The emotions of weight loss

I'm sure there's another thread like this one. I just need to get my thoughts out.

I'm not giving up. I actually just got back from a run, so that isn't the point. When I started losing weight, I knew I would feel proud, healthy, etc., I just never realized the BAD emotions that losing weight would include. These are some of mine, and feel free to add more.

Emotion #1: Anger.
Lots of anger. Anger at myself for not realizing I was so big sooner. Anger for getting so big. Anger at others for not telling me. Anger at others for asking rude questions (ie. How much do you weigh now? SERIOUSLY?!).

Emotion #2: Lonliness
Sometimes I don't want to deal with the pressure, so I sit at home alone on Saturday nights. I sometimes also feel like I don't have anybody to talk to because those I talk to say things like, "I really want to lose 6 pounds." I fluctuate that much on a good day, lady.

Emotion #3: Sadness
Saying "goodbye" to fat is harder than I thought.

Emotion #4: Embarassment
Of the fact that I let myself get X pounds overweight.

Emotion #5: Fear
Will the weight come back on? When? Will it be more?

Emotion #6: Pressure
To lose more. To get to the goal faster.

Emotion #7: Frustration
Wait for a plateau. Enough said.

Emotion #8: Obsession
My personal favorite! I have actually counted that I drank 900+ calories worth of beer. I'm not proud, but can't believe that after that many beers, I was still able to count.

Just keep that great attitude and you will do great.  If I start having a bad day and I'm having a hard time staying focus, I tell myself that it's just my body trying to sabotage me.  I am trying to take back that control once again.  I know what's best for my body and not the other way around.  If I feel hunger pangs, I just drink so much water that my eyeballs are swimming.  Take that, you spoiled body, we are getting in shape (lol).

Please keep me informed, we Grammie's have got to stick together.

Go on and get that swim suit, enjoy life and have healthy snacks if you can.. knee pains -means you need to exercise your joints, have a look at Yoga if you have it in your area.. there is nothing like it.. you feel great..trust me on this.

Do you ever get afraid that you will lose all that weight, be in a size 3 and STILL have problems in your life?  I am often guilty of thinking that once I'm not fat anymore that everything will be alright, somehow these problems with money, family, job, etc. will disappear.  Logically I know that's wrong but I tend to envision the perfect life as a thin person, and I know I will be disappointed if I ever get there.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Thanks for responding.  I just started Yoga last week - it's an introductory class, but I'm thinking maybe I should postpone.  My right knee is really hurting. I was looking for a gentle yoga class - this is a little more strenuous than the last class I had.  This instructor doesn't seem very sympathetic.

I have an appt. with orthopedic doctor this week.  I'm going to call and see what the instructor has to say.  But, yes, I thought yoga would be a good thing, to keep flexible, stretch things that haven't been used and help with keeping toned while slimming down.

Meyer67,

I, too, have suffered from the mindset that if I were thin everything would be rosey.  I'm fairly close the my goal, so I feel I can speak to end results, at least a little bit.  Yes, there are still the ton of problems that just don't go away when you lose weight, but let me speak to a few things that are better than expected.

1.  Underwear, it fits!!!  The elastic doesn't tear into my skin, sag badly or not stay up over my fat stomach any longer.

2.  Wonder of wonders, my feet are smaller!  I used to wear a 9 wide, now it's 8 regular.  I'm serious, had to buy new shoes.

3.  I can wear heels all day now and my feet don't swell.  There's something about heels that just make you walk differently, more confident.

4.  I hardly sweat at all anymore.  Used to be hot all of the time, now I'm mostly cold or fine, rarely hot (and I live in Texas where it's always hot).

5.  Choice of clothing is awesome.  I can wear clothes from almost any store now, whereas in the past I had to walk past many in the mall that stopped at size 12. 

6.  My moods have definitely changed for the better.  My mother told me recently that she had never seen me as happy as I am now. 

7.  I cut my once midlength hair short, and I don't look like a bulldog, it looks kind of sexy.  Always thought I had a round moon face so I couldn't wear short hair, turns out I have a heart-shaped face that is great for short hair.

8.  I can ride every single ride at amusement parks, water parks and every other kind of place that has weight restrictions.

