Does a fat woman looks LESS attractive in guy's eye?
I know that this question may not really belong to this forum but it has been bugging me SOO BAD!! I'm a Thai girl (16 years old) and all the girls here are VERY skinny. I'm 16, 5 ft1 and 108 pound and I was considered chubby here. My waist is 28 inches and I'm wearing a Large shirt size. I don't know what do these people eat! I tries to eat as healthy as I can (especially when I'm in the State).
Now...here is the thing. I kinda like a person who is my best friend and we talk to each other about almost everything. My friends (including that person) always call me a pig or fattie and now I got really worried. I mean..I know that that guy likes me back to and all but I'm not confidence with how I look or feel.
*** To all the guys who may be reading this...to you, does it matter if your girlfriend is fat? Does physical appeal (like abs or whatever) really matter to you??***
I know this is another stupid question but I lost weight once and got down to 102 pounds and I got this stupid ED (i hate this stuff). And now I would do anything to prevent me from thinking like that again. If you are an adult (my parents don't really talk to me abt these stuff), any suggestion?
Thank you so much.
"Erase"
You are a very beautiful young girl and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I think you should call them on it when your friends call you names like that! I don't care if they are kidding, it's not funny! 108 pounds at 5'2" is in no way shape or form chubby not matter what part of the world you are from and if a guy treats you like that, then you don't need him. Now having said that, you should understand that teernaged boys are very insecure and sometime when they like you, they make stupid jokes, so I'd just see how things go! But you don't need to lose weight or change anything about you,
First, to the initial poster - you are NOT fat. Really. You're just not. And that's the reality of it. Ditto to what everyone else said re: guy calling you piggy, etc., but most of all - you are NOT fat. Please, just take it as a fact. I know all about cultural pressures (I'm Eastern European . . . you know, where all those models come from? I look NOTHING like a model; it sucks), but . . . well, just trust me. YOU ARE NOT FAT :)
Second, more generally . . . I have been in a relationship with a guy for ~6 years. For 5 of those years, he wanted me to lose weight. He was nice but commitment-phobic; we had a decent sex life, but he never really LOOKED at me (you know, THAT look, the I-want-to-@#$%-you look). And he told me, many times, that he really likes me, but he'd prefer it if I was thinner, that it was a serious barrier to falling in love with me.
Jerk? Maybe. No one who's met him thinks so. NO ONE. Not even perceptive, intelligent people. And he's really kinda NOT one. Just a little shallow, as most are.
Anyway, so a year ago, I started losing weight. Lost ~30 lbs. Starting at ~15 lbs loss, things changed. He became more attentive, sweeter, more caring, nicer. Sex got better and more frequent. It's all been getting better and better. And he finally told me he loves me about 6 months ago. After almost 5.5 years.
I called him out on it - that he only got nicer and started liking me more because of my weight loss. He didn't deny it - said he wasn't SURE that was why, but it may well be part of the reason. Partly out of increased attraction, partly from the pride and ego boost of now dating a hotter girl, partly because he respects my discipline and commitment. (I like the last one best :) And he still wants me to lose some more weight - as do I.
Once again - jerk? Maybe. Have I considered leaving him? Yes. But the fact is, any man who wants me NOW will be seeing me AS I AM, and there is no guarantee that he would have still liked me when I was 30 lbs heavier. Similarly, I am sure there are many men who do NOT want me now who WOULD want me when I lose another 10 lbs.
So, from MY perspective, yes, people are more attracted to you and are NICER to you when you are physically more attractive. And when I say attractive, yes, I mean closer to the popular "unrealistic" ideal. (And it's not unrealistic. There are gorgeous modelesque girls aplenty where I live.) It's harsh and feel free to dismiss it. Also, I'm, as I said, I'm Eastern European, AND I live in New York, capital of skinny beautiful people, so it's possible I have a skewed view of the world.
I am sure there are many exceptions. I know couples where a guy is madly in love (and lust) with a woman who isn't physically beautiful. To be fair/honest, the guy is usually no looker himself. But they are happy couples, so it's not like it's impossible for a bigger girl to find love. She just has fewer choices to pick from.
