Feeling Chubby and Invisible

Is it just me, or do others react to you as if you are invisible or insuffient as a person because of your weight?  I was just at my husband's holiday office party.  My husband shared with me that everyone was looking forward to meeting me.  When he went around introducing me, it was as if I was a disappointment to them.  Even at my own work place, when I go to meetings, it is as if the thin people are magnetic--people tend to draw to them.  A few years ago, I was wearing a size 10/12 (now I'm a size 22/24)--this stort of thing did not happen.  I was looked upon as attractive, wantable, appealing. 

Is this notion of "invisibility" something that others deal with.  I remember hearing Oprah say that the last discrimination in the world to be overcome is "size" or "obesity" discrimination.   

Victory,

I understand what you are saying.  I also believe it might be insecurity.

When I was that size I dreaded any social function, and was very self conscious.

People do tend to frown on the Obese.  My only suggestion is to be yourself.  Be proud of yourself.  Your husband loves you and that's all that matters.

I think it is true.  I've noticed a difference after losing 27 pounds in spite of the fact that I have a long way to go.  It's like coming into money and suddenly having old friends you don't remember, contacting you.  I actually had a few gentlemen hit on me!  That hasn't happened in years.

It's not as bad as the invisibility we suffer as women when we pass 50 years old.  When I was working there were 3 older women in the office.  Even though we look nothing alike, people mixed up our names and confused us with each other. 

Many times, I've been waiting for service at a counter and been ignored until I spoke up - doubly invisible - fat and old.

Hmm...I'm not always very good at phrasing things the way I mean them, so please don't take offense if I write anything which comes across as hurtful, because that's certainly not how I mean it.

I think a lot of the "magnetism" comes from a woman's own personality.  I don't think it was necessarily that other people found you more attractive as a size 10; I think it was that you considered yourself attractive at that size, and acted accordingly.

I honestly believe it's confidence.  I used to be a lot bigger, but for unrelated reasons, had a lot more confidence then.  I was very used to being the center of attention at parties and the like during that time.

I'm definitely thinner now, but have lost some of my old "devil may care" attitude, and am certainly not the party queen or social butterfly I once was.  This is just my idea, but maybe you're putting out insecurity vibes without realizing it, and people are responding by giving you space.

Is this a possibility?

For me the being invisible was due moslty in part to me wanting to be invisible. I knew I was fat. I knew that fat wasn't attractive. I knew no one would want to talk to me anyway. I knew I wasn't good, thin, pretty, funny, smart.... enough. I knew those things.

I pushed people away with my body language, facial expressions, language, etc. I avoided contact and then blamed it on others and thier obvious dislike for fat people... I used my fat as a sheild. I saw that as confidence and such, but really I think it was a defense mechanism. Now that I am thinner and people are noticing it makes me very uncomfortable and sometimes I just wish that I was invisible again. When that happens I throw on the sweats that are now falling off of me when they used to fit well and a 3xl t-shirt and cozy up on the couch and revel in the spaciousness of my outer "skin" that I am hiding in.

Many people do this sort of pushing away and sheilding, and I am not saying that you are by any means. However, now as a not as fat person I do see it happeneing to people all around me and wonder if perhaps "society" has become accustomed to fat people wanting to be invisible and has acted accordingly and is now ignoring them. (not that this is a new problem of course, but I am becoming more and more aware of the world around me as I shed my layers and become more like "everyone" else in size and shape)

Just a thought. or two. and it's early, so this might not make any sense at all anyway. 

Other than my appearence I dont think Ive changed much in how I act around other people, but the more weight I lose the more people invite me out and talk to me and stuff. Sure some of it is that confidence grows as you start to like your body more, but I think that there are alot of shallow people out there too.

As a guy reading this, a good amount of the feelings I sense are shame, low self esteem and possibly a big lack of confidence. That size of 10/12 will be back, as you drop weight, hopefully your confidence will come back. I feel for you.
For me, when I made a radical lifestyle change and got fit, I was upset  at all of the healthy folks that would now give me the time of day. I was and am the same person now as I was when I was fat and that gave me a real chip on my shoulder. Change is an emotional and mental game. Today I am battling losing some 20 pounds vs. 50 several years ago, but it is a constant battle. I like this web site, because we all have one thing in common and are working towards a common goal of improving ourselves. Stick with the folks here for support on your journey to change.  I will add you to my friends list, don't hessitate to ask for support.
M

ok, i have a different view of this. i happen to be over 250 pounds, a size 20...and people are DRAWN to me. im not kidding. i make friends in ever class, i get introduced to everyone, and people tend to enjoy being around me. i think that as the weight packs on for some us we lose a little bit of self confidence. and people can sense that. if you give them no choice but to notice you, you're never invisible :) perhaps im just an overbearing loudmouth lol but if you keep a certain air about you people are bound to notice.

  Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I have a thin, very attractive friend with a cute figure. I hate going anywhere to her because men flock to her like bees to honey and they act like I don't exist. I've encountered this phenomenon with other girls that are thinner than me also. They could say the stupidest, most inane things and guys think they're so intelligent and will hang on their every word and when I talk it's like they don't hear a word I'm saying. LOL sound a bit bitter, don't I? :) Well, my time is coming soon...I just need to keep telling myself that!

I agree that there definitely is a problem with the way other people relate to the obese, and the only people that I've ever known to overcome it are people that are totally happy with themselves.

So in my opinion it is a combination of our own dissatisfaction at the way we look/feel/move and their bias towards us. 

I think a lot of the "magnetism" comes from a woman's own personality.  I don't think it was necessarily that other people found you more attractive as a size 10; I think it was that you considered yourself attractive at that size, and acted accordingly. -- courtbarb

I TOTALLY agree! And my mother is over 50 and certainly NOT ignored!

I think personality can counter any negativity one will undoubtly encounter in the society. Of course it is not something as easy to overcome as let's say wardrobe makeover. And not saying that it is all in someone's head, it is also true that most people tends to treat people who are different than average (could be the person is disabled, or extremely short, or in this case overweight) like there is 'nothing wrong' with them. Giving the benefit of doubt that most people have good intention, that they affraid to say the wrong thing or insult the targe individual. Unfortunately, it usually bac fired and resulted in an extreme brusqueness, which in turn makes the target individual feels like they got ignored or don't exist.

Just to share it with you all; One of my auntie is *ehm* huge, overweight, you name it. But she is one of the most beautiful woman I ever met! And I am serious. She is really cute when she laughs, beautiful and aloof when she is composed. So what she is overweight, but her face is glowing, always smiles, laughs, and people are just drawn to her. She got a very positive attitude and not affraid about people calling her fat on her face.

So, if you feeling down about this, don't give up. Being overweight is something that can be overcome, as proven by a lot of people using this site. If that will bring your confidence back then let it be the road for you to take. In time, with every little achievements you gained, you will be able to appreciate yourself. I am sure of it! ^_^b

Thanks, you all, for helping me to realize that is it, to a certain extent, my own perspective.  I must change the way that I see things...the world...my relationships...myself.  Once I change my perspective (especially of myself), I can change my reality.  

My personal assignment is to work on the light inside of me, and not just the external weight.  Thanks so much for the revelation.