Extreme lows and how to pull yourself out of them.

I suffer from depression. I've been alright for the past little while but pressure is creeping up on me again now college has well and truly started for me. I'm not sure quite why, but I feel despondent. I'm having trouble doing even the smallest things and even though I've tried all my usual temporary cures, like talking to friends, dancing around my room or tidying (or both, productivity and fun in one) or talking a short walk nothing seems to be working.

It doesn't help that my mum told me this morning that my eldest cat is likely going to have to be put down as she's become incontinent, her allergies (she is allergic to her own fur; usually injections help her but she's been coughing and sick more and more even with them) and is rather miserable. She's 15, so, I'm pretty attatched to her. I've been sad for longer than today but it didn't help, as you can probably imagine.

What do you do to pick yourself up when you feel down? I'm really struggling and it frustrates me that I can't pinpoint what set this off. Blech.

It sounds like what you're struggling with is feeling sad and anxious ABOUT feeling sad.  When sadness shows up for you, it seems like you have a tendency to start wishing it weren't there.  Is that fair to say?  To make an analogy, if sadness were like a rainy day, it sounds like you're looking outside and saying "Darn it!  I really wish it weren't raining right now!" 

Sadness doesn't have to be your enemy.  Kind of like rain, sometimes we have no control over when sadness (or low energy) will come.  I have the sense that your thoughts about wishing it weren't raining, so to speak, are actually what's getting in the way for you.  It seems like you're spending a lot of time and energy trying to make yourself not sad so that you can continue on with your day.  And when that doesn't work, it sounds like you feel even more defeated.  So maybe the thing to do is stop doing what's not working: trying to make sadness go away.  And start treating your sadness like it is a rainy day--or even just a rain shower.  It comes.  It goes.  Chances are you can still do what you want to do with your day...just take your rain boots.  Struggling with depression often comes when you are not willing to feel a certain way.  If you're not willing to feel sad, you're going to be MISERABLE when it does show up.  So I encourage you to try to just notice the sadness when it comes, acknowledge it, and then continue doing what you value WITH your sadness.  It doesn't HAVE to be something that interrupts your life.

I am sensitive to the impending loss of your cat.  I have a cat and can't even imagine how hard it would be to lose her.  The pain you feel around this issue though is a sign of love.  It's what you feel when you really really care.  This, again, doesn't have to be your enemy.  Will it be hard as hell to lose your cat?  You bet.  AND if you're willing to let those emotions in (because they will come, like rain, regardless of whether you want them), they don't have to be something that destroys you. 

Sometimes you just have to sit down and have a good cry.  Pets being sick or possibly dying even when you know that they're in pain is hard.  I still tear up when I think of any of my cats deaths.

Laura: Thank you for that. I understand what you mean, how we have to be prepared to be sad once in a while. I just can't seem to shake it, and it's in my nature to be analytical and try and figure out why I'm sad - even though with depression I know I don't actually have a reason half the time. My cat only came up this morning and obviously makes things worse, but this bout has been going on for a week at least and I'm boggling as to why. Guh.

Smwhipple: Heh, I wish it were that easy for me to cry. The only time I've welled up in the past week was seeing my mum get upset about the potential decision. Alone, I struggle with venting emotion.

Does your college have a student health center?  If you make an appointment to talk to a psychologist or counselor, perhaps they can help you with the why question.  It has been a great help to me at times to know what was setting off a depressive episode.  Even when there was no reason, it helped me to know that someone other than myself was saying that there was no specific reason, just that this is how my brain is.

hi LALA-im not sure if youre presently taking any meds but sometimes they can really help when someone has Major Depression.  its a chemical imbalance and the meds, in addition to speaking w a psychologist, can really help.

take care

i am SO the same way.  but teh past couple of months, i've found that the following have helped (but again, it's all individual...): i started to work out more, to distract my mind and focus on soemthing else.  i force myself to go out and whenever i do, i appreciate the company and it tends to get me back on track.  sometimes you just need oether people to either give you antehr perspective on the sotuation, or simply people who will make you put that things that's bugging at the back of your mind.  life is tough and sometimes things really suck, but friends and family make thigns better, ya know?  i also started to read more (fiction and non) to keep learning.  being overly analytical, in oder to get better, as you can see, i needed to get my brain to focus on something else.  that time away from the thinking helps put things into perspective and helps me figrue out what to do (if it's a concrete problem).  i also sought out a therapist and a couple sessions helped, but only because it was to provide another point of view.  i stopped going because my friends are good for that, and it's easier to open up to them (at least for me).

take care!

Original Post by lalabanana:

Laura: Thank you for that. I understand what you mean, how we have to be prepared to be sad once in a while. I just can't seem to shake it, and it's in my nature to be analytical and try and figure out why I'm sad - even though with depression I know I don't actually have a reason half the time. My cat only came up this morning and obviously makes things worse, but this bout has been going on for a week at least and I'm boggling as to why. Guh.