So there's my personal truth, totally unvarnished. In answer to the question, and bypassing all the wonderful and genuinely useful lies told to oneself to improve self-esteem . . . most guys like fit/slim women. Sure, some would date a bigger girl for her personality. But even guys who genuinely like "thick" chicks (that means extra T&A, not much else) prefer their bellies to be on the flat side. From my experience anyway (and I have lots of guy friends). It's not fair. But what is?
Make ready the flame-throwers, if anyone got this far into my novella :)
Original Post by ghanja:
Original Post by amazighus:
Looking around at the answers above, I kind of feel some people are trying to fool themselves in believing that they don't care about physical appearance whatsoever. You might not base your relationship on it but you can't date someone who you have no physical attraction to at all. That would make you "not human"
I will be honest in my answer. I like fit girls, certain physical characteristics appeal more to me than the rest (hair color, eyes, booty ...) not only weight matters. but obviously a relationship is not the physical side only. I won't date a girl who is super hot but can't hold a conversation or we have nothing in common, and I would date a girl who is slightly overweight but makes me laugh and makes my day better. notice I mentioned slightly overweight, I don't want to offend but if someone is way overweight I wouldn't be attracted to them. I won't treat them bad or make fun of them or belittle them like some people do but I don't see myself in an intimate relation.
The most important thing to me in a relation though is more the comfort level with the person. I don't like long talks on the phone, I don't like daily calls, I don't like pushy people, I don't like anybody to disturb my relation with my family or friends and things like that... So really I focus more on how I feel in the relation rather than some excess weight.
Now in your case, don't doubt yourself you look nice but don't settle for jerks who laugh at you amongst themselves even if it's only for fun. It seems like you need to get a whole new bunch of friends
this is the type of guy you should avoid... I am not discounting the way that "HE" feels but this is the type of guy that values looks over personality. Also re read what amazig wrote he states that he doesnt want someone that interfers with HIS family and HIS friends. This shows the maturity and empathy level of this individual. Just open up your eyes...these guys are very easy to spot. Also one thing youll learn as you grow is that WE women have the power, not the guys. Do NOT EVER let someone talk down to you like your a dog or not worthy cause you ate an extra piece of cake. You should be healthy for YOU. as long as you are then tell all the superficial people to F*CK OFF!!!
I don't think there's anything wrong with what "amazighus" said. He was just being honest. It's refreshing actually. I also don't see how not wanting someone to interfere with your family and friends is wrong. Some people care less for clingy types. I personally prefer my space.
I don't think you should be worried about your weight to please someone else though. Do it for you, it'll be more satisfying.
ladykelien, that is excellent advice! Just checked out your "Cooking for Eight" blog, that's a great idea to put homemade meals on your site. I'm gonna try your "Whole Wheat Honey Oat Bread". You're an inspiration to those who want to eat healthier. Thank you. Way to go girl!
to all of you-
You guys have been amazing. You are being honest and very supportive. You know...I never mond about this name calling up until I had ED early this year and after I recovered, my friends still did not know I had ED and they have no clue how much this name calling has been bugging me. And amouong teenagers in Bangkok (Thailand), calling friends as pig may not be that harsh...but still!!!
After I read all these replies, U have decided that before I may give my friends one more chance. They are all nice and responsible people in general so I may have to tell them how much these name calling has been bugging me and I have to see their answer. If they understand and stop calling me piggie, then ... maybe......we could still talk to each other.
morrighu- you have an awsome husband! One of my friend in the State, she has a boyfriend and the nicest thing I have ever herd him say to her is that..."Don't lose anymore weight, keep those tummy for me." .......that was soooo cute and caring!
And yeah...I'm not looking for boyfriend or anything...until AFTER collage. But just because he is my best friend and I have been knowing him since 1st grade!!! I just don't want him to view me as other people view me. I don't believe that I'm that fat. I can enjoy every healthy things I want (including cakes and all desserts) and keep myself active and healthy. (I love love love walking...I can walk all day!) OH! Yeah...I have a funny story to share. I went for some cloths shopping today (we have all unique+handmade cheap clothes here) and I asked for size M and I ended up have to wear size L
!!!!!!!
