Family 'Worried' About My Health? Total BS!

Mind if I rant? Okay, thanks. :)

First off, my stats: I'm 5'8" and 23 years old, and have been happily maintaining a 40 lb weight loss that took about 1.5 years (went from 165 to 125... been maintaining for about 6 months).

Now,  I would like to know if anyone else has had their family/friends try to 'worry' about their weight and health. I can't be the only one!

I run daily for 30 minutes and consume about 1,800 calories a day (give or take 200). Yet my boyfriend, mother, father, etc always seem to find ways to tell me that I "eat too little" and that "I'm not healthy."  Believe me, I still have plenty of hearty fat on me! I'm not overly thin. I have great muscle tone (thanks to strength training 2-3 days a week).

For example, last week we were eating chili for dinner. I ate two nice sized pieces of cornbread (at 250 calories each) in addition to the chili con carne, so I opted out of the noodles. My boyfriend immediately told me that I was going to waste away and he was worried about me.

Today, we are having burgers for dinner. Because I plan on having a gigantic cookie sundae for dessert, I decided to forgo the bun and instead 'lettuce wrap' my burger. My mom told me promptly that I catch colds because of doing things such as 'lettuce wrapping' my burger.... Uh, I thought it would be healthier to nix the 200cal bun in favor of greens?

I cooked dinner for my family not too long ago; I made a healthy grilled chicken with some angelhair pasta tossed with olive oil and sauteed veggies. My father found the meal 'dry' and told me, "I'm getting very sick and tired of all this healthy, bland food. When are you going to give it up? It's getting old." I was so very offended by this. You'd think he'd be happy that his daughter is interested in eating healthy, and loading up on good protein and veggies.

Anyone else have these kinds of comments said to them? I mean, I suppose it could be jealousy... but nobody in my family is fat. In fact, I was by far the 'chubbiest' one before I lost the weight... Anyone have any suggestions on how to ignore these kinds of things, and not be discouraged?

Well your BMI is only 19, so you probably are very thin especially if you workout because you're probably more toned than someone who doesn't. i would agree that you likely aren't eating enough, 1800 is rather low for someone with your stats and activity level. phord.com/cc estimates that you burn 2128 calories with moderate activity...that's undereating by 328 calories a day...that is pretty significant. 

i'm 5'8''.  medium frame.  when i was 125, i WAS skinny.  i had people comment that i was looking gaunt.

however, my mother is also 5'8''.  she was 120 when she was my age, and didn't look oddly skinny.  she also has a wee tiny, super small frame.

it definitely depends on how you're framed, where you hold your weight, etc.  but it is possible that you do look quite slim. so when people see you making choices for healthier food, they assume you're wanting to lose more.

it doesn't sound like you underate at the events you went to.  however, like chrissy, i'd have to say you are eating below your maintance calories....

However, if she's not dropping weight, then that's what she's maintaining on and it probably isn't "undereating" for her metabolism.  She said give or take.

Your stats sound very slim, and I'm sure you look fantastic with the working out you do.  You have to keep in mind that you did this for yourself and just because /some/ people might be a tad jealous and want to tell you you're wasting away.... well that's no reason to feel less accomplished!

sounds exactly like my family. i'm sick of being told i need to put on weight, or don't eat enough. sure, i do watch my calories, but i eat extremely well. far better than they do for that matter. i hear ya sister.

had the same thing when i went to dinner with my family the other night - decided to forgo the pancake wrap that went with the peking duck my family ordered. also didn't eat the skin. 

If you are maintaining, and it is a healthy weigth for you, you should just be proud when you make healthy choices. I have learned not to be a people pleaser. I don't feel the need to explain my decisions to people. If I have peace about it, eff off, you know? I have bounced around in weight a lot and have gotten rude comments at my biggest  and smallest. My conclusion is that people don't always know what they are talking about and that your health is up to you, If you are really thin, it is understandable. If you have a medium frame, a BMI of 19 might be pretty small. But if you and your doctor are both fine with it, don't worry. Gaining weight and eating junk to make other people happy and more comfortable with themselves is never a good decision.