Smwhipple: Heh, I wish it were that easy for me to cry. The only time I've welled up in the past week was seeing my mum get upset about the potential decision. Alone, I struggle with venting emotion.

our minds are notorious for trying to figure things out.  that's what they're designed to do.  it turns out, though, that they aren't always helpful in that venture.  and in your case right now, trying to understand why and where the sadness is coming from ALSO appears to be getting in the way.  thank your mind for trying to do what it does best but don't rely on it as a means of making you feel better.  if the formula is "once i figure this out, then i'll feel better," you may be in for a long struggle.  trying to understand WHY you feel sad may be the very behaviors that are maintaining your struggle.  trust that the rain will end (because it always has...look at your experience) and continue to engage yourself in activities that you value (NOT activities that are explicitly designed to make you FEEL better).  rain stops when it stops and not because we figured out why it came to begin with. 

and, we actually don't NEED to be prepared for the rain.  we just need to be willing to have it when it does come.  :)

Hey lalabanana,

I can sort of relate to your story, I've had a few really low spots in my life so far as well.  One thing that I have started to do, and it really helps me, is writing in a journal.  I have a big purple polka-dotted book and in it I write anything and everything that I want to: song lyrics that strike a chord with me, quotes that apply to my life or situation, all of my thoughts/wishes/regrets/worries, and the list goes on.  I don't call it a diary, because it's more than that, it's EVERYTHING that gets me through from day-to-day.  So when I'm feeling down, I can just flip through it and read those quotes/lyrics/realizations that had helped me before.  And it doesn't have to be a chore to keep up with - I've gone months at a time without writing a thing, and then one night get the urge to write 5 full pages about whatever is bothering me, or what I'm thinking. 

It is very helpful to me because it is ME spilled out onto a page.  So when my life seems like a huge jumbled mess, I can see myself on paper, and say, "okay, it's not so messy, I've gotten past this before, and I will again"  And it's also really cool to have a record of how you change and evolve as a person.  If I were to look back at things I'd written 5 years ago, I would see how much I have grown and adjusted to being an adult.  When I read my journal, it's as if I'm receiving guidance from myself, which is kind of awesome if you think about it. 

Alright well I wrote much more than I thought I would, sorry about that! But anyways, the simplest advice I can give to you is to always remember that the sun WILL come up in the morning, and you WILL make it to the next day, and the next.  one of my favorite quotes is this one : Just when the caterpillar thought his world was ending, he became a butterfly.

Particle: They do. My tutor has actually suggested I go speak to them and I've set up an appointment for Friday morning, but that was more to do with the stress of going back and forth to my doctor all the time given health problems. I could bring it up then, but my college councellors are not very good. Still, a second voice is better than none at all.

Agru: I am not friendly on medication. I have been on and off of various kinds in the past and honestly am a lot better without. Which... is saying something.

Jule: Exercising is out given I'm trying to gain weight. Or, at least, exercising more. I have to stick to walks and am allowed to swim again - except the pool is broken when I usually go. Figures >>;

I would go out, but most of my friends have bundled off to university and the ones that haven't don't answer the phone. Lol. I'd ask my sister or mum if they want to go out but they are very busy with work half the time. If I'm lucky I get to go out on Sundays with my mum if she doesn't go in to work (WHEN SHE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO, blah, her branch overworks her). We might get to go to a local harvest festival this weekend on the upside.

I have been reading. It's a regular hobby of mine and I picked up a few books for my holiday anyway. Sorry if I sound like I'm shooting down your suggestions - I don't mean to, honestly! I have just tried and considered many things already and am at the end of my tether. Thus the cry for help.

Laura: I wish I had an emotional umbrella. Heh. I suppose I need to stop worrying about things as I am and letting chips fall where they may. I'm just finding it a lot harder to put on a brave face, lately.


Ahhh, and I've been turned down for another job. Happy days. Thank you all for your advice, though. Even if I am being such a downer I do appreciate it a lot.

Mjustine: Ha, we posted at the same time more or less. I wish I had the patience to keep up a scrapbook! I have a blank book somewhere, though, but little to put in it right now. Then again, I suppose that is the point of a scrapbook; we gather these things over time. And don't apologise for writing a lot, I appreciate the advice given (as said in my previous post!).

Hi Lalabanana, you've been so attentive and helpful to me and others on the forums, I hope we can be the same to you!

Might you be feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities of uni?  I know I was when I started.  What helped me was to list all the things I had to do and just concentrate on one at a time. 

Or you could try looking into a club or some new activity and meet people who answer their phones!

I hope you feel better soon, and I offer my condolences.

Erin: Technically I have two A-Levels, but only at D grade. I decided to take on a third and possibly fourth year with my College to get things straight before going to Uni. I have problems with my cognition and organisation due to other problems of mine, and while the first two years the Support Office helped me out a bit they aren't focusing on third years as much as first or second. So, I find myself thrust to the back of the waiting line.

