I Feel so defeated and disappointed in myself.

I just can't get it together.  Once, I lost 114 pounds and kept it off for about 1 year, until I got pregnant.  Ever since then, I lose 20 lose 30 and gain it back again, and then lose 15 and gain it back, and then lose 25 and gain it back. 

I just cannot seem to get enough energy, will-power, desire, motivation, purposeful exercised self-exertion....  whatever we all want to call it, disguise it as something else, as to not say it is of our own power, and our own "doing" or "lack of doing"....  I can't get it, keep it, and hold on to it. 

I know it is inside of me.  It is not in a pill, a surgery, a box, a book, a shake, a bar, a product, or any entity outside of myself.  I know that it inside of my heart.   I know that it is inside of my mind.

I know it is about my own will and desire.

I know how to lose weight.

I know how many calories are in a stick of gum.

I know my BMI, BMR, and how many calories that I burn walking across the living room floor.

I know what to eat, and how to eat it, and when to eat it, and what's good bad, and ugly. 

I am a health care professional.  I know the benefits, and risks of obesity.  I know the benefits and risks of lab values and blood pressures and fat intake and cholesterol. 

What I can't find is my own inner self-will, desire, strength, and energy to put into practice all the things that I know and that I know work and have worked for me in the past with a 114 pound weight loss.

My desire to stay fat, must still be greater than my desire to be healthy.  It is subconcious and concious. 

I am even a Christian, so I know that I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me....

So, why?  WHY?  WHY?  Do I remain 240+ pounds?

Why can't I fix myself. 

Kit Kat

I don't really know the answer, but I can tell you to hang in there!

Words of encouragement have kept me going, literally, so I hope these little workds help you.

Take it one day at a time, you sound like a very intelligent person, you can do it!

Hey Kit Kat, coming to Calorie count and talking and listening to others really helped me stay on track :)  Plus, yeah, you have to pretty much get into that mindset that you are going to try and eat healthier and exercise and try to lose weight.  I didn't do it until I saw some pictures of myself at the beginning of the year and I was completely dissapointed in my appearance.  Plus I made a bet with my fiance to lose the weight.  It was a bit silly, but it actually helped me get into that mindset.  But of course, nobody is getting any money :p  It was all in my head anyway.  Plus I wanted to get a good job after college in law enforcement.  So there were a bunch of reasons.

I guess drawing up a list of reasons to do it and reasons to not do it might put things in perspective. 

Well, I wish you good luck on getting that motivation to live a healthier life :)

Oh, did you read that one post about what part of the brain we think in and how to retrain your brain for dieting:

Click Here

kitkat~ the ability to lose weight lies within you and this is a fact since you have done it once before and multiple times after. Don't look at the weight that was regained, look at the fact that you lost weight that was hard to lose and you did it! I too feel what you feel but I don't have the positive history you have...I have never lost weight in a large amount....ever. So unlike me, you don't have the fear that you might not ever be able to do it, because you already have! I just look ahead, look to the Lord, and know that somewhere in me is the strenght to do what you have already done! Chin up....just tell yourself you're going to do what you've already done and this will be the last time you have to do it! :)

HEY kat I am 5'6 and 215.  I just posted yesterday I think about how bad i think i am doing.  Just hang in there.  From what I have read in here eveyone has setbacks.  If you do it for 2 weeks and then mess up a day so what just stick with it for the long term and you will loose.  If you are religous you could ask your pastor to help you pray ....not to loose weight but to give you the strenght to when the battle you are about to face......hope this helps!

Kit Kat-

I'm just like you.  I know what I am supposed to do but just haven't done it.  Since I started (again!!) a few weeks ago, coming to this board has really helped.  I have over 100 lbs to lose and reading the post other CCer's who also have to lose that much really has kept me on track.  Some have lost 50, 90 lbs and I think "Wow, I can't weight until I can say that".  You've done it before so you know you can do it. 

Keep your chin up! You can do it!

K : )

Yes...yes...yes...you have it in you. You just have to find it again.

