Feeling like a slug after binging :(

Hey it's me again.

The crazy, freaky, binger.

And yes, I just binged on 2,300+ calories and it's only 3:05 pm right now. I hate it when I eat something unhealthy in the morning, like a muffin / large cookie / croissant / cake etc. Because that always throws me off the wagon for the day and I end up eating the kitchen. But this morning, I ate really healthy: 1/3 cup of oatmeal + 2 gala apples. Yet I ended up eating 2 Nature Valley Fruit & Nut granola bars, 3 more gala apples, and 1 cup of oatmeal a couple minutes after, and I wasn't even hungry! I was absolutely full! But I told myself that these foods were healthy and okay to eat more of. I was wrong, because they caused me to binge after 5 minutes. I binged right after my mom left for work. I hate being alone, because then I binge.

So, I baked Devil's Food Cake from a cake mix and ate it all myself. All 12 servings of that stupid cake. Then I ate 5 more gala apples because I told myself I would stop binging once I eat something healthy. But right after, I ate a whole 798mL can of sliced peaches, a 398mL can of Shrek pasta, 3 tbsp sweet relish (I don't even know why I did that, but it's usually one of my binge foods), white enriched bread (I don't even like white bread, especially the kinds with 0g of fibre), 1 cup of vermicelli noodles, and a head of broccoli.

My kitchen is a total mess right now. Mostly from baking the cake. The sink is filled with dirty dishes. And I have a whole stack of homework to do. I feel so sluggish, tired, bloated, and heavy. I am such a loser and a failure. I've been binging daily now. I can't even have one day with 1,800 calories. My lowest was 1,997 calories (on Monday). I haven't weighed myself in over a month because I'm scared to see that I've gained weight. Oh my goodness, I don't want to be that fat girl in grade 7 again :'(

I've tried like everything to stop myself from binging! From chewing gum (I spit it out and keep eating), to taking a "relaxing" bath (I end up eating in the bathtub).

A little off-topic...

I have this friend, who is the same height as me. She weighs less than me. And she looks alot thinner than me. For lunch, she would buy fries/grilled cheese sandwiches/burger whereas I'm eating my home-packed "healthy" sandwich. For her, she never finishes her food, there's always leftovers she throws away. She has amazing self-control and knows when her belly is comfortably full. I am so jealous of her, I wish I can also do that to. To be able to stop eating when you're full. Actually, come to think of it, alot of people can do that. WHY can't I be normal?!

But back to my current state right now. I can barely get up from my chair to go wash my hands, they are sticky from the cake and my desk has bits of bread crumbs. And I know I need to clean up everything before my mom comes back from work. Argh! And I have so much homework to do. Oh and I also have to walk to the store to buy soap for my mom. How am I supposed to do that when my body weighs 20,000 pounds?! I wish I can chop of some fat from my belly and my thighs. :/

Oh, hon. I've seen a lot of your posts like this now and I can see you are honestly having trouble with this. Your binges sound very remniscent of ones I would have.

You need to sit yourself down and figure out what it is that might be triggering your bingeing. Are you stressed from your homework? From school? Something else? What emotions are making you want to go for the food? Write them down and read it over. Short term: next time you want to eat, get busy instead. Clean up the house (except the kitchen) or mow the grass, tend to the garden. Call a friend and say hello. Take up a hobby that will busy your hands, like knitting. But for long term solutions you need to figure out the cause of your overeating.

I think, given the severity of your bingeing and your decreasing feelings of self-worth, you should go and talk to a doctor about this. It is nothing to be ashamed of. They will be able to give you advice, check your physical health is in order and possibly point you to someone you can talk to. Is there a support system in your school, as well? Counsellors or the like? Can you talk to your mum about this?

As well as getting a check up and a chat from your doctor, have you looked at the balance in your diet? Sometimes we binge because there is something lacking. Fats and lack of them, believe or not, are one cause of overeating - although from what you are describing your causes sound like they are more emotional and psychological than to do with nutrition. Still, it never hurts to review your diet (not counting in your binges). Have a look over at http://www.mypyramid.gov.

Another site worth taking a look at is http://www.something-fishy.org even if you have read through it before. They have lots of good resources on help with emotional and disordered eating. Particularly, in your situation, Compulsive Eating Disorder and Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

Don't think on that friend of yours and please, try not to feel down. If you're uncomfortably bloated, get a hot water bottle or a warm towel and set it on your stomach. Go slowly, take your walk steady and be proactive rather than sitting and wallowing in any way. I know it's easier said than done, but you really just ought to get busy and lift your mood a little. The fresh air may do you good, too. But try not to feel blue.

I hope this all helps you a bit, and hope you feel better. Keep your chin up.

Thank you lalabanana for replying :) At least I don't feel like I'm a loner here.

I've actually made a long list of things to do when I feel like binging. The list seems helpful but when the binge is in ready action, I totally ignore the list and binge. I know that I binge when I'm alone. I always binge when I'm studying for a test. I binge when I'm stressed out. But the thing is, I don't know how to stop this habit of eating when not hungry. I always feel the need to eat when I'm watching tv, doing hmwk, reading a book etc. And gum won't help, because I've spat it out and just continued eating.