9.  I have an inner peace with myself, I'm so proud of myself, and it shines through in almost everything I do.  I lost 82 pounds because I wanted to.  I am so, so thankful that I no longer have to dream of what I would look like, I can look in the mirror.

10.  Nobody's putting Baby in the corner anymore (sorry for the Dirty Dancing quote, but it works).  I am not ashamed of myself anymore. 

I guess what I'm trying to say (and took way too long to get my point across) is that while there will still be all of the same money, family, etc. issues, the way you handle them will be different, at least for me they are.  If I hit a roadblock, I just push on through.  

terrydavis18-

Thank you so much for the encouragement.  You're right, there is so much to look forward to despite the problems that will remain.  And maybe I will be able to deal with the problems a little better, not being focused any longer on being fat.  I am especially looking forward to shopping in NORMAL stores and not being relegated to Lane Bryant, etc.

How much did you weight to begin with?  How long did it take to lose it.  I've lost 50 lbs. over two years, stayed the same for the next two years and put back 10 over this last winter, much to my disgust.  But I'm back on track.  I have about 65 lbs. to go.  I'm 41 years old, 5'1" and 186 lbs.  I'm curious about your stats.  Also, I have a 10 year old daughter who is moderately overweight and I have to do this for her, be an example. 

That's great how you don't hardly sweat.  I live in New York where it's not so hot most of the time but I sweat like crazy, get all red faced and it's embarrassing. 

Just to chime in... I agree, the problems you had still exist after losing weight but your mental approach to them are different.  I found myself to be kind of negative alot and looking at the dark side of stuff when I was fat.  I say fat because I was fat, not just heavy, over-weight, etc... I was fat.  I'm 5'6" and I weighed... umm, well, let's just say I lost 125 pounds.  LOL.  Anyway, I am kind of surprised that my attitude changed, more positive, and I still have money problems, worries, etc... but I see things different now, because I truly believe, anything is possible. 

I feel guilty posting replies because I just had an "off" weekend and I am not sure why.  I have playing with the same 3-5 pounds for about 2 months now.  I am going to go off topic for a minute, but if you will stick with me, I'll get back to it LOL.  I am very close to my original goal weight, less than 10 pounds to go.  I have been doing this strange thing for about 2 months, I eat about 1700 calories a day and work out every day (running, lots of cardio) and burn about 2600.  I eat what I want, just very small portions because I am not dieting, just losing weight.   I weigh every day and track my progress for calories and weight. 

Anyway, I get to Fridays and I've lost 3 pounds (5 pounds to go!) and by Monday morning? I've gained anywhere from 3 to 5 pounds back...this is a f'ed up pattern I am in.  So I spend the following week getting those pounds off and by the following Friday, I've lost the "weekend" weight.   I gain weight becuase I am having these moments during the weekend... I eat and eat (umm, this weekend it was Robin Eggs, Peanuts, and onions rings!!) and do it uncontrollably.  I still work out but I am over-eating.  I need to figure out why I am intentionally sabotaging myself.  Umm.. sabatage... errrr... you know the word! 

It brings me back to this post.  I am afraid of finishing I think.  But why?  So, the ultimate point is, emotions and food will always go hand and hand with me. I have to learn to cope and deal with it ... but I promise you, it does get easier.  I am working on why I have been messing around with these last 10 pounds for almost 2 months and I will figure it.  I will stop my weekend weight gain/mini-binges.   Why?  Because I know I can.   

I started my new life on June 16th of 2008.  At the time I was 5'4" and weighed 238, size 24.  I am now at 156, size 8 or 6, depending.  I am supposed to lose 21 more, but I'm afraid that that might be too thin.  I'm 47 and at this age a little meat on the face is better than none.  But I will definitely see what I feel like.  My doctor says anywhere between 140 to 145.

I have been doing this on my own until last month when I found this web site in a woman's magazine.  I wish I had had it sooner.

I believe that anybody has it in them to do what I have done.  I'm certainly not special.  But I am very strong-willed, though, and when I start on something, I'll hang on for dear life. 

