How do you feel about porn?

Ladies, how do you feel if your husband/SO/boyfriend watches porn? How do you feel if you find any of their porn?

I know my boyfriend watches porn. Whatever, I grew up with brothers and no sisters, I know this is a fact of life. I told him, "I don't care if you watch it, just two things: 1.) Don't tell me about it, and, 2.) Don't let me find it.

I found it. I have found it in multiple places. He has told me about it before. When he told me about it, I got pretty pissed and said not to tell me about it again, which he hasn't done in a long time.

I just can't help but get very mad at him for it. He knows that I have problems with porn (past sexual assaults make me very uncomfortable and scared around any porn, even pictures). I accept that most men watch it. but it still makes me angry.

I'm sorry for the long rant, but how do you all feel about it? I guess I'm hoping that I am not alone. :\

I think that's quite the legit concern.

I'm not comfortable with my boyfriend watching porn at all. It makes me feel unsatisfactory. And then I start comparing myself to other fake-boobed bimbos, thinking they give my boyfriend something I can't. If I found it or he mentioned it, I would be very angry, much like I'm sure you are.

But in your situation, I think he should appreciate your effort to be comfortable with it and respect your simple requests.

I have no concern with my husband watching porn. It doesn't bother me. We even keep the porn in our dvd case. I don't watch it. I don't like it. He does... More power to him. I am not threatened by him watching it though.

I never liked watching porn with my boyfriend - it always made me feel like he was thinking of those girls instead of me.  

I don't have a problem with him watching it alone as long as it didn't interfere with our relationship (i.e. he's now masturbating so much that he has nothing left for me or he can't perform unless he watches porn first).  Other than that - I don't care.  I like it too sometimes!

 

Original Post by ohhmyyitslea:

I think that's quite the legit concern.

I'm not comfortable with my boyfriend watching porn at all. It makes me feel unsatisfactory. And then I start comparing myself to other fake-boobed bimbos, thinking they give my boyfriend something I can't. If I found it or he mentioned it, I would be very angry, much like I'm sure you are.

But in your situation, I think he should appreciate your effort to be comfortable with it and respect your simple requests.

 

Glad to know that I am not alone I feel the exact same way when fiance watches I do the exact same thing you do. I go through comparing myself to them and I think that's what he wants. I'm angry when he mentions it and angier when I find it.

 

i dont know, i think it has more to do with the actual man then the actual porn. i had a problem with one of mine watching it, but not my husband.

On the one hand I hate it b/c some times I can't help but compare myself to 18 yr old girls that I'll never look like no matter how much weight I loose.  On the other hand I don't care b/c I know all guys that can get away w/watching porn do, they're visual and love staring at all shapes and kinds of women.  But I'm the opposite about him hiding it.  I don't really want him to go out of his way to show it to me, but I don't want him to try and hide it from me either.

Don't feel bad about not liking porn or getting mad at him for watching it.  I really think those are natural feelings to have.  At the same time try not to let it bother you or get so mad it ruins your relationship.  If you keep finding his stashes maybe you should tell him to find a better hiding place.

Porn....hurts my feelings. No matter how bad I try not to let it bother me it does. I can't help it, I am one sensitive lady. I am very self conscious, and compare myself to anything with 2 legs.

But then again, porn is not real. Love is real, and you can't let porn ruin love. So either, don't think about it, at all, or, let it bother you and drive you mad and turn you jealous.

I've decided to lock it up in the back of my mind and when it sneaks back up to bother me I beat it back in its little corner. Hopefully one day it will not come back to bother me.

Hmmm...porn is a catch-22...I do think for some people it's highly addictive & dangerous & can be disastrous for a relationship/marriage.

In my little world it's a non-entity because my husband would rather be intimate with me & not watch it. I know like any other guy he likes to look at hot women, he's just not into porn.

I appreciate all of your replies. I wasn't sure why I was getting so angry, but I think I, too, compare myself to those women and feel bad. I know another part of me thinks, that because I have had bad past sexual experiences, it reminds me of that. I used to be able to watch porn before my sexual assaults, but now it makes me feel very nervous.

My boyfriend and I are cool with each other now, but maaaan was I pissed! I need to think of a way to calm my thoughts. I also need to think of a way to make porn not bother me too much. How do you ladies deal with it?

I hate and dispise it and wish the people who make and sell it could be punished.  It's wrong!

Original Post by muttlover:

I appreciate all of your replies. I wasn't sure why I was getting so angry, but I think I, too, compare myself to those women and feel bad. I know another part of me thinks, that because I have had bad past sexual experiences, it reminds me of that. I used to be able to watch porn before my sexual assaults, but now it makes me feel very nervous.

My boyfriend and I are cool with each other now, but maaaan was I pissed! I need to think of a way to calm my thoughts. I also need to think of a way to make porn not bother me too much. How do you ladies deal with it?

Why do you need to think of a way to make porn not bother you too much? If you don't like it, you don't like it...why force yourself?

If it's your self-esteem that you want to work on then that's understandable.

If I might ask...did you get help or counseling for the sexual assaults?

Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions, but your bf doesn't sound too empathetic of the trauma you've experienced

My dislike of porn is to do with the industry, not the people who watch it.

We all know it objectifies women, and often men. It makes women out to be these slut/whore figures while men are the "studs"; and it reduces all kind of sexual love and intimacy into a one-dimensional male fantasy. It sometimes legitimises sexual violence, and that's a very dangerous thing.

But perhaps what I like least about it is simply that it encourages men to only see women wearing F-me clothes and an attitude to match as sexual creatures. Where does that leave the women with real breasts, or small breasts, or a bigger body - women with flaws and pores and, dare I say it, hair? What about women with sexual needs of their own, who might be more apt to say something along the lines of "A bit more like this" than simply "Ohhh... Ohhh... Ohhh" in frequent repetition?

