Feeling weird about losing weight & the attention

Let me first say that I am 43 rs old, married and mom of 2. This is the first time I've lost over 60 pounds and the deal is when I look at myself now, I don't know how I feel about the way I look. Yes I have stretch marks and I've been putting StriVectin on them to make them less noticeable. I'm becoming a "new" person.

I am excited about losing weight, BUT it's uncomfortable for me when I get beeps while I walk and the "looks" I get. I forgot what that kind of attention was like. I know I USE to like that attention. But now I don't. It's kinda scarey. I don't like being called "hot" by my husbands friends either. Yeah, they were overheard talking and someone told my hubby.

I even feel uncomfortable when my hubby puts his arms around me and says something about how small I'm getting. I should be flattered by the attention, but I'm not.

Anyone else have feelings like this after losing alot of weight? I'm not even done yet so I wonder how I'm going to feel after 20 more pounds are gone!

Original Post by trustwomen:


That and the automatic a-hole detector: a-hole guys don't bother putting on a nice face for the fat girls. (Note: I'm talking about a minority of guys here, but thin girls will never know which ones they are).

 

I have never read truer words...when I lost weight the guys I dated ended up being a-holes...but I didn't know it at first. Before i lost weight I know those guys would probably not talk to me. I thought I was a better judge of character but apparently not. I wish I would have met guys before switching colleges...since no one at my college knows how I looked in high school before the weight loss and teeth whitener :/

I am getting alot of attention now that I went from 277 pounds and am now 198 (And still losing.) It makes me sad because I am still the same beautiful person I have always been, but just thinner. Why didn't most people see me then, it was like they were embarrassed to look the "Fat" me in the face   ;-(

Original Post by dave98z3:

Mom...I am going through a similar issue right now...

Two years ago I was having trouble swallowing so I went to my local physician and one of the first things they do is weigh you and check your blood pressure.  Well when I saw my weight at 210 lbs I said I need to do something about it.   So I made a decision to get healthy and change my life...I discussed my goal with my wife and explained it would be a permanent change for my life and not a diet.  As I started to workout and lose weight my wife was supportive till I got to under 180 lbs then she became irritable.  Infact the more I loss the more angry and distant she became with me.  We just passed our 30 yr marriage mark and for over a year now I have been the same weight (140-145 lbs)...all of my doctors have given me clean bills of health and think I am in excellent health and shape.  However, my wife and I dont agree...my wife thinks I am too skinny and thinks I am not the same person (well I am not by looks) and thus she no longer knows or loves me.  Her response is I look sick/bones and she wants a man with meat on his body.  We have been seeing a marriage counselor but the bottomline is my wife has said if I dont go back to 180 lbs its basicly over.

 Oh Dave i'm so sorry that you are going thru this.  I know how it feels.  I hope all works out for you!

~H~

Original Post by katydid22:

I have trouble believing that the attention is genuine now that I am getting it. I have never been a normal weight during my teenage or adult life, and now that I am, I constantly doubt the motives of men who approach me, or people who look at me on the street.

 Similarily, when I get a compliment, I feel like they are just trying to be nice and I couldnt possibly look that good.  I get this line a lot "WOW YOU ARE SO TINY or SKINNY now"....ummm come on , let's not get carried away.

~H~

Thanks Haley....I am glad I am not the only one who has had this happen...I have tried just about everything (except gain the weight back) to prove to my wife that I am not only healthy but I am in the best health of my life...I feel fantastic and yet its a shadowed feeling because the woman I love just doesnt feel that I am the same person.

Original Post by dave98z3:

Thanks Haley....I am glad I am not the only one who has had this happen...I have tried just about everything (except gain the weight back) to prove to my wife that I am not only healthy but I am in the best health of my life...I feel fantastic and yet its a shadowed feeling because the woman I love just doesnt feel that I am the same person.

 Dave, I am really sorry that you and your wife are having problems over your weight loss. The first time I lost weight, my husband lost interest in me. We worked it out when I regained the weight! I think this time it will be better for both of us as I am now losing it again. Hang in there with the therapy as long as she will participate. In therapy, I learned that families are really "systems". If the system is "upset", it will act to restore itself to its previous status. Your wife is uncomfortable with the change. I hope she can learn to accept the healthier you. You won't be doing yourself or her any good by regaining weight. If you can overcome this obstacle, your marriage will be stonger.

