Getting the Family Involved

I recently moved back in with my parents at the age of 28. I come from a family of good cooks and eaters. I am considered moderately overweight per my BMI and my parents are both overweight as well, although my mom more than my dad. Since I am now living with them, I get a much closer view of their eating and exercise habits and I really want to work with them (especially my mom) to get healthier.

My mom has a health coach through her work, but talking once every 2 weeks over the phone is probably not going to make much of a difference. I am trying to get in shape for my upcoming 10-year reunion, so I think that could be a great way to start talking about diet and exercise (i.e. "Those pancakes look great, but I am considered moderately overweight for my height and they aren't part of a healthy diet for me...").

I am thinking about offering to cook dinner for my parents so I can incorporate healthy, low-calorie meals into their daily routine. I am just trying to determine how far I am going to go in helping them. I do believe they will be accepting of my offer to help as my mom has been overweight pretty much all of my life. I do not know if she would be able to keep up with keeping track of everything on here, but I think she would be fine at keeping a written food diary.

I just want to help and make her happy. I know she is not happy about the way she looks, although she dresses very well and appropriately for her shape. She spends so much time caring for others that this can lead her to neglect herself. I worry she will develop health complications if she doesn't do something about her size. And I know she will be happier if she lost some weight.

I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement and some success stories from others who have taken on this task. I was thinking about having her determine her BMI and set a reasonable goal (we have broad frames, so we can carry more weight but not look like it). It is none of my business what her numbers are, but I think she needs some encouragement and attention to reach her goals and maybe that is why I ended up back here with her is to help encourage her to reach her goals.

Thanks for sharing your experiences!

 

I tend to think that the best way to encourage someone is to simply set a good example.... rather than try to nag them into changes that they may not feel ready to make.  You're at a point where you've decided to do something positive.  You've got the motivation and you've 'seen the light'.  Other people can be very sensitive about their weight and health and, if they're not at that same point in motivation, they can easily feel bullied and/or patronised.  Especially if the evangelist in their midst is one of their children....

So my view is that you set about your own healthy lifestyle solo.  Yes, by all means, cook healthier foods for everyone.  Take a smaller helping at supper-times.  Suggest family activities you can all join in on.  Find time for your exercise classes etc.,  But don't make a big deal of it or start chatting BMIs over the pancakes.  :-)  If your mother can see you gradually losing a little weight and if she can see that you're not starving to death, eating strange food, running marathons or anything else 'difficult' then she is going to feel more encouraged to follow suit.  If you treat her as some kind of project ('she needs some... attention to reach her goals'? Ouch!)  I don't think you'll get as good a reception.

Thanks for the insight.  I totally don't want my efforts to come across as criticism and I definitely don't want to do anything to turn her off from getting healthy.  She has always talked about losing weight and she has succeeded at times in the past, but she seems to be an emotional eater and her care for others takes away from her care for herself.

Another problem is that my parents don't think I am overweight at all (I am by 25+ pounds according to my BMI) and they say I am anorexic when I am at a healthy weight (and I am on the heavier side of my range, if not over).  But I do agree with setting a healthy example and kind of sneaking it up on her by encouraging she go on walks with me (she has new knees, so she is much more mobile than she used to be).

You're right---BMI is something that can be brought up at a much later time after we have started off small.  Can I at least toss out all the junk food???    Just kidding.

I think I will slowly start by inviting her on evening walks, cooking healthy meals for my family, and maybe talk about my goals and what I am doing to improve my health.  If I come across as non-critical of her, she may chime in with her goals and ideas as well.  I just want her to be healthy and happy.

Thanks!

 

Just bear in mind the old saying that you can lead horses to water but you can't make them drink.  Ultimately, and for whatever reason she thinks appropriate, if your mum decides to maintain the status quo then that is her perogative. 

well when i wanted to start eating healthier, i at first found it difficult because my live in boyfriend was always over eating, eating at night and eating terrible foods like mcdonalds at 12 @night! agh.... so what i did is tell him that i am trying to eat healthier, and i started packing his lunches for him and leaving him dinners that i had the same of, in the microwave so that he didnt have an excuse that he wanted something quick. There was always good, healthy food sitting around the house. and i threw out EVERYTHING that wasnt healthy in the house so that there wouldnt be any temptations for me , or him.

I understand your concern completely! I started CC in july and have lost 18 pounds so far, my hubby said that if I stuck with it long enough to lose 15 he would join me. Well, 15 came and went and he isn't interested in changing his habits right now. I encourage him to think about what he is eating and to start exercising at least a couple times a week. I just figure that if he isn't ready he won't stick to it anyway....better let him decide when he wants to commit to a lifestyle change. He is very supportive of my though! :) They will change when they see fit, or they develop a health issue that opens their eyes to how much they need a change. Good luck and you are doing great!

I have been married for 6 years now and when I married my husband he was about 300 pounds. At the time I was at a healthy weight, but after less than 1 year of marriage I started to pack on the pounds. I had a baby on top of it and ended up about 40 pounds overweight. I decided enough was enough and I joined weight watchers, I stopped buying junk food and started cooking healthy meals. My husband lost about 50 lbs just by changing his eating for 1 meal a day. I only cooked enough for each of us and no leftovers, this way he couldn't eat 4 helpings of anything. He started to notice how much better he looked and felt and now it has been 4 years, he's kept off the weight and lost another 15 lbs. He started to make changes in his diet after he noticed what was happening. Our family doctor has made several comments about how great he has done. He has a family history of heart disease and diabetes and our doctor says the he has greatly reduced his risk!

I think  making dinner for your family is a great start. Honestly if you can cook well you can make healthy foods that taste as good or better than the high fat foods. I have found ways to make our favorites without all the fat. I know the importance of good food, cooking is a passion of mine and I was raised on southern style foods that are loaded with fat. Believe me, you don't miss the fat once it's gone. 
Good luck and remember that you don't want to push your family. Just offer them better choices and changes could happen before they even notice. Good Luck.