What's up with all the medium and small? Are those for ants to wear??!!! When I asked for Medium, the shop keeper looked at me a little and say that I should go for L instead of M....ah....shopping world is crazy!!!!!
Thanks again, by the way. I hope you are all success in what you have been trying to achieve!
Your weight is only a factor in your appeal, it isn't everything. Attractiveness (not related to weight), intelligence, kindness, confidence, humour - these also make a difference. Remember too that whatever their physical ideal, in practice men will date women who will date them (important standard!), and who they get along with, leading many people (of both sexes) to sacrifice the notion of physical ideal in exchange for "the whole package" in the person they love. I haven't seen weight become a "deal-breaker" except in cases of frank obesity (where the concern is your potential partner's health as well as their looks), or incredibly shallow people who won't accept anything less than physical perfection.
Original Post by ghanja:
Original Post by amazighus:
Looking around at the answers above, I kind of feel some people are trying to fool themselves in believing that they don't care about physical appearance whatsoever. You might not base your relationship on it but you can't date someone who you have no physical attraction to at all. That would make you "not human"
I will be honest in my answer. I like fit girls, certain physical characteristics appeal more to me than the rest (hair color, eyes, booty ...) not only weight matters. but obviously a relationship is not the physical side only. I won't date a girl who is super hot but can't hold a conversation or we have nothing in common, and I would date a girl who is slightly overweight but makes me laugh and makes my day better. notice I mentioned slightly overweight, I don't want to offend but if someone is way overweight I wouldn't be attracted to them. I won't treat them bad or make fun of them or belittle them like some people do but I don't see myself in an intimate relation.
The most important thing to me in a relation though is more the comfort level with the person. I don't like long talks on the phone, I don't like daily calls, I don't like pushy people, I don't like anybody to disturb my relation with my family or friends and things like that... So really I focus more on how I feel in the relation rather than some excess weight.
Now in your case, don't doubt yourself you look nice but don't settle for jerks who laugh at you amongst themselves even if it's only for fun. It seems like you need to get a whole new bunch of friends
this is the type of guy you should avoid... I am not discounting the way that "HE" feels but this is the type of guy that values looks over personality. Also re read what amazig wrote he states that he doesnt want someone that interfers with HIS family and HIS friends. This shows the maturity and empathy level of this individual. Just open up your eyes...these guys are very easy to spot. Also one thing youll learn as you grow is that WE women have the power, not the guys. Do NOT EVER let someone talk down to you like your a dog or not worthy cause you ate an extra piece of cake. You should be healthy for YOU. as long as you are then tell all the superficial people to F*CK OFF!!!
Are you serious? I see NOTHING wrong with what he posted.
Again, there is a difference between starting a relationship with someone who is seriously overweight/obese and having a partner who gains weight. It's totally fair, and not overly shallow, to say that you wouldn't be attracted to, seek out or start a relationship with someone obese if you are not, yourself, obese. (If you are obese yourself, however, you're a hypocrite). That doesn't necessarily follow that once you're in love with someone, you'll dump them if they gain weight. A lot of weight gain happens within relationships and people adapt. Just because they wouldn't choose someone obese "if they were on the market", doesn't mean that they will dump their obese spouse pronto.
Original Post by trustwomen:
^^I don't see anything wrong with it either.
Again, there is a difference between starting a relationship with someone who is seriously overweight/obese and having a partner who gains weight. It's totally fair, and not overly shallow, to say that you wouldn't be attracted to, seek out or start a relationship with someone obese if you are not, yourself, obese. (If you are obese yourself, however, you're a hypocrite). That doesn't necessarily follow that once you're in love with someone, you'll dump them if they gain weight. A lot of weight gain happens within relationships and people adapt. Just because they wouldn't choose someone obese "if they were on the market", doesn't mean that they will dump their obese spouse pronto.
Here's the thing. Even if you are obese, I still think its ok if you prefer not to date somebody who is. Its just a matter of what you find attractive. I don't think its right or wrong. I have dark hair, I might be attracted to men who are blonde. I am tall, I might be attracted to short guys. I don't think its wrong. Why is weight any different? I do know some very thin men who prefer bigger women, I don't think they are hypocrites because of it.
