Feeling really really sad, depressed, and unmotivated =(

So I'm on the road to recovery from binge eating disorder and depression..but I have these days when I feel so unloved, so unattractive, so unmotivated to continue on.

It's only 8:51 am, and I have already eaten a whole row of chips ahoy cookies and half a bag of twizzlers (on top of my breakfast).

I looked in the mirror today, and I can see how unattractive i've become. I've gained about 15 lbs during my recovery (now 128 lbs at 5'4"... but very very small-boned so most of the weight went on my waist and face), and I've cut my hair real short (used to be very long, but the style now is like katie holmes... bob with swept bangs). I cut my hair after I was dumped by my boyfriend and wanted a fresh start. But everywhere I go, people always ask why I cut my hair, and they no longer compliment me. No guy looks at me anymore. And being the stupid person I am, I posted a picture of myself on yahoo answers and asked what guys would rate me, and they all said that I need to lose weight and grow my hair out.

I don't know.. I'm just feeling so depressed lately. I feel that no one wants me. =(

We all want to feel loved, attractive, and needed but we won't ever be comforted if we depend on others who are just as needy as ourselves.  Most guys don't know the first thing about what is attractive because most guys are struggling to receive good grades from us...

Your feelings may be more related to a vitamin deficiency than to the feedback you received.  Try adding 500 mg of vitamin C daily if your physician has no problems.  The chewable orange flavored are eay to take.  Try the vitamin C  and let me know if you feel the difference within the first 3 days.

Don't know you but I care and want you to know you are blessed!  BTW, cut hair always grows out... no problem.... 

I think your 128 is great.  If its not,  just have two chips ahoy and 1/4 bag of twizzlers next time

 

Try to find other ways to feel good about yourself than simply your appearance.  What are your good qualities and how could you make the best of them?  Set yourself some goals to achieve and try to challenge yourself to go outside your comfort zone.   'Attractive' is a lot of things and most of them have nothing to do with appearance.  Confidence, a ready smile, thoughtfulness.... things like that all count much more than hair-length or body-weight at the end of the day.   If you're walking around staring at the floor or being glum and introspective then no-one will look at you. 

Look for happiness beyond the scales.  There's a whole world out there to be grabbed by the scruff of the neck.  Enjoy

wow. thank you so much. you are right. thank you both for your thoughtful responses. my day is much brighter now. I will keep that in mind and keep my head up high with grace and appreciation =)

im sorry that you are not feeling great, but in my book, you are beautiful inside and out!  that you have been doing so well in recovery is awesome and you should feel sooo good about that!  and yes, dont rely or believe what people, complete random strangers on yahoo think or say.  they dont know you..they dont know what an amazing and strong person you are. 

yes, keep your head up high..you earned and deserve it.  :)

I am in the recovery process myself.  I eat like a pig and have gained 10 lbs so far.  Lots of times when I look in the mirror, I hate what I see.  I see a big inflated beach ball face with two little eyes stuck into a bunch of puffy flesh.  But I know that's just my ED talking.  That's not really what I look like, it's just how I feel.  Gaining weight can make you feel like ****, and think you look like ****.  But I know it is the right thing, because I'm getting healthy.  I have more energy and I just feel like my old self again inside.  Don't let a skewed body image get to you--I know, easier said than done.  I bet if you posted that picture here on CC, you'd have tons of people telling you you're a beautiful girl.  And you know what--you're even MORE beautiful because of the effort you're making to get to a healthy, realistic weight, and not be trapped by unrealistic ideals of society.

Doug76 said it best when he said to keep your head up high.  We'll both get through this! :)

It is easy to get caught up in feeling bad for ourselves. In my experience, how I feel inside is often projected to the people around me. If I feel bad and project a negative self-image, the feedback that I get is consistent with what I already know. Essentially their attitude back affirms what I think about myself. This is a bad loop to get into and not reality.  It is like that old expression about if others are going to love you, you need to love yourself first.

You should take comfort in the fact that you are working towards solving your eating disorder and look take joy in every little victory. In the end, we have to live with ourselves first and others second. You are doing the right thing by trying to make little changes, don't sweat the external crap.

just my .02

Original Post by hummus86:

So I'm on the road to recovery from binge eating disorder and depression..but I have these days when I feel so unloved, so unattractive, so unmotivated to continue on.

It's only 8:51 am, and I have already eaten a whole row of chips ahoy cookies and half a bag of twizzlers (on top of my breakfast).

I looked in the mirror today, and I can see how unattractive i've become. I've gained about 15 lbs during my recovery (now 128 lbs at 5'4"... but very very small-boned so most of the weight went on my waist and face), and I've cut my hair real short (used to be very long, but the style now is like katie holmes... bob with swept bangs). I cut my hair after I was dumped by my boyfriend and wanted a fresh start. But everywhere I go, people always ask why I cut my hair, and they no longer compliment me. No guy looks at me anymore. And being the stupid person I am, I posted a picture of myself on yahoo answers and asked what guys would rate me, and they all said that I need to lose weight and grow my hair out.

I don't know.. I'm just feeling so depressed lately. I feel that no one wants me. =(

 

 I know exactly how you feel sweetie. I hate everything about myself at the moment after gaining weight again. I'm 5'2 and 103lbs at the moment, it jumps daily, so I'm guessing this would be my 'ideal' weight.

I also cut my hair short! I did it because my 'new start' was to get over my anorexia, though. . I forced my partner to cut it, then we bleached it white. I hate the length, and also think my face looks massive. But, there are easy ways to fix these problems.

1) Do not look in the mirror undressed until' you are having a fantastic day, then look, then the next day, ask yourself, what changed that made you accept and like yourself - keep thinking about that!

2) Hair extentions, baby! (I'm buying mine soon - I miss long hair, there's limited amounts as to what you can do when it's short!)

Also, ignore those idiots on yahoo, be yourself, have confidence, wow some guy off his feet and enjoy life.

by the way, I also had cookies for breakfast, followed by a rather large amount of pasta, reeces buttercups (im in scotland, so when I find those, they are a mega treat) and about to hit my second bottle of wine!

Enjoy life honey! Also, they may have been nasty on yahoo, but I can almost guarentee you have more inner strength than they do, and that if they were to see what you have now to flaunt, they would never grudge you again!