I think my family is going to sink my weight loss goals... I am feeling really alone.

Okay... so everyone in my family, except my children are overweight. My mother and father have hypertension.... mom has diabetes. My husband is severely overweight too, and his father has diabetes. You already know I have hypertension. So... yesterday, we had dinner. What did we have fried chicken, potato salad, green beans and macaroni and cheese. Okay... all in all not bad...but, not good. My husband refuses to watch calories, he still eats way too much... and will not work out with me. He gives me grief about all my calorie counting, measure, weighing food and myself. Even my mother says things like... you should not count daily, but weekly; or, I know how you are when you get on a "kick". I just feel like I am in this alone. I may talk about food and calories a little much...but, it takes a lot of work to count all the crap I eat and log it. Maybe I am just feeling a little paranoid. My husband offered me some peanut butter today... and when I turned it down, because it was not in my calorie count. He made a comment about how "diet people always cut out food that is good". I like peanut butter....just not today.

you're not in this alone; you are in this for and with your kids.  your family can only sabotage you if you let them.

be strong and stick with it.  your family is probably not supportive because they know they should be doing something about their weight, but aren't.  When you make positive steps, it reminds them that they aren't.  You can do this.

You are not alone. Alot of times family/friends/co-workers will seem to sabotage for two reasons.

1-They are scared by the changes you are making. Change is scary. They may feel that you don't want to be like them anymore and it is messing with their heads. So, they are going to try and tempt you, confuse you, etc...

2-They are jealous. You are stepping up and making the change. They either can't, are afaid to or are not ready yet.

Feel positive about what you are doing. You are setting examples for your children. Good for you.

Hang in there Girl! My husband brought home fresh baked cinnamon buns yesterday morning...sigh...and that was after we had had ahuge steak dinner Saturday night!!  And he knows I have no self discipline...those cinnamon buns didn't stand a chance!!:-) He is normally very supportive but every now & then.....

I agree with daisylove...change & determination scares other people.  they want you to succeed but if you do, will you stil love them? make them change? want them?  Will you get new friends? meet new people? do new things? and leave them behind.  Change is scary for them as well as for you. 

So keep at it...coz your changes are going to inspire them once they get over themselves. And you are going to feel so much better!

I watch a lot of the diet shows including "you are what you eat" , "X-weighted", "National body challenge" and "big medicine". 
Trust me, you are not alone...I see it all the time on those shows.  they help to keep me motivated, and help me understand and have patience with those around me.

HANG IN THERE!!!!

I agree with daisylove - you're doing the right thing so keep it up.  It may take them a while to see how serious you are and how postive these changes can be.  After you see results I'll bet some of them join you!  You can be there inspiration.

You're definitely not alone!

hang in there lessin! i mean, it's actually really sad that they're not supporting you as they don't seem to have that much self control. So be proud of yourself for doing something! Once those pounds start melting off, maybe they'll join you in your efforts. Also, you're partially doing this for your kids, who you don't want to follow in your family's unhealthy footsteps and then have the same uphill battle you're now dealing with. Stay strong!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

We all face obstacles: inside and outside.  The inside factors (our internal struggles) are hard enough.  I've recently moved out of the Land of Denial.  (LOL)  The outside factors (environment) are even harder.  I've heard that some people will cook (family meals) the way they need to eat, but don't say anything about what's in the meal.  If the family is hungry, they'll eat it!  My workplace is a rolling buffet, and it's really hard.  But I do a lot of silent praising that I can be strong and not give in to the endless cakes, cookies, fudge, cream cheese balls, etc. that people bring in.  Some people restrict calories throughout the day and then eat dinner with the family in smaller portions.  There are strategies, it's just a matter of finding what works for each of us on an ever-changing basis.  My advice:  be very proud of yourself for even taking this step.  You did it when you were ready.  Some people never get there and many of us don't stay there, but let your own resolve give you the inspiration to keep going - every change for our good will lead to more good things.  Good luck on your journey!

Right there with you .... My BF loves to eat out, big greasy spanish meals, has a HUGE appetite, but he is very active. He hates my diet ... although after some long heart to hearts is beginning to be a little more understanding.

Look after yourself, so you're there for your kids. Keep on the right track, and remember that the only person who can control what goes in your mouth is YOU.

xx

It is possible. One of my closest friends comes from a family where there are all morbidly obese and so was he.

He started training and eating better and lost 200 lbs but it wasn't easy at all and he had to have many teary conversations with his family about them giving him support. The problem was that his parents thought that by him rejecting their food, he was rejecting them.  They didn't want to feel like bad parents, they gave him food to the excess because they loved him.  

