feeling guilty....

So i have been recovering from anorexia for about a yr now.  Lately I have found that I have been getting super anxious over food, when i dont have control like when we eat at my moms bf's house or when my mom cooks dinner.  I have even been having guilty feelings after eating again which is really frustrating.  Like this morning I poured some cereal in a bowl than measured it just to see and it was around two cups.  Than i put in raspberries, blueberries and a banana.  It was a pretty big bowl of cereal.  After I ate it though I felt like I shouldnt have done so.  Now i have thoughts racing through my head like I shouldnt eat the rest of the day (which I am not going to follow), but i dont want to have these thoughts at all.  I just feel like I ate to much for breakfast compared to the rest of the family and I am feeling super guilty right now.  UGH!

Talk to whoever is supervising your recovery.  There are bound to be setbacks along the way and I think you may need some reassurance that you're doing the right thing and that doubts and resurgences of 'ed thinking' are par for the course.  Maybe remind yourself what the goal is...  see how far you are away from that goal.  Reaffirm your objectives.

I know it is hard now, to eat that much. Especially when no one else is. But you have to remember that it really isn't an abnormal amount of food! You need to remember why you are getting better and like gi-jane said, reaffirm why you are recovering.

If you don't remind yourself of why you want to be healthy, and do it often, it will make it a lot harder to deal with those thoughts and actions. Good luck and congrats on working toward recovery. You can do it :-)

You are trying to recover - your family is simply living their lives. You need more food than you family so you shouldn't feel the least bit guilty! You should also try very hard not to compare yourself to others because that is just asking for anxiety! I realized that a while ago and now feel so much better about myself! 

You need to live your life for you and no one else! You want to be healthy and happy and the way you do this is by focusing on what your body and mind needs!

Good luck girlie! You'll be ok, it takes time to recover! I am glad you caught yourself feeling this shame though and WANT to change! The first step in figuring this whole thing out is WANTING to recover!

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I think my first problem gi-jane you mentioned it is having supervising my recovery.  At the moment, no one is.  I am on my own.  My family supports me, but my mom doesnt check in w/ me or anything consistenly, so maybe that is what i need. I definately need to remind myself, put everything back into perspective.

Thanks for the great advice.

I agree with gi-jane (and the other posters), TALK to someone. anyone who knows about your recovery would be good to talk to (I'd suggest your mom or another family member). if they know that you're recovering and you tell them about these feelings, they'll be able to help put you back into check. keep reminding yourself that it's all for your own good.
once I was having a hard time with it and i talked to someone who didn't particulary know the depth of what I was going through, and it really did help me put things into perspective. from the eyes of someone without an ED, it was such a foreign and strange concept. if I was freaking out about eating, say, a big meatball sub, they'd be the voice saying "what's wrong? that sandwich tasted amazing". I just try to keep those thoughts in mind.

even writing encouraging notes and leaving them all around to see can help. it sounds corny, but it's helped me through some rough patches.