Just feel soooo ugly and fat!

I know i'm just moaning, but i need to vent!

I'm getting married next year and i really want to be 140lbs instead of the 175lbs i am now. I do alot of exercise, i play netball twice a week and go runing or walking at the weekend. My weight never shifts, in fact i'm getting bigger all the time. It doesn't help that i've torn the ligaments in my ankle so i can't run at the moment, but i'm dreading the build up to xmas with all the unhealthy food. My fiance says theres no point in dieting until after xmas now and we will go for it then, but i really feel like i can't wait that long - yet all i can do is diet as i can't exercise at the moment.

We eat fresh food all the time, but he always does massive portions and adds butter and cream, and it is delishious, but very bad for us. He won't substitute flavour for health, so it is very hard for me to have healthy meals as he always cooks.If i say i'm not eating that, it casues a row and i'm seen as ungrateful.

What can i do? I had a bath last night and i felt so down about my fat body, i just hate it.

Help!

Hey Jessica,

Sorry to hear you're having a bad time.

I'm not so good with waiting too see results and it might not be much comfort, but these things take time?!? I hate that old adage.

I'm also guilty of eating the same crap as my bf, CARBS galore!

But he's a gymaholic and seems able to eat whatever he likes with no gain!

Does your bf exercise? It might be good if you could talk to him about how you feel, get him to support you?  Cook together? Or could you try cooking once in a while?

If your ankle is bad, could you swim? Low impact cardio? Weights for upper body at least could help with feeling healthy and staying in shape?

and do you have your wedding dress yet?

Having it around to see and aim for looking fabulously sexy and amazing could be good for motivation?!

Or if you dont have it yet, is there one you've got an eye on in a store or online, you could keep a picture of it to look at? 

It sounds like a few things will have to change, and it will be a struggle.

First, you'll have to have a serious talk with your BF so that he understands how important this is to you and what you plan on doing about it.  He can either support you or not, but he should not take offence if you decline to eat what he prepares.  He will have prepared it knowing exactly how you feel about it, and it will be his fault if he prepares to much of a bad thing.

Then, you should start cooking for either yourself or for both of you.  Refuse to eat what he cooks if it's not healthy.  You might try to make it a fun couples thing to encourage him to support you.  Find some new, healthy recipes that you can learn to prepare together.

My opinion about the holidays is that it doesn't matter.  There's no reason to wait to begin eating well.  There will always be a party, celebration, holiday, etc, etc to navigate.  Might as well learn to do it now.  You can start practicing restraint and self-control, but this doesn't have to 'ruin' the holidays.  Allow yourself a small piece of pie or a scoop of mashed potatoes.  A little of something bad isn't going to kill you, but being overly restrictive can lead to bingeing later on. 

If your BF chooses not to support you or tries to sabbotage your efforts, you might want to rethink your future with him.  Do you want to constantly struggle against that sort of behaviour?

Good luck.

Thank you for your help.

I'm going to talk to him tonight and tell him exactly how i feel, if he doesn't like  it then i may have to reconsder the lifetime together!

I'm going to go to the gym tonight and have a swim, hopefully that'll help me calm my mind, i'm going to go for it from now, although i know it's going to be a real struggle!

I just don't feel good about myself if i'm gainging weight, and thats not how i want to carry on.

Thanks again ladies.x

As for waiting... I think right now is an excellent time to start.  If you can stay motivated to lose weight through the holidays then you'll have an easy time of it afterwards.  It will be an awesome boost to know that if you can resist gorging yourself on Christmas chocolate, then passing up that doughnut some February morning will be easy.

As for your fiance.  He may be resisting this change for a couple of reasons.  He may think you're beautiful the way you are.  He also may also know that if he supports your chang in eating habits, he may have to admit to his own bad habits and may not be ready for that yet.  He may also just be resistant to change, I mean... who isn't?

I would approach this from a health standpoint.  Show him that your weight is not healthy with information from reliable medical sources and then explain to him very seriously that being overweight can have very serious medical consequences and give him examples.  I'm sure the two of you plan on starting a family some day.  Let him know that pregnancy becomes a much more dangerous situation when obesity is a factor (for the woman and the child).

http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20060203/obesi ty-increases-risks-in-pregnancy

You need to stand up to your fiance.  Flat out refuse to eat if he cooks with butter and cream.  Walk out if you have to.  I wouldn't compromise on this at all.  He's damaging his own health as well as yours, and he's making you unhappy.  Don't let him bully you or your life together is going to involve you getting fatter and fatter (him too) until one of you has a heart attack.

I totally identify with your situation. My husband is very slim and eats whatever he wants to without gaining weight, whereas if I eat what he eats, I pack on the pounds. First, you definitely need to talk to your fiancee and be clear with him about your goals. It sounds like you guys need to sit down and make sure you're on the same page. Second, you can still eat his yummy cooking, but you need to be very careful about portion control. You can certainly start now rather than waiting until January by practicing portion control.

Here's what has worked for me: since I still want to eat yummy foods with my husband, I carefully watch what I eat for breakfast and lunch so that I can have a nice dinner with him.

You are not ugly and fat!  You are probably much prettier and fitter than you give yourself credit for.  Don't worry, you will look gorgeous in your wedding dress.  I tried to lose weight for the wedding and it just didn't work with all the stress.  As soon as I was married everything worked much easier - so don't be too hard on yourself now.

Dieting / Food / support is a sensitive issue and sadly many people break up over it.  Don't overreact.  You should let him know how you feel and that you would like him to be more supportive, but don't expect him to change overnight.  He obviously has very strong feelings about health vs flavor and loves to cook, there is nothing wrong with that, just challenging for you.  Eventually you should be able to teach him that it's not true - healthy food can be just as flavorful as non.

One trick I do that helps is I take 1/2 of the portion my husband makes for me, save it for the next day and fill the rest of my plate with fruit (if it's breakfast) or veggies.  This seems to be the perfect solution so that I can eat healthy while he still feels valued for his cooking and helping out.

Also, maybe you can get him to add the butter/cream last and serve you before adding it.  I have my husband add sausage to the eggs last so that I can take just some. 

Good luck!

I am sorry you are feeling bad.  You need to take a good look at who you are and realize that you are a beautiful person inside and out.  You also need to have a serious talk with your fiancee and let him know how important this is to you and he needs to understand and be supportive of you.  You don't always have to substitute flavor for health, you just have to be creative sometimes.  You may want to join the healthy cooking group, and the I Love to Bake group for some good ideas on how to do that.  Another thing and I think most important you may want to get your Thyroid checked out.  You said you were working out like a mad women and trying to eat better but you are still gaining weight.  There are medical conditions that can cause this and make it harder for you to lose weight.  You need to schedule a physical with your doctor and let him know the issue, have him do at least a thyroid test.  If it is a medical condition then they can put you on medicine that can help those conditions.  Good Luck!!!