Even more wedding issues.

I've started my invitations.  I've finally got a design set, all the damned flowers cut out, an idea of the writing on the inside, but here comes yet another issue with the invitations.

We're having two separate receptions, one for the people who aren't offended by alcohol, T&A, and drunken blunt family members at Hooters (mostly my family) and another at a tea room where Alex's grandfather lives for the more conservative ones (pretty much all of his family).

Our ceremony is tiny.  On a Tuesday, eight in the morning, in the middle of the remains of an old canal.  We don't intend on a lot of people to come and only planned on sending out six invitations.  My parents, his mother, my uncle, his aunt and uncle, his brother, my girlfriend (who is also the photographer and her boyfriend is our little dude-who-says-we-may-now-kiss-and-stuff)

Cool beans, right?  I sent an eMail to his aunt and uncle, who we're closest to of his family, and asked if they had family friends or extended family I didn't know about that they would like at the tea room reception.  Alex isn't close to his family at all.  He knows a few names, but couldn't tell you who is who if he saw them all in person.  His aunt wants us to send an invitation to her sister's family for the ceremony.

I'm not even inviting my own grandmother, who we talk to daily.  Am I wrong to not want these people I've met once, never spoke to, and only remember their daughter's rack at our wedding?  As soon as Alex gets home, I'm asking him what he thinks but I'm pretty sure he's only going to want them at the latter reception.

She's also talking wedding showers and gift registry.  I don't know what the hell these things are!  If I didn't spend three days making paper cherry blossoms, I'd just elope.

Oh, do I hear you!  Everyone assumes that so-and-so is important to them, so should be invited and if you invited all the "special" people who you simply "must" invite, before you know it, you have a huge ceremony!  It's your wedding.  You should be able to write a tactful letter or email to his aunt to explain that this is a VERY small ceremony, and the receptions are the place for extended family and friends.  Hopefully, she will understand.

And maybe in a different email (so as not to hit her with a barrage of denials) you can explain that showers and registries aren't quite you thing.  

I wish you luck!   

yeah, you definitely shouldn't have asked - i didn't even want a real wedding but got suckered in a 100 person shindig - the only good part is that my sister in law and her best friend basically planned the whole thing - thats why you have a bridal party and maid/matron of honor - so they can take over everything - they planned the shower - we asked for money cuz we hit the road shortly after the wedding to move across the country but yes - if you let anyone even remotely near ur wedding they will impose what they want all over you ...300 dollar flower arrangements - ugh!

Sometimes I get my feelings hurt if my family members don't invite or ask me to do something, even if they know I'm working or busy.  It's the novelty of being thought of that feels good. 

I'd cut out a few more flowers, and send them the invitations, it doesn't mean they'll actually go.  If they're as self-centered as you say, I'm sure they already have plans.

If she brings up showers and registry, come up with a phrase that you're comfortable saying like "I'm sorry, but that isn't how I intended my wedding to be" or "My husband will be the best gift and celebration of all, I really don't need all of that". Maybe "Thanks for the thought, but we've already decided against that."

It is your wedding, you certainly don't "need" anyone there you don't want, there is a fine line between politely pleasing family and letting them take over your ceremony.  I'm sure Alex will have some good ideas.

Good luck =)

I am only at the beginning of all of this, but I feel your pain. S and I sat down last night to make our tentative guest list and its rough. We are having a larger wedding (we are both from gigantic and close familys--think my big fat "catholic" wedding).

I think you need to make this day about you and do whatever the two of you want. If you have invisioned something small, you should keep it that way. I don't think you should feel bad about kindly explaining you had to keep your invite list very small.

Good luck!!

gift registry.  Ppl will want to give you gifts.  Money is nice, but once spent, no memory.  30 yrs from now you can look at gifts and smile thinking of them as wedding gifts.

Hence, the bridal registry.  Most stores have it.  You just check what you want, tell ppl where you are ""registered"" and they buy what they want from the 'list'.

I think even JC Penny has 'bridal registerys.  Check if Target does.  You don't have to pick out china, (which is the most traditional).  You can pick out anything, even tools if you want.

My bridal gifts.......after all these yrs..........the toaster just quit working.  I still have one sheet, which is now a painting sheet.  I still have one pan.  Somehow its fun to look at how long I've had these things even if they are unromatic.

enjoy it all................

My wedding is so small, we don't even have bridesmaids.  We're not even going to have chairs!

Fortunately for me, Alex called a few minutes ago and agreed, the distant aunt should not come to the ceremony but rather the reception, and we're not doing gift registry.  We've got enough crap and no place to put it.

And three hundred dollar flower arrangements?  Hooters has a roll of paper towels on every table.  If people want decor that bad, I'll stick a ribbon on 'em all.  That'll be my centre piece.

Hahaha. I like the paper towel idea. Remember though, its not if other people want decor its if you do. No worries to embrace the fact that you want a simple wedding! Its your wedding not theirs. Let them enjoy the free food, drink and cake you give them and enjoy the company.

Free food my ass.  There it is, in big bold print, we have a budget of $15 for anyone with an invitation.  Additional company pays for their own food, and everyone, whether it's in the budget or not, pays for their own dinks.

And for the tea room thing?  I'm making petite fours, red jello in wine glasses, and chocolate covered fortune cookies.  If anyone wants anything else, they can bring it or go cryin' to Alex.

I had a small wedding, in a church.  20 relatives and close friends.  Reception at his moms that she prepared.  The only flowers were my bouquet, a boutinere for the groom and carnations corsages for the mothers.

It doesn't have to cost much.

Make up your mind that when the W. day is here, you won't worry about anything.........your only job then will be to smile and glow.

It is your day and you should do exactly what YOU want. How many of your guest are married? They should know and understand what you are going through, after all they have already been there and done that. You also need to realize that you are not going to make everyone happay all the time. You are going through enough stress that you shouldn't have to worry about them crying about your wedding. My wife got so tired of everyone in her family giving her crap and complaining about everything she was going to do or wanted do that she decided to chuck all the stuff she had planned and we ended up eloping to Las Vegas. we only invited 4 people to attend the ceremony. Her mom, my mom and dad, and my brother. It ended up being a nice quiet ceremony without any BS.

I'm not suggesting you go to Las Vegas I am just letting you know that it is normal. You can and should be as selfish and spoiled about your wedding as you want. Don't worry about the others they can get over it. If they can't too bad for them this is your day.

Congats to you and future hubby.

What the hell is a boutinere?  OH WAIT, I'm home, I'll google it.

This is YOUR DAY!

If I had to do mine over I would have gotten married where we had our honeymoon. Then we would have had a small ceremony for the family when we returned.

Everybody wanted to throw me a shower and I ended up with five. Like you I had a variety of friends some of them would have been offended with booze around.

I requested no children at the ceremony because I didn't want any kids crying during the ceremony and I was serving booze at the reception.

I have friends that design their own invites on the computer and sent them. This cut down on some costs.

Alot of my friend did things for the wedding as their gift to us. Here are a few:

1. Took pictures and gave them to us in an album.

2. Made my flower girls dress and paid for it.

3.One of my in-laws friends had a catering business and charged us the cost for it.

4. Neighbors made trays of pastries for the reception.

5.  Friends from out of state bought alcohol for the reception because it was cheaper. They also offered to be the bartenders.

No matter what you decide, you are going to make someone unhappy. Just do what you want to do and enjoy the day because it is going to go so fast. Count on something going wrong because it will but take it in stride .

 

P.S.   Your refreshments sound wonderful.  How did you think of jello in a wine glass?  petite fours are always elegant, and I love the chocolate covered fortune cookies.  I always knew you were clever.

I've seen commercials for jello with champaigne in champaigne flutes before, but we're doing more of a gothic thing, and having red jello with sparkling cider made me think it would look a little more like red wine or blood, even.  It's fitting 'cause they all know I want to be a phlebotomist, which deals with blood, and it's not too morbid.

And the chocolate covered fortune cookies, we're having a slight Japanese theme (even though fortune cookies are more Chinese), our gift bags are take-out boxes, the petite fours will have cherry blossoms made out of frosting, I'm making a chocolate sakura tree with frosting flowers on it, and I saw in an Oriental Trading magasine chocolate covered fortune cookies for Valentines day, but they're white, red and pink, which are our wedding colours (along with black) and thought they'd be perfect desserts.

I'm also making candy sushi rolls and debated having the petite fours look like sushi rolls, but Alex said I'd probably gross out his family too much. :D

Check out flowers in syrup for champagne.
SO neat.
http://www.wildhibiscus.com/

Original Post by cellulitedelight:

My wedding is so small, we don't even have bridesmaids.  We're not even going to have chairs!

Fortunately for me, Alex called a few minutes ago and agreed, the distant aunt should not come to the ceremony but rather the reception, and we're not doing gift registry.  We've got enough crap and no place to put it.

And three hundred dollar flower arrangements?  Hooters has a roll of paper towels on every table.  If people want decor that bad, I'll stick a ribbon on 'em all.  That'll be my centre piece.

 

haha - believe me - i would have much rather of had the money then the flowers - especially cuz i hate flowers - but they were the gift from the matron of honor and her best friend who was in my party - i didn't want a party either but my husband had 6 groomsmen including my brother as best man ... so i got stuck ...

Yeah.. Alex wanted his brother to be the best man and since we both hate my sister, and I don't have any close friends I'd want to be a maid of honour, he gave in and is just inviting his brother.

I'm not budging much on what I want.  I'll compromise with Alex, but I'm too hopped up on cold pills right now to give a crap about anyone else.

Aren't the maid of honor and groomsmen actually "witnesses" and you have to have them to sign the marriage license???  I know in AZ the bride and groom don't even sign the license only the minister or judge and the witnesses  I got married in Nebraska and the lisence is signed by the bride groom and witnesses and whoever performed the ceremony. 

As far as invites and gift registry do what is right for you.  I got married in a church both times -- and the 2nd time we had 2 receptions as well.  One for Mom and dad's friends and one for our friends.  we had the traditional cake and punch  at the reception right after the wedding then did the party up thing in my parents back yard. 

Two witnesses were needed in CO also.  Bride and Groom don't count.

My reception was also a disaster.  My mother-in-law planned it behind my back and then sent me an invitation to it in the mail. > : (