Use an old debating tactic called "appeal to authority".

They say: You look too thin.

You reply: My DOCTOR said I'm at the perfect weight.

It is no longer a disagreement between your family and you, it is a disagreement between your family and your doctor. You're out of the loop. It reduces them to trying to argue with a doctor who is 1--an expert, and 2--not really there to carry on an argument with.

They say: Lettuce wrapping your burger is bad for you.

You reply: The CDC says it's healthier to eat it this way.

They say: When are you going to stop cooking this healty food?

You reply: I was reading an article in "Better Health" magazine by a physician, and it said if I cook this way I'll have fewer medical problems and live longer. You don't want me to get sick or die your, do you?

Get yourself a list of health authorites (your doctor, books, studies, etc...) you can keep in reserve to pull out anytime someone gives you a hard time. 

PS

If your boyfriend is pushing you to eat more, you will have definite problems keeping the weight off should you ever get married. Spouses are the #1 sabatogers (sp?) of diets. When he starts demanding you cook dinners he likes instead of healty ones, what will you do? Eventually, you'll buckle to the pressure, cook the unhealty meals, and put the weight back on.

First of all, congratulations getting and keeping the weight off. :)  I've had to deal with the family getting in the way of my weight loss before.  To those who suggest BMI, its not that useful.  Don't let people get in the way of your progress!

One of my biggest obstacles to losing weight in the past was my family.  Now that I have moved out and gotten married, I live with my spouse and have found it far easier to stay committed, since me and my wife do all the cooking, and we motivate each other.

I guess you have to accept that some people are going to help you, and some are going to hinder you.  The ones that hinder you in your family you have no choice about, because unfortunately you do not pick your family.  

Occasionally, when I interact with my family, they will talk about our [my spouse and I] weight loss.  There will be comments about health and such.  I am a very harsh critic of people who think that if you are not at least 40 lbs overweight you are "too skinny".  I think that there is quite a bit of leeway.  

And to those who rely on BMI, it is certainly not the holy grail.  BMI simply your mass in kilograms divided by your height in meters squared.  That does not take into account bone density, musculature, and other subtle differences in body composition.  If your BMI is 19, but your bodyfat is 16-20%, then you are quite okay.

I guess what I am trying to say is, you're going to deal with a lot of people that get in your way.  Don't let them hinder your progress, and don't let what they have to say destroy how far you've come, try to get them to join you!  Alas, sometimes you can't.  You're doing great, but don't overdo it either, know when to relax too.

You are at a healthy weight, but it does worry me that you're able to rattle off the calories of so many different things. Perhaps you should take a step back from calorie counting and try to eat intuitively. Eat until you feel full. Don't eat if you're not hungry. Give that a try instead of obsessing over calories. 

I'm sorry your family is being rude to you, though. That does suck. Good luck with everything! :)

I can vouch for the spouse sabateur.  I was 165 (a healthy weight for my 5' 10" large frame), and I put on 60 lbs over about 7 years.  He eats very badly - almost no fruits or vegetables - and it's really hard to avoid the temptation of the ice cream and cookies available.  I'm back on track trying to lose weight (down 17 lbs from my high weight).  The worst thing is that he complains that I've gained weight!!

If no one in your family is overweight, then it's very possible they simply don't understand calorie counting and the work that you have put into maintaining your current weight.  It sounds to me like when you ate the way they did, you were heavy and they were not.  So, they saw you "go on a diet" and because you haven't gone back to your old habits, you're still on the diet in their eyes... but what really happened is you changed your lifestyle.  If the lifestyle never made them fat, they may not understand how and why it did for you. I could be way off, but that's what it looks like from what you posted.

If it's said with genuine concern, you may want to take the time to explain that you're happy where you are, and why you choose to eat the way you do.  Just so they can maybe stop worrying about you!  But if they're just being a-holes, I would freeze them with a good "my body and my food choices are none of your business" type of remark.  Don't get sucked into an argument, just leave it at that and change the subject.  If you don't feed into it, they'll stop after being rebuffed a few times.

