Feel guilty after eating

Hi I'm new to posts and I feel kind of stupid asking this, but I have a question. I don't think I have an E.D., I've just been cutting calories (I've lost about 20 pounds since August). My doctor won't approve me for soccer until I gain weight because he said my pulse has slowed down I think, so I've been eating more, but I feel guilty after eating all this food. I'm 5'5.5'' and 106 pounds, so I'm not really underweight. I just can't stop counting calories in my head with everything I eat and feeling like I need to eat 1200 calories. I was just wondering if other people had problems starting gaining weight, and if they did how they they got over it. Thank you!

With a BMI of 17.6 (if you're 5'5) then you're clinically underweight - so forget the idea that you're  'not really underweight'.   Your doctor is worried enough about you to prevent you from taking part in vigorous physical activity.... so you're in poor health.     At 126lbs you were a healthy BMI of 21 and when slim, healthy people want to lose weight, that's generally a cause for concern.   A BMI of 20-25 is healthy.  You need  2500-3000 cals a day to regain weight to a healthy level. 

To achieve this you're going to need regular meals and frequent snacks of energy-dense (high calorie), nutrition-dense foods.  Any exercise has to be cut right back to no more than gentle walks.   Cutting calories is over.  That's all there is to it in physical/practical terms.  BUT....  If you can't do that and you feel guilty about eating then you're dealing with a mental issue.... and that's when you need to talk to your doctor again because that would certainly qualify as disordered eating behaviour.

Best of luck

Hey, you may feel healthy but it is better for your health if you gained some weight.

If you are naturally slim then you won’t have to gain a lot, and once your BMI is 19 - 20 and you start eating normally, you will naturally fall at your healthiest weight.

I was in your position. I am naturally slim, and I am your height and I was your weight. I did not starve myself so I thought there was nothing wrong with being underweight.

1200 is far to little. I was not eating enough either, but just assumed that because I was not trying to starve myself, that I did not need to gain weight or eat more but that is not true.

A VERY SMALL percent of girls are naturally that slim, they can eat 3000 calories or more a day and maintain that weight, they are just freaks of nature and they do not look any better then any one else - if it is a vanity thing then having nice hair and clear nice skin are just as attractive as being “ slim”

It is unlikely that this is the best natural weight for you, and it was not the best natural weight for me and I am naturally slim!

Some people CAN’T gain weight naturally through food, so those of us who CAN gain weight SHOULD. If you eat 2500 - 3000 calories a day and gain a little weight then you are LUCKY, some people with your BMI or LOWER can’t gain the weight and have to have special operations and meal supplements and eat REDICULOUS amounts of food just to keep their weight and not lose any more! Those of us who can gain weight easier should feel thankful!

I am strict about calories too, because lets face it, it feels good to feel slim, but being too slim DOES harm you, the dangerous part is that a lot of people feel fine being that weight for a long time, so they do not notice that any damage is being done until it is too late! PLEASE LISTEN to me, I have seen it happen so many times, you may not notice any damage until you become infertile, get brittle bones, and other irreversible damage!

Try to gain a little weight, it dos not mean you will get fat or look huge, you will just reach your healthiest weight and you can do resistance training and become toned so you have a solid body with no flab and you can look great without being so thin!

I was the same weight as you for a lot of this year and I feel SO MUCH BETTER now that I have gained some weight, it was not easy at first because of the fear we have of gaining, but it gets easier

It is much harder to NOT do anything about it and put your health at risk.

when i was 5 ft 6 106 everyone friends and family said if they did not know me and saw me on the street they would be grossed out because i looked too thin.  they said i looked like i should be in the hospital,  i was not pretty.  my boyfriend now is helping me to get to 115 because at 105 he is not attracted to me.  i have no boobs and my hips hurt him when we hug. i was not sleeping and anxious at every social occassion.   these are the only things anyone can say to help me get better.  i thought i was ok to...not really underweight. just a tad, its lying to yourself, if you are underweight and you are restricting cals i think you have an ed pretty much

i write this because i am afraid of food.  if it has cals on it i can manage but othr than that i am afraid and feel guilty right after. and it sucks, and i dont know how to stop it either, but we need to try

Thank you so much for the honest responses, you guys helped me realize a lot. I should be THANKFUL to be able to gain weight and I was at a healthy BMI before, and I need to get back some weight to be truly healthy. Everyone in this entire forum is amazing for overcoming way harder things then what I'm going through; you guys are my motivation! Thanks again and good luck everyone!!

I have just noticed this thread now but I'd like to add I am glad this forum has helped to motivate you. If you want specific advice on gaining weight, some tips:

Generally, a good number to aim for is 2500 calories to begin with when utterly sedentary. This helps to push your metabolism into working order. You do not have to reach it within days, not even within the week, but it is a good endgoal.

A few suggestions:

1. High calorie, low density foods. These are foods that are as the name says - high in calories but low in bulk. These are not only vital in the sense that they can still easily be broken down by a stomach trying to mend itself but also because they add calories without adding bulk. Examples of these would be whole fat dairy, nuts and nut butters, avocado, oils like olive oil and canola (rapeseed) oil as two examples, oily fish, dried fruit and dense fruit like bananas as just a handful of examples. There are two threads stickied at the top of this forum: Support Recipes and The Official High-Cal Food List. The first of these is a list of example recipes that are tasty, high calorie and helpful in gaining. The second is a more general list of foods that will also help in gaining.
   