Jennifer58,

You know, when I read what you are saying, it just reinforces what I have come to believe lately.  I don't think there is ever going to be an end point for me.  I used to get really hung up on being "done".  Like one day I was going to wake up, be skinny, and then my new life would begin and I would eat whatever I wanted and stay that way.  Not hardly.  That thinking is what is going to get me in trouble. 

To me, you sound like a normal girl who overeats on the weekend, and fights all week to get it back under control.  You may feel like you are not making progress, but actually you are just living your life and trying to keep the old ways from taking over.  To me, you are a sucess. 

I sure don't think you should feel guilty about making replies.  Your experience is an important one.  In a few months I'll be where you are, and I really love it that I will have your experiences to draw on. 

Seriously, I'm scared to ever go back to eating what I would term as "normal" food.  I have got the fat gene (I know, it's not very scientific, but I do).  I think I'm like an alcoholic who has had too much alcohol to ever get to go back to having just one.  I have had too much food, especially greasy, fatty, sugary, bad for you food, maybe I don't get the right to eat that way ever again.  You know, that won't be such a hardship, at least from where I am now. 

If eating that way means that I don't have all that I have now as far as self-esteem and happiness, I'm willing to give it up.  At least right now, I reserve the right to change my opinion when I'm as skinny as you (lol).

Hang in there, you are doing EXCELLENT!!!!

Awww, thank you for your words of encouragement.  I am in the middle of losing my weekend weight ... LOL.  I am feeling great and thinking, of course I can lose that 7 pounds and reach my goal.  We'll see what happens this weekend. 

But this is a great thread becuase I really thought I was the only one who had all these struggles and overwhelming emotions.  I thought I wasnt normal because I had all this negative stuff boiling inside.  But again, I know it will get better and I know I will get through this.... just like everybody reading this!  We will survive and get strong.   Now, if I could just stop singing Gloria Gaynor... I will survive....

(Now you know how old I am!  LOL).

I think the negative emotions are realistic. Even though I'm not 100+ pounds over weight, just being 30+ has severely wrecked my self-esteem. I find myself getting extremely jealous/envious of women who have had children and still manage to keep slim figures. Whereas, for me at 26---my body reflects that I could have had 2 by now.

I also get anxious about the expectation to keep the weight off if and when I ever lose it. Im so use to my spare flub and chunky legs/arms that I've grown use to using it as a "security blanket" that gives me justification when I get rejected or things dont go my way, cause I can always blame my "fat" as being the culprit.

But I do think it's important to realize this as self-defeating behavior, negative self-talk. As one poster said, no one force fed you those greasy/fattening foods. You played a MAJOR if not the entire role in your weight gain, so you have to take that accountability and CHOOSE to be better.

I choose to over-power my cravings, because I refuse to let a craving be stronger than me. I choose to get up and walk 6 miles everyday, because I don't want to be defeated come this time next year and I'm still the same size or worse. I choose to stop beating myself up for past negligence to my health. I can't get those years back or erase all those bad choices in food I made or the lack of exercise. All I have is NOW. And that's what I choose to optimize.

Is it okay if I just tell people that aliens invaded my body and made it gain 100 pounds in a 5 year period?  Because it's darn embarrassing.  I would really liketo be able to blame it on somebody else, because if I say that it's me, they are going to know me for the fool that I am. 

Seriously, though, I agree with you completely.  I am to blame and I will not let myself down again.  But sometimes I seem to be trying to sabotage myself.  Example, I buy chocolate for everybody in my office, all kinds, and keep it in a basket on my desk.  I work in a courthouse, so it's like the water cooler in front of my desk at all times of the day.  The bailiffs and Judges and everybody else is standing right in front of me eating candy all through the day.  Now, why in the world did I start this?  Besides the fact that I have now got a $20 a week habit, today the chocolate is all that I smell.  I'm not really in fear that I will eat the chocolate, it's not that. Now I just get mad that there are these candy hogs that don't realize that this candy is supposed to work all week.  In the back of my mind I know it's not that, it's the fact that they can sit around and eat candy all day and it doesn't show. 

I'm so goofy.  I am going to quit with the candy buying starting this week.  What person on a calorie-restricted diet would have candy on their desk?  Next week I'm changing it to carrots and we'll just see how popular I am after that (lol).  I also make fudge, chocolate sheet cakes and chocolate pies all the time.  What am I thinking?