FWIW, I think you have every right to be offended by what your father said about your cooking.  If he didn't like the food, fine... but he didn't have to be so insulting about it.

I know where you are coming from. I am 43yo male, 5’11” and 185. I wear a 32 pants and a M shirt. Now granted my loss has been a bit drastic as I have dropped 97lbs in under 2 years. I have had my friends, co-workers, boss, wife, etc all tell me that I am “scaring” them and that I am “skinny”. Folks, I am 185lbs. I AM NOT SKINNY! In fact, I am 100% happy with my weight.

Let’s see…just this week…My mother accused me of having weight loss surgery! She even asked my teenage daughter if I had surgery. According to her, it isn’t possible to lose this much weight on my own. My wife gave me a hard time about not eating enough at dinner (I had 900cals for dinner that night). One of my friends said that she was really worried about me. I had another friend pull me aside and ask me if I was “alright” and wanted to know if I was sick with some terrible disease. I give up and just smile and thank people for their concern. I mean I guess we are lucky to have people who care about us even if they drive us crazy at times.

Is our society so whacked that we don’t even know what “healthy” is anymore?

Congratulations on your weight loss and maintenance!

I don't think people know what a healthy weight looks like anymore. We're all so used to seeing overweight people that we've just gotten used to how it looks, and when someone goes from slightly overweight to a healthy weight they appear too thin. I'm sure your family will get used to how you look now and it won't be such a big deal anymore.

OMG. Tsjej, you look freakin awesome now! Don't let anyone make you feel bad. How wonderful that you are doing all that cycling. You don't look sickly or skinny at all and people should just tell you good job and get off your back. And you are confident at a healthy weight, not trying to lose more, so I don't see the problem.

I listened to people's opinions once. I ended up here.

Glad I did though, cause I've learned a lot. (would have perferred to come here just to maintain and learn about nutrition though)

I love all the good advice on this site!  Unfortunately, I can barely relate to being "too skinny" since this comment has been made to me only once in my life, and that was when I was in the Air Force and was 129 lbs. on my 5'8" frame.  I was very thin and I FREAKIN' LOVED IT!!!  But it's hard to maintain that level of fitness and eating regimen without someone standing over you hollering at you!

But seriously...the biggest issue I have with the original post is that your dad asked you when you were going to stop cooking like this...as if you were merely passing through a phase and would soon go back to your unhealthy habits.  He should be happy that you have made good choices.

All that said, maybe you could meet them halfway--have burgers with whole-grain buns or even better, wrap them in a tortilla (like Applebees's does) and tell your dad it's a cool new recipe you found out of some haute couture cooking magazine.  Or sneak some healthy stuff in without their knowing it--I once slipped 1% milk in a recipe instead of the other stuff, and my husband eventually caught on, but not before he'd already had some!  Sometimes it pays to be tricky.  Good luck!

Im 5'4. when i was 116 pounds my family always had something to say. it really got on my nerves only because i hate people criticizing what i eat or telling me what to eat. My nana got on my nerves the most, always saying she was concerned. I was healthy though. It is funny though, now that i have gained some weight no one voices any concern at all. Being overweight is just as unhealthy as being underweight.

Oh yea. I hear this all the time from my family but after almost 2 years of maintaining they're finally shutting their traps.

Get this! I lose 175lbs putting me from 295lbs to 120lbs on a 5'5 body. Healthy right? They never voiced concern when I was 175 freakn lbs over weight. But let me get down to normal size, and all of a sudden the skinny jokes and 'youre scaring me' comments come out. I should gain 20-40lbs if it were up to them.

Meh. I can't make everyone happy with my weight, only me. And my health is in my #1 interest. If it's not in theirs, so be it.

Hang in there. As long as you're comfortable, confident, strong, and FIT along with being thin, then who cares what family voices. As for the boyfriend... he'll either get used to your new body size, or you'll ditch him for someone who likes you for you, not your body no matter bigger or smaller. :)

star….Not sure what I could possible say about your results other than you look amazing…but you knew that!