Salrob - my wife has already left the negotiation table with the first counselor and unless I can get her back to another it looks like this issue will get resolved...one way or the other...at this point I am slightly stubborn and leaning towards saying the hell with it....get the divorce and live a longer life...it may not be the best choice but I have a feeling its an all or nothing deal....I applaud your ability to regain the weight for the one you love....that takes tremendous courage and sacrifice...I however, am unwilling to gain 40-45 lbs when logically it doesnt make sense to me...right now....today....I am taking "one day at a time"

Original Post by dave98z3:

Mom...I am going through a similar issue right now...

Two years ago I was having trouble swallowing so I went to my local physician and one of the first things they do is weigh you and check your blood pressure.  Well when I saw my weight at 210 lbs I said I need to do something about it.   So I made a decision to get healthy and change my life...I discussed my goal with my wife and explained it would be a permanent change for my life and not a diet.  As I started to workout and lose weight my wife was supportive till I got to under 180 lbs then she became irritable.  Infact the more I loss the more angry and distant she became with me.  We just passed our 30 yr marriage mark and for over a year now I have been the same weight (140-145 lbs)...all of my doctors have given me clean bills of health and think I am in excellent health and shape.  However, my wife and I dont agree...my wife thinks I am too skinny and thinks I am not the same person (well I am not by looks) and thus she no longer knows or loves me.  Her response is I look sick/bones and she wants a man with meat on his body.  We have been seeing a marriage counselor but the bottomline is my wife has said if I dont go back to 180 lbs its basicly over.

 I am very sorry to hear that your wife does not support your weight loss.  She may be feeling insecure about your new appearance.  There is little you can do but reassure her that you are healthier now and you can spend more of your lives together because you are healthier.  Does she feel any pressure to lose weight now that you have lost so much?

I don't really have this problem at all. I've lost 50 pounds and no one seems to notice. But guys are different I guess. None of my guy friends are going to be like "man Joe, You look great!"  Lol. I kind of WANT the attention, and it kind of makes me feel bad that I not getting the props that I think I deserve. I told a friend the other day that I'm probably just going to keep losing and losing until someone finally says "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO SKINNY!"

Original Post by dave98z3:

Mom...I am going through a similar issue right now...

Two years ago I was having trouble swallowing so I went to my local physician and one of the first things they do is weigh you and check your blood pressure.  Well when I saw my weight at 210 lbs I said I need to do something about it.   So I made a decision to get healthy and change my life...I discussed my goal with my wife and explained it would be a permanent change for my life and not a diet.  As I started to workout and lose weight my wife was supportive till I got to under 180 lbs then she became irritable.  Infact the more I loss the more angry and distant she became with me.  We just passed our 30 yr marriage mark and for over a year now I have been the same weight (140-145 lbs)...all of my doctors have given me clean bills of health and think I am in excellent health and shape.  However, my wife and I dont agree...my wife thinks I am too skinny and thinks I am not the same person (well I am not by looks) and thus she no longer knows or loves me.  Her response is I look sick/bones and she wants a man with meat on his body.  We have been seeing a marriage counselor but the bottomline is my wife has said if I dont go back to 180 lbs its basicly over.

Now that I'm losing, my fiance keeps telling me things like "don't lose to much" and "don't get too skinny". I asked her if she would break up with me if I ever got too skinny and of course she says no. She is overweight also and trying to lose, but not having as much success as me. We are trying to eat out less and live a healthier life pverall. She's lost about 10 pounds. Sorry to hear about your situation.

Dave . . . I am sorry to hear about your situation too.  I have heard quite a few really sad stories about losing weight and losing people you love. 

It is good that you are going to a marriage counselor.  Hopefully it will turn out that there is something bothering your wife other than appearance - something that you can address.  Surely she did not fall in love with you only because of appearance. 

 

Sometimes I put on my pair of assless chaps and walk by a busy highway, people drive by and honk like I'm just some sort of piece of meat or something. I think I've lost all faith in mankind

Shortcut - she doesnt feel she is the issue...she feels its just me...the change in her mind has caused me to change eating out as well as choices at home.   My has said I am a total different person and her main complaint is that I dont have enough "meat" on my bones....she thinks 180 lbs was where I should have been.

Joekame - thanks....I will get through this one way or the other...at this point I am in a no win situation so no matter which decision I make it wont make me happy.