For the time being don't pressure your husband to lose weight but also stress to him that he needs to keep quiet about what you are doing. You owe it to your kids to show them how to eat properly so they won't grow up with the same issues. Hopefully, with your success it will encourage your husband to also make better choices but you can only control what you do.

You're going to have to be very strong to get past this initial resistance.  If you're the one doing the cooking, then you have control of what goes on the table.  You can fix a healthy, low fat meal and serve the higher fat stuff as side dishes.  Make sure you get a serving of lean protein and two vegetables, one green and one of another color.  Go ahead and serve a starch, but limit your own portion or just don't take any.

Sometimes it's best not to talk about it, just do it.  All of us have faced similar situation and we know you can get through this.  We're here to support you in any way you need!

Oh, I can relate on so many levels.  My husband says he wants to lose weight but when we are on a plan he does everything he can to sabotage it.  My son , who is an adult and his girlfriend will call late and night and ask if I want anything from the drive thru and even if I don't they bring in sacks full of Taco Bell or some such fast food faire.  DH has me figuring and preparing meals that fit in with a healthy plan while he eats that  AND handfuls of chocolate....I WISH I had a personal chef who would plan and prepare my every meal and snack and set it before me so that all I had to do was eat and enjoy!  I wish I had someone say , even once much less every day, "Lets take a walk!". 

I could also relate in what you said about perhaps talking too much about diet and exercise.  I too have felt that I might be allienating people by talking too much.  I have seen if happen before.  It is sad because I will listen and comment to anyone I converse with about their interests.  I have had long, on-going conversations that held little interest or me but, because someone I cared about was interested, I listened and commented and tried to be supportive.  I think I deserve the same consideration....If they don't think I do then I may need to re-think how much support I offer to people who don't feel the need to give support back to me.

Feel free to PM me anytime you want to discuss calories or exercise or anything diet.  I could use some support too.  It is a shame we can't get it from the people who have accepted support from us but if that it so then we will have to find people who WILL listen and be supportive.

Karen

My first couple of days counting calories my daughter was laughing at me because I wa measuring my food.  It really hurt at the time but I told her that she needed to quit because this something that I really needed to do. 

She doesn't understand because both her and my husband are thin and can eat whatever they want but I look at food and gain. 

I am still measuring my food 10 days later and nothing more has been said.  Keep it up for yourself and know you are doing the right thing.

Original Post by lessin08:
What did we have fried chicken, potato salad, green beans and macaroni and cheese. Okay... all in all not bad...but, not good.

I'm sorry if this seems very critical, but that is pretty bad. In our house, we eat a dinner that junky maybe a few times a YEAR.

FRIED chicken (grease) potato salad (oily mayo and calorie-dense carbs) green beans (canned and nutrient-depleted?) mac & cheese (again, lots of fat and carb calories) How about the salad?  Why so few fresh vegetables?

 

Our typical meal would be a big green salad with fresh spinach and lettuce, green peppers, cukes & tomatoes, etc. ponzu sauce (non-fat citrus/soy sauce) and NOBODY eats the main course until all the salads are finished. Then the main course might be a stir-fry of veggies and lean meat (with little or no oil) with a serving of brown rice and miso soup on the side. That's it.

 

I know it must be tough living with people stuck in 1950s/60s eating habits, but you can see what it's doing to them. Is there anyway you can start gradually incorporating lighter, fresher foods into the mix? That stuff you're eating is like cement in the gut - so little fiber or green colorful fresh veggies loaded with vitamins. Everyone in the family will not only look but feel so much better if the shift is in this direction.

Well, I guess I just wish you strength. Please tell hubby that if you wanted, you could eat the peanut butter, but to reach your calories goals, you would then have to cut out an equal calorie amount of some other, probably more nutritious food, and when we are limiting calories, we need to MAXIMIZE nutrition! 1500 calories a day of white bread PB&J and such will make you a wreck, but 1500 calories of fish, whole grains, COLORFUL FRESH veggies and fruit and lean meats will make you look and feel great. You know it, and deep down he knows it, and is trying to make you be an enabler for his addictive and self-destructive eating habits.

lessin08--

If I were you, I'd take a firm stand with your family. I'd lay down the law with your husband and parents. Tell them all, you don't expect them to change anything they are doing with their lives or eating habits, and in return, you expect them to "shut up" about your eating habits.  It may be hard to do, but I think that is very necessary.