If it is really that bad, you do need to speak to a professional about it. Your mum, too. Or get firm and stick to your list rather than going for the cupboard. Be stubborn with yourself! Heh.

strawberry-dolly. i'm pretty much struggling with the same thing... i binge when i'm alone, when i'm studying, when i'm feeling stressed and isolated... and i get so stuffed that i just feel terrible, and feeling terrible makes me want to binge even more (stupid, irrational, but true.)

you're not alone in this!

Original Post by purecolor:

strawberry-dolly. i'm pretty much struggling with the same thing... i binge when i'm alone, when i'm studying, when i'm feeling stressed and isolated... and i get so stuffed that i just feel terrible, and feeling terrible makes me want to binge even more (stupid, irrational, but true.)

you're not alone in this!

 and i get so stuffed that i just feel terrible, and feeling terrible makes me want to binge even more

That's EXACTLY what I do! I calculate the calories I binged on and then I binge more :/

You're not alone. I've struggled with this problem and am still struggling.

First of all, you are not a loser and you are not a failure. You are beautiful in your own right. :) A few moments of over-indulgence do not define who you are. Stop comparing yourself to other people. More people have this problem than you think.

Secondly, stop feeling guilty. You did it, it's over, you can't do anything about it now, and purging is definitely not an option. Get yourself out of the kitchen. Turn on some music. Enjoy this feeling of satiety while it lasts.

Have you tried reorganizing your priorities? Before you get out of bed, think HARD about what you want to accomplish today besides count calories. What I do when I feel a morning binge coming is run downstairs, grab a granola, run back up, and start on homework. Or grab some food and go for a walk. Don't just lounge around in the kitchen. Getting yourself out of the kitchen is ESSENTIAL.

Agreed 100% with everything lalabanana said. Make sure you're eating enough. Restricting your calories is not worth it if all it'll lead to is another binge.

You're trying to make healthy lifestyle changes, which is more than most people can say. Don't be hard on yourself. Binge-->guilt-->more binge... it's a vicious cycle. Don't EVER let how much food you consume determine your worth. Take care :)

I feel for you. I binge when I get homesick. Just imagine how nuts I'll go in Basic Training, when I can't touch food unless I'm told to go eat it. lol

Sorry just trying to bring a little humorous perspective!

Aw hun I'm so sorry. :( I'll try to offer what insight I can.  It seems like you're bingeing on actually semi-healthy foods (apples, peaches, relish, broccoli), and I've heard that people binge on what their body really needs.  Maybe your daily diet doesn't include enough fresh fruits and vegetables but is instead manly processed carbohydrates?  Do you think that could be it? Or it could be that you just aren't eating enough for breakfast.  What about a whole cup of oatmeal instead of a third?  I'm sorry that you are feeling so rotten, and just remember that you can start tomorrow as a new day!  :)  Good luck!

just want to say i know what you are going through. i have been binging a lot more than usual lately too. i basically spent the entire other day depressed after binging late night the night before and then the next morning. i know how it feels once you start eating and you can't stop...it's uncontrollable. i don't have any advice but just want to let you know that i am going through this too

Hey, I just wanted to offer you some support!

It is a daily effort to over come binge eating, but I want you to know that it feels AMAZING on the other side!

I have been a binge eater, I binged every day, and I could not stop right away but I did it some how!

Just think what you can look forward to once you get your binge eating under control!

You cannot do anything about what you HAVE done, and you are going to feel like **** no about it for a while, but other then that, what else can you do but take it each day at a time and move forward?

After you binge what can you do about it? You CAN wait until you are hungry again, and eat. You CAN work on your diet to make sure you are getting the carbohydrates/protein/fats you need which can help prevent massive cravings

It is not all positive and great all the time but that is just life, and like anything else, it WILL feel better once you get more control over binge eating, it just won’t go away all at once

I just want to add IT FEELS SOOOOO good to not binge eat any more! Each day was a struggle but SO worth it in the end

You have gone through A LOT - having to clean a messy kitchen and having to go out in public after a binge is AWFUL, so if you can go though that and survive, then you KNOW, and you have PROVEN that you have what it takes to face the challenges of binge eating!

YOU CAN DO IT, it feels SO GOOD so get excited about over coming this annoying problem, and you have all of us here to support you along the way!

I think it may help if you make a concentrated effort to get out of the house, especially when you're alone or doing homework. If you have work to do, go to the library, or go outside--to a nearby park maybe--and do your work there, where you don't have access to food. Have a friend come over and study with you.

As others have said, maybe you need to reevaluate what you're eating. I've been having problems with overeating lately (not binging, but definitely eating more than normal, and over what I'm burning for the day), and I'm pretty sure it's because my diet lately has been very carb-heavy, and lacking in protein and healthy fats. Maybe have one apple with some peanut butter on it, instead of two apples? And a full cup of oatmeal instead of the third? And are you still planning on getting therapy in November? I think it will really help.

You seem like such a sweet person who is having such a hard time of it. I really wish you the best.