The Fart Tax: Methods of Attribution.

With big brother getting more involved in our daily lives, I'd say it's more a matter of "when" than "if" that a fart tax would be legislated.

As such I prefer not to get left blowing in the wind, instead choosing to debate the topic sooner rather than when once it's too late.

Of greatest importance to me is the: "(S)He who smelled it, dealt it" clause.

It stands to reason that if we're going to be penalizing people for errant farts that a far more robust standard is necessary, perhaps employing a measure of particles per square inch?

Such a standard could also cause people to be more socially responsible about trailing in an otherwise acceptable downwind release.

Thoughts?

If there's a fart tax, the IRS is definitely coming for Lucy.

Original Post by purespark:

If there's a fart tax, the IRS is definitely coming for Lucy.

 will bacon lovers be unfairly taxed do yah think?

I would propose that, should said expulsions be suitably contained and directed to a central collection centre, a Fart Tax Rebate should be implemented.

so i guess beef will be off the market then?  poor cows, all locked up for not paying their fart back taxes.

As history clearly dictates, there should be an ammendment to your aforementioned clause--in direct opposition to it actually--maintaining: "Whoever denied it, supplied it."

Herewith, I move for quick dissmissal of the smelt-it-dealt-it clause, on grounds of its flatulent untruth.

Indeed, the trouble with such circular arguments are obvious to most, hence the proposal of a more fair standard:

Particles per square inch.

However I wonder if some clever individuals that perhaps grew up in a house of all boys, may have the capacity to "throw" their farts (for want of a better description) thereby offloading the responsibility of their flatulence on to other parties.

Is this a valid concern?

I don't see how 'particles per square inch' could possibly yield a fair measure of accountability. Your mention of thrown wind is just one concern. Forced posterior rips are another. I recall--living in a house of adolescent brothers--having been made to eat beans. Yes, beans! Beans! The musical fruit. I was made to eat them to ensure that I'd toot. How embarrassing! How unjust! I did not want the beans in the first place. And even if I did, I certainly did not want the accommodating cheese-cuttings.

So I move for a more just standard: hedons.

Hedons are the happy-points that many utilitarians think an individual's happiness level can be measured by. My guess is that the excreter of wind on any given occasion will have a noticeable bump in hedons, since the release of passed gas is (rumored to be) oh-so-pleasant to the breaker. Whilst the surrounding, olfactory sensitive population will have a significant decrease in hedons, since sudden, unpredicted foul stenches, not of their own making, seemingly causes everyone to (understandably) yak. 

This has the advantage of measuring intent, since someone who is (for example) forced to eat beans and then inadvertently breaks wind as a result will enjoy the passing of gas so much less than one who is maliciously inclined to make others suffer due to his back end emissions.

So, hedons? The ratio of breaker to non-breaker hedons? Discuss.

The concept of the hedon seems sound, especially when considering, not only does the scent often please the breaker, it also can cause a sense of well-being or relief, since the holding in of the gasses can cause a physical stress or strain, which, when the gasses are passed, would result in an increase of hedons.  However, this would require some sort of microchip to measure the hedons, which would most likely be imbedded in the brain, and that my friends, is too matrix-like for me.

Therefore, I propose a variation of the geiger counter, attuned to measure the aforementioned particles per square inch, but instead of measuring the standard atmosphere, it would be applied to the suspected person's posterior, where particles would surely cling to the seat of whatever they had chosen to clothe themselves in.  I call it... the butt beeper. 

fart tax! oh no i'm doomed can i blame the dog even if she's not there?

What about those farts that rise from the depths and aroma grabs and sticks to all standing within striking distance...should they be charged with assault with a gastric weapon.

Could we use these to punish criminals......death by forty farts

or 2 weeks in the isolation fart tank...