feel like a loser, not in the good way either.

I've struggled for forever with weight. At my largest, I was 250lbs. I'm 5' 4.5" and 28yo.  I lost 100lbs a few years ago with phentermine. 

The weight eventually creapt back on and at highest recently was at 188lbs.  A couple months ago I decided I was sick of having flabby arms and started lifting weights again.  This led to other things.  I got some of Jillian Michaels' dvds and started working out 6 days a week.  I started this on June 1.  I've lost 15" total from measurements (above knee, thigh, hips, waist, bust, upper arm).  After working out 6 days a week, doing pretty intense exercises, I started to realize that I had overtrained.  I slowed down to 3 days a week for a week.  The first day back to normal, I sprained my ankle!!!  That has led to me barely being able to work out for the last 2 wks.  I've still worked out, but only 3 times a week and only for 30 min at a time. 

Watching what I eat has always been horribly hard for me.  I'm pretty sure I'm a carb addict.  I have low seratonine levels and have suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life because of it.  When I crave, I crave foods like Bread and ice cream.  I've tried though.  Since June 1st, I've watched portions and tried to be very low fat.  I have only lost 4 lbs!!! 

I know losing inches is better than pounds, but it's seriously discouraging.  I've depended on looking at my weekly pics in my underwear to motivate me.....but the last couple weeks have been a let down.  I'm not losing barely anything anywhere.  Last week, I lost 1/2" all over!!!!!  I feel like a failure. 

I went on a mini-vacation to spend time with my sister (a size 3 even after having a baby in December and being only 17 yo!) I ate pretty horribly for two days.  Amusement park food and chinese food.....it was not good, to say the least.  I gained a pound!

I've decided today is my start over date.  I'm still very discouraged though.  I'm going to go back to 6 days a week (should be ok since I'm not going from couch potato to 6 days a week overnight).  I'm going to start watching my food intake, both portions and calories (which I'm horrible at). I'm going to start working on training to be able to run.

These are my goals, but I could definitely use some motivation here. 

I can definitely relate to the "carb addict" thing, as well as the anxiety and depression.  What I finally figured out was that the carbs were CAUSING the anxiety and depression, sort of.

The cycle goes something like this: 

• I have a hard time waking up in the morning so I grab a muffin or bagel.  Toss in some caffeine to make sure I get a really good boost.  The result is a carb rush - blood sugar goes up and I feel great. 
• A few hours later my blood sugar drops lower than when I first woke up. I'm hungry again and feeling down; in the worst cases I'm feeling stressed out and on the verge of crying over some stupid nonsense that wouldn't normally bother me.  How do I fix it?  Get a snack! 
• Blood sugar goes up and I feel better!
• Blood sugar drops again; time for another snack....
• And on it goes.

I found out that I had hypoglycemia caused by mild thyroid issues.  I did get some medication for the thyroid after about 6 months of Dr. appts and lab tests, which helps a lot, but I found that I could manage things pretty well just by watching my diet.  You may want to talk to a doctor and get checked just in case.  In the meantime, here's what I found works for me:

• Protein with every meal.  It can be an egg, a tablespoon of peanut better, a slice of lunchmeat, a few nuts, even cheese or yogurt works although dairy has a lot of carbs too. 
• Include small amounts of healthy fat like nuts and olive oil in your diet.
• Cut way down on the zero fiber carbs.  No sugar or alcohol.  No soda or juice. No white bread, rice or pasta.  Stick with whole fruits and vegetables, brown rice, whole grain bread and pasta,  and calorie free drinks.
• Cut way down on the artificial sweetener.  It makes me crave carbs.  Instead I drink unsweetened iced tea or water.

I find that eating like this helps to not only control my appetite, but keep me from getting sleepy or "down"  late morning and mid afternoon.

On a positive note your motivation to workout is awesome!  I wish I had the motivation to workout like you do!  I think you just need to get your carb cravings under control and you'll have it made.

I hope this helps and good luck!

the one thing im sensing is that you're a dieter, even a crash dieter...you do whatever it takes to lose the weight, and then once you've suceeded, you stop caring and let the weight come back on.

what you need to realize that CC'ing is a lifestyle change.  it means no late night binges, replacing 3 meals with 6, smaller, healthier, leaner meals.  please keep this in mind, because if dieting is all you are trying to do, then you're going to yo-yo forever.

also, regarding your sister, just because she just had a baby and is a size 3 doesnt mean anything.  she's 17!!!!!!!!!  her metabolism is ridiculously fast right now so she can slim back down after having  a baby.  also, having a baby is quite the workout ive heard.