Meanwhile - write it down - everything you are eating - start from square one - all the things you did to lose the weight will come back to you.

This is a lifelong struggle kat. It's as simple as that. We are in this for the long haul. Yes it's up and down and sometimes you feel like you don't have the strength.  Yes the power comes from you and from your 'higher power' . But the need to be diligent never goes away. 

kitkat24, I can relate to how you are feeling!  I've been losing the same 15 pounds for the past 4 years, since I quit smoking.  I was about 10 pounds over weight when I quit and gained about 20-25 after I quit, so I'm up about 35 pounds total.  As I mentioned before, I have lost 15 pounds quite a few times, but I keep gaining it back and then have to start all over!! 

I am also a Christian and give total credit to Jesus Christ for my ability to quit smoking after 19 years.  I prayed throughout the days and went around singing Nicole C. Mullen's "When I call on Jesus, all things are possible, . . ." and can truly say that after 2 weeks, God had really taken away the addiction!  (I'm sure my family was pleased that it didn't take long, since I don't have a very good singing voice!)

I'm wondering if maybe we should consider starting healthy eating habits and exercising as an act of worship.  The Bible defines worship and sacrifice as acts of obedience - worship is so much more than singing in church!!  I consider worship to be every moment that I give to God, whether it be singing in church, praying, studying the Bible, appreciating God's creation, . . . so maybe the decision to get healthy for Him will carry us through!

Hi KitKat!!!!

Hang in there!!!! I was just thinking - losing weight is so similar to finances. I KNOW I have to spend less $$ than I make, yet why is my credit card balance $10,000 ???

Anyway, anytime you feel bad - post up!!! We are all going through the same thing, and your post made me feel better because I know I am not alone in this weight struggle.

Take good care, you are in my prayers....

It is so hard to get started, that's my main problem.  Once the weight starts coming off, then I'm really into it.  This time my motivation was a doctor's visit with a weight on the precipice of a place I don't want to go.  Other times it was a good doctor's visit where I saw clearly the dangers of my condition, PCOS.  I also promised myself that once I reach goal, I will buy a laptop.  Something completely frivolous that I'd love to have. 

My other advice is to just take it one day at a time.  I also build little treats into everyday and I eat tons of veggies.  The veggies keep me full and the treats keep me from binging.    When I started I think I had about 114 lbs to lose to get to my personal goal, now I'm down 33 and I have about 80 to go.  Still a lot, but I feel soooo much better already that that is very motivating as well.

J

someone posted this quote a few weeks ago -

"It doesn't matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop"

I've made that my mantra - it's a lot healthier than the negative self talk that I usually engage in.  I too know all about healthy eating, and I too have failed in my weight loss efforts over and over.  However, beating myself up about it hasn't been a successful way to get to my goal, so I'm adopting this attitude.  HTH

Kat - I totally know exactly how you feel.  I too am a health care professional and have the knowledge to loose weight - but why can't I seem to do it.  WHY!!!!  I felt like that too. Am I weak - stupid?   I think part of my problem was making a plan that involved too many changes and failing on day one because I couldn't do it all.  A year ago now I picked one bad habit and worked on it.  Then added another and the ball just kept rolling.  Now I have lost 70lbs.

Pick the eating habit that makes you feel the worst about yourself and work on changing it - you'll feel good about yourself again!

You sounds alot like me.  I don't know if I know the answer to all your questions and maybe the only one that really does know is you.

However there are alot of reasons we under eat/over eat: stress, upset, emotional distress, and other problems (i.e., depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem). However, the negative feelings blocked by the over-eating are only momentarily avoided, as the person inevitably feels guilty, shameful, and even defective about the over-eating.

I don't know your home situation but I can tell you that in my situation I started looking at emotions, relationships with people, work, etc.  I started looking for peace. 

The best situation for losing weight is when we are calm, relaxed, and in control of our life.

