Why do I feel I MUST lose weight?

Four months ago, I was eating 1200 cals and lost weight steadily (roughly 4lbs which I had acquired during the Christmas period).

Then I was alerted to the fact that 1200 cals and trying to lose more weight when my BMI was already 19.1 was likely to be unhealthy.

I gradually went up to 1800 cals a day, and I have now been successfully eating 1800 cals for the last three weeks. My weight has not changed since I started increasing my calorie intake roughly three months ago; I am still at 19.1.

What I don't understand then is why on earth I am now being assailed again by the overwhelming desire to lose weight. I am about to change my account settings back down to 1400. I am happy eating 1800 cals now, but I feel I must lose weight.

Can anyone give me a clue, if at all possible, so that I can start understanding why I am feeling driven to sabotage what seemed like a most sensible plan towards regaining my health?

Thanks!

It depends what you associate weight-loss with....  Achievement?  Self-esteem?  Control?  Love?...    For some people, if life is letting them down in some way, if they're feeling unhappy,  stressed,  dissatisfied, lonely or lacking in self-confidence they seem to home in on 'losing weight' as the answer.   And, I suppose, if someone is genuinely overweight and genuinely needs to lose weight then they can marshall those feelings into the motivation they need to get started.  But if someone who is already borderline underweight is feeling the same way then I think they need to take 'body-weight' out of the equation and work out what the problem really is.

It distills down to 'loving yourself'.  People who like themselves don't often feel the need to change their physical appearance.  People who don't like themselves find they feel the same way no matter how much they alter how they look.

I, as always, agree with gi jane. Losing weight can cause a temporary surge of enthusiasm. You look good, feel good etc. After a couple of weeks, you get used to it. For whatever reason, I would guess you're trying to continue the artificial 'high' by losing weight. Self-reflect a bit and see what you really need. I better body image? a coping mechanism? etc.

Thanks, that's very helpful indeed. As it happens, the last couple of weeks have been eventful and emotionally draining, and I think this is making it easier for me to identify what it is, amongst everything that happened, which is turning being 'quite thin' into something positive, emotionally, for me.

The problem is that what I believe to be the underlying issue is not something which will disappear overnight. I do hope therapy will help when I finally get it.

So I am going to need a lot of inner strength to not fall into the trap of seeking short-term relief through more weight-loss. I think I shall go on 'automatic pilot' and tell myself that it is 1800 cals and nothing else.

Thanks again, I am very grateful.

Rather than going on automatic pilot (which sounds a little joyless) how about making your food choices work more actively to enable you to cope better?  Nothing improves inner strength like good nutrition since it's linked to cognitive function.   This article entitled the 'Depression Relief Diet'... has some excellent information on which foods are mood-sinkers and which ones are mood-enhancers.  It could even help you stop thinking of food solely in terms of calories and body-weight... and more in terms of wellbeing.

Well yes, it ended up being a rather joyless day foodwise, as 'surprise, surprise!', I found that I had no appetite whatsoever. I forced myself to eat as many as 1600 cals but I have now given up for the day; I feel too uncomfortably full and nauseous. As I also went to the gym to relax, I am ending the day with a 700 calorie deficit... But tomorrow's another day, and I will most likely feel like catching up! I hope so anyway!

Thanks for the link! I had a good look at the depression diet, the anxiety diet and the energy diet. This is pretty much what we eat already; we never buy any processed foods. My husband loves cooking and we put a lot of effort into providing healthy home-cooked meals for the children. I hardly ever eat any biscuits, cakes or sweets myself because I don't like them very much (but that's just me, the kids love them).

The only recommended things that I don't do is take multi-vitamin tablets, and I don't ban white bread from my diet; I have a selection of white, granary and wholemeal. Oh, and they can say what they want about caffeine, I will carry on drinking my PG tips. It's the one thing that I always enjoy, no matter what!

PS: How can I be eating 600 cals/day more than I used to and not gain an ounce? I understand that it is linked to a change in metabolism, but to that extent?

Original Post by gi-jane:

It distills down to 'loving yourself'.  People who like themselves don't often feel the need to change their physical appearance.  People who don't like themselves find they feel the same way no matter how much they alter how they look.

I have been thinking a lot about this. For some parents, self-love is akin to pride, one of the seven deadly sins. They will repress any manifestation of self-love in their children (even perhaps unconsciously). The inner glow that many people have, never gets sparked in others. For me, it is too late, I will only ever have inner darkness (with the occasional passing ships of warmth). But if you have young children, please help them light that inner glow.

Original Post by nat1968:

Original Post by gi-jane:

It distills down to 'loving yourself'.  People who like themselves don't often feel the need to change their physical appearance.  People who don't like themselves find they feel the same way no matter how much they alter how they look.

I have been thinking a lot about this. For some parents, self-love is akin to pride, one of the seven deadly sins. They will repress any manifestation of self-love in their children (even perhaps unconsciously). The inner glow that many people have, never gets sparked in others. For me, it is too late, I will only ever have inner darkness (with the occasional passing ships of warmth). But if you have young children, please help them light that inner glow.

In my opinion, it's never too late.  You can always change.  As we go through life, there are times we feel better about ourselves and times we feel worse.  Make choices that you can be proud of and you will have that inner glow.  Feeling proud of yourself is not the same as being full of yourself.

Thanks for your kind note. I do think it is too late. As Gi-Jane was saying (unless I misunderstood her), it is not about changing yourself, it is about being able to like being yourself. 'Love thy neighbour as thyself' is the biblical message. 'Love thy neighbour not thyself' is what I learnt. 'Love thyself as thy neighbour' is what I teach my children. However, I am an atheist.

I would say that 'loving yourself' is never too late.  It's a question of changing the internal commentary, that's all.  If you look in the mirror in the morning and you find yourself saying things like.... I look terrible.... I'm no good at anything... I'm too fat....etc....  that's essentially what you'll believe.  Whereas, if you deliberately try to find the positive in yourself and consciously rehearse what your attributes are.... that's what you'll believe.    Doesn't mean you have to be arrogant or self-delusional.... just find the balance, be realistic.  

All this is reminding me of good old Dante: 'Midway along the journey of our life/I woke to find myself in a dark wood...' I need Virgil to help me avoid the three beasts and find the other path, to sunlight!

Ok, Dante was 35 and I am 41, but we live longer these days, so perhaps you are right and it is not too late... But where is Virgil?

Original Post by nat1968:

All this is reminding me of good old Dante: 'Midway along the journey of our life/I woke to find myself in a dark wood...' I need Virgil to help me avoid the three beasts and find the other path, to sunlight!

Ok, Dante was 35 and I am 41, but we live longer these days, so perhaps you are right and it is not too late... But where is Virgil?

Excellent quotation! Maybe Virgil is inside of yourself, but you just haven't discovered him yet.

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light... Albus Dumbledore

Unlike Dante, our favourite wizardly headmaster wasn't telling Harry to wait for assistance from an external guide but to be proactive and remember to 'turn on the light'....  the 'god helps those that help themselves' school of philosophy.

You may feel a little awkward complimenting yourself but it gets easier with practice.  

Well, thanks to you all, a lot of food for thought as usual... Pity it can't feed my body too... Through miracles, magic, both, I wouldn't mind...