When I write this down, I realize that I'm like an alcoholic tending bar, a trainwreck waiting to happen.

I'm sure this is another thread somewhere, but I'm wondering how many other people do things to sabotage themselves.  Because this candy thing started out innocently enough when my court bailiff quit smoking and I bought him some candy to help with the withdrawal.

WoW Terri! Are you sure you dont work in MY office. I swear, she's the sweetest lady (who also happens to vocally struggle with her weight) and she also has the "sweet tooth" jar perched on her desk...full of hershey's minatures. And yesterday I went in and grabbed up 4 of them which came to a wasteful 168 calories.

But I notice particulary with her because she's always complaining about her weight that she is a serial sabatoger...like SERIAL. Almost 3-4 times a week, she also brings in bags of cookies, cakes and desserts. (Just as you said you do) and not only does she bring them in---but she BOAST and BRAGS and goes around the office from door to door cohercing (yes "cohercing") everyone to partake in the sugary, doughy treats.

And like cats being led to a milk pasture---we herd in one after the other stuffing our faces with that junk. Why? Because it's there. And it's comforting. But want to hear the punchline? She rarely EATS IT HERSELF. So go figure---maybe in some strange twisted, very twisted way...lol. It helps her not to binge by being able to make the treats readily available for others BUT not herself.

As strange of a theory--it may work. I know that I LOVE to cook. And usually, once done---I have no appetitite for what I've prepared. So maybe when she's eyeing that chocolate cake at home or lusting after those cookies in the grocery store---instead of grabbing them up for herself---she figures if she could atleast get the will-power to bring them to work---that will eliminate the chance that she gobbles them all up alone.

I dunno. This is just one theory. But as I said in one of my topics---I also sabotage. In different ways though. I'll lose 10-15 lbs. and instead of keeping that up---I'll start eating like a wild woman and neglecting my workout as if to purposely guarentee that the weight loss is temporary. So we all have our vices. Again---you have to recognize them, yet not give them POWER. It's hard but you can do it!!

Also---just thought about this theory---MAYBE because you SHARE those treats, it gives you a false permission to over-indulge. We all know that feeling---it's doubly shameful when you're stuffing your face ALONE. But it's more acceptable and relaxing when eating badly in the company of others. You figure, "Hey it must not be that bad, hence Jessica's eating it too." But as you said, you also see that Jessica may not have your same weight struggles, metobolism or lifestyle. So, I think you should stop that candy jar and replace it with maybe sugar-free mints or something non-edible.

All I know is my subconscious is up to something, and it's not letting me in on it.  I also buy doughnuts and things like that if I go to the store in the morning for fruit or vegetables.  But in the 11 months of my diet, I have never had any of it to eat.  In fact, I have not gone over my calorie limit in that time span, not one single time.  Tick, tick, tick, tick.  That bomb is just waiting to blow up in my face.

I have this need to feed people.  I have no clue why.  It's not like I grew up in a restaurant or something.  It may be that my kids are grown and gone, and my husband works nights, so I don't cook for anybody anymore.  I do know that I live for their praise. 

If I could get to the bottom of this, I might have a little insight into my issues.  I know that unless I get to the bottom of why I let myself get fat, why I am deathly afraid of going off of this diet, and why I obsess over food, still, I am in danger of putting it all back on again.

While I write this, that is just off in the future to me.  Today, I'm fine.  Tomorrow, I'll be fine.  It's just that far off 20 pounds from now when I'm in trouble, not today.  My diet sustains me, I keep hydrated, and when I am bored, I mow the yard or walk the dog or just get on my treadmill and run until I'm too tired to do anything else. 

I know that I'm different from "normal" people.  My husband does not even think about food until he is just starving.  He doesn't overeat as a rule.  He has been thin all of his life, but he's 55 and it shows that his metabolism is slowing down.  I, on the other hand, plan out every meal of my day a week in advance.  That's every little morsel that is going in my mouth.  Can you say obsessed with food?  Oh, well, whatever works, right?  I am really a happy person these days, and I always smile while I'm contemplating how many hours until my next snack (lol).

.

