Hi I have a friend who I'm kind of 'seeing'..not really sure what you would call it - we have fun usually when we go out and drink. I'm pretty certain that he might want it to be more than that but I'm confused about how I feel and am happy with just having fun for now. I told him this and he assured me that this was fine and he could do that.. I've been thinking about it though and I'm not sure if it is. I mean, I really like just having fun with him but if he's always kind of hoping that it'll turn into more is it fair on me to be doing this to him.. even though he's said its all ok..??
Aaahh just need some opinions. I think about it myself and I end up convincing myself that its fine and then that its not in the space of about 5mins lol.
if he said it's okay how it is, what gives you the impression that he's hoping for more?
and yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with a casual sort of relationship like that as long as you're both honest about what you want from it, and there are no misconceptions.
He told a mutual friend that I was the only person he wanted to be with and how he doesn't think about anyone else in that way etc.
ohhh that! yeah that is tricky...haha
just be completely honest and up front with yourself AND him. go have fun...give it a shot while you are exploring how you feel. if it gets to be way too lopsided or feels too awkward for you then take a step or two back.
i think its ok to be on different pages to a point as long as you are both having fun but neither do you want to drag his heart around and keep him hoping if you know in your heart that he has nothing to hope for.
if it comes to that point, when you know in your heart you dont want him that way, then its time to let him go so he can move on emotionally. to keep him coming around past that point is when its dishonest and disrespectful both with yourself and him.
thats my take anyways :)
These stink. His response that it's ok with him to just be friends translates to "yes, please stay around me because I'm crazy about you and secretly hoping that you'll fall for me if you spend enough time with me." I don't think there's a good answer, and these rarely end well. If you keep hanging out with him the only good ending is that he'll get over it or get distracted by someone else. It's much more likely to end in an "I cant take this anymore just being friends with you so date me or goodbye" down the road. And those stink.
But whatever, life can't always be roses. It seems like you care about him since you're posting your concerns about him here. So be his friend, have fun, and, eventually, maybe, endure that yucky convo. As long as you don't do something lame and manipulative like act like a bitch on purpose so that he'll lose interest, then you aren't being unfair.
Your first sentence makes me think that maybe you are hooking up when you're drunk. There's nothing wrong with that as long as no one is hurt, but it sounds like he might be.
If you are indulging in a 'friends with benefits' scenario stop it, because that is unfair to him.
Otherwise, be kind and friendly, but always be aware that anything that you might do with him that seems even remotely sexual, should be avoided.
in my experience (being married for almost 10 years) part of the fun finding my wife was all the fun i had with the ones who didnt become my wife......safe and sensitive to peoples feelings are the two biggest rules.....follow those golden 2 and you will be very happy before and after you find "mr right"
Original Post by kathygator:
If you are indulging in a 'friends with benefits' scenario stop it, because that is unfair to him.
Otherwise, be kind and friendly, but always be aware that anything that you might do with him that seems even remotely sexual, should be avoided.
If he is not in agreement to the friends w/ benefits; then you'll have to stop. But you're not a mind reader. If he likes you and wants more than that he'll have to tell you. I know it's hard and may be knocked down; but if he really wants something ; he'll have to go for it and risk being hurt. If he does confornt you w/ his feelings, and tell you outright that he wants more; you'll have something to think about.
It doesn't really sound like you want more. And you have to be honest w/ yourself; becuase if you're not and you end up giving it a "fake shot" knowing that it won't work; you'll hurt him even more then rejecting his initial "I want to be with you".
If you're both having fun, what's the problem? If people thought of every single consequence, we'd never have any experiences in life. He's probably just happy to be around you, and if it turns out you aren't compatible long-term, he'll learn from it and move on..
You told him the truth and he said he was ok with it. That's about all you can do really. I don't think you should stop hanging around him because of something you THINK he might be thinking. Just take him at his word. If he's not telling you the truth then that's on him.
Ignore the mutual friend, it is none of their business. You probably don't think of anyone else in quite the way you think of him either.
