Am I fat?!?!?

I am getting really sick of and fed up with these post from young, too thin ladies asking "am I fat?" or "how much do you think I weigh?" 

the next time, I'm gonna tell a skinny 13 year old she looks 185. Just to do it. Because its simple attention seeking behavior and I'm sick of it.

Not enough is done on this site when a "rule breaking" post is posted. It should be removed immediately.

First of all.. not all people thinking "am I fat" are 13 yr olds.  I am 24, technically underweight with an "anorexic" bmi (under 17.5), and yes I still see myself as overweight.  I am very unhappy.  I've been bulimic and anorexic for 7+ years and it's a mental illness which quite often includes body dysmorphia, not to mention extremely low self esteem.  I think many people feel "safer" asking if they are fat here because its relatively anonymous. Its not like its exactly acceptable to walk up to people at school or coworkers and say "oh hi, am I fat?" especially if they don't know you struggle with food/body image.  I quite often want to check with others because as I said, I see myself in the mirror as overweight, yet my weight is 'underweight'.  I have to wonder how others see me.  What better way to find out than to ask people.  It's very frustrating walking around not knowing how others see you, or really how you look. Especially when you base your self worth on it.  (again.. mental illness.. this usually takes a lot of therapy to overcome and change). 

I do agree that threads like this are annoying and do come off as immature.. not all of them will be due to the reasons I tried to explain.. but for the reasons above are why perhaps you shouldn't assume and generalize. 

Just trying to create some more understanding. I hope no one finds this offensive.

I do appreciate the explanations given here, and I also understand the frustration.

I try not to respnd, though I always consider taking a pic of my 240 lb ass in my underoos and just posting the link to it in my reply: 'This is fat'

I had a girl in a fitness class repeatedely seeking me out to talk about weight, and about not wanting to work out in public because of it, when I was 60-70 lbs heavier than her. Many things she said were inappropriate, but unintentionally, she really thought we were the same size. One day I just stated, 'You do realize I'm a lot larger than you...' (she rejects) 'I weigh 240 lbs and wear a sz 18' She was surprised, and relieved, and I was ambivalent about it.

On the one hand, I'm glad I in some way made her realize she wasn't as large as she imagined, on the other hand, there is still that meaner voice in my head that says 'So glad my morbid obesity and the fact that you don't look like me can make you feel better'

Original Post by minda_spk:

IOn the one hand, I'm glad I in some way made her realize she wasn't as large as she imagined, on the other hand, there is still that meaner voice in my head that says 'So glad my morbid obesity and the fact that you don't look like me can make you feel better'

 I know this is getting off topic but I wanted to just say that it is her insecurity about herself.. and try not to let HER insecurity affect you (HARD!).  Unfortunately, our culture bases a lot on appearance but try to focus on other things.  I don't know you so I can't really suggest anything (although you seem helpful and pretty selfless). Size doesn't play a role in the kind of person you are. 

Minda

You are one of a handful of people on this site whose posts I seek out.  I always like to see what you have to say because you keep your dignity and your humanity.  You'll get there.  You're wonderful.  And your tatoo is amazing!

Original Post by jasamsvinja:

First of all.. not all people thinking "am I fat" are 13 yr olds.  I am 24, technically underweight with an "anorexic" bmi (under 17.5), and yes I still see myself as overweight.  I am very unhappy.  I've been bulimic and anorexic for 7+ years and it's a mental illness which quite often includes body dysmorphia, not to mention extremely low self esteem.  I think many people feel "safer" asking if they are fat here because its relatively anonymous. Its not like its exactly acceptable to walk up to people at school or coworkers and say "oh hi, am I fat?" especially if they don't know you struggle with food/body image.  I quite often want to check with others because as I said, I see myself in the mirror as overweight, yet my weight is 'underweight'.  I have to wonder how others see me.  What better way to find out than to ask people.  It's very frustrating walking around not knowing how others see you, or really how you look. Especially when you base your self worth on it.  (again.. mental illness.. this usually takes a lot of therapy to overcome and change). 

I do agree that threads like this are annoying and do come off as immature.. not all of them will be due to the reasons I tried to explain.. but for the reasons above are why perhaps you shouldn't assume and generalize. 

Just trying to create some more understanding. I hope no one finds this offensive.

 ?? seriously?

Original Post by risza:

Original Post by jasamsvinja:

First of all.. not all people thinking "am I fat" are 13 yr olds.  I am 24, technically underweight with an "anorexic" bmi (under 17.5), and yes I still see myself as overweight.  I am very unhappy.  I've been bulimic and anorexic for 7+ years and it's a mental illness which quite often includes body dysmorphia, not to mention extremely low self esteem.  I think many people feel "safer" asking if they are fat here because its relatively anonymous. Its not like its exactly acceptable to walk up to people at school or coworkers and say "oh hi, am I fat?" especially if they don't know you struggle with food/body image.  I quite often want to check with others because as I said, I see myself in the mirror as overweight, yet my weight is 'underweight'.  I have to wonder how others see me.  What better way to find out than to ask people.  It's very frustrating walking around not knowing how others see you, or really how you look. Especially when you base your self worth on it.  (again.. mental illness.. this usually takes a lot of therapy to overcome and change). 