Yeah, I am at the point that I really don’t care what people say/think. I mean I am sure it is a big shock to people who haven’t seen me in a while…and compared to before, I probably do look “sick” or unhealthy. People mean well…at least for the most part. I used to think it could be a jealousy thing, but I don’t think so. It is just such a drastic change. I think people’s outlook on the whole diet thing is pretty simple. Nothing works and if it does, it is temporary…When you think about it, most people fail at diets (I hate that word) or if they are successful, the gain it all back and then some. I wonder what the percentage is of people who started a new lifestyle, met their goals and maintained that lifestyle for at least two years? My guess would be less than 5%.

I think with getting in shape, comes a confidence that people really couldn’t rattle you if they wanted. I know I love how I feel and I love living life. I can’t begin to tell you how cool it is to be flying through the woods on a mountain bike or out on a country road on my road bike. It is amazing what I was missing before….and confidence? I am oozing with it!

Terry

Original Post by bunnigrrl:

had the same thing when i went to dinner with my family the other night - decided to forgo the pancake wrap that went with the peking duck my family ordered. also didn't eat the skin. 

So what'd you eat - the duck meat by itself?  You can have that any time!  I think if your family is willing to spend the money at a nice restaurant to eat together a delicacy such as that, you should try to enjoy the entire thing =[

Original Post by white_sakura:

Original Post by bunnigrrl:

had the same thing when i went to dinner with my family the other night - decided to forgo the pancake wrap that went with the peking duck my family ordered. also didn't eat the skin. 

So what'd you eat - the duck meat by itself?  You can have that any time!  I think if your family is willing to spend the money at a nice restaurant to eat together a delicacy such as that, you should try to enjoy the entire thing =[

I disagree. You can't let pressures influence what you eat or how you eat. To feel obligated to eat something that isn't on your plan just because someone made it or someone ordered it for you is not the answer. My family had a BBQ over the summer and I swear there was not a single healthy thing on the menu. My family knew that I really watch what I eat. My mom said that I shouldn't be so picky and it wouldn't hurt me to eat "good" foods (burgers, fried potatoes, etc). Funny thing is that almost my entire family is overweight and I am the one who needs to change my diet. Go figure. I think I am going to invite them up for dinner one night and cook a nice "healthy" meal and tell them that they shouldn't be so picky and it wouldn't hurt them to eat "good" food.

I think I she was right in being polite and at least trying to control the damage by eating what she felt was okay.

Original Post by tsjej:

Original Post by white_sakura:

Original Post by bunnigrrl:

had the same thing when i went to dinner with my family the other night - decided to forgo the pancake wrap that went with the peking duck my family ordered. also didn't eat the skin. 

So what'd you eat - the duck meat by itself?  You can have that any time!  I think if your family is willing to spend the money at a nice restaurant to eat together a delicacy such as that, you should try to enjoy the entire thing =[

I disagree. You can't let pressures influence what you eat or how you eat. To feel obligated to eat something that isn't on your plan just because someone made it or someone ordered it for you is not the answer. My family had a BBQ over the summer and I swear there was not a single healthy thing on the menu. My family knew that I really watch what I eat. My mom said that I shouldn't be so picky and it wouldn't hurt me to eat "good" foods (burgers, fried potatoes, etc). Funny thing is that almost my entire family is overweight and I am the one who needs to change my diet. Go figure. I think I am going to invite them up for dinner one night and cook a nice "healthy" meal and tell them that they shouldn't be so picky and it wouldn't hurt them to eat "good" food.

I think I she was right in being polite and at least trying to control the damage by eating what she felt was okay.

I guess because it is part of our Chinese culture to eat whatever is offered, especially something as expensive as Peking Duck.  If you don't eat the delicious part (especially the skin), people get offended.  Plus, the fact that you don't eat those parts means that you are pretty unhealthy.  I don't mean to offend anybody, but that's just the way my culture is, so if I go out with Chinese people, I tend to let things slide, allow my 10% of moderation eating of "junk" foods, and deal.