2. Eat your meals spaced out over the day - aim for about five to six total. Breakfast, a mid-morning snack, lunch, an afternoon snack, and dinner, or switching one of those snacks for an evening snack would be an example. This is both to make it easier on your stomach and to help rev your metabolism. Do not skip them. If it is easier for you, devise a meal plan routine by yourself or with a nutritionist and stick with it.
   
3. This is an important one: do not weigh or measure yourself for two weeks when beginning refeeding. Why? Because our body will hold to a large amount of water initially. This water shows up on the scale, but is not a true indication of weight gain and will flush out after two weeks. However, seeing any increase can understandably be triggering for a recovering undereater and as such you should find someone to hide your scales and your measuring tapes until two weeks from managing a steady 2500. If numbers trigger you full stop, I highly recommend you steer clear of scales altogether and ask your doctor to blind weigh you.
   
4. If you eat a steady 2500, and then find you are maintaining or even losing weight, you will need to increase. Do not think about this just yet - just aim for 2500 first at a pace you feel comfortable with, managing either a couple of increases over a week or once a week from about 200-500 calories each increase. A good example meal plan of 2500 calories:
   Breakfast 600
   Snack 250
   Lunch 600
   Snack 250
   Dinner 550
   Snack 250
   Total 2500

Do not worry about nutrition at this point. You will probably have a higher intake of everything compared to others - and really, comparing yourself to anyone else at all isn't the way to go. The only thing I personally think is worth watching in gaining is salt and trans fat, but any other nutrients and food groups? Don't worry about it. Aim for carbs, proteins, fruit or veg, healthy fats and dairy in all your meals over the day and take a full multivitamin as a buffer, and you'll be fine. Remember to treat yourself to what you might call less healthy from time to time and when you feel like it. Manage a balance. Think of food as your medicine to a healthier, happier you.

Cardio exercise is detrimental to gaining as you have to be willing to eat back everything you burn. If you do any you have to be willing to eat it back. You can still do some cardio but try to keep it necessary where you can (as in, a walk to the shop or with a friend/family member to the park, not a walk alone for the sake of it) or very ligth. Resistance exercise is okay but if a doctor tells you not to exercise, then you don't. No yoga or weights or anything. In the same vein, you need to go to a doctor if you haven't done so already. 

If you are questioning whether you may have an eating disorder, or disordered thoughts regarding food, I also suggest you going to this website: http://www.something-fishy.org, and this questionnaire: Eating Disorder Questionnaire

- Ellie/Lala.

Hey - Eating more then 1200 calories when you don’t feel comfortable with it is going to be a challenge! What you are going through is no less significant then what we all go through, we all just go through different things it does not make your struggles less big or less important then ours!

I am glad to hear you sound so positive! Gaining weight is not the worst thing in the world!

Do you think every one that weighs more then you looks disgusting? Do you think they have less of a chance to be happy then you because they are heavier? Do people heavier then you all have to lead a lesser life then people who weigh less then them?

If you do resistance training for your muscles 2 - 3 times a week you can tone your body too, so you can still look super firm and lean with out being too thin.

I am a personal trainer and when I gained weight this year I resistance trained 2 times a week so the extra weight looked firm and I felt good about my body

Lababana is always very kind and gives out sensible ways to increase your calories, so give it a go!

It is normal to feel as though any more then 1200 calories is too much, but it is no enough and even if you think you do not feel hungry for more, once you start eating more your metabolism will start working better and you WILL actually feel like more food, trust me, it has happened too a lot of us here on this site!

JUST remember, you have nothing to fear, you don’t have to suddenly gain a lot of weight and look awful because if you stay active and eat sensibly and tone your muscles your extra weight can turn into firm, solid muscle and you will look great

After a few weeks please let us all know how you are going, good luck!

Bobo - what are you afraid eating food will do to you?

Like I said to the OP, do you look at girls who are heavier then you and think they look awful? Do you feel sorry for them? Do you think that gaining weight means you won’t be as happy?

Do you think that keeping active and eating healthily will make you feel good enough about yourself to now feel “fat” or etc once you start gaining weight?

You need to realize your fear of food is irrational and to just tell those thoughts to get stuffed because being healthier and a little heavier will make you happier then you are at a lower weight.

It can help people if they focus on other things about themselves that make them feel good instead of how thin they are and how good they feel they look when they are super thin.

A part of you may continue to think that being underweight and thinner looks better and equates to more happy ness and control in your life but your job is to challenge those thoughts until you are at a healthier weight and eventually prove to yourself that you can indeed be a healthier weight and enjoy life

i am afraid one bite of something will lead me to a horrible spiral of feeling awful about everything, looks, life, family, fact i cannot do anything right. which will lead me to an anxiety attack, which will lead me to loose my mind and maybe end up hurting myself.  in my family every desert, every oily dish, every thing not super healthy was followed with oh "no i should not have eaten that,  can you belive i ate that, as in that much salad (this is true) , can you tell i just ate some chocolate,  i dont bl;ame my family but 3 out of 4 of the cousins and 3 out of 4 of the adults (mom, aunts uncles) have an ed.  

I just want to say I was exactly in your position last year.

And I didn't think I had an ED, but felt guilty about eating a lot. I wasn't severely underweight or anything either.

However I just let everything progress, thinking everything was fine and dandy and that I didn't have an ED... cause I always ate around 1400 cals and salads....

but I became VERY underweight.... so be careful.... don't make the same mistake I did. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it. I'm still fighting the same issue.

As c_jamie has stated and proven, you don't have to be eating minimal calories to still suffer disordered eating just as much you don't have to be underweight by BMI classifications to be anorexic, bulimic and otherwise.

It is also more common to suffer an eating disorder if they are common in your family, sadly. You shouldn't blame them, as you've said you haven't.