I hope some of this helps.  :)   *hug*

HI kitkat, Wow I read your post. My heart just went out to you. I never lost as much as you. I have lost 48 pounds now. Still have 42 left to go. I am a Christian too and I always felt so guilty about being fat and not having control over my eating. I guess there are many reasons why we overeat, and practically all of us who have been on a diet any length of time know what to do. It is just that mental block I guess you could say. All I know is that I got so sick and tired of the starting the diet, falling, getting up and failing so many times I just knew I had to surrender my will to God. I pray for abstinence every day. I have a meal plan 3 meals and 2 snacks, I see a dietician and walk 2 miles a day. I know that abstaining from compulsive eating is something I have to do for the rest of my life. I have to eat on purpose. Plan ahead and eat no more. One day at a time and one meal at a time. That doesn't mean I don't have my days of going over my calories. That means I am human and some days I do. We went out last night and ate at a Mexican restaurant and I over did it. But today is another day!!! I stay away from my trigger foods. Like for me it is sweets and baked things. Also I have set times that I eat everyday. Life is good and God Bless you today as you succeed in sticking with it for today. And the next, and the next......... Today is a beautiful day to be alive and tomarrow will be even better still!! God Bless linda

Hi KitKat, Sounds like you are putting alot of pressure on yourself to do everything correctly and at once, and true while all things are possible with God, you have to believe in yourself also.  Maybe there is something holding you back a little bit emotionally, and you might have to work through that to reach a point where you deal with it and keep moving forward. 

Believe me I know, I started this at 330lbs when I went to the doctor on 7/25 and I cried all the way home. (I had gotten down to 260 about two years ago) I realized either I could keep on eating the cakes, pies, cheese, bread, and sit on my behind and get bigger or work towards making my body the strongest, leanest, toned curvy machine it could be.  I hate the fact that I have an extra person on me, and for me I look at it like I could stay the same and be 375 next year or I could make some small changes and be leaner and healthier. 

I decided that I would work out at least four times a week for 40 mins, I joined the gym.

- Keep my calories between 1500-1600 and allow myself a sweet treat thats my weakness.  Some days I go over and some days I'm under but since 7/27 I've lost 11lbs!   I'm setting goals and prizes for myself, like at 20lbs I'll treat myself to a one hour massage. 

If it gets overwhelming,  focus on one change, like eating whole foods and not junk.  And just get moving...I know its hard, I struggle everyday, but I keep on keeping on, and I know I'll make progress. 

Hi KitKat,

Yes, you are so right, the power for you to lose the weight and keep it off is definitely inside of you....and obviously you know this, but it seems that you continuously have trouble bringing that power to the surface and keeping it there ongoingly.

Most people know they have the motivation inside to accomplish something, but have trouble finding and harnessing that motivation. 

What you need to do is sit down, grab a pen and paper and write out your long term goal(s). Then, make an outline of what steps you are going to need to execute in order to reach your goals.  This will take some time for you to really think and come up with these exact steps, so give yourself some quiet time with no distractions so you can focus on what you want to accomplish and what it will take to get you there.

Essentially what you will be doing is making a "plan" ....what i like to call a "plan of attack" for reaching your end goal.  This plan will include several smaller short term goals that will help you obtain your target goal.

These smaller goals (or steps), should be daily, weekly and monthly goals. The daily goals will support the weekly goals and the weekly goals will support the monthly goals...and so on.  They are all stepping stones to help succeed with each larger goal.

Also, another key aspect to reaching your goals and harnessing more motivation is to use "positive imagery and visualization".  This is a form of self-motivation and encouragement that involves you simply using your mind to mentally visualize what you desire to achieve. Tell yourself positive things and recall your past successes. Mentally visualizing things and creating a clear picture of what you want, will lead to more positive action being taken to make those things a reality. If you can see yourself succeeding, then you will!

Since one is not allowed to promote products on here, I will just say that if you want to visit my website (found in my profile), you can, and I firmly think that the ebook I have available currently would greatly benefit you.  In fact, if you'd like, you can give me your email address and I will give you the download for free.  My ebook deals with exaclty what you're trying to find within yourself, and it helps you to harness it for everlasting motivation and results.

Hope this helps some.

