just watch what I post and make sure I am not stepping on anyone's toes.

Just in case you missed the point.  YOUR JOURNAL is a place that you can post whatever you like without worrying about being moderated.  You can post about your struggles, your worries, your fears, what you've done, what you intend to do, anything that pleases you.  Your buddies and anyone else that you choose to can read your journal enteries and comment on them and you can comment back.  Journals are actually a terrific method for tracking your emotional balance and progress over a period of time as they are easily compiled in date order all in one place.

Posting that you're intending to restrict your calories, use laxatives to compensate for bingeing, over exercise, or any other symptom that can be indicative of an eating disorder may get your post moderated.

Well, I dont wanna say too much because I was told I was triggering and my other account was deleted.  If I was triggering then there would be tons of other posts I read on these boards that would be more triggering. I really just dont understand because my posts had nothing to do with pro-ed habits or anything like that.  Im just trying to get help and I feel like Im trying so hard and just trying to talk to other people who actually know what Im going through.  Where I live there are no support groups or anything, Ive gotten such mixed advice from doctors, its just so confusing.  But I wont post about my problems anymore on here because I dont want to get kicked off.  If I had known my posts were so triggering I never would have post them.  I was just looking for advice that I couldnt find anywhere else, but I wont do that anymore.  I Guess its just up to me to get better on my own. 

thats you cassie87? yeah?? i didn think you triggered but i think you are at such a low weight that i think you should seek urgent medical help. i dont think you can get this from a website and i dunno that you should expect people to be able to give it to you here.... no offense intended

Original Post by country_chica:

Well, I dont wanna say too much because I was told I was triggering and my other account was deleted.  If I was triggering then there would be tons of other posts I read on these boards that would be more triggering. I really just dont understand because my posts had nothing to do with pro-ed habits or anything like that.  Im just trying to get help and I feel like Im trying so hard and just trying to talk to other people who actually know what Im going through.  Where I live there are no support groups or anything, Ive gotten such mixed advice from doctors, its just so confusing.  But I wont post about my problems anymore on here because I dont want to get kicked off.  If I had known my posts were so triggering I never would have post them.  I was just looking for advice that I couldnt find anywhere else, but I wont do that anymore.  I Guess its just up to me to get better on my own. 

Once again, CC is not a support group for recovering from your ED.  You may be able to supplement your support with posts here, but again, I recommend using your journal rather than the boards if you don't have a specific question, particularly when you're just looking to vent or appear to be seeking support for disordered eating behaviors. 

ohohcherri, I just wanted to remind you that the Something Fishy site is very pro-recovery and they will not tolerate just posting about your behaviors. They want to see you focusing on the feelings behind what you are doing and what you can do to fix them - which is obviously way more beneficial if you are in recovery.

I see where you are coming from, but I think sometimes the Health and Support forum gets used as the "ED support and struggles forum" when it's supposed to be used for any health issues. I feel like posts that talk about behaviors and how much someone is struggling may put others off who want to post something non-ED related and don't feel comfortable doing it. Also, for people that don't share those struggles, I get the feeling it's probably very upsetting.