do any of your family members give you negative comments?

all i can think of is an episode of "friends" where monica's mom was always criticizing her hair....

i started my weight loss journey a few yrs ago, at 5'4" and 143, i just wasn't happy.  anyway now i'm at around 118, and it fluctuates.  i recently had gotten up to 122 or so and decided to once again start watching what i eat.  that's beside the point, i guess.

i've always been a bit of a pear shape.  even as a teenager my butt was a little bigger than all my friends' behinds.  i always kind of joked about having a big ass.  my mom always acknowledged my pear shape and since she is an apple, always said i was lucky to have the body type i have.

throughout my weight loss she was very positive and always said i looked good.  but now, as i struggle to stay toned and healthy, i find she makes a few comments sometimes.  mainly about my butt.  she asked me one day if i had gained weight along my hip area.  then twice she has said that my butt looked big in the jeans i was wearing.  my mom is very straight forward and i know she wouldn't say these things if she knew it bothered me.  i guess i kind of just laugh it off but inside it really hurts...she will say things like "oh your waist is so tiny", or "you're so thin everything looks good on you", but then she will throw in the butt thing.  i've always had a bit of a complex about my butt and i feel like it still doesn't look as good as it should.

my mom is about 5'3" and 150 pounds, so it's not like she's holding me up to some unreal standard that she has based on her body.  i give her credit for being active and looking great, so i will never criticize the way she looks.

i feel like i'm being hypersensitive and i shouldn't let mom's harmless comments get to me.  but everyone else says i look fine, why does she only see my big ass?!?!?

Maybe she thinks she's jokingly complimenting you? Honestly, the best thing to do since you seem to have a good relationship with her is to politely let her know that it makes you uncomfortable. If you didn't have a good relationship I would say just ignore her but if you think she'd feel bad if she knew she was upsetting you it's actually kind of doing her a favor because I'm sure she would never want to make you feel bad like that if she's anything like my mom.

Now, my grandmom is a different story. I've always wished I had one of those sweet grandmas who would bake cookies and say nice things. Instead my grandmom bakes humongous cookies/cakes/etc, gets upset if you don't eat the hugetastic portion, and then tells you how fat you are and that you should really start watching what you eat. I have a million horror stories from her nasty comments - it would fill a whole thread LOL.

I come from a fat family.   I used to always be the thin one and they seem to hold me to that standard. Since being in college, I've gained 30 pounds.  My entire family's focus is on my weight when really, it should be on their own.  There wasn't a single day that went by without a snide comment about my weight gain.  Some were constructive criticism, but most were just jokes at my expense and they really hurt.  But I've learned to not let it upset me and I can't wait til the day I can shove my weight loss in their faces!

These are your options:

1.  Ignore her comments 

2.  Take her comments as motivation

3.  Confront her about the comments and explain how it hurts you. 

Maybe she didn't mean it in a negative way..she knows you lost a good amount of weight, and that you worked hard to do it, so maybe if she thinks you're sliding off track, she just somehow wants to call your attention to it?

I know, I know..no one ever needs to tell us we gained a few pounds, we're the first to know! but, sometimes people can be a little thoughtless. She's your mom, and I'm sure she would never intentionally hurt you. If her comments bother you, just tell her so, and I'm thinking she'd back off your buttocks.

thank you all for your replies.

tracymarie: you're right, our relationship is wonderful otherwise.  so yes i think it would be a good idea to tell her how i feel about it.  i don't really know why i didn't think of that at the time, maybe i was just too flustered.  and that sucks about your grandmother!!!

luola:  OMG...that is interesting.  i was always the skinny one too.  that's why it hurt so bad when i realized i had gained weight!  i think people just notice weight gain more on the thin one?!?!  i like your suggestions, particularly #2 and 3.  thanks!!

raychelc: you're probably right!  but i guess sometimes it's hard to admit when you slide off track =(  i guess i should just take her comments as her caring. 

If it makes you feel any better, rounder and bigger butts are generally acknowledged to be more attractive than flat butts!! You should be happy you don't have a tummy or big arms and it goes to an area appreciated to be bigger.

Yeah, sometimes people say stuff without thinking and don't realize how deep words can go unless we tell them, awkward as it may be :)

My grandmom is just a heartless person, and not only with weight, either. When I turned 17 she called me on my birthday to tell me happy birthday and don't catch any diseases from your boyfriend (who I had been dating for over a year and had just gone to visit her with me!). But her comments cut me way worse when I was a kid. Now I can just ignore her and assume she'll go senile soon and forget who I am anyway LOL.

Ah parents / grandparents.

Firstly - what is it with grandmas and totally innappropriate comments? It's like they seem to get you for 17/18 years then treat you like a complete idiot.

The first time I noticed my weight was when I was 15.  I used to be the skinny person in my family, still am really, but I weigh more then i want and I don't feel good about it, anyways.

When I was 15 or 14 I was sitting on my mom's bed and she said "oh honey you have stretch marks!"  She was surprised because I was so skinny, I got them from growing, and had probably had them for awhile, so just from sprouting up like a bean pole my legs and butt get tiger scars.  But after that my dad has made comments about my weight, both my parents and my siblings are overweight, my brother and one of my sisters is kind of skinny, but not as thin as I used to be.  They both are in their 50's while I"m in my 20's (yes huge difference) so I know my weight is genetics and it scares me.

The comments my dad makes hurt me, but when I do tell him, he just says, well when you get rid of it I"ll stop, thats just the way he is, he says "I"m built for comfort not speed" or says i'm "fluffy".  They hurt, but I know when I get fit they will stop so its a bit of support from him.  His way of trying to support me, he has his odd ways of doing that.

Oddly enough, it is not my mother who drives me crazy.  It is my father.  My mom is not fat by any means (she looks pretty darn good for being 52), but she also never knocks me for anything weight related.  My father on the other hand is a complete workout health fanatic.  He works out everyday on his lunch hour at work and then on the weekends does vigorous yard work.  The man is like a machine. 

In any case, he likes everyone to be just like him.  I'm not saying it is a bad thing to go to the gym often, but he has kind of bullied my mother into going all the time. I remember when I was 15 my dad looked straight at my stomach (not my face) and said, "Gee kaetlyn, you are kind of getting chubby.  You should think about working out".  I was probably a size 4 or 6 at the time.  I have never gotten overweight, but I have always been compared to my stick thin (bmi 17.5) sister who never gains weight.  Now, I personally would never want to be that skinny but my father practically glorifies her tininess.  I have politely asked him to stop talking about my weight, but he thinks it is his job to commentate on my size.  It used to hurt me, now I just ignore him...I don't even live in the same country as him anymore, so I don't see him that often. 

In any case, the people who love us often can hurt us the most.  If your family members' comments are really hurtful, I would just say something to them...not all of us can move to a different continent, so maybe talking to them would help.