lastly, its important to not beat yourself up.  keep in mind that you did great by posting this and putting yourself out there.  just keep working and trying.  most importantly, please remember that when losing weight, 80% of it is your diet, and 20% is exercise.  if you're doing jilian michaels 6 days a week and eating whatever you want, you're not losing as much as you could.  try to eat healthy and count your calories (and be honest).  i promise you'll see results.

i wish you the best of luck

Actually the problem is I've never had the will power to say no to any food, not even for a short term diet.  I've never yo-yo'd.  I was thin, got pregnant at 15 and gained 30lbs that never left, then got pregnant again at 18, gained another 20lbs that never left, got pregnant again at 20 and kept gaining until I was 250.  I finally got my life straitened out and started fixing my diet and exercising regularly, strength and cardio.  I was taking extra PE type classes in college and feeling great.  Weight wouldn't come off, so I saw a dr. who prescribed phentermine.  That drug was such a wonder for me, I ended up stop exercising and didn't really watch my diet much.  Less than a year later I was 100lbs lighter.  Went off the drug and was fine for a year or two....then it started creeping back on.  I've tried phentermine again, but didn't get practically any result with it. 

This time, I've been dedicated to changing.  I don't care if it takes a year to lose the weight.  At least this time, I'm not having to loose a hundred.  I'd be extremely happy at 155lbs.  I've gained a lot of muscle, but lost not much weight...it's just depressing. 

I still find that I have no power over food.  I started counting calories today.  I hate that cause I've never been able to stick with it.  I am pretty sure that I'll do it for a few days and end up not being near the computer and able to write it down, I'll forget what I ate and get annoyed with it all.  I am using spark people website to keep track of everything.  I did notice that I've not changed my diet today....it's basically the same as it's been since I started this in June.....but I'm still below my calorie count as of now.  

I wish I had the strength to do anything to lose the weight.  I feel helpless agianst it sometimes.  There have actually been times in my life when I have wished (hope not to offend anyone, I don't mean to) that I could control myself enough to have anorexia or bullemia.  I know that would be a horrible thing to do, I'm not glorifying it by any means.  It just seams like at least I'd be in control of the food, if not of myself mentally.  I don't know.  This is hard to talk about.  

Thanks for the input everyone.   

I know exactly what you mean! Im scared because I have lost a good amount of weight and I dont want it back because I cant control my food impulses. What some dont realize and many do is that food really is an addiction. I want to start one of those 12 step groups for over eaters. I have had the same feelings about anorexia but then I try to remind my self that is disabling just as much as my food addiction is... We need to try to come to a happy medium. I realized that I was taking advantage of low calorie foods and eating when I wasn't hungry just because I could. This led me to this week eating high calorie foods even when im not hungry. Its a bad...bad cycle.

I think you are doing good. I also think since you recognize the problem you should be able to solve it efficiently. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Original Post by alcomene:

I still find that I have no power over food.  I started counting calories today.  I hate that cause I've never been able to stick with it.  I am pretty sure that I'll do it for a few days and end up not being near the computer and able to write it down, I'll forget what I ate and get annoyed with it all.  I am using spark people website to keep track of everything.  I did notice that I've not changed my diet today....it's basically the same as it's been since I started this in June.....but I'm still below my calorie count as of now.  

I wish I had the strength to do anything to lose the weight.  I feel helpless agianst it sometimes.  There have actually been times in my life when I have wished (hope not to offend anyone, I don't mean to) that I could control myself enough to have anorexia or bullemia.  I know that would be a horrible thing to do, I'm not glorifying it by any means.  It just seams like at least I'd be in control of the food, if not of myself mentally.  I don't know.  This is hard to talk about.  

Thanks for the input everyone.   

 So what you are really saying is that you know you will fail because food controls your life.

Would you let a hamburger decide where your kid should go to school or balance the check book?

Enough silliness.  Failure is not an option.

You have to PLAN at least a week in advance.  Plan your meals - go shopping and buy what you need for those meals.  Write them down and refer to them before you eat.  IF it is not on the plan, you dont eat it. 

Buy a calorie counting book and a journal - computer or no you must count those calories.  Find a way to get that excuse off your back.  Find ways to get EVERY excuse off your back.  Excuses are weighing you down. 

YOU control what you do.  NO ONE ELSE.  NO FOOD, NO MAN, NO PARENTS, NO KIDS - everything you do, have ever done, is in your control.

Sherriphx makes some excellent suggestions about diet, start there and see how you feel when you are eating better - then move to step two.  One step at a time.  dont try to do it all at once.  Just one thing at a time.

Thanks so much for the encouragement and the kick in the butt! 

I needed both.  I did end up messing up a little yesterday.....evening snacking....I need to get that under control.  Today, I'm up early, ready to exercise and am going to plan every calorie for the day early.  Nothing is going into my mouth that isn't on the list!