Feel way too fat to gain weight :(

Hi everybody,

I'm 5'7 and 121, which is the most I've ever weighed.  I just can't even imagine gaining any more weight.  I feel enormous, but I know this mindset isn't healthy. 

So my question is - can I just lose 3 pounds and be healthy?  I'll still be a curvy girl (I'm a size 4-6, so definitely NOT too thin!)  I think I'd be happy just staying at 118.  I eat a very normal 1400-1800 calories per day and exercise 4-6 days per week (ballet, yoga, running).

Please help.  I'm going absolutely crazy.  My boyfriend tells me I look great the way I am, but I'm afraid he'll think I'm fat and squishy if I stay at this weight.

Eh... lose 3 pounds and be healty? You are implying that you are not healthy at your current weight?

According to a BMI calculator that I googled, you are borderline underweight.

That aside, noone is going to notice the difference of 3 lbs... Whether it's gaining or losing 3 lbs.. 3lb s is nothing. Hell my weight can vary more than 6 lbs week from week without me ever seeing a difference.

Your BMI is already classed as underweight (18.5). I know it's hard to think about when you feel this way about yourself, but losing weight is not a good idea for you right now.

P.S. I'm a curvy girl, at 144 an 5' 3". You, my friend, are not a curvy girl. You are slim and willowy and should be proud.

Jbashford...  WOW.  Kudos to you to be able to admit what you just did! 

I understand where you are coming from as I to have a similar issue.  I am slightly shorter than you and about 10lb heavier but I grew up weighing 110 without looking sickly.  It is a shock, that's for sure.  At first (5 years prior) I did nothing but moan and gripe about my weight gain in which others also told me I looked great.  During those years I only weighed 125 max.  Now I am around 130 and feel horribly overweight.  Logically I know that I am not.  Logically I know that I am thin although squishy in areas.  Furthermore, my worry over the weight gain was also due to an overactive imagination that my significant other (at the time) would find me unappealing.  So I hear you... I feel you.

As far as help:  The best thing you can do is continue the track you are on.  Your eating and exercise habits sound reasonable, if not beyond into greatness.  I am not sure of your age, but I know as soon as I hit 22 I started to fill out in areas I was lacking in previously (i.e.  I have a butt now!).  These areas add to my weight gain but are rather appealing regardless.  Due to this I am only aiming to lose 5-10lbs knowing that a 110lb weight is now unhealthy for me.  So keep that in mind.  Make sure that the 3 extra pounds isn't in areas that are filling out, giving you a more appealing, womanly shape.

Also, if you are a college student, check with your university.  Some universities offer free counseling for issues such as body image.  I consider myself a VERY stable person yet I sought help just recently as I realized that my small weight gain was ruling my inner thoughts.  Try not to get to that point and if you have, seek out someone to listen.  Someone objective as we females just tend to stubbornly fight the subjective "you look great" from our significant others :P

Lastly, don't attempt to lose weight for a guy!!  No matter how much you love him!!  Love yourself.  If this is what you want to do, do it for yourself.  Not to impress a boy.  You can also look at it this way... if he didn't love you, the way you are, he would have found something already to pick apart.  The fact that he hasn't should show you that he loves you for you (and yes, even those 3 pounds!)


I hope this helped.  Like I said, I know where you are coming from all too well.  Feel free to email me if you need someone with a similar issue to listen.

We are the same height and around the same weight, please don't lose anymore. I am scared for you. I recently gained to this point also, and some days I do find myself second guessing and feeling big, but this is actually really small. For our height we need to aim for the 130s for health...please consider this is an unhealthy mindset. If you need to talk I am here for support!

Thanks for the replies!  It's great to read these posts and remind myself that ED is not normal behavior and shouldn't rule our lives. 

I'm 30 years old, btw, and have been dealing with anorexia since I was 14.  I've been in "remission" for a couple of years now, but getting above 120 was really hard psychologically.  My lowest was 90 lbs and I was visibly sick then.  My therapist wants me to maintain at about 125 lbs, which seems crazy.

For the first time, I can pinch fat on my stomach (okay, I've been doing it obsessively all day at work).  It's normal to have extra "pinch" on your stomach, right?? 

And an interesting perspective - my boyfriend has been sober for 10 years and is wonderfully supportive.  He always tells me that ED is so much harder than alcoholism because we can't just cut food out of our lives.  Food for thought...

Lots of support to all of you out there!!

OMG its NOT NORMAL TO NOT BE able to pinch an inch here and there!!!

This mentality- the obsessive extra inch, the 3lb difference, that is the ED trying to emerge! You most likely have a bit of a distorted image of yourself. I imagine if you saw yourself walking down the street you would NEVER EVER think- "She'd look so much better if she were 3lbs lighter"

ED Is hard because food IS something we all have to deal with on a daily basis. It's something that can kill us and it's something that will keep us alive.

But you have to stop focusing on the numbers, the little bit here and there. Your 30 years old and you've most likely missed out on a lot of happiness worrying about these little things! Take your life into your own hands and have control! You will be ok, and don't ever ever sweat 3 or 4 or even 5lbs!

i think that if you are in recovery for an ED, losing weight purposefully is asking for a relapse. you ARE healthy. i know it's hard to see, but pease trust that you have body image distortions. i know if i tried to lose some weight right now, i'd end up right back int he hospital. it's just not safe =(

 

you are most definitely NOT fat!!! and honestly, there is no way you'd notice losing 3 pounds. i've had to gain also for anorexia recovery. i've put on 11 pounds already, and am just starting to notice any difference. maybe you could strength train to get more muscle? also, everyone can pinch fat (and skin!!) on their bodies. dont worry, and be healthy! dont let the ED win.

Oh my gosh darlin, you are so pretty and I am so sorry you can't look in the mirror and see that.  I wish for you that you can come to a place in your mind and not see the number on the scale but see the success and the fabulous person that you are.  You are obviously way more then what you weigh.  Aren't we all?  Good Luck

i know exactly how you feel.  i just want you to know that you're not alone.  having ED fighting to get back into your life is so hard, but you just need to keep reaching out for support.  people like your boyfriend can just really get you on the recovery path.  maybe you should consider why you want to lose the 3lbs?  is your boyfriend doing something that contributes to your feeling unattractive?  are there other areas you're trying to avoid?  i know...i sound like i've spent way too much time with therapists.  lol.  i know i use ED to avoid bf issues and other issues, so just a thought...

121 is definitely not 'curvy' for your height. Pre-ED I weighed around that amount and never got called curvy, if anything the complete opposite. I wouldn't recommend trying to lose either, it sounds like a bad opportunity for ED relapse. Focus on something like weight lifting instead, then you definitely wont ever feel "squishy".