Fell off the wagon... starting from scratch

Where to start?  Last April (2007) at a check up I was at my highest weight ever (225 pounds).  I gave up caffeine, cut back on sweets, and eventually got myself on a good diet and exercise program.  I was down around 200 pounds and feeling better than I had in years.  I had little/no back pain and had cut back on my anti-depressants.  Then, I started a new job where I was at a desk all day and every one of my healthy habits went out the window.  I put the weight back on and then some.  Now, I am weighing 235 and feeling horrible. 

I am having a much harder time motivating myself than a year ago because I am so sad about having to start all over.  I deleted everything from my previous account (journal entries, meal logs, friends, etc.) because reading them made me want to cry.  I feel like I've let myself down as well as my family.  My husband doesn't chastise me about my weight since he's overweight too.  Anytime I get down on myself, he reminds me to hang in there and assures me that he needs to lose too so I don't feel alone. 

I am doing my best but I feel I'm not doing as well as last time.  I feel little/no motivation and my depression over my situation is leading to unhealthy binges.  I really need some help and support here.  Before, I had never dieted so I never felt the "failure" of dieting.  Now, I feel like an enormous failure.

Please help motivate me as well as share your stories of climbing back to dieting success after falling off the wagon.  Thanks!

Welcome  back. That is one of the many right things you are doing.
This, as you know is a good web site with lots of support. 
You are not the first person who has fallen off the wagon and won't be the last. 

Start  slowly,  I find that the "all or nothing" thinking does not work for me at least not for very long.   If you can make one or two sustainable changes, then that is a victory.    After a week or  two, add another small change.  Success breeds success and that will bouy you up.  Don't be hard on yourself,  you are here, you are doing it, and is miles ahead of a lot of people who don't care or don't even want to try.

Keep posting, you will get lots of support and encouragement.

I'd second pudpie's comments :)   You have made a great first step in getting back on CC.  It worked before and it will work again.  I wouldn't promise that it will be easy, though! 

Dealing with depression is a major undertaking all by itself.  Give yourself enough margin to allow for the energy that takes.  Then, like pudpie suggested, make one change that you know you can make for life.  Once it is a habit, then pick another change to make.  Allow yourself the freedom of taking it all slowly.  You'll do better in the long run if you don't rush.  And don't be any harder on yourself than you would on a friend of yours - develop thoughts that will encourage your good progress.  There's got to be something that you've done right today - dwell on it.

There are a number of good books on emotional eating that might help you take a look at why you slipped back into old eating patterns when you changed jobs.  Figuring out how to avoid that same thing happening again would be helpful :)

Take care - you can do it!

Thanks for the thoughtful and helpful replies!  I know from previous experience that reading and posting regularly in the forums will encourage me to get back on track.  The goals I am working on right now are getting off caffeine, eating a more balance diet, and adding some exercise. 

To these ends, my doctor is having me take excedrin tension headache (as it contains caffeine) while I'm cutting back to ease withdrawal symptoms.  That seems to be helping and I think by next week I won't need the pills any longer. 

I am not focusing a ton on calories right now (though trying not to go much over 2000) but am trying to get down a balance of protein, fats, and carbs.  I am working on eating the foods that will give me energy and keep me full knowing that as I get that balance down, I will be less hungry for extra calories.  Going fairly well except I've had numerous people unknowingly tempt me with treats.  I work as a visiting minister for a church so little old ladies love to ply you with cookies and coffee cake when you visit.  Ugh.  Learning to be polite and balance the caloric intake.  Exercise is REALLY hard for me so I am starting with 10-15 increments.  Types of exercise have been bike rides and work out tapes as well as swimming at the pool.  My husband is willing to start walking/running with me in a few weeks as fall weather takes over this humidity.  I'd love for him and I to be able to run 3x a week or so and I know he'd find this a good thing too.

So, that's where I am.  Struggling, but trying.

You are not alone, I have fallen off the wagon many times. Look at it as practice....practice makes permanent. Just keep working at it and make sure you are realistic, it will be hard, it will take a long time, and it can and will be done!!!

Kathy, I want to do this with you. I have fallen off the wagon too after a wonderful weight loss success last year. :( I can hear and feel you. Although I am depressed too but we can do this together. I am not going to give up and you too shouldn't give up.