Obviously, you know you are in no way fat. There's nothing wrong with not being super skinny, actually if you are too skinny then usually you won't be as 'curvy' in the places guys like you to be curvy. Most people aren't confident in themselves as a teenager, they're just trying to pretend they are. A lot of insecure people try to put others down so that they feel better about themselves. Teens and pre-teens can usually be pretty cruel, but you don't see a lot of adults or very young children acting like that because they're more secure in themselves.
What difference would it make if you lost 5lbs? It wouldn't affect anything, except maybe your ability to fit into a size M or S. When you weighed 102 lbs, your life probably wasn't any different than when you weighed 108 lbs.
To the OP: your friend teasing you about it is not cool. Be your best self and you will have all the confidence you need. This attracts a good relationship more than anything.
While I can see how people think your friends are mean for calling you a pig, I find that that type of teasing is quite common with some of my Chinese friends. Maybe it's an Asian thing? I'm Chinese, and it's always seemed to me that Asians are more strict on maintaining a smaller size.
For instance...
- Some of my super skinny friends complain about how fat their stomachs are and that they don't want to gain weight when, in my opinion, they would look better with an extra 5 lb.
- When I was growing up, my grandmother would always tell me not to get fat and bring up my previously chubby cousin as an example of how NOT to look.
- My parents have a friend whose son is overweight, and instead of using his name, they refer to him as Piglet (but not to his face, of course).
- One of my best friends and possibly the thinnest girl I know, 5'4 and about 100 lb, is always being told she's fat by her parents.
- When my cousin first met me last year after coming to Canada from China, she commented to my grandmother that I had very large thighs. Huh? At the time, I was 105 lb at 5'3 and wore a size 0/1 jean.
Now, I have to say that you're a cute girl, and if you don't want them teasing you, tell them to stop. If they're anything like my friends, they probably don't even realize they're making you uncomfortable, and I honestly think the mustkeepthin mentality is ingrained in the culture. You might feel pressured to lose weight, but you don't need to. You look great, and it's not worth risking another ED to lose a few pounds.
Some guys like heavy girls and some don't. Sometimes if the weight is carried well (the less "cottage cheese" the better) and is in the "right places" it can be attractive. But some men have a fetish for obese women. Some men like women that are chubby but not obese. Some men like skinny women with large implants. Some other men like petite women. I've seen lots of skinny teenage guys dating girls that had to be 20 to 30 pounds heavier then they were. As a man myself I fall in the catagory of liking a woman with curves, no cottege cheese, and the fat in the right places. There's nothing more unattractive to a man than cottege cheese. Yuck!
hey who reported my post about not liking fat broads? I don't really appreciate it. If you don't want my opinion, don't ask about guys' opinions.
men are not superficial, I love nice woman. does not matter if she is fat or skinny. Size does not matter. I am married and if my wife gained 100 pds I would love her anyways. Weight is a number how you feel inside is all that it matters
Original Post by ericthehammer:
hey who reported my post about not liking fat broads? I don't really appreciate it. If you don't want my opinion, don't ask about guys' opinions.
QFT. Men are allowed to not be attracted to fat or obese women. My boyfriend put it best: If you let yourself go enough, it shows you may not have confidence and respect for yourself to let yourself get and stay that way. And that's not what many men look for in a partner.
Guys are all different tho.
That could have been said more tactfully. I assume you're referring to cellulite. Some women will have it no matter what. It's like if I said nothing is more unattractive to women than a man with thinning hair or a guy who's short, then adding "Yuck!". I don't speak for all women, and you don't speak for all men (...or at least not very well).
as for the ED thing... you just need to realize that weight is NOT the most important thing. it's a SILLY thing. if you get to be 90 pounds & have an awkward personality or something, you will mean nothing to a guy who wants to have a serious relationship. so when you feel the urge to start obsessing about your weight, put that energy into something more constructive that will give you results that will last a lifetime... not just however long it takes you to start gaining weight again.
So you can log your weight -- which allows you to do the following:
- Plot your weight curve
- Analyze the trend of your weight (see under Recent in the figure above)
- Determine the projected target date (see under Overall in the figure above)