Eventually one or the other of you will meet someone that you think is special enough and will simply end things. Just try to be kind if it's you.
He's an adult, so he is perfectly capable of deciding for himself that he's risking falling for you and evaluating whether or not he wants to take that risk. If you're leading him on (not saying you are), then definitely stop it. If he's saying things or acting in ways that make you uncomfortable then it's up to you to inform him of this so he can modify the behavior or you can stop seeing him.
If he chooses to be exclusive to you because he really likes you, then that is his problem. He said it was ok to you how it is now. He may secretly hope for more, so he keeps his plate clean, this is his choice. Just continue to have fun with him, he's having fun with you too.
I am not sure if this is a friends with benifits type of relationship? If it is it most likely that part of the relationship needs to stop. It isn't fair to him, you or anyone in the future that may get involved with either of you. You will end up losing your friendship.
Original Post by eskimo82:
Hi I have a friend who I'm kind of 'seeing'..not really sure what you would call it - we have fun usually when we go out and drink. I'm pretty certain that he might want it to be more than that but I'm confused about how I feel and am happy with just having fun for now. I told him this and he assured me that this was fine and he could do that.. I've been thinking about it though and I'm not sure if it is. I mean, I really like just having fun with him but if he's always kind of hoping that it'll turn into more is it fair on me to be doing this to him.. even though he's said its all ok..??
Aaahh just need some opinions. I think about it myself and I end up convincing myself that its fine and then that its not in the space of about 5mins lol.
Sit on his giggle stick damnit, give the guy a break.
Original Post by kkempinski:
Original Post by eskimo82:
Hi I have a friend who I'm kind of 'seeing'..not really sure what you would call it - we have fun usually when we go out and drink. I'm pretty certain that he might want it to be more than that but I'm confused about how I feel and am happy with just having fun for now. I told him this and he assured me that this was fine and he could do that.. I've been thinking about it though and I'm not sure if it is. I mean, I really like just having fun with him but if he's always kind of hoping that it'll turn into more is it fair on me to be doing this to him.. even though he's said its all ok..??
Aaahh just need some opinions. I think about it myself and I end up convincing myself that its fine and then that its not in the space of about 5mins lol.
Sit on his giggle stick damnit, give the guy a break.
*blinks*
*looks at date*
I give you a week until the women of this site gang up on you and beat you into submission.
One week. Tops.
Original Post by hkellick:
Original Post by kkempinski:
Original Post by eskimo82:
Hi I have a friend who I'm kind of 'seeing'..not really sure what you would call it - we have fun usually when we go out and drink. I'm pretty certain that he might want it to be more than that but I'm confused about how I feel and am happy with just having fun for now. I told him this and he assured me that this was fine and he could do that.. I've been thinking about it though and I'm not sure if it is. I mean, I really like just having fun with him but if he's always kind of hoping that it'll turn into more is it fair on me to be doing this to him.. even though he's said its all ok..??
Aaahh just need some opinions. I think about it myself and I end up convincing myself that its fine and then that its not in the space of about 5mins lol.
Sit on his giggle stick damnit, give the guy a break.
*blinks*
*looks at date*
I give you a week until the women of this site gang up on you and beat you into submission.
One week. Tops.
LOL... I've already been beaten, what makes you think I'm not a masochist?
In my experience, it does not get easier to take a step back if you want casual and he wants serious. Either date him or make it completely platonic (meaning no hookups).
haha KK, you most definitely ARE a masochist :)
Original Post by kkempinski:
Sit on his giggle stick damnit, give the guy a break.
How Sodini. I she has no desire to, why should she have to?
Original Post by kkempinski:
LOL... I've already been beaten, what makes you think I'm not a masochist?
Ooh, I like masochists! But there's still no reason anyone should **** someone they have no desire for.
Original Post by coffincritter:
Original Post by kkempinski:
Sit on his giggle stick damnit, give the guy a break.
How Sodini. I she has no desire to, why should she have to?
I'll try and answer that yiddish response... I was kidding, it's friday, I'm reeeeally bored at work.
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