I have to admit, depression is a terrible, debilitatingdisease, and I also suffer from it. I am on the highest dosage of Celexa that a person can be prescribed as well as being on 150 mg of Trazodone (which is also an anti-depressant) a night for sleep.

One thing I have learned though, is that exercise can actually help with depression. If you just get your heart rate up a bit each day, it will release more endorphins and make you feel at least a bit better.

Do it gradually. Don't make it a sudden entire life transformation - that clearly didn't work for you, and small changes are easier to sustain.

Start by making the changes you mentioned, then when you start counting calories, make your initial intake 2000 a day for a few weeks, then 1900 for two weeks, then 1800, etc. until your goal intake which, IMO, should never be less than 1500 because eating less than 1500 is depressing in and of itself. (At that point you can either have treats or feel full but not both, and that's no fun).

Listen to the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. It was a revelation to me, cheesy as it sounds. I had an epiphany while listening to that song in the shower last year, I started crying tears of joy, feeling so hopeful and free and elated.

It's the here and now that matters, not the past. :)

I know exactly how you feel. I lost 28 lbs over the last year and 1/2. I injured my hip and was no longer able to exercise and went back to my old eating habits. I have gained it all back. Today is my first day back on CC. I need motivation as well so you can do this.

 I also last april started here weighing in at 190lbs was doing great lost 20lbs for my wedding then decided I would take a BREAK.. from dieting? Right!  Like thats an option or something... Today I weight in at 209 (got back on the wagon 11 days ago SW was 215)...So have 110lbs to loose..gonna be a long road..BRING IT ON!

Just have to take your last experience as just that a learning experience...good luck you can do it!

Please know you are not alone! As you can see there are many of us that have been or are now in your same shoes. I joined over a year ago. I was doing great. I was headed in the right direction with my activity and food and I was so excited about getting to my goal. Then life hit and I quit. I gained all my weight back plus a few pounds. I have tried to restart half a dozen times, it is soooo hard to come back. I think part of the reason it is hard is knowing how much work it really is. It takes a while for it all to become routine again. but I've been back for a few weeks now and I'm getting back into my good habits. It feels great to be doing something positive for myself. The bonus of coming back is that having done it once I know it works, it's not a trial run this time.

Good luck with your ride on the wagon this time! Please keep us posted so we can all help each other

~Shannon

Welcome back. 

Try focusing on how good you felt when you made it down to 200.  You can do it.  Everyone stumbles.  Hell how many times did you fall off your bike when you were a kid? 

I'm just putting my foot back on the ladder to get on this wagon.  It helps to install that toolbar. So while I'm web surfing and reaching over for the bag of chips I notice that my eat meter is almost full and I grab some pita chips with humus instead.

I too would like to join you guys. My experience has been different. I have lost very little 9lbs in 6 months. Not very motivating. I've gained 6 lbs back. I worked out on a treadmill for 30-45 minutes 4 times a week. Said, "No, thank you" to more things than I can count for very little success. All I want is to see steady success for my effort. I have to admit, sadly, I'm jealous of other peoples success of a 1lb a week or the 3 lbs the first week. It took me 6 weeks to lose 1 lb (no I don't have a thyroid problem)

It's very depressing and I could use some "peeps" to talk to about this.

I am in the same boat as some of you who have responded too, including the depression.  It is terrible.  I have gained 16 pounds in the last month and a half, if I am calculating that properly that is about a pound every 3 days!!!  What I am focusing on right now is just trying to stop the gaining first.  I kind of feel like a Mac Truck barrelling down a steep hill and I am trying so hard to pull on the breaks but they are just bursting into flames! 

Just 2 months ago I was so happy because I was at my goal weight now I can't even put a leg into those cute clothes I spent a fortune on when I was so excited about hitting my goal.  I want to fit in them again, so please help me!

How about we start a support group?  I see people starting them all the time on here, but I haven't joined one yet.  What do you think?

I love that idea - raiganjsuiter!  It feels good to say when your down, when you feel like you failed...again!  It's kind of theraputic. I can't be happy all the time. I need to feel and recognize my emotions. This way we can find simple wins with each other.

