why do i feel this way about my body...

somewhere deep inside, i know i have an alright body, but i think that because no one ever tells me it, i doubt myself so much. thats why i want to lose around 3-4lbs. im just so, like, i dunno. i just need support.

edit: you can choose to support me, or totally bash me, i really don't care. i just need someones input. you can look at my picture too

Beauty is not a number on a scale or a bust measurement.  Happiness doesn't come from being 3lbs heavier or lighter.   Self-confidence is not to be found on a diet website message board.  You, like the rest of us, are not just a 'body'.... you have a personality, likes, dislikes, assets and attributes.    You are a whole person ... and the only way to get away from what you're feeling now is to appreciate yourself as a whole person.

I'm not going to look at your picture because how you look and what i think is unimportant.  Why not talk to the people close to you about how you feel?  The people who actually know you?  Your family for example, and your friends?  Ask them to tell you what they like about you. Talk to your parents about when they were young... because they were, believe it or not.    Their answers may surprise you.  Boost your confidence further by setting yourself challenges, learning new skills and expanding your horizons.  Self-indulgent navel-gazing is a massive waste of time when there's a whole world to experience.

 BTW... if the little boyfriend you mentioned in another thread isn't showering you with compliments, don't have sex with him.  Risk is that you'll end up feeling cheap into the bargain...

no! my boyfriend isnt the problem. its just he tells me i have nice eyes/am beautiful etcetc so much, thats it doesnt mean so much anymore even though i love it when he says i have a nice smile and stuff. if you get what i mean.

So 'no one ever tells me it'.... isn't actually the case.  Your boyfriend does but it doesn't count because that's what he's supposed to say?   Reality check follows......   Not many perfect strangers are going to come up to you in the street and say 'you're beautiful'.  Your family, friends or schoolmates - unless they're the cringeably gushing sort - will probably say 'you look nice' if you've made a special effort but otherwise they won't.   So compliment yourself instead....  regularly.

What you have to get to grips with.... and this is a tough revelation for a self-conscious teen.... is that if you base your self-worth solely on what other people think or say, you are heading for a fall.   If you seek approval all the time, all it takes is for one person to insult you and you're back on the scales thinking 'they'd like me if I was thinner!!'.  Whereas if you have confidence and self-esteem you are beautiful at any size, any shape.... and what's more, you don't need other people to confirm it.

So stop asking 'what size are you' and 'what are your measurements' etc.,.... Be yourself rather than a mere comparison.  Instead ask things like 'what do you do to feel confident?'... 'what did you do today that you're proud of'.... 'how do you build your self-esteem?'..... 'what are you passionate about?'   The answers might be more helpful to you in the long run.

gi_jane has said it so well.  Not only do "you base your self-worth solely on what other people think or say", as gi_jane writes, but you also seem to equate self-worth with appearance.  I'm sure you don't mean to seem shallow and superficial, but judging yourself and others by comparing their sizes and weights to yours can come across that way.  I don't mean to sound harsh, because I know everyone finds having confidence in herself/himself difficult sometimes. 

Trust in and love yourself, and others are sure to follow. 

All the best.

Mel.

My only question is...Even if you did lose the 3-4 pounds and you still didn't hear those compliments are you going to keep going with the weight loss until there's nothing left?

You already look very thin from your picture and with a past ED I really don't think losing more weight is advised. Overall, the main picture is you have low self esteem. Whatever is bothering you, you are focusing all on your body when there is really nothing there to negatively critique at this point though it's the only thing you feel you can change when there is no need to.

I think you need to focus on bring your self worth up and to accepting who you are. In your teen years though I know it is very hard. Hell, I'm 22 and I still haven't fully accepted myself. I've noticed though the older I get the more accepting of myself I am. Hopefully that will be the same case for you.

Instead of focusing on your weight..why not get a new hair cut? a new outfit? A manicure? Something that is going to make you feel good about yourself in an unnegative way. You can bring your confidence up with other things then just focusing on weight.

Perhaps join an activity at school? Doing so will not only help socially, but if you find something you are really good at it can also lift your confidence up. Are you in counseling? That may be a great way for your to vent and they can help you figure out ways to find and accept who you are in a non negative way and that is also not abusive on your body.

It does take a long time to accept yourself. Especially in today's society I will admit, but it can be done with practising each and every day to find one thing you love about yourself focusing on it for awhile and moving on to another thing. You are more then your looks now find what those qualities are. After all, we all get old and looks don't always stay with us so we have to find the things outside the *box* that we love about ourselves for when that time comes. Live life, love it and enjoy yourself. Good luck, Sweetie. :)

This doesn't happen all the time, but it usually does. Someone recovering/recovered from an ED will want to lose "just a couple pounds" or "just a little bit" and the more they lose, the more they like it. Sometimes it's hard to stop, and it's not their fault. Before they know it they are having a relapse. It's happend to others and it's happened to me. When you're at a healthy weight, especially at the low end of your healthy weight, you shouldn't try to lose weight. I'm not going to "totally bash" you, but I can't support you wanting to lose weight either. How about you try toning up? The exercise will make you feel good and the muscle results will look nice. You should make up for the calories you burn though... 

Original Post by stephh11:

no! my boyfriend isnt the problem. its just he tells me i have nice eyes/am beautiful etcetc so much, thats it doesnt mean so much anymore even though i love it when he says i have a nice smile and stuff. if you get what i mean.

 

a short story-

when I was 16 I was going out with a boy. By the end of our first week together, he was always telling me I was beautiful and how much he loved me. I knew he was full of it, that he didn't love me, and I told him so. He said I didn't have to say it back until I felt the same way as him.

By the end of week 2 together, he realized I wasn't going to have sex with him so he broke up with me.

The best compliment comes from someone who has nothing to gain by giving it. Don't depend on others to provide your confidence. It's your life, don't give up so much of yourself to the mercy and whims of others!

True confidence won't come from your appearance (or at least not solely)- appearances are fleeting and ever changing. Do something that instills confidence that can't be wrecked by stepping on the scales during TTOM for example.

Best of luck to you, just remember, your worth as a person is so much more than how you look and how much you weigh!

edit- spelling