TMCK - well I had heard the same thing initially and to be honest I thought how shallow and stupid it was and how like you thought there must have been other reasons...but guess what there isnt (to my knowledge)...at least none that have surfaced during counseling....As for the current process she has walked away from the counseling table so I have decided to treck it alone to see if one person can carry the  torch...I am optimistic but in my mind I know it takes two to resolve a dispute.

 

Original Post by joekame:

I don't really have this problem at all. I've lost 50 pounds and no one seems to notice. But guys are different I guess. None of my guy friends are going to be like "man Joe, You look great!" Lol. I kind of WANT the attention, and it kind of makes me feel bad that I not getting the props that I think I deserve. I told a friend the other day that I'm probably just going to keep losing and losing until someone finally says "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO SKINNY!"

Joe, for whatever reason I think people just kind of "over look" the weight loss achievement of guys. I don't know why--perhaps because this country isn't as focused on skinny-as-all-get-out-men as they are on uber-skinny women. Men are allowed to be a little chubbier, and when they lose weight, it's not as big as a "feat" as women losing weight. But let me tell you, losing 50lbs is no joke!

Also, a bit off-topic here, but I <3 DeathNote. Light and L make my day, haha.

Original Post by armandleg:

Original Post by joekame:

I don't really have this problem at all. I've lost 50 pounds and no one seems to notice. But guys are different I guess. None of my guy friends are going to be like "man Joe, You look great!" Lol. I kind of WANT the attention, and it kind of makes me feel bad that I not getting the props that I think I deserve. I told a friend the other day that I'm probably just going to keep losing and losing until someone finally says "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO SKINNY!"

Joe, for whatever reason I think people just kind of "over look" the weight loss achievement of guys. I don't know why--perhaps because this country isn't as focused on skinny-as-all-get-out-men as they are on uber-skinny women. Men are allowed to be a little chubbier, and when they lose weight, it's not as big as a "feat" as women losing weight. But let me tell you, losing 50lbs is no joke!

Also, a bit off-topic here, but I <3 DeathNote. Light and L make my day, haha.

Yeah I guess you're right. That's why I'm hitting the gym hard to try and "buff up" because I think that's when I'll start getting the compliments from my friends. lol. But yeah! I LOVE death note. I just got into it recently actually (I know its been out for a looong time). MY friend showed me the live action movie (which is about 4 hours long) and then I was like I HAVE to watch this anime! Love it.

Original Post by gary_dubois:

Sometimes I put on my pair of assless chaps and walk by a busy highway, people drive by and honk like I'm just some sort of piece of meat or something. I think I've lost all faith in mankind

That's hilarious! I agree. We are not pieces of meat! You are not the car you drive. You are not the contents of your bank account. You are not your [expletive] khakis!

Original Post by armandleg:

Original Post by joekame:

I don't really have this problem at all. I've lost 50 pounds and no one seems to notice. But guys are different I guess. None of my guy friends are going to be like "man Joe, You look great!" Lol. I kind of WANT the attention, and it kind of makes me feel bad that I not getting the props that I think I deserve. I told a friend the other day that I'm probably just going to keep losing and losing until someone finally says "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO SKINNY!"

Joe, for whatever reason I think people just kind of "over look" the weight loss achievement of guys. I don't know why--perhaps because this country isn't as focused on skinny-as-all-get-out-men as they are on uber-skinny women. Men are allowed to be a little chubbier.

i think that these days, there is more of a "wiggle room" for men. men will be considered attractive when 10 lbs underweight or 40 lbs overweight whereas women have it different

I also feel uncomfortable when people notice and comment on how much weight I've lost. I don't know... I guess feel embarrassed to have been overweight in the first place, and I'd just as soon nobody mentioned it at all.

I feel like people are patronizing me when they tell how how I'm "getting sexy." It also implies that I wasn't sexy before, even though I've never felt really *bad* about myself or thought that I looked unattractive.

And I hate it when people refer to other people in terms of their weight loss. For example, sometimes people will mention someone I don't know but bring up their weight history, even though it has nothing to do with anything. For example: "Oh you know who would be a good candidate for that job is my sister's friend Lucy! She used to be enormously obese but she's lost a lot of weight now." 

I always feel uncomfortable when I hear that... it's as if thin people feel the need to point out when someone is not "natively" thin, as if we're these poor cousins. I've had it happen to me too. Someone I know is introducing me to someone I don't know and does it like this: "Oh my goodness, I haven't seen you in weeks!  You're getting so skinny! Amy, this is Jen. Jen here used to be very heavy but doesn't she look great now?" 

Gah!