I'm 177 lbs and need to loose 40 lbs. It's so hard to say outloud (well typing). It's embarrassing in fact. It feels safe to say it to you guys.

Let's do it!

Well, I did terribly last night!  I was great all day, went on a powerwalk at lunch for an hour, didn't eat any bad carbs (i.e. white bread, candy, etc.) and by 5 PM only had 870 cals, so I was on track for a good dinner of grilled fish with veggies.  But then something crazy happened in my brain and I ate a king size thing of reeses pieces (600 cals) then bought 2 doughnut bars at the grocery store (900+ cals) and then continued to make a thing of frosting and ate the whole thing.  Those are just the big things, I probably consumed over 3500 cals last night, and I wasn't even hungry!

I feel so depressed about it today, I cryed myself to sleep last night and now I have puffy eyes at work.  I am doing better today but it is only 10:45 am and I am supposed to go out to dinner on a date tonight.  I am so worried I am going to slip up at the end of the day again. Plus, work is so crazy today I'm not even going to be able to work out at all.  Help!!

Hi, hang in there, I have fallen off that wagon many times in 40years of trying to lose weight.

I found this site only 2 weeks ago and cant beleive how good it is.

When you have a bad day just use the tools to average out the 3500 calories over a week or two or even three weeks, we have good days and not so good but the odd one BAD day wont kill you. Keep trying, remember why you started this journey. Small steps may a big difference in the end.

Dripping water will wear away stone!

good luck to you and our thoughts are with you.

Well, I can't tell everyone how much better I feel just reading these posts and knowing support is waiting for me on this site. I come here a few times a day just knowing I'll feel encouraged/inspired. I love the idea of starting a group b/c, like some of you, every one I've found I'm interested in has been closed.

Should the group have a limit of who can join? Or a certain # of participants we're open to? I don't care, per se, but I'd rather someone else suggest outlines or just start a group and I'd be happy to join.

Love and dieting prayers to all!

Edit: On a related note, I am starting a couch potato workout challenge to get myself up and moving.  Check out the sign ups in the Fitness forum!

I don't know if I would want to put a limit on participants. I need all the help I can get. :) I think we need insights from everyone.

I am just curious when in my brain did food become the end all be all. Up until adulthood, I never had a weight issue. Having kids didn't help things, but I think about food all the time. When I'm eating breakfast, I think about lunch or my next snack etc. I would like to eat for nourishment.

Anyone else?

Hi K. We are weightloss twins! I started at 235 in April. I also work at a desk all day, and originally, I thought I would have to work twice as hard because I'm not getting any exercise all day. I was wrong. You see, because I'm chained to a desk all day, I have the opportunity to go over my day-to-day all the time, and make plans, watch my progress, and make sure I'm packing the right lunch, and only what I need for nutrition. We acutally have an unfair advantage because we're not sweating and working up a big appetite. I have lost 30 lbs so far, and all I'm doing is *trying* to keep my calorie count down to 1200 a day, and walking 5 km 4-5 times a week. That's it. And until I hit my peak, that's all I'm going to do. But by the time I get there, I'm going to be so excited about how I'm looking, and what I COULD look like, and how I COULD feel, that working a little bit harder to get over the hump won't be as scary. Depression is a hard thing to battle. I don't like antidepressents. (And no I'm not scientologist ) I find they make you bitter and less caring. What you need to do right now, is care about yourself. #1 priority above all others. Until you care about yourself, you're not going to care about losing weight. Therefore, by that logic, if you think about it, you care enough about losing weight to come on this site, start this thread, and talk about your problem, well then you must already care about yourself, and that is something to consider. Would you neglect someone you care about? I don't think you would, but that's just my impression of you. I think you're going to do great.

Original Post by m_c_85:

you care enough about losing weight to come on this site, start this thread, and talk about your problem, well then you must already care about yourself, and that is something to consider. Would you neglect someone you care about? I don't think you would, but that's just my impression of you. I think you're going to do great.

 

Interesting sentiments.  I am in a helping field (church pastoral care worker) and spend my days helping the sick, dying, and grieving so caring for myself often comes last.  My family is as much a motivator to lose weight as anything.  I have a husband and step-child and I feel I owe it to them to improve my lifestyle to live as long as feasibly possible.  But, I guess that is caring about myself, regardless of the reasons.