I'm finding college work a daunting prospect already, as such: 10 sheets of A3 paper for Drama coursework, Media calling for two large practical pieces of work... and everything else is fairly essay heavy which is where I fall flat. I'm fine in debates and verbal discussions/presentations because I either run off of a script or cues or it doesn't matter whether I'm right or wrong, but as soon as it comes down to solid facts I get... very confused.

Add this to the fact that I still cannot get a job even though I'm applying for Christmas Temp positions everywhere and being thrown back "Sorry, but not at this time", with pressure coming in from my parents to get hired, frequent trips to the GP and struggling with the effects of anemia - and people around me succeeding all the while... and I may have figured out why I'm suddenly feeling so down. But I feel like I have so much to do that tackling it one at a time might end up putting me even further back on the agenda.

In good news, I have an audition for a pantomime on the 14th of October with my dramatics group. While the people involved are the same friends not answering their phones it means I will have to see them face to face which is, right now, better than nothing at all.

So... yes. I am very much overwhelmed. And this has come off sounding an awful lot like a journal entry, so I apologise. I just started writing and things kept popping up in my head; on the plus side, at least I'm clarifying some problems to myself instead of boggling over it like a cryptic crossword puzzle. So, uh. Thank you.

Whoops.

try out a new hobby in your town: that way you can make new friends, try something new, have some fun...  the basic thing is to find something that will take your mind off things for a while.  if your thought process/sadness remains, then i would suggest finding someone to talk to (therapist) because they can be helpful, especially if you feel you have no one to turn to at the moment.

edit: is see you've got an audition.  BREAK A LEG!  i'm an actor and i find that REALLY helpful to work out some the of the frustrations, let go (with all the acting exercises in rehearsal) and a great way to make new friends.

I am SO sorry to hear about your cat; I lost my precious cat, Ezra Blue, just two weeks ago and it shook my world apart. It deepened my depression so much, I couldn't eat for days (which wasn't a good thing as I cannot afford to lose any more weight).

I'm not sure what to tell you to do, I guess because I am in the same boat and don't know what to do myself. I could suggest something, like a new hobby or something, but the truth of the matter is that sometimes, depression overshadows all things and nothing can conquer it or outshine it. If it's simply a bad case of the blues, it will pass over time as things settle down. But if you feel it's getting to the point where it's unable to be controlled, perhaps you should see a doctor.

I'm sorry, I suck at advice :(

Hi Lala

Probably a bit boring but have you tried counselling? It worked for me, I felt bad burdening my friends, but I also felt guilty about feeling sad cause tehre are so many people in the world worse off than me. But if I was PAYING someone to listen, they had to!

Best money I ever spent

Feel better

x

5whisperer: I have, but I seem to have quite poor luck with councellors and counselling. I went through three with the clinic I was with and have been let down by each - the last of them is terrible, but she keeps stalking me! She turned up at my college! Dx

I am in the UK so healthcare on the NHS is free. So... I am not paying someone to listen. Mmh. Thankyou for the suggestion and wellwishes, though. :]

Hey, I'm in the UK as well, but went private cause NHS counselling was rubbish!

I guess you have probably gone down the prozac route. It did help me, but do beware, later on in life I was refused mortgage insurance because of depression! There is still a huge stigma and shedload of ignorance attached to depression, it is lumped in with all mental illnessess. Another reason I went private! Plus for me treating the cause rather than the symptoms helped.

The thing is depression does often pass, and if you recognise it as depression you are doing well. Be nice to yourself and surround yourself with fun people. Wish I could give more profound advice but having been there, I know nothing much helps.

Chin up lass!

x

Is there a no kill animal shelter that you could go visit for a few hours and pet other animals that could use some extra loving?

Sadly, not around here! Though, an update on this: I'm feeling a lot better in myself, lately, probably largely due to the fact I am now getting along with college, have a Saturday job and a title role in a pantomime. It's a lot harder to sit and dwell on things when you're busy as all hell! \o/

I know this will sound a bit weird, but sometimes depression can be triggered for no real reasons or reasons that you are not likely to notice.

My depression started with a hormone imbalance...but everytime they fall a bit back in track the depression disappears. Maybe this can be your case too. My father, who's a great doctor, says that I dont need to worry because in my case its all due to my body still being underweight, thus making many "normal" hormone fluctuations go out of control...it should all level out as soon as my body finds peace with my body weight and my eating habbits.

Its always best to try and keep up with any sort of progress relating recovery, even if you think you've "recovered" and are eating plenty...sometimes there is still something missing.

I also notice this entry is old, so I hope you found a way to get rid of that nasty depression, I know how it feels and my personal cure is talking to my boyfriend, because he always just makes me laugh (and thinking about future vacations and seeing my family again!- haven't seen them in many many months!) and even having a churro with hot chocolate brightens up my day :P

Im sorry to hear about your cat :( I can only imagine how that feels (I lost one of my dogs because of some weird mental illness....yeh)

take care!