I was also surprised with the idea that fried chicken, potato salad, macaroni and cheese was a "not bad" dinner. Do you do the cooking at home? Sounds like a typical southern sort of meal. Instead of fried chicken, try breading chicken breasts in whole wheat flour and spices and then baking for an hour at about 400 degrees. Try serving steamed green beans-- you can season with some fresh garlic and herbs for flavor. Instead of mac and cheese, go with a brown rice or even some whole wheat rolls. Seems to me that you could modify your family's favorite dinner and save a bunch on calories.

 

Lessin:

have fun w/the struggle...anytime someone changes direction, everyone else moans!

I say have fun because if you just stick to it eventually they will come around to your way of thinking. WHY? because they will see a happier/healthier mom.

So, think about YOUR goals. Plan every day for yourself. Humor them when they tease you or undermine you.

Plus, you don't have to be militant about the changes. Just knocking out a few things at a time from your diet will reap big changes. This process takes time. And, the more you learn about changing your diet, the more sucked into it you will become. I cook darned near close to gourmet now that I'm loving those veggies!

Hmm, sounds like they don't want to hear about the changes you're making - I guess you're going to have to rely on showing them the difference it makes.

And if that doesn't work, take them to the hospital, take the elevator up to oncology, listen to the painful sounds the patients are making, and remind them that the way they eat is a great way to wind up with colon cancer.

I do the cooking in my home, and it is rare that we eat the meal described here. We were at my parents house. It is not rare there. I do not think indulging in "southern fare" in moderation is horrible. As long as it is not too often. I have learned ways to "healthen up" some of our traditional meals. I just did not want to give the impression that this is how we eat all the time. It is not. Food is a cultural thing in my family. It surrounds everything we do. That makes it hard. My parents are from the south. My husband is east Indian and Hispanic. We have large families, with large get togethers with very traditional fare... all the time. I have more control in my home...but, when we are with family.... there is not much I can do. Except moderate. To not eat... is considered offensive, and rude; culturally.

You have to do this for yourself and no one else. Who cares what they do with their own health. This is about you, wanting to live a long, medication-free, healthy life.

Sure, in an ideal world it would be great if your hubby was fully on board. BUT, he has every right to make his own decisions about his own health, and if he doesn't want to go on a diet or exercise, then you need to respect that choice.

However, he needs to respect YOUR choice here. It goes both ways!!

Now throw in there the fact that whoever's doing the cooking automatically gets control of what is being served! That is only fair, in my humble opinion. If you don't do the cooking, then you have to suck it up and just be grateful. If you are doing all the cooking, then he just has to suck it up and just be grateful.

Gosh darnit... I really hate ungrateful eaters! ;-)

I do the vast majority of cooking in our household. My DH is always grateful and won't complain. As suggested, I will cook a starch but just take a smaller portion. Usually I have maybe 1-2 servings of starch, and he'll have three times as much, so he's not starving.  Yes, I do accomodate his preferences somewhat. If he wants butter on his green beans or potatoes, there is butter on the table, and he is welcome to add as much as he likes. We each add our own salad dressing - I do not toss it into the salad. I even cook up batches of those trans-fatty refrigerator biscuits for him - I just don't eat them myself.

Meanwhile we also keep some junk food in the house, which he likes to munch on. He knows it's hard for me not to be tempted by its presence, so he's fine with my strategy of tucking it up wayyyy up on the highest shelves, were I have trouble reaching it and will be more apt to forget it exists.

Oh - and when DH does get the rare  urge to cook, I happily eat whatever he serves. Just in small portions!

If your family succeeds in sinking your efforts, then I would hazard to suggest you wanted them sunk. Don't use them as an excuse.

lessin08-- I do understand about family dinners and the cultural parts, but again, I'd say to you that for your health, you have to be "rude".  Again, I'd suggest having that serious conversation with your parents and your husband and request that they either support you or say nothing more on the subject of what you eat.

You have about three choices as I see it 1) find a way to attend these family events and not blow your diet-- this requires you talk to your family, and lay down the law; 2) don't attend at all or insist that all dinners be held at your house and you do all the cooking-- aaaah; or 3) continue as you are and allow your diet to be sabotaged. :(  I vote for 1!

Best wishes to you.

 

 

Original Post by cafegen:

lessin08-- I do understand about family dinners and the cultural parts, but again, I'd say to you that for your health, you have to be "rude". 

 I was going to say the same thing.  I have relatives who try to make me eat salty artery-clogging crap, and I simply take a pass on any item that doesn't fit into my plan.  I'm sorry if they don't like it, but my health is a priority over making them feel good about how well they cooked a meatloaf.  I do try to accommodate, but there really is a limit.