I haven't been to Calorie Count in nearly a year. I hit a brick wall. Some family problems surfaced, and I went back into emotional eating and re-gained my weight loss plus 10 more lbs.

I know why I eat. I know what triggers it, yet I find myself succumbing to it anyway. I went to counseling to work on issues, but I found that I ate more, the more the therapist wanted me to delve into emotions.

I'm tired of being 300 pounds.

I'm tired of carrying this weight around on my bones.

I'm tired of being unable to sleep because I'm too heavy to lay down in bed without hurting in my legs. My legs actually go numb. Unbelievable.

I'm tired of feeling ashamed when I'm out with my husband. He loves me as I am. It's *me* who feels not good enough.

I'm tired of people staring at me.

Tired of wearing big clothes, that are uncomfortable and ugly out of a woman within catalog, because I can't afford big stylish clothing.

I'm tired of crying because I don't like how I feel or look.

The weight is ruining the best years of my life.

I'm trying so hard to mentally get back on track with this.

I tried to get back into CC a week ago on my own, and totally blew it after two days.

Something has to change. I'm reaching out and grabbing on because I'm really afraid I won't live to see my daughter grow up.

I can't breathe well. I can barely go up and down stairs. My shoes don't fit my feet. My ankles swell, which is extremely embarassing.

It just has to change, and I don't know how to do it.

I have some I feel unable to list here in a public forum (long story) bottom line is I understand.

 Hey newdays - We all understand - I'm trying desperately to stay under 200 lbs.  I'm starting over too.  We are all here for the same reason.  We need help - because we're overweght - no matter what the number is.  We shouldn't be ashamed at this website, to pour our hearts out and say we've failed. 

So, this is a new day!  I did okay yesterday and WE can do okay today.  Use all the tools that are on this site.  They are terrific - we have to make sure that when we're needing something to quell the hunger that it's something good for us. 

Last night I stayed up and cut celery stalks and carrot sticks and put them in a container in the frig - right up front.  I need something crunchy when I'm hunting.  It's this awful feeling that  I have to be chewing on something.  Believe it or not I used to work at a wellness exercise center.   No one can be more ashamed than I am of being overweight and having at that place.

So, chin up, use the weight log - only once a week right now.  Use the food log and we can do it this time.  Use all the tools here.  I'll check in with you tomorrow.  And if your husband is behind you - you have all the incentive you need - do it for your kids, do it for him - and have faith in yourself.  You need to be around awhile for these people.

Grammie Mae

Just take baby steps every day until you are able to give more.  When I started thinking about losing weight, and mind you that took 4 years, I just started cutting things out of my diet.  So who knows how much I really weighed before I started doing that.  I certainly didn't have a scale in my house.  When I eventually went to the doctor about some illness or another, and I was always sick with something, I weighed 238.  The doctor's office had given me their 1200 calorie diet plan about 5 times, but I just threw it on the seat and eventually threw it in the trash.  It was the 6th time that I read it. 

The moral of the story is never think that it's too late or you won't ever lose the weight, because you have decided to try, and that's the first baby step toward your goal.  That baby step is the step you will look back on and say was the most important step you ever took.

Please keep writing and keep those baby steps moving, we all believe in you.

Let's see...the negative emotions:

#1 Frustration: It's been a little over a year of actively trying to lose weight through "diet" and exercise, and I've lost 54 lbs, but I still need to lose 16 lbs. I will still need a calorie "deficit" for at least 6 more months before I go into maintenance.

#2 Anger: I used to soothe anger w/sweets. Now I have to face the anger and deal with it.  (Journaling helps!)

#3 Loneliness: Weight loss does not cure loneliness. I think this is at the heart of why I overate in the first place. Weight loss does not change my introverted personality.

#4 Sadness: Weight loss does not cure a poor body image. I've never liked my body, even when I was a "normal" weight.

#5 Obsession: Yes, weighing every morsel of food that I eat may be a necessary obsession that I will have to live w/the rest of my life.

#6 Fear: Will I lose my motivation to eat healthy at some point in the future and gain the weight back? I hope not. Also, fear of doing all the things I wanted to do when I was obese, but felt that I had an excuse not to do them because I was fat. The reality is that I would have been afraid regardless of my weight.