14 years old, 5'2'', 107lbs. I'm a reovering anorexic, up from 93 last week (due to binges, and a very intense meal plan) anyway, I hate the way I look, my legs are considerably fatter, and I hate them. I hate my legs so much, they are an odd shape, and even when I was at my lowest weight, my legs just looked normal, they never got skinny like the rest of my body, and now all my gaining weight is mostly going to my legs and they look so fat, and I'm so uncomfortable I nevver want tot eat again, but I also really want to eat, but then I'll feel even worse. I'm embarassed to walk because then everyone can see my fat legs. My face is a bit larger too, and I don't like that very much. I hate this, I want to die.
Honey, you're a growing kid. You need to eat. Period.
Let me explain that a little bit further.
You are only 14. You're going to get taller. Your body is still developing and maturing. Without sufficient nutrition, you could suffer from:
Loss of menstrual period, lack of energy, feeling cold all the time, dizziness, fainting, headaches, low bone density...
and that's just a few.
Why would you want to do that to yourself?
I don't WANT to do it to myself. I've heard this many times, and it's obviously not something I choose to do. I know I'm at a healthy weight right now, but I don't like it at all. I can't help it, I don't know why, I talk to a therapist, nutritionist, no one can convince me that this is right now matter how many times they try, because then I think of the cons of being at a healthy weight. I liked being underweight, but I hated living on only 700 calories a day, and I wouldn't be able to live off of that for a sustained period of time, which is why I know I HAVE to eat more, but I don't like my body unless it's underweight.
Original Post by 11october:
I don't WANT to do it to myself. I've heard this many times, and it's obviously not something I choose to do. I know I'm at a healthy weight right now, but I don't like it at all. I can't help it, I don't know why, I talk to a therapist, nutritionist, no one can convince me that this is right now matter how many times they try, because then I think of the cons of being at a healthy weight. I liked being underweight, but I hated living on only 700 calories a day, and I wouldn't be able to live off of that for a sustained period of time, which is why I know I HAVE to eat more, but I don't like my body unless it's underweight.
Ok, but why? I'm not trying to be difficult. I really want to understand.
Because I'm afraid of being fat. If I'm fat, and not happy with my appearance, I don't enjoy myself doing anything. But, contradictory to that, when I'm not eating enough, I also am not happy. I just can't figure out when I'm more unhappy.
Because I'm afraid of being fat. If I'm fat, and not happy with my appearance, I don't enjoy myself doing anything. But, contradictory to that, when I'm not eating enough, I also am not happy. I just can't figure out when I'm more unhappy.
Well. You sound like you're getting it together, despite being unhappy with your body. That's awesome. :)
I have to tell you, I wish you wouldn't spend these young years of your life worried about your appearance. I wish to God I hadn't spent so much time and energy on it myself.
I think, in time, you'll come to see your body for the work of art that it is. It's just that you're going to have to work on it. It's a marathon, not a sprint, right?
But how can I accept myself when I know there's a way I can look the way I want, btu that's without eating much.
Is there a way, which you could keep eating increased calories and stuff, and gegt to a healthy weight, but exercise so you can get muscle and tone, rather than fat? Because when you lose weight, you lose fat, then muslce. When you gain, you gain fat. Exercise and you will have more muscle than fat, and be nice and toned (: I'm a recovering anorexic too, I don't like putting on weight, and I liked my body more when I was underweight, but I am toning!
TOning? Does it make you look slimmer? I've always been a bit afraid to tone because muscle weighs more than fat, but I guess it'll be better. I eat healthy breakfasts and lunches (oatmeal, fat-free yogurt, ham and turkey sandwiches usually on whole wheat, granola bars, etc.) but my grandma usually makes pretty fattening dinners (spaghetti and meatballs, pot roast, steak and potatoes, smoked ham, pork, etc.) and I like to eat with my family, but they make me fat!
Scared makes a good point. Do you work out?
And yep, muscle is more dense than fat, but lemme ask you this: what's more attractive on a person, a lb of muscle or a lb of fat?
Well, yes, muscle weighs more than fat, but it doesn't look the same. If someone weighed, say, 50kg, and it was fat, it would be gross and soft and jiggly, but if it 50kg of muscle, it would look less and be firm and nice-looking... unless you go too far like madonna. That's just creepy.
But, even though it weighs more, if you just tone what you are now, it will look less.
Ok, two questions:
1) What should I do to tone?
2) What should I eat for breakfast, lunch dinner?
1. Exercise. If your legs are what you are mainly worried about, then go online for specific exercises to tone your legs, but for me, just exercise in general. Running, playing tennis, some stretching, I walk alot, squats have been pretty good to tone my thighs [everyone says I have great legs]. Google it for more (:
2. You say you have been eating more to gain weight? Keep going, you still aren't at a healthy weight. Whether you reach a healthy weight by fat or muscle, you need to get there. Just keep eating what you are, and keep gaining.
What about once I'm maintaining my weight? What should I eat on exercise days, and what should I eat on sedentary days?
You can eat the same things. I personally eat a little more on days that I workout, and go just a little less on sedentary days.
Also:
A well rounded workout routine would be 2-3 days of cardio per week, 30 minutes to an hour at a time, and 2-3 days of strength training per week, focusing on one or two muscle groups at a time. I strongly advise you to get information and approval from your doctor, and perhaps even a nutritionist and/or a personal trainer.
There are lots of great workout guides out there; a popular one in the fitness forum is The New Rules of Lifting for Women.
I've just got to point out here: for you to have gained to a healthy weight in one week is exceedingly unlikely. Most likely some/most of that is water weight and your weight will stablise or possibly drop if you keep eating enough. It has only been a week, and therefore I would not suggest exercising. Wait until you have maintained a BMI of 20 for around a month, and then start. Exercising when recovering from an eating disorder is not always a good idea (I learnt the hard way!).
Let me put it this way....if you don't eat you're forever stuck at this point with it being the best you'll ever look...only you're going to look old way before your time. Your body won't have a change to grow through this stage of development, instead your legs which right now you think look odd are going to look worse. You start growing thick black hair in wierd places, you freeze, people look at you with concern and pity, the hair on your head falls out, your internal organs don't finish, your bones don't store enough calcium. You can't walk around the block without risking a heart attack.
If you eat, reasonably in terms of nutrition and sufficient calories, your legs may have a bit more length in them, your body will redefine itself. The chubbiness in your cheeks and the thickness in your legs will be used by your body to rearrange itself. By the time you're in your 20s you'll have finished both internal and external development, you'll have a good idea of what makes you look good and what clothes are unflattering to your figure. You'll be getting plenty of attention that you can accept or turn down as you wish.
Original Post by 11october:
Because I'm afraid of being fat. If I'm fat, and not happy with my appearance, I don't enjoy myself doing anything. But, contradictory to that, when I'm not eating enough, I also am not happy. I just can't figure out when I'm more unhappy.
Honey, being normal weight is not fat.
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