what do you do when everyone tells you you're thin... but you're not?

First time posting - long time dieter..

last year I lost 16 pounds and reached my ultimate goal of 122 pounds - I felt FABULOUS !!

Since then I met someone, fell in love and gained back the 16 pounds PLUS another 4 ! I am now at 142 pounds - I'm 5'5" and although not fat, I'm definitely NOT comfortable in this new chubbier skin

My boyfriend, mother, brother and even my grown kids all tell me that at 122 I was TOO thin and they are happy to see some "weight" on me... I, however feel my thighs rubbing together again and look longingly into my closet at the pants I can no longer fit into..

I'm TRYING to lose it again - even to just get back to around 130, but the motivation seems to be lost when everyone around me is telling me I'm healthy looking now... and is "feeding" me  *sigh*   I look in the mirror and see fat !  I know I have self esteem "issues" surrounding this - I've been dieting since I was a teenager... How can I possibly accept that THIS is the weight I'm supposed to be at and just be HAPPY ?

is that what you want?  i think you have to separate your own thoughts/beliefs/wants from those of everyone else.  you're the one who lives in your body.

Maybe the key is to forget about how you look and focus on how you feel.  You don't have to look at yourself all day!  They do, and they're happy with what they see.

But if your body is making you feel uncomfortable, or restricted, or tired, I think that should concern you more.  You have to live in your body so if it isn't running the way you want it to, it's perfectly ok to want to tune it up. 

My auntie did the same thing she lost a bunch of wieght and although she was at her goal, she looked gaunt and wayyyyy to thin! actually she looked like an upside down golf club! but she couldnt see it either.

If you want to lose weight, go ahead, as long as you're still healthy.

However, as the husband of a thin wife who insists that she's fat, I'm more inclined to say that you should believe the beholders and get on with life.

Everyone feels that way, (even the people who say that they don't) at some point in their life. People usually grow out of it. At least that's what I've been told by many people. I guess you can try to lose a little weight, but maybe your body gained that weight because that's the weight that you're supposed to be. Whatever you decide to do I hope that you're happy with your decision in the end.

Maybe just stop talking to them about it since they aren't giving you the sort of feedback you are wanting, and focus on losing a few pounds on your own to get to a happier place. If everyone says you were too thin at 122 aim for 130 instead and see how you feel then.

check with a doctor or professional physical trainer for an assessment and knowledgeable opinion.... :)

i've beed thinking about the exact same thing just on my way home a few minutes ago! so i'm 5'5 (well almost 5'6) and 137lbs at this moment. and i don't feel comfortable at this weight. 120 is my ultimate goal but i'll be happy with 125. of course i keep hearing the same thing -- you don't have to lose weight, you don't have any wieght to lose bla bla bla. i used to believe that and felt sort of doomed. but i just realised three of my friends who used to look like me lost a noticeable amount of weight and look way better now, still healthy. conclusion: it can be done! and i want t o do it so i will do my best to achieve my goal. i can see you got plenty great replies above so i'll only add - maybe don't tell them anymore you want to lose weight..but remember to do it the healthy way :) and if you chose not to lose that is cool too :)

i hear you. i was 145 when i started here back in august. and i felt chubby too. it's a healthy weight but i wasn't feeling good about my body and was overy self conscious in everything i wore. then i dropped down to 115. i'm 5'4. i have my family telling me i'm too thin and criticizing everything i eat while my friends at work are asking me what i did to lose all this weight and that i look good. so i dont' know. i look at myself and sometimes i feel that i may look too thin in certain areas but i'm okay with that. it's not like i'm not eating. i am! if you want to go back to 130 then do it. family opinions matter but if you're not comfortable in your own body then you're not going to be happy.

THANKYOU for your feedback... in a way, it's EXACTLY what I needed to hear...

I've spent most of my life as a "people-pleaser" and the ONLY time I did anything for myself was right after my divorce when I lost the 16 pounds in the first place !  I FELT fabulous - I could wear ANYTHING I wanted - I have a major addiction to buying size 4 pants LOL - they are all hanging in the closet taunting me right now...

I won't tell my family I'm on a diet anymore... I'll just find ways to avoid eating around them... and add some more exercise and try to burn it off that way.  I DO need to deal with my self-esteem issues, but I also DO beleive that being "comfortable" in my own skin has a lot to do with it.  I beleive that the people around me DO see someone who doesn't need to lose weight, but they aren't the ones sucking in their gut to fit into their jeans are they (and no, buying a bigger size is NOT an option!)

hey eugrrrlll - we seem to be around the same weight - same height - same goal !   wanna be my summer diet buddy ?  Short term goal for me now is 130, but to fit all those pants in my closet I NEED to be 125 :)  WE CAN DO THIS !!!! 