I do agree that threads like this are annoying and do come off as immature.. not all of them will be due to the reasons I tried to explain.. but for the reasons above are why perhaps you shouldn't assume and generalize. 

Just trying to create some more understanding. I hope no one finds this offensive.

 ?? seriously?

Yeah, that makes no sense.

Yeah, I wouldn't be rude to those girls. They probably do have an eating disorder or some sort of body image problem and even though they want to be assured they are not fat, telling them they are will make it worse. I get a feeling from those posts that "Yes, you are fat omg" is what they WANT to hear and probably expect to hear, and then they get the "okay" to lower their calorie intake, which was probably low to begin with anyway.

The only thing that gets me is that those same girls probably abuse Caloriecount to make sure they don't eat more than 500 calories a day.

THAT makes me angry.

Original Post by jcl76:

Last week a 13 year old girl posted a topic called "Am I fat?" and another thread called something like "my food plan for eating 700 calories a day"

I responded with concern over her caloric intake (it was less than 1000) and her weight (she was underweight). People were rude to her and told her she was just seeking attention, and people also told me that I was basically an idiot for believing this girl. I messaged her privately and pleaded with her to get help. this was her response:

"Thanks! That helps alot. I took your advice and added lots of grains, dairy, and fruits and vegetables to my diet and gained some weight. I now weigh 92 pounds which is normal.

Some people are really rude. I was shocked by some of the reply posts. Thanks for the good advice. I think I'm going to quit caloriecount now since I obviously don't need it. Thanks again and bye!"

I just want everyone to be aware that sometimes the OPs in these posts really do have a grossly distorted body image. Please give them the benefit of the doubt. They might just be seeking attention, but they might also be truly struggling. I'd rather take the risk of sounding like an idiot than further traumatizing someone who could have an eating disorder. Being rude to a 13 year old girl who probably has anorexia makes me so angry. Have some compassion, people! If you're going to pick on someone, at least do it to adult.

I was one of those people and, no, I don't think you were an idiot, but I don't regret what I said since I didn't have the proper information to make a proper response. The type of message she posted had the classic signs of a weight loss spammer and I was at the end of my rope that day, though it wasn't right that I decided to take it out on a girl who seemed to be suffering, or you who was just trying to lend a helping hand.

It isn't easy to say that you would want to be understanding when yourself are struggling at the other end of the spectrum and feel like you're being mocked by someone who seems to need no help at all. It gets annoying a frustrating sometimes.

Lol, no matter how flat the pancake, there are still two sides (Yay, Dr. Phil!)

Original Post by luhluhlovesongs:

Yeah, I wouldn't be rude to those girls. They probably do have an eating disorder or some sort of body image problem and even though they want to be assured they are not fat, telling them they are will make it worse. I get a feeling from those posts that "Yes, you are fat omg" is what they WANT to hear and probably expect to hear, and then they get the "okay" to lower their calorie intake, which was probably low to begin with anyway.

The only thing that gets me is that those same girls probably abuse Caloriecount to make sure they don't eat more than 500 calories a day.

THAT makes me angry.

That's why honestly, I would never do it, but I just wanted a way to vent, because its just so frustrating.

Original Post by luhluhlovesongs:

Original Post by risza:

Original Post by jasamsvinja:

Just trying to create some more understanding. I hope no one finds this offensive.

 ?? seriously?

Yeah, that makes no sense.

 Can someone explain why it makes no sense

What I don't understand is why anyone would think it's acceptable to give a rude answer at all -- to any post.  This is a site people come to for support.  If someone who submits a post has some misguided notions, the responders should correct them, not attack the poster.  And if you end up giving good advice to someone who was just seeking attention?  Well then, perhaps you helped someone else who was just reading the thread and had a real problem.  You never know what effects your actions will have or who they will affect, so it's always a good idea to put your best face forward.

Original Post by dolphinclick:

What I don't understand is why anyone would think it's acceptable to give a rude answer at all -- to any post.  This is a site people come to for support.  If someone who submits a post has some misguided notions, the responders should correct them, not attack the poster.  And if you end up giving good advice to someone who was just seeking attention?  Well then, perhaps you helped someone else who was just reading the thread and had a real problem.  You never know what effects your actions will have or who they will affect, so it's always a good idea to put your best face forward.

Exactly, I agree.

We need a lot less rude responses on this community.