emotional breakdown

I posted this in support and no one responded. I just want to feel like I'm not nuts!
Last night I had sort of an "emotional episode" while getting ready to go to the store. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and just broke down. The thought of going out in public seemed frightening. This doesn't happen too often anymore, maybe twice a month, but it happened to me a lot as a young(er) adult. I am making progress and losing weight and getting in shape, but sometimes I just lose it and cry. Sometimes its so hard to get past all the things I say to myself, and I'm afraid for people to look at me. Even when I was thin and in great shape and was told how lovely I was I still had days when I was overwhelmingly self-conscious. Does this happen to anyone else? Do you shy away when people tell you you're pretty? Do you ever feel nervous being out in public? Sorry all, I just needed to vent.

I DO! I used to more than I do now, but YES I have anxiety attacks in public. I dont like being around people, especially a crowd. But it's something I'm trying to get over. I get an uncomfortable overwhelming feeling I cant quite explain.

And YES when people tell me how pretty I look or even mention the weight I lost, I will immediately point out something wrong with me to show them why it's not true. Why cant I just accept a nice compliment?

I was also at a point where I would avoid mirrors at all costs. When I saw one I would immediately turn to avoid it. If I saw my reflection, I would start crying and become angry and want to break the mirror. I dont do THIS anymore, but it was pretty bad at one point.

UGH!

We should go to a therapist together

*hugs*

I think it happens to a lot of us, mainly women for some reason. I think it's good that you appear to realize you're being unreasonable with yourself. I think if you really thought these awful things you probably wouldn't be posting them for the world to read, right? Just keep doing your best and really that's all you can do. And when you don't do your best and break down with that plate of fries and three beers (hello, that was me this weekend) realize that you're only human and no one can eat perfectly all the time!

When I'm out with friends and family I don't feel that way so much........because my family and friends make me happy and that would make me forget about how much I weighed.................but when i was out alone i tried to avoid some people LIke cute guys in the mall and stuff like that..............i still do that  alittle even though im 97 lbs lighter........because i am shy and its part of my personality but I think that people won't know the real u until u accept urself for who u are.................u've admitted u have a problem and are trying to fix it but don't forget to live in the moment be happy for were u are and how u got there and love ur self.......................Cause everyone has something to offer to the world..............Ur working hard to reach ur goals and u should be proud of urself.............. GOOD LUCK in the future

I examine myself in the mirror way too much. if i look for too long, i end up hating what i see, even if i've lost weight that day. sometimes i look and feel pretty confident about my progress though. everyone has low self-esteem days (women especially i think, due to hormones, at "that" time of the month!). just work through the bad days and eventually they'll stop all together.

Next time it happens just try and remember how well you're doing and how much progress you've made so far! And remember the compliments you get proudly, don't be embarrassed =)

I don't have much advice for you, because I often feel the same way.  I break down on a semi-regular basis and just cry.  I almost did last night.  I think last night it was partly because it's TTOM for me.  But, it happens at other times as well.  I shy away when people tell me I'm pretty.  It makes me more worried, oftentimes, because I don't FEEL pretty and I am afraid of them seeing me at a not-so-pretty time and then not liking me or something, IDK.  It's insecurity, and self-dislike in a way.  I'm not sure what all it is or where it comes from really.  But the only thing that ever helps me is positive self-talk, and a positive outlook and attitude.  I have to refuse to allow myself to dwell in those feelings.  Sometimes, I have to cry and let it out.  But if I catch myself feeling badly about the way I look, I have to remember that we are all beautiful in our own ways and the things I don't like I am working to change.  I have to think and remember that I love myself and that I am worth something.  That I am strong in several ways, talented, etc. 

Think positive thoughts, and beleive that they are true.  You are worth it! 

I feel deep shame being around Asian girls.  I'm adopted from Korea, 5'5 and 145 pounds - I'm far from plus size by US standards but being 30 pounds heavier than your peers is not fun.  Some days I'm too embarrassed to wear anything but baggy dresses with boots. 

I think this sort of thing happens to anyone who's not 100% satisfied with how she looks, and it's important to recognize that others suffer from it too.  You're sooo not alone.  And by the by, if I'm not mistaken, is your username a Tiger Army reference?  :)

YES! I'm not alone!!! I always feel better if I don't look in a mirror before I leave the house. Maybe we aren't nuts. I don't usually do fries and beer, but I do, un, over indulge on the liquor! It sort of double sided, I know I shouldn't think bad things about myself but its so hard not to FEEL them. I've started writing things down and trying to do something nice for myself every now and then. Like I said, I think maybe I'll grow out of it since it has gotten better and priotities change as we get older. I'm 27 though, I feel like I should have a grip on my life. Maybe I need to do volunteer work or something to bring me out of my little bubble and realize nothing revolves around me and neither should my mind. :) 

It happened to me last night. I was going to take a shower and I looked in the mirror and just saw every little bulge of fat. I thought I would cry but then I got all angry and just wanted to yell at myself for being so disgusting. I definitely know how it feels. Something that I like to do to make myself feel better is find an outfit I think is really pretty and then put it on. Then I look at part of my body that looks extra good and think about how it's a good asset. It helps me feel beautiful for a few minutes. You should try it.
: )

Yes meelyn, it is. Been a fan since 97 ;)  TAND!!!!! ANd I know what you mean about your peers. I'm very close to my cousins, and they are all lovely and petite-boned. I'm 5'8 and anyhitng but dainty. I'm constanbtly surprised how many wonderful be I have in my life, however. I guess in contrast to how hollywood sees it, we all have something.