-Todd

hya KitKat

I'm at maintainance, but I have to maintain a special diet for health reasons...no bread, white flour, refined sugar, peanuts, vinegar, mushrooms...the list goes on and on...and contains some of my favourite foods.

Food is pleasure...when we eat we feel good.  Our body is getting nutrients so it's happy and we are getting wonderful tastes so we are happy.

It's the food we eat that is the problem, not necessary our lack of will.  I have discovered the most amazing flavours through this diet, by experimanting and not giving up on the fact that I can have pleasure and stick to my diet. 

Find recipes, new foods - fun, sweet, tasty things - sugar free pudding and strawberries, stevia as a sweetner, different stews and sauces for veggies.

Don't beat yourself up about willpower, just find the adventurer inside you and go the the healthy section of your supermarket and start trying things!!  You will have fun finding what you like and don't like, and you can't afford to buy healthy AND unhealthy snacks and foods  :)  I don't even buy things I can have - although I do have bread and peanut butter for my daughter (ack - my weakness) lol

we all have moments where we feel we'll fail, but take it slow and change your outlook on the journey and you may indeed start down the path  :)

Hi KitKat, welcome to CC!

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but it sounds to me like you answered your own question:  your desire to stay to stay fat is greater than your desire to be healthy.

All the know-how in the world doesn't help you if you don't really want to do it.

Since you know you have lost weight in the past,  what is different this time around?  Since you are a Christian, I would pray about it.  Ask the Lord to lead you to the answers that are inside of you.

Some speculation: Do you feel like you have the time to focus on yourself right now?

You don't say how old your child(ren) are, but maybe you are funneling all your energies into them and you feel like you don't have anything left for you? Being a mom of young children, life can feel like triage in the ER and mom's needs are the least urgent.  Maybe a part of you believes you are doing all you can and is afraid to try and tackle another big project right now?  Maybe you are indulging and comforting yourself with food and not exercising?  I don't know, just a few ideas...

But the motivation has to come from within. Start with small steps, not towards actual weight loss, but creating a desire for yourself to lose the weight.  Spend quiet time in thought and prayer about this. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.  At this stage, ask Him to help you change your will and fill you with motivation to take care of your health and set an example of healthy living for your child(ren).

I really believe that spending quiet time in thought and prayer about why your desire to stay fat is greater than your desire to be healthy will help you find the answers. Right now, food/inactivity/fatness is filling a need inside of you.  When you find out what that is, you can correct your perception, stop doing it and then focus on actually losing the weight.  Blessings to you.

You're right - the answer is in your own head. I do know this - if you start off by looking at this process differently than you did when you went on previous diets, you'll do better.  I don't know what clicked in my head, but In January, I started off by changing one habit - I started reducing the amount of fat in my diet.  I'm a really good cook and very old school.  I started a lot of dishes with but glugs of olive oil in the pan.  I began measuring that oil.  I cleared out all the stuff in the refrigerator, freezer and pantry that was high in fat.  It took me a month, but it paid off with pounds lost.  Then I tackled my bad habit of wanting really large portions and second helpings.  I began measuring my food.  January 23, I found Calorie-count and began logging everything I ate. 

We're here to give you all the encouragement you need if you are serious.  I can't tell you how many times my CC friends have helped me over the bumpy parts!

Hope you'll be here often.

Thanks so much to you all!  I have been on track for 3 days now going on the 4th day.  I have to remind myself that I am not perfect.  I may slip up, but not to allow myself to then say, "OK, you ate a twinkie, now just quit everything!", which is what I do most of the time.  I make myself act perfectly, or I quit.  I have that all or nothing mentality. 

I will go back to this post and thread are reread them to get encouragement. 

THANK YOU ALL
Kathy

KitKat, just a word from another Christian... God does not want us to be unhealthy or feel bad about who we are... He created us in His image...do you think He sits around going "I am going to be Fat my whole life"  me either.  What I can say to you is, use the light that is in you to stay focused on His word, and His Strength... You know how much will-power God gave you?  I do, "He gave you enough, to do whatever you need to do"

God bless.