Ex got engaged

I feel terrible, like someone punched me real hard. So this guy I went around with 6-7 years, loved him blindly, stuck thru ups downs, on and off, almost got engaged to at one point. Anyways we, actually he finally called it quits last december. And today I hear from mutual friends that he got engaged. He never tried with me for 7 yrs and it took him matter of months to be sure of another girl. I mean I know at the end of the day I will be happier without him. But it still hurts so bad...

eek that's a tough one!  as much as i say i want any guy i've ever dated to be happy, it always sucks when you see them happily moved on with another woman.  i'm sure you're a stronger person for it though.

best of luck!

Think of it this way.  He realised with you it wasn't meant to be.  At least he found out before he committed to anything more serious with you.  He left you some great memories, I'm sure.  If you still care about him, be happy for him.

I think for a while there it ate away at my husband's ex.  They dated for two and a half years, and even exchanged promise rings at one point.  After they broke up they remained close friends, until I came along.  Six months after Alex and I started dating, we were engaged.  A year after we were engaged, we were married.

It'll be a year that we're married on Wednesday.  Sometimes you find that connection with someone sooner.

im really sorry. but 7 years is a long time to stick with someone's ups & downs, i know. so now its time to take care of only yourself. think, do, act and take of yourself. you don't have to take his situation into consideration anymore. and there are no guarantees in his relationship so try not to let it get to you. they could be miserable they could remain happy, just dont let it affect you. i know that's way easier said then done tho. you're free!!!! enjoy!!!

Look on the bright side- he'll most likely be divorced within a few years.  If he's just jumped into this after being with his fiance for such a short time, chances are, it will not last. 

Move on and chalk it up as just another chapter in your life.  Don't look at it as wasted time.

 I'd consider yourself lucky in that regard. Sometimes people know that they can date someone. Or: Make it work. They just don't feel the actual spark/trigger telling them it's meant to be/forever. I've dated long term in the past, but it wasn't meant to be for me. It wasn't something I was under a delusion about either. I knew that. In honesty that burns my ex, but it's just the truth/life. Sometimes the most meaningful things in life come easily. My husband and I only dated three months before he proposed. We were married within a month after that! Sometimes you just know and are ready. He realize that he wanted to spend the rest his life with me... and I wanted it to start as soon as possible!!!!

I wanted a small family wedding and we made it happen. It didn't feel rushed for us whatsoever it was perfect for us. We've been married eight years this fall. People said " What's the rush? " We said " What's the wait?! " Later: In regard to children people said " What's the wait? " and we said " What's the rush?! " Lol! The are multiple right ways to do everything in life. We'd been married four years before our daughter was conceived. Everyone has a different rate of speed they're ready for different things. He may not have been ready for you at any rate. That's the sad reality. Consider the alternative that neither of you found it. He never would've found it. It's nice to find " The One "that makes everything naturally flow easily. Be Happy. He found someone it comes easily with himself for and it's mutual.

In time: I'm sure you'll find the same with someone else. On the bright side there's the at least the dream, right? The dream/hope of a potential future love that's mutually fulfilling. Remember: Someone can spend years ' making ' something work. That's fact. Investing years blindly/foolishly while sticking it out! Through all the up's  and downs/ off and ons/ etcetera. However, that doesn't mean their meant to be together. Or: Even happy. That's actually red flags in my opinion suggesting otherwise. Be thankful/happy! This isn't a personal insult to you. It's based of his personal preference of what's right for him. That's all. It hasn't anything to do with you.

We live and learn. There's still a lot in store for you in life. You shouldn't distress over this mundane tidbit of information. Don't begrudge an ex happiness with someone else. :( It's petty.  Find happiness/potential in your own life! Be your own windkeeper! It shouldn't affect your life/happiness. Every new day is just another chance to love again. I hope next time it's with someone that's perfect for you. Not with your icky ick of an ex. ;) Let the new girl have him. Lol! That way you can potentially find/ or be found by someone better suited/perfect for you.

Man that's gotta hurt. You will feel better eventually, and you will find someone who is right for you. In the meantime, call your girlfriends and make the most of their support. Head out for cocktails and some serious dancing, rent a girly movie and share a bottle of wine, or hit the shops. Total cliche, I know, but it works! Hope you feel better soon x

thank u guys..

I m really thankful for my family and friends during this time, who have reiterated the fact that its good now and I can finally be free to find someone I deserve. For the record I dont care abt him at all.. if after so much time I find this info from frds then I dont have anythg more to say..