You guys are the greatest! I feel silly now for crying. It's funny how much a bunch of strangers can affect you!

Finally More people like me!  Everytime I look at a mirror i feel like crying and it drains out the fun out of my moments, And then all day long I think about how bad,Fat, and ugly i looked in that mirror therefore as a result ruining my whole day.  Then definitely when someone comments on positive things I have no clue how to respong so I just say "Nah" or something like that.  Also It's weird usually people find hapiness with eachother I find it in my books.  Is that even normal?

Cupidsvictim,

I am EXACTLY the same way.  At times, it was so bad, that I used to skip my classes or call in sick to work because I was afraid to leave the house and let people see me. i've come a long way, but it is a contant struggle.  I live and work VERY close to you, so if you ever need support, please let me know.

Kelly

That's what we're here for, ha =)

I guess it all comes down to distraction and focusing on what's good. I was feeling ten times better about myself when I was skating, and my derby sisters were so strong. I did more than I though my body was capable of. And then, unfortunatly it was. Maybe its better to be strong than thin. :)

Hey All,

It is so hard to get out of your own head sometimes. Sometimes I feel like Im a total nutcase..Ill be feeling great, and then reading a magazine will send me into a total downer.  But I just have to keep reminding myself that I am working hard and making progress and F*** those chicks in Vogue! hahaha....

RE: feeling weird when people compliment looks, say you look pretty etc.. I think part of the reason why we feel so uncomfortable when this happens is because sometimes when people say nice things, they DONT always come from a nice place. I'm currently 150 pounds, but when I was 190, I often caught a hint of sarcasm or inscenserity when people would tell me I looked good. And I dont think that 100% of the time it was only in my head.

The truth is that this society does not like overweight people. For whatever reasons. (different conversation!) So that puts SO SO SO much pressure on and distorts our images of ourselves. No one wants to be unnaccepted and unloved. And in our world, skinny often equals accepted and loved. Which is F'd.

But its great to have this place and people like you all to talk to about it. We are great people no matter what our size. And though sometimes we forget it, there are lots of others around to remind us.   :)

I know how you feel.   Within the past 2 weeks, I've cried twice.  I FEEL really good about myself sometimes.  I lost 26 pounds. BUT:

Last week, I looked in a mirror while I was at the Baltimore Aquarium...All I could see was this bulge in my stomach. It was hot, so I was melting in the heat.  SO I felt like this sweaty gross mess.  It seemed like the heat wasn't affecting anyone else!  Just me.  Every girl I looked at seemed a million times prettier than me!  What a horrible feeling.  I just felt awful.  It took me a while to feel better.  I mainly just walked around, and tried my best to enjoy the day.

Then this weekend, I got dressed, but it was still early so I hadn't done my hair or makeup yet.   My boyfriend told me I looked adorable, which felt really good.  He took so many pictures of me.  When I looked at them, it broke my heart!  I felt fat and dumpy in them.  I tried not to, but I started crying.  

I keep telling myself I'm doing a good job.   I AM losing, but it's hard not to feel bad about the way I look still.  I suppose it's that sort of motivation that keeps me going.

OMG!!  I thought I was the only one who felt this way!!!  While I was reading these posts it felt like some of you were inside my head taking the words right out of my mouth.  I feel very lonely, very often and this website reminds me that I'm not totally insane (lol).  Its soooooooooooooo nice to know your not alone. 

Me tooo!!!!! spikeybluemunki you said the EXACT thing I was going to say! Everyone said the SAME things that go through my head! I have been feeling terrible lately and avoiding so many potential fun activities! I HATE going out in public with a passion!!! My friendships are twindling because I don't want to be in social situations! Y'all brought tears to my eyes, I was feeling so alone in my anxiety and self consciousness! And when anyone comments on my appearance I panic and hide asap! I just hate people to look at me! Plus mirrors are the devil! lol! Hugs to all of you!!!!! Now I'm going to cry!

I think this was a good first thread to read as a new member here. I work at the University of Pittsburgh in epidemiology and qualified for a weight loss + sodium lowering study (it's actually a study on vascular stiffness) and the group meetings just started 2 weeks ago. I have never dieted before and just started counting calories last Friday (lost 2 lbs as of this afternoon!).

Unfortunately, now that I'm more aware of what I'm eating, what my weight is, how much I need to lose, I'm crying all the time. Sometimes they're happy tears because I'm finally feeling like I'm in control but other times it's hopeless tears when I think about having to lose ~50 lbs (I'm currently 173).

The only way I'd be able to do something like this is in a study, with nutritionists and exercise specialists and group meetings and I can only hope that these emotional breakdowns will stop soon. Hopefully, hanging around here on this board will help too. :)

I am right there with you guys. Only maybe I'm worse. I won't even call people to make plans because I don't think they will want to hang out with me because of how I look. (And because I'm shy, but still...) I have no social life to speak of. My only friends seem to be my mom and my little boy. It's a very lonely place to be, but I'm working on it...