Send me a message if you're interested !  I need all the support I can get and you sound like you're on the "same page" as me :) :)  

Hun, I totally feel you.

I'm 5'7" and almost 170lbs. I dropped what I gained from pregnancy, plus the extra 20 pounds that I had added to the baby weight. My husband keeps telling me that I'm not fat, that I'm fine the way I am.. but I want to be a size 8, again!

What I end up doing is accepting what he and others say as a compliment, and keep dieting. I'm not trying to be skeletal. I'm not trying to be a size 0. I just want to be a size 8, again. That's 4 sizes. I think he'll be happy with the results, and it'll definitely help my self-esteem.

Point being: If you feel fat, do something about it. Don't let anyone else try to influence you to be something that makes you uncomfortable (unless you're striving for something that's beneath the healthy range for your size/developed an eating disorder).

Ah... new love weight gain!! :-)

I agree - do what you need to do to be comfy in your own skin. But, you say you've been dieting since you were a teenager. You dropped weight after a divorce. Then gained weight once you met a new love. Here's the thing: instead of focusing on losing weight to get into size 4 pants, why don't you make it a goal to change habits in your life and learn how to reach a comfortable weight and then STAY THERE no matter what life throws at you?

This will be harder than calorie counting for a few months to drop the pounds. This will take a re-examination of your life. What you eat. When you eat. Why you eat.

Examine also the role fitness or lack of it plays in your weight ping-ponging up and down.

It's true excess weight can impact one's health. It's ALSO true that yo-yo dieting can impact one's health. So true that it may be healthier to just stay at one consistent weight all your life, rather than dieting to get into a certain "healthy" weight range.

I completely understand, and I think you should do what makes you feel good about yourself (as long as it's healthy of course).  I started at 149 (5'6") and now I am 130-132.  I feel SO MUCH BETTER about myself, and although I would like to lose another 5-10 pounds I am mostly content where I'm at.  My clothes fit better and I am more confident day-to-day.  However, my husband is constantly wanting me to gain weight.  He thinks I am too skinny (although I am not, I still have rolls!!)  and he wants me to have more meat on my bones.  Now it is time to renew my gym membership and we are arguing about that, he doesn't see the point in working out because he doesn't want me to lose anymore weight, but he doesn't understand I want to MAINTAIN what I've lost...... urgh.  I hear ya on what you're going through.  I guess just don't obsess about it in front of your family, that's what helps me. 

Your family means well - truth is: they're biased! My family does the same. I am not overweight but could stand to lose 5-10lbs and still be healthy. If it's going to make you more comfortable in your own skin - do it!

I think the answer really depends on factors you're not mentioning here.  It's possible they're right and you look better and are healthier at this weight.  It's also possible that they see you only wearing clothing picked out to make you appear thinner, while you're sucking in, etc.

I guess the question is WHY your body took on that extra weight.  What did you change?  Were you still eating when hungry, stopping when not, excercising regularly but not excessively, looking at unhealthy foods as treats and not habits?  Or did those habits slip away?

As much as I think people should live for themselves and not to please others, we're so screwed up about our body images nowadays that sometimes we're the only people who *can't* tell how we look.  If you went from eating so little you were almost always hungry and excercising for hours a day to relatively healthy habits you felt you can maintain your whole life and gained the weight regardless, odds are your body is telling you what your loved ones are.

What really gets lost in the way we idealize thin bodies is that it's the input that's important, not the output.  So look at the patterns you established to lose weight, to maintain it, to gain it back, and see which are really, truly the healthiest habits you can keep at for the rest of your life.

You say you felt FABULOUS at 122. If you felt fabulous at 122 without being unhealthy about it, I say go for it. If you're not comfortable in your own skin right now, maybe try to lose a little. Who knows, you might see you're feeling comfortable at 130 and you'll stop there. As long as you're not living miserably to stay at a certain weight, I think it should be fine.

Wow, we are going through the same thing!!  I?m 5?6?, and at least weigh-in, was 141.  (Hopefully less this weekend!).  I felt amazing at 125.  Like I was all set and feeling wonderful.  It really is amazing how 15-20 lbs looks so much thinner to me.  Even though you are at a healthy weight, if you feel BEST at 122-ish, I say go for it as well.  My family/friends think I?m nuts too, but you know what? I think that we as a society actually tend to look at even overweight as healthy and fine.  I?m having trouble wording what I?m trying to convey, but essentially, our eyes just adjust to what we see around us, and if the majority of people walking around out there ARE in fact overweight, our natural tendency is to begin thinking that THAT is the norm.  Sorry if that sounds confusing.

I understand from your post that you are not stuck on the number so much, but rather, you said you don?t FEEL like you did when you were at that weight.  Go for it girl!  I?ll back ya up!  I?m on my way there too.  I?m going to ?friend? ya!  Feel free to write me.

Susan