As to whoever is ending up with him, good luck to her.. shes really going to need it. I know i m coming off as catty but frankly I can care less, and after being there and done everythg possible, I know who got really wronged here.. But I believe in the fact that what goes around, comes around..And more importantly I am definitely free now..

Original Post by anony444:

thank u guys..

I m really thankful for my family and friends during this time, who have reiterated the fact that its good now and I can finally be free to find someone I deserve. For the record I dont care abt him at all.. if after so much time I find this info from frds then I dont have anythg more to say..

As to whoever is ending up with him, good luck to her.. shes really going to need it. I know i m coming off as catty but frankly I can care less, and after being there and done everythg possible, I know who got really wronged here.. But I believe in the fact that what goes around, comes around..And more importantly I am definitely free now..

S'okay. My mother would tell you: " Honey, This too shall pass!"

Lol! When something  upsetting/annoying happens in our family we say:" This too shall pass./! " To whoever was wronged/disturbed by it. :(

Or: "It's for the best!" That's another favorite. :)

Those two phrases can drive a person bonkers ...when life is throwing lemons. Gr!

They still manage to bring me comfort though when needed. Keep faith.

Awww, sorry to hear you are upset.

Honestly, I can't believe my ex-husband and his current girlfriend aren't engaged yet.  I like her so I am in a different scenario.

It will get easier with time and one day you will realize it was for the better.  It almost always ends up that way. 

Good luck!!

I don't know the entire situation, but here's what I think may have happened...

When you were dating this guy, did you ever discuss the future? Did you ever say that you wanted a future with him? Did you discuss what you want--not necessarily from him--some day, such as marriage or kids?

If you didn't, then maybe he didn't think that you wanted anything serious. And after 6 years or so, maybe he's grown up and felt that you weren't very serious about the future. Perhaps his fiancee spoke very much in the sense of the future and was very direct about what she wanted.

Me and my boyfriend are young, but we still do talk about the possibility of marriage or kids in the (not near, haa) future. Don't tip-toe around or be mousey about these topics--they're important.

I did talk abt future, i brought it up everytime, he always had an excuse, no job, too busy now, eventually the breaking point was his parents.. They wanted a doormat for him or a fulltime caretaker for them, which I almost agreed to at one point hence the almost engaged..anyways i think i m just going to close this book now.. I have had enuff of heartache..

I know how you feel.  I was engaged to my best friend of nine years.  Then 5 months before our wedding, he cheated on me.  I just found out a couple weeks ago that he is now engaged (almost exactly one year after he ended our relationship) to that same girl.  I just have to believe in karma for the two of them and that eventually I (and you) will find someone much better.  Feel free to email me if you want to commiserate.

Original Post by anony444:

I did talk abt future, i brought it up everytime, he always had an excuse, no job, too busy now, eventually the breaking point was his parents.. They wanted a doormat for him or a fulltime caretaker for them, which I almost agreed to at one point hence the almost engaged..anyways i think i m just going to close this book now.. I have had enuff of heartache..

Well it actually sounds like you are the lucky one that got away from him and this other girl is probably stuck having to bend over if that's what he & his parents wanted. He doesn't sound very motivated or motivational. We need people that give us vitality, not drag us down. And it sounds like you would've had to make some compromises that just don't sound appealing to me.  You have your own life to live and to do whatever makes you truly happy. It's time for some self discovery where you just think about what YOU want to do, not anybody else.

Ah, yea, I know how you feel. Almost ALL of my ex's, whether serious or not, have gotten engaged with THE NEXT person they dated. So sucky. I'm sick of 'training' the men to be good for the next chick! haha

BUT, take solace in the fact that you are NOT going to be stuck any longer in a relationship that isn't right. Clearly he isn't the one for you. You won't find the ONE wasting time with the WRONG one, ya know? Now you are free to meet MR. Right.

To be honest, I think their engagement seems rushed to me. It takes a year of seeing someone daily and spending REAL time with them to actually get to know their ins n outs.....he's in the infatuation stage, not real-long-term-in-love stage.  I cant say that it won't grow to be that, but I'd be it's not real, honest love just yet. Not marraige love.

You haven't mentioned your age at all (didn't look at your profile) but I'd guess you are anywhere from 20-30? If so, 6-7 years is a lifetime around then and we are still growing as individuals. None of the people I know in their early 20s are with the people they were w....even the ones who married. So be happy that you DIDN"T get married and then outgrow each other. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone, of course.

But I know I did most of my growing mentally and relationship wise at like 24-26 (still growing of course), and when I broke up w my ex fiance i was devastated. now I thank my lucky stars that we didn't marry.

In any case, I know it hurts, and nothing we can say will stop that. Just keep looking to the future! Good luck!