I think pornography - and to a larger extent, the sexualisation of a certain form of woman in advertising - risks depriving women of the confidence to be sexual beings, not because of how we look but just because we're women. I don't think women should ever be made to feel like they must look like a one-sided male fantasy in order to feel desirable. In the same vein, I don't think men should ever be made to think that they need to act like porn stars in order to be good in bed.

And yet, I know plenty of people who like porn. It makes sense; watching people have sex can be erotic so long as you don't think about the fact that porn actresses are actually real women who have their own lives... which most people don't. Porn is something you watch with your brain turned off.

What's Wrong With Pornography?

Object: Women Not Objects

I have no problem with porn.  Adults can make their own choices.  But too much porn can be a problem, just like too much sugar or too much alcohol.  If I was losing closet space to my man's collection of tittie magazines, I'd probably be annoyed.  And if I made it clear I didn't want it around and it showed up anyway, I'd be annoyed with that too.  Some things are personal and you don't want to share them.  I'm sure my husband farts, but it's not an experience I care to enjoy with him.

Years ago, just after my boyfriend and I started dating, I was at his house (when he lived with his parents) and I was using his computer. While going to type in "www.hotmail.com" it started to auto fill.... with porn sites. He had been downstairs getting water when this happened.

Of course, being the forward person that I am, I said "So, you watch a lot of porn, eh?" He immediately denied it. I still tease him to this day about lying that he doesn't watch it. As far as I know, he doesn't anymore (we've been living together for 3+ years now, so I would think I would know)

 

I don't care if he does. Hell, I would probably even watch it with him if he wanted and it was something I was interested in (certain types, not female on female action or a few others) I just would expect a truthful answer if I were to ask if he did or not.

Umm... not a fan.

Several reasons:

The women are degraded, objectified and used (men are too in some cases, also disgusting).

It hurts my feelings, yes I'm insecure, yes I have low self esteem and confidence. I mentally compare myself to everyone, comparing myself to women that are capable of turning my husband on drives me nuts.

I can't process the idea that my husband is focusing sexual energy on another woman. She is very real, just because she's on a website, magazine or DVD, doesn't make her any less human.

It's such an incredibly fake atmosphere that it makes my stomach turn.

There are several documentaries about women being used and on drugs and forced to do crap because they had a contract in that industry.

The women wear too much make up, they look like clowns. And their directors/producers have poor sense of style.

Yeah but there is a plethora out there of it. You can actually find some that don't degrade women, its usually done by a woman altho there are women who do that too. There's also soft porn. I'm not saying you should go watch some.

My last 4 years in LA was in THE Valley, and while I wasn't really friends with some of those people in the industry, I was around them, heard their stories. The only thing I don't like about some of them was the actual older guys that did a lot of the directing/producing. It's a big industry and well not all of the girls are really that great looking.

But I'm also for having boundaries in a relationship that both partners agree on, so if you dont' feel comfortable & its a big issue then that's what you have to stick to, but in a non-judgemental way. Nagging or getting the other person defensive won't help matters. You want the outcome to your satisfaction & the only way to do that is to get some understanding on your side.

When my SO and I first got together he had some old porn movies.  We watched one and it was SOOOO poorly acted that I laughed most of the way through it!  He threw them away.  Our brains are FAR more stimulating...

i am ok with shared porn although im not a fan. me and my ex would watch some from time to time just to mix it up.

if my guy was really into it as a solitary pursuit i imagine i would not be cool with it especially if it was on the level of an addiction or obsession. ((hugs girl)).

Original Post by hotrebeccainmesa:

Original Post by muttlover:

I appreciate all of your replies. I wasn't sure why I was getting so angry, but I think I, too, compare myself to those women and feel bad. I know another part of me thinks, that because I have had bad past sexual experiences, it reminds me of that. I used to be able to watch porn before my sexual assaults, but now it makes me feel very nervous.

My boyfriend and I are cool with each other now, but maaaan was I pissed! I need to think of a way to calm my thoughts. I also need to think of a way to make porn not bother me too much. How do you ladies deal with it?

 

Why do you need to think of a way to make porn not bother you too much? If you don't like it, you don't like it...why force yourself?

If it's your self-esteem that you want to work on then that's understandable.

If I might ask...did you get help or counseling for the sexual assaults?

Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions, but your bf doesn't sound too empathetic of the trauma you've experienced

Yes, I am seeing a school therapist that specializes in these cases twice a week. My boyfriend is far from what you have asked. He has been so helpful and supportive, I couldn't have asked for anyone better. He has dealt with my random bouts of crying, anger, coldness, and man-hating moods with a smile and always does everything he can to make me comfortable.

I am not so angry that he has porn. I already talked to him about it, and I just happened to find a video on his music player that he had put on it years back. I was more upset that, since my therapy has brought up some unpleasant memories, porn just reminds me of (even thought this isn't always true) a woman who is helpless and being forced to have sex. I am angry at the fact that porn and how women are often advertised as helpless sex objects than my boyfriend having a few fun 'jerk off' videos.

I've lived with my fiance for over 3 1/2 years, and I've found porn on the computer only a few times.  I just don't think about it. We have a very healthy sex life, and masturbation is completely normal. I would be more freaked out if I found pics of me that he was whacking it to.  I joke around and make fun of the titles if I do stumble upon it, because the video titles are so ridiculous.  I know he masturbates, because he's a 23 year old, but I've never seen him. So you can pretty much count on your man masturbating, even if you've never "caught" him or found the sites on the computer.

If I were to let the fact that he masturbates make me feel worse about myself, I'd be pathetic.